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Socks Jokes

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My friend called me a cunt because i always buy him socks for Xmas

I said, " You bastard, its the thought that counts".

I could tell by the look in his eyes he would have kicked my head in if he had legs

My woman is like my socks...

My mother helped me find her!

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, ...

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True Story: This genuinely happened last night. I work as a Doorman/Bouncer. I own a pair of electrically heated socks. A customer came out for a cigarette as I was plugging the battery packs in and switching them on...

Lady: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I'm just turning my socks on."
Lady: "Ooooo, that's *very* considerate of you!"
Me: "What d'you mean?"
Lady: "Well, most guys I know wouldn't bother with that... they'd just cum in them!"

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My mate broke his leg so I went to see him at home. I walked in and what do I see? He had two gorgeous older sisters, and they're TWINS ! I had never met them before, apparently they live at the uni and were visiting.

Anyway, so I went up to my friend's room, “How are you mate?”

“Yeah I’m okay. But do me a favour mate. Go fetch my socks from downstairs. My feet are freezing.” he tells me.

So I rushed downstairs and found his two sisters perched up on the couch, right where his socks lay.

I sa...

Why do golfers bring extra socks?

In case they get a hole in one.

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My wife keeps complaining about me wearing socks while we have sex…

I *suppose* a condom would be better...

“He gently slid her panties to the side

so he could fit the rest of the socks in her drawer.”

what do socks and fruit molesters have in common?

They come in pairs.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

What do you call someone wearing a mismatched pair of socks?

A heterosoxual.

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A man met this lady at a bar and they decided to go to her place to have sex after the bar closed...

They're in the bedroom and he takes off his shoes and
socks."My goodness what happened to you're feet?"She asks.

"I had tolio," He replied.
"Dont you mean polio?" She asks."No. This just affected my feet. It's called toelio."She thought nothing of it and continued to undress.
He tak...

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Why did the semen cross the road?

I wore the wrong socks this morning



*Edit: Not my joke but haven't seen it here and thought it was funny :)*

I needed socks for outdoors winter.

I thought I would need two layers.

So I bought two *pairs...*



Read my username.

Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand:

Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the “right sock,” no matter where it is located in the universe.

What do you call people who sleep in their socks?

Tiny

What did 50 Cent say to his grandmother when she made him a pair of socks?

Gee, you knit?

I was under the impression my wife could fix socks.

After multiple requests, however, she exclaimed, "I CAN'T DARN IT!"

A man and his girlfriend were getting undressed together for the first time.

The man took off his shoes and socks, revealing feet with missing and deformed toes. "What happened to your feet?" his girlfriend asked. "I had a childhood disease called Tolio" the man said. "Don't you mean Polio?" "No, Tolio. It only affects the toes."

Not wanting to ruin the mood, the gir...

What did the socks say to the pants?

Wassup, britches?

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A rich woman called a famous artist to commission him to paint her

He says his fee will be $5,000, which she accepted. She arrived for the sitting and gave him $7,000. The artist was surprised and asked why she gave more than he asked.

"I want you to paint me in the nude," she said, "Do you have any objections?"

"Not for $7,000 I don't. But I would ha...

As a Nevadan, I'm tired of people insinuating that we can't count. We are a great state filled with intelligent people. In fact, I can list off 20 ways we are better than our neighboring states.

Just let me take my shoes and socks off first.

I never wear golf socks.

They've always got a hole in one.

Socks

After visiting family I flew home. Later I had this exchange.
Aunt: You left a sock behind. I can’t tell if it’s the left or right sock. *laughs*
Me: Yup. It’s the left sock.
Aunt: *stunned* How can you tell if it’s left or right?
Me: it’s the sock I left...

my friend asked me if I think the Ghostbusters wear crazy or zany socks.

I said I bet they wear pair a normal socks.

A woman asked me to come back to her place for a nightcap.

After a couple of drinks she asks me to get undressed. I took off my shoes and socks and she screamed "what happened to your toes?"

Me-When I was a kid I had toelio.

Her-Do you mean polio?

Me-No girl, look at my toes. It was toelio.

Then I took off my pants. She screamed...

Whenever I get a sock from the laundry without the other sock, I keep this sock in the hopes of finding the partner in the future.

I call these socks lost soles.

[OC] What did the sock say to the ripped sock?

Socks to be you

What kind of socks do bears wear?

They don’t, they go bear foot.

How long should socks be?

Twelve inches, so you can fit in one foot!

I've been feeling down, so I bought some new socks

Cause you know what they say:

A hat warms the head

A coat warms the body

But socks warm the sole.

A successful sock business

Kai Fu had a very successful business selling clothing, but especially the company’s socks were very popular.

One day he met a wonderful woman named Jane King.

She got more involved in the business and it became more successful than ever.

Kai Fu was happy for the success of his ...

Where do Swedish Socks Live?

In the Sockholm.

I’ve been getting into trading socks recently

You know, the ones on Wool Street.

I like my socks to be athiests.

That way I know they're not holy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wedding night

Sophia had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian girl living under the watchful eye of her mother, she remained a virgin up until she and her husband took their wedding vows…

On their wedding night, the newlyweds stayed at her mother's house, and Sophia was nervous. Her mother...

It makes sense that socks are always separating

Because one of them always has to be right, so the other one left

Why can't anyone photograph grizzlies wearing shoes or socks?

Because they have bear feet

Which socks are the most illegal?

Stockings.

Children are like socks

Alot of them go missing.

I like my friends like I like my socks.....

Hard as a rock and 8 inches inside of me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy says there is two things he hates, wet socks and dry pussy

Other guy says just put the socks in there

I’m tired of losing my socks...

...to puppetry.

You know the clothing company Puma? They make Puma shirts, Puma socks...

I wonder why they don't make pants

Socks are expensive.

I can go on a date or I can buy a pack of socks. I was going to ask this girl out, but then I got cold feet.

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I built a tent out of jizz socks in my bedroom.

It's my cum-fort zone.

A bilingual joke! (English/Spanish)

A Spanish man goes into a department store looking for a specific item of clothing. But he can't find what he's looking for and he doesn't know the English word for it.

So he grabs a salesperson and says, "Tienes calcetines?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what that is," the salesperson says...

My gym teacher told me that I cannot wear any religious socks ..

He said, "Do not bring your holy socks to class"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Socks are like sex

There's plenty to go around, yet I never seem to have any.

What's the difference between my kids and my socks?

Unfortunately, only my socks have gone missing.

Bought a pair of working socks yesterday.

I put them in the garden when I got home, they have not done a stroke of work, that is £5.99 i wont see again.

How are socks like Boy Scouts?

They always come pre-paired.

I don't get the idea behind Fap-socks.

When I have a Fap, I do it barefoot.

I went to the store to buy some socks..

I had gotten a pair a really liked a few weeks back. I looked all over and could not find them.

I did not know the sock market could change so much.

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