When my undies are on the floor, my dog likes to stand on them. He quickly takes off, though...

after brief-paws.

What's gray and wrinkly and hangs out your grandad's undies?

Your grandma.

A joke about old ladies undies:

Rose's are red

Violet's are blue

Ethel's are green


~ Lee Mack

Bf took me to get undies and he wanted to embarass me and he said real loud

"I can't wait to rip these off with my teeth" then I replied with : "seriously you need to stop, you're my brother." And i won.

Why don’t witches wear undies?

To get a better grip on their brooms.

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I just told my next door neighbour we are moving out next week and she said “Great, that means you can stop stealing my undies off my clothes line”!

I nearly shit her pants when she said it.

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A building supplies company placed an ad for an experienced warehouse person for their warehouse operation...

Bright (not that he could see it) and early the next morning in walks a guy wearing dark glasses and using a white cane.

"I've come about the timber sorting position", he tells the lady at reception.

A bit taken aback, she goes to get her husband, the boss.

He takes one look at...

Why do women wear undies with flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces that were buried there

Two burly, muscular men are in the gym, lifting weights...

One says to the other, "When I get home, I'm gonna rip my wife's undies off!"

The other says, "Why's that?"

The first finishes, "Cause the elastic is killing me."

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After finishing a long day in the office, John rushes towards the elevator. His colleague Matt rushes behind him...

"Hang on, you seem to be in a rush to get home today."
"Yes" replies John, "can't wait to get home and yank my wife's panties off"
"Ooh.... feeling frisky today" Matt says with a wink.
"F*ck that!" Groans John, "I accidentally wore her undies while rushing this morning. Suffered the tight ...

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A QUEEN and a famous porn star died on the same day

when they fronted up to St Peter he told them there was only one space left for that day, and they’d have to argue their respective cases.The horizontal humper ripped off her top and said, “These are the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure it will please him greatly to be able to gaz...

Remember the undies with the days of the week on them, Monday, Tuesday....?

In Romania we had something similar, our girls on their undies had January, February....

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The Swede’s wife

stepped up to the tee and, as she bent over to place her ball, a gust of wind blew her skirt up and revealed her lack of underwear.

"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?", Ole demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any," she replied. ...

Husband: "Honey, have you seen my car keys?"

Wife: "Here it is, but why don't you ever say our car..., our house..., our company...?"

*Husband starts searching through clothes*

Wife: "Now what the hell are you looking for?"

Husband: "Our undies."

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Enjoying a meal at a nice restaurant, ended up saving a life!

So I’m at a restaurant enjoying a nice meal with my wife. She’s ingesting the smoked pork jowl while I’m enjoying a nice rack of lamb cooked to perfection. All of a sudden at a few tables near us, the lady who’s splitting with her husband a smooth roast chicken (with an immensely enjoyable aroma) s...

Time change

I was sitting on the edge of my chair last night with a can of black paint and my pants and undies around my ankles. My wife walked into the room and screamed, "NO! You fool, I said to be sure you turn your clock back."

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Tommy goes to the doctor complaining about increased appetite and insatiable hunger.

The doctor asks for the symptoms and diagnoses that he has tapeworms. The doctor prescribes medication and asks to meet him in a week. Tommy comes back and says that it was ineffective and that he still feels hungry all the time.

The doctor prescribes new stronger medicine but even then T...

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Rednecks at the Pearly Gates

Three rednecks in Arkansas are out drinking and four wheeling on Christmas Eve. They get drunk as a skunk, hit a tree, and all die and immediately go to heaven.

Saint Peter meets them at the Pearly Gates and tells them that unless they have something on their person that can correspond to the...

The watch

There is a guy in a bar trying to pick up a nice girl he saw. He paid a drink for her and they get into chatting. The guy was wearing a big nice watch which appeared to display a lot of functions.
"Nice watch" she said, while they were trying to break the ice. "Well, it does a lot of things", he ...

A lady goes into a doctor for a check-up.

During her examination the doctor says,

"Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."

The lady starts taking off her undies but is interrupted by the doctor.

"No! No! Leave your knickers on ......

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A young girl becomes a woman

And has her first period. She has no idea what's going and is a little freaked out. So she goes to her best friend Johnny and says "Johnny, something really weird is going on. I have no idea what's wrong!" Johnny says "Alright let me take a look."

So the girl drops her undies, pulls her ski...

Underwear stuff

So my uncle leans in close to my 7 year old cousin, and with all the seriousness in the world, asks him "if there's one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?" And without a moments hesitation, the little brat goes "me undies".

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Mixed up presents

So this guy wants to make a nice gift for the girl he's recently started dating. He decides for a nice pair of gloves. Nice and romantic but not too personal. To pick a nice pair, he went to the store, accompanied by his sister. At the department store, the sister also bought a pair of undies for he...

Shopping back then

My pop was telling me about how back in the fifties you could get so much more from the shops.

Het tells me "we used to be able to go into grace brothers with ten dollars and come out with two pairs of socks, some new undies, a razor or two and a small bottle of aftershave."

Bu...

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Mary, the housewife...

...was sitting home alone one afternoon when her husband's best friend, Ed, stopped by.

"Dave's not home," she told him. "He's golfing."

Ed said, "In that case, I have a proposition for you. Will you let me touch your breasts for $100?"

Mary was taken aback, but she thought ab...

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Selected Female Pick-Up Lines

“Are my undies showing? [“No.”] “Would you like them to?”

“Hey, in my nursing class we just learned how to bathe people can I practice on you?”

Put a dollar bill on your head and when he asks what you did that for tell him “its all you can eat for under a dollar.”

If a guy asks ...

Priest, daughter and mother.

One day a priest was walking by and saw a young girl climb a tree. He went over to her, looked up and saw that she had no underwear on. He called to her to come down and gave her $15 dollars for some undies.

The young girl told her mother that the priest gave her money to buy some underwear...

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