UPJOKE
intentpurposeaimgoaldesignmindintendendideaintentionalitywillingtheory of mindfinal causewillview

Of course it was not my intention to insult you!

Though it turned out to be a huge bonus.
upvote downvote report

Is good intention enough to be an organ donor?

No, it also takes guts.
upvote downvote report

Remember, men, when your wife declares her intention to learn how to drive,

Don't stand in her way.
upvote downvote report

Did you hear about the guy with a foot fetish who would intentionally lose?

He loved the smell of da feet!
upvote downvote report

Mistaken Intentions

A guy met this girl in a bar and asked, "May I buy you a drink?".

Looking back unimpressed at the man she replies, "Okay, but it won't do you any good."

A little later, he asks, "May I buy you another drink?"

"Okay, but it still won't do you any good."

He invites her ...
upvote downvote report

I had intentions on exercising

It didn’t work out
upvote downvote report

If ISIS would really like the world to take notice of their intentions

they should kill a lion.
upvote downvote report

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Thats why I always intend bad things.
upvote downvote report

About good intentions...

Hoping for life to treat you nicely because you're a good guy is like hoping for a fighting bull to not run you over because you're a vegan
upvote downvote report

This guy visited my house with the intention of creating his own large scholarly book.

When he arrived I said, 'Make yourself a tome'.
upvote downvote report

Misquoted Intentions

Two friends, a black guy and a white guy, share an apartment. The white guy's watching TV when the black guy, obviously agitated, flops down on the couch.

Black Guy: Man, I wish I could get a girlfriend.

White Guy: Well, you know what Henry Ford said...

Black Guy: What!? That is...
upvote downvote report

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up a letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day.
<...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane

The man felt bored so he decided to talk to the kid. So he turned to him and asked “How about we talk for a bit?”

Then the kid replied “ok so what do we talk about”

The man (clearly wanting to make fun of the kid) replies “How about nuclear power?”

The kid then catches on to the...

What is the difference between intentionally and by mistake?

The presence of a witness.
upvote downvote report

Only one man has ever entered parliament with honest intentions...

... Guy Fawkes
upvote downvote report

15 Year Old Boy Comes Home With A Porsche

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream,

"Where did you get that car?"

He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents.

"We know what a Porsche costs.."

"Well," said the boy, "t...
upvote downvote report

Why was the serial killer intentionally bad at bowling?

He preferred to gut her.
upvote downvote report

My masochist friend always gets himself intentionally arrested for minor crimes.

So that he could get off with a slap on the wrist.
upvote downvote report

Police: Sir, did you or did you not just intentionally make that woman fall down?

Man: Yes, I was trying to prove a point.

Police: what point?

Man: I don't need to leave the country to trip abroad.
upvote downvote report

Which transportation industry was accused of having wrong intentions?

Loco-motive industry

(first post: don't be mean please)
upvote downvote report

Did you hear what happened to Jimmy? Tertible! His wife divorced him and left him without a single penny!

\- Well, I have it far worse. Not only is my wife ileaving me without a single penny, she also has absolutely no intention to divorce me.
upvote downvote report

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is. (Smiles was my intention sorry to anyone I offended)
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why I don’t go to titty bars…

If I wanted to spend $200 in one night on a woman who has no intention of fu**ing me, I’d just take my wife out to dinner.

After watching the Tour de France for several years running, a guy decides that he's going to get into cycling.

So he buys himself a brand new road bike, and sets out for his first long ride. He's pretty fit, and takes a long route over several hills. But on his way back, he finds that he's just too tired to continue, and just can't make it back up over those hills.

He decides to try to catch a ride ...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man decides to go to a safari.

He took his faithful dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long the dog discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dog thinks, "Oh boy, I'm in deep...

A husband and wife were visiting the zoo.

They were admiring the various animal exhibits and exotic plant life. When they arrived at the gorilla enclosure, the silverback immediately took interest in the woman. He began beating his chest and all sorts of grandstanding activities. If the woman moved to the left, the gorilla followed. If she ...
upvote downvote report

What does the cake say at the government printing office retirement party?

This cake intentionally left blank
upvote downvote report

An old Chinese story

A village was terrorized by a demon. The demon attacked people, ate their livestock, trampled their fields, screamed when they tried to sleep, blew out their lights, pinched their babies, threw their dinners on the floor, broke bowls, intentionally sang off key, and was a real nuisance. The villager...
upvote downvote report

The effect of pot on shore birds...

On the beach yesterday I saw a researcher blowing clouds of pot smoke on shore birds to study the effects of marijuana on their flying. He was very thorough, making sure he dosed every single one he saw.

It was his intention to leave no tern unstoned.
upvote downvote report

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...
upvote downvote report

A gentleman went to the shoe store.

A gentleman went to the shoe store. The shopkeeper first sanitized his feet well. Then washed by rubbing with water. Then cleaned it thoroughly with towel and put on the shoe.
Gentleman liked the shoe, he paid the price and started walking from the shop.
The shopkeeper asked him: "What else ...
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information