If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked

doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

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(Long) A phone in the Gym

I was standing next to this bloke in the changing room at my local gym yesterday when a mobile phone rings. He was getting dry so he puts it on loudspeaker. I thought straightaway whatt a smug bastard...

MAN: "Hello"...

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the gym"...?

MAN: "Yes"....

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Three men are dying...

Three old men are on their deathbeds. The first says "I've lived a good life. I've supported my family, I've donated to charity, I've lived a good life. But my greatest disappointment is never having sex with an absolutely beautiful woman."

The second man says "I'm a very rich man. I have sev...

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I'm 45 and have the body of a 25 year old model

She's in my basement. What do I do?

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club

After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.

One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: (H – Husband, W – Wife)

H – “Hello?”

W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
...

An engineer was trying to design the world's fastest car.

An engineer was trying to design the world's fastest car. So he could keep track of the different models, he gave a different letter to each model.

The first time, he could only get the car to go 135 mph. Thinking he could do better, he redesigned the car, tried again, and made the car go 14...

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I like when Instagram models post their workout videos. It really gives me the drive and motivation to go and do my daily exercise:

Masturbate

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Take most Ford and most Dodge models...now put the word Anal in front of the model name

Anal charger, Anal challenger, Anal expedition, Anal Fiesta...

I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.

The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.

Did you hear about the artist that painted nude models for free?

He did it for the exposure.

How many Instagram models does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, they hold the light bulb up and the world revolves around them.

I don't like foot models

I don't trust people who sell their soles.

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The owner of a sex shop, hires a new clerk.

After the owner taught him the basics of running the store, he has to run an errand.

'Could you run the store on your own for a couple of hours, Jeremy?' he asks.

'Sure thing boss!' Jeremy replied, 'don't you worry, I've got this.'

So the boss leaves for his errands, leaving you...

[NSFW] Russian cam models are currently being investigated.

They're accused of meddling in U.S. erections.

Why do tall people have no role models?

Because they have no one to look up to.

Two young rednecks were looking at a Sears catalogue and admiring the models.

Earl says to the Bubba, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?"

Bubba replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"

Earl says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."

Bubba smiles and pats him on the back...

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