It takes many nails to build a crib...

But only one screw to fill it.

One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby's crib.

Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms
...

Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other,

"Are you a little girl or a little boy?"

"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby. "I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.

"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll climb into your...

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Little Johnny

Little Johnny’s next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny’s family to come over and see their new baby.

Little Johnny’s parents were very afraid their son would have a wise c...

I think my 6 month old is trying to learn to sneeze.

He just lays in his crib for hours going, "AHHHH AHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH". He hasn't quite figured the "CHOO" part out yet. He's such a cutie.

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Little Johnny's neighbours had a baby boy born with no ears

Johnny's mom warns "Now listen Johnny, we are visiting the neighbours but you must not mention the baby's ears". After 10 minutes of staring at the new baby in his crib, Johnny says "Is his eyesight ok?" The baby's mother says "It's perfect" Johnny replied "Just as well, he'd be fucked if needed gla...

What is 18 inches long, black and blue, stiff as a board, and makes women scream?

crib death

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A lesson in government

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.
His dad thought for a while ...

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Chinese Proverbs

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four ball...

Telemarketer

A telemarketer calls a house, and a little boy answers the phone.

"Hello, little boy, is your father home?"

"No.

"Well, is your mother home?"

"No."

"Well, is there anyone else here I can speak to about an incredible opportunity?"

"Um, my sister's here."
<...

Cynthia Wong is giving birth at her local hospital...

...that her and her husband Vincent helped to build with their generous donations over the past few years. After a brief hello with his new mom, the newborn boy is taken off to the maternity ward.

After a while, the dad takes a stroll over to the ward to see his new son through the glass, but...

How does Clark Kent’s mom stop him from fighting crime all night?

She makes him sleep in his crib-tonight.

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Great Russian joke

Four mothers; German, Italian, French, and Russian are in a maternity ward ready to pick up their babies. It just so happens, the nurse doesn't know which baby is which. So the Italian mother walks up to a crib and takes out a slice of pizza. One of the babies moves its hands forward. "That's mine" ...

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Little Johnny and the neighbor

Little Johnny is in his room when his mother enters.

"Johnny," she said, "Tonight we're going to the neighbor's house for dinner. They've just had a baby and we're going to have dinner and then see the newborn."

"Okay, mommy," Little Johnny replied.

"Now listen," said his mother...

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An aspiring rapper finds a genie in a bottle...

"What are your three wishes?" the genie asks?

"First, I want to bring back Tupac and Biggie," he says. POOF! Tupac Shakir and Notorious B.I.G. appear beside him.

"Next I want to us all to live in Snoop's crib." POOF! The three are kicking it inside Snoop Dogg's huge mansion.
...

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Confucius say....

"One who farts in church, sits in own pew"

"Learn to masturbate, it come in handy"

"Man who mix Viagra with Laxative, Not know when he coming or going"

"Man who make mistake in elevator, wrong on many levels"

"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it"...

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Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone
4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christma...

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A Health and Safety Christmas Message

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash though the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only o...

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How The Government Works

One day, a teacher assigns her kids to do some homework; ask their parents/guardians what the government is, since that's their next lesson. Little Johnny, one of her students, goes home that night and asks his father.

"Well," Dad says, "Think of it this way. I'm the president, Mom is the Con...

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