Infants Jokes - 14 Hilarious Infants Jokes

Phones are like infants;

The more you drop them the slower they get.

Credit: u/IdStillSmash

How did ancient Greeks keep tabs on their infants while they slept at night?

They used a baby minotaur.

adults make better fighters than infants

yet more battles are won by infantry than adultery

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Probably not.

[Father’s day] It’s great to wake up to the laughter of infants...

...Except if it’s the dead of night and you don’t have children

There's a new search engine being developed for infants

Google Ga Ga

I like my Holy Infants the way I like my chicken wings..,

Tender and mild.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life Lessons in the Outback

Bruce has been lost in the Australian Outback for three days and the combination of heat, exhaustion and thirst is close to killing him.

Unable to take another step, he collapses face first in the dirt, ready to meet his maker.

Unexpectedly he wakes to find himself staring into the fac...

I wrote the most disgusting joke ever.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Why don't mother vampires nurse their infants?

Because they only bleed once a month.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman pregnant with twins is in a bank when two masked men enter with shotguns, a shot goes off and the woman is hit in the stomach by two stray pellets in the crossfire.

The woman goes to the doctors and they tell her that the pellets hit the unborn infants but that they would be ok, they'll just naturally pass the pellets as they get older. Years pass and the now mother is approached by her daughter "Mom, Mom I was on the toilet and a pellet came out!" The mother t...

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident...

...and falls into a coma. Upon waking, she finds herself in the hospital and is informed by the doctor that she gave birth to twins (1 boy, 1 girl) while in the coma. Her brother was contacted and asked to name the two infants.

"Oh no," the woman groans. "Why him? He's an idiot!"

"We'r...

Nosmo King.

Many ministers could, from personal experience, tell of strange names bestowed upon infants at their baptism, but few could equal the following story recently told by the Bishop of Sodor and Man. A mother who was on the lookout for a good name for her child saw on the door of a building the word "No...

Two Dogs (From the movie Silkwood)

A young brave visits the chief of the tribe with a question. "Wise one, is it true you name all the members of the tribe, and if so, how is it done?"

The venerable old man replies "Yes, for over 20 years I have named each person who is born to the tribe. I sit outside the lodge, and when I he...

This is a long joke but the build up is worth it

Somewhere far away from here, there was a horse, a cow and a chicken. The horse had always wanted to start a band, so he learnt to play the guitar, while he was learning, he started looking for others who would be interested in joining his band, and found a chicken who was really good at singing and...

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