I’ve designed an aeroplane made entirely from rubber, so if it crashed, it would bounce

It’s a boing 747

Guys I designed my own knife

It uses cutting edge technology





(Also blue cheese)

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I've designed the perfect toilet, but I'm struggling to find testers.

No one gives a shit.

A gorgeous young redhead on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?"...

An Indian architect gets called into his boss's office because a comedy club he recently designed is labeled only in Hindi.

Flustered, he says, "Sorry for the construction of The Joke, English is not my first language."

The sound from an orchestra on stage is designed to bounce around the auditorium walls to surround the audience. The sound from a Pigeon on stage does not do this...

The reason is a Coo sticks....


sorry, ill see my way out...

All new hospitals will be designed to look as embarrassing as possible

You won't be seen dead inside one

I know a man who says he designed a labyrinth, got imprisoned in it, and then escaped using wings made of wax.

But I wonder whether he really Daedalus things he claims to have done.

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I’ve designed a bathroom stall door that will open for everyone except British detectives.

It’s called a No Shit, Sure-Lock.

Three engineers argue about who designed the human body

"Look at all the supports and joints... " said the first engineer, "... it must have been a structural engineer."

"No, no, it was an electrical engineer; just look at the nervous system and all its connections and wiring." said the second engineer.

"Both of you are wrong" exclaimed th...

Who designed the round table of King Arthur?

Sir Cumference

Karen was furious!

She will chew someone's had off.

Karen: This is outrageous. I need speak to whoever in charge of this flight.

Air Hostess: What seems to be the problem, mam?

Karen: Who designed the interior of ths plane? Surely some guy, because his work shows the lack of decency only a guy co...

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

The human body was probably designed by a civil engineer

Who the hell builds a toxic sewage pipeline through a recreational area ?

Did you know that Eiffel Tower was named after the engineer who designed and built the tower?

Mr. Gustave Tower.

People get impressed when I tell them my home is designed by a famous Italian.

Until I invite them home and they realize I live in a Fiat.

The Queen created a beautiful design that I decided to put on a shirt

One day, the Queen of The United Kingdoms designed a beautiful new crest for the royal family and seeing it, I saw an opportunity for profit and began selling t-shirts with the design printed on them thinking that the royal family wouldn't mind.

After several very angry calls from the royal f...

I have a fear of overly designed buildings.

A complex complex complex

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A man was interviewing for a position with the CIA (Part 2)

It's the second day of interviews for the position at the CIA. The three men are ready for their next step.

The interviewers take the first man into the interrogation room where the is someone tied to a chair with a hood over their face. They say "This is a practical task designed to test you...

I designed a car, it is good, but it can not go backwards.

I guess i am not that good at reverse engineering

Everyone knew that the man who designed the titanic had a lisp

They just misunderstood his answer when they asked him about the possibility of an accident at sea.

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I designed an inflatable dildo.

But it was a flop.

A famous car designer...

A famous car designer was about to retire at the age of 64 due to health concerns. For all his life, he had strived for perfection in his craft of designing cars, specifically for Kia. In each of his 32 models, he was instrumental in some innovation or vastly improved function.

He called for ...

I have designed a website for orphans

there isn't a home page

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LEGO bricks are like boobs...

...They're designed for kids, but it's the grown-ups who have more fun with them. Oh, and it hurts when someone steps on them.

A woman decides to surprise her husband with a brand new luxury wardrobe...

While he's at work she goes to IKEA and finds a beautiful wardrobe, buys it, and returns home. Reading the instructions, she easily assembles the marvelous piece of furniture

Then, as she stood satisfied about her work, a bus passed by the window and the whole wardrobe fell apart. Stunned, ...

Batman has designed a tuxedo version of his crime fighting costume so he can attend formal occasions.

It's a class action suit.

A inspector visits a sanatoriun to check its conditions.

During the tour the director takes him to one of their newly designed test rooms, claiming its foolproof.

"We fill up this bathtub to the brim see? Then we hand to the inmate a spoon and a cup and ask him to empty the tub" Says the director

The inspector nods and replies with a smile "...

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A businessman has designed a clock which moves one minute forward whenever it hears someone swear. To test it, he decided to set it up in three bars different bars.

First he went to a Japanese bar and anonymously set up the clock on one of the walls.

A day later, he returns to that bar to see that the clock is only one minute too early from the current time.

He repeats the process, but now in an American bar.

A day later he returns to see t...

The human body is designed to be mobile.

I guess it's because it's cellular

"Social Distancing" is a strategy designed to protect you from someone coughing close to you.

So make sure you let everyone know to far cough.

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If you only sucked average sized penises...

You could accurately say that you suck a mean dick.

Edit: The amount of upvotes on this post has exceeded the final recorded megawatt output from Chernobyl’s reactor number 4 on the morning of the Chernobyl disaster. (33,000)

The reactor was designed to operate at 3,200 megawatts.

What do you call a fly designed by Bethesda?

A T-pose.

Who designed the female body - an engineer or a biologist?

An engineer, only an engineer would place a waste disposal site so close to a recreation area.

TIL that after recording for Mulan, Eddie Murphy designed a line of sneakers for cows.

They were called Moo Shoes.

The Young knight and his pipe

A young knight was nervous about his upcoming meeting with the king.

He went to the wise man, and told him of his worries, and the old man presented him an ornately designed pipe to give to the king as a gift.

"Wise master, I am confused. Why is it you suggest that I give him this beau...

I designed a weight loss programme for the homeless to help them bounce back...

...It’s called Tramp-o-lean

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The young woman who submitted the tech support message presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications and intimacy, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 unin...

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What do you call a road vehicle designed to carry a large amount of fuck-ups?

A blunderbuss

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An astronomy teacher prepared two boxes filled with joke cards. The first box was designed with asteroids and the second one with comets. He then let one of this students pick a box...

The student picked the one designed with asteroids. He pick one card and read the joke out loud to the class. The class, however, doesn't find the joke funny. Seeing this, the professor made the student pick another card on the same box. Same thing happened. The confused student look at his teacher ...

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Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all ot...

One way streets are really poorly designed.

I mean yes they have clearly marked "one way" signs but every sign I've ever seen has been backwards and no one seems to read it anyway I always have oncoming traffic.

Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.

The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and ...

An American tourist is traveling in Thailand and stops over in a small border village for a meal. While the inside of the restaurant is rather small and modest, it does have a beautifully designed ant farm covering most of one wall. Curious, he asks the old man running the restaurant about it.

“Ah,” says the old man. “I use the ant eggs to make a dish called maengman chom. The Cambodians who visit here especially love it; they spend so many riel on it that I had that display made to show off the ants. It’s a specialty of mine; would you like to try some?”

“Ant eggs are a little exo...

There’s a new razor designed for dyslexics.

It’s the best thing since sliced beard.

While visiting a friend in the hospital, a young man notices several gorgeous nurses, each one of them wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. “What does the pin signify?” he asks one of them.

“Oh, nothing,” she says with a chuckle. “We just use it to keep the doctors away.”

You heard about the new Jewish designed car?

It stops on a dime... & picks it up.

2 women argue over who designed the human body

2 long time friends meet up at a bar and have some drinks when the conversation turns to who designed the human body.

Women 1 is a mathematician and argued as such a mathematician must have

Women 2 is a scientist and as such argued that due do science and stuff it must have been a sc...

Russian spacecrafts designed in 1960s don't come around often

Soyuz them wisely.

God calls Satan.

"Hey, I think we misplaced an engineer and he ended up in Hell."

"Yeah, Carl. Been doing a wonderful job. We finally got an AC system up and running and the heaters are fixed. He even designed an auto-poker for the pitchfork teams."

"Send him back here, he belongs in Heaven."

"Y...

What is the difference between a piece of fabric with elastic around the edges, designed to go on a bed, and an unexpected bout of diarrhea when wearing sandals?

One is a fitted sheet...

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Whoever designed the clitoris emoji is a genius.

Because I can't find it anywhere!

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