Invention of the shovel

The invention of the shovel must have been groundbreaking

The invention of the broom

Swept across the nation

During the annual cavemen conference ...

Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .

Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours...

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A team of engineers are unveiling their new invention to a navy admiral

“So from what I can see, it appears to just be a normal submarine” the Admiral says.

“Quite far from it...” the lead engineer responds, “... while it may appear to be your standard submarine. It has quite the trick up it’s selves”

“Well what is it”, the Admiral says excitedly.

...

1965 saw the invention of Gatorade, but the competition was fierce.

Florida State had made their own sports drink to give athletes an edge. However, their own "Seminole Fluid" just didn't sell.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the shovel?

They say his invention was groundbreaking

Come to think of it the invention of the shovel was pretty important...

Some would even say it was groundbreaking

TIL about a ground breaking invention that's shaking the construction industry

It's called the jackhammer

A doctors invention

A woman is about to go into labor and as it is usually painful the doctor gives her an option. He says "I have an invention that when hooked up will transfer a percentage of your pain to the father of the child". The soon to be mother thinks this is a great idea and the husband agrees to help allevi...

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The invention of the Penis is proof God exists...

And the size of mine proves that, so does the Devil.

HARLEY DAVIDSON MEETS GOD

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur though...

It's been said that Greece's greatest contributions to European society were the inventions of democracy and sodomy.

France is then generally given credit for slightly improving both of these ideas, by discovering that you could also involve women.

I went down to the patent office trying to register some of my inventions earlier today and walked up to the main desk to sign in when the lady pulled out a form to fill out. She asked for my personal info, wrote it down and then asked me what I had invented...

I said, 'A folding bottle.'

She said, 'Okay. What do you call it?'

'A fottle.'

'What else do you have there?'

'A folding carton.'

'OK, what do you call it?'

'A farton.'

She chuckled and said, 'Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds ...

What was one of the greatest inventions of all time, yet was completely useless when it was first made?

The telephone, who r u gonna call?

The invention of the fan....

Blew people away

Before the invention of the crowbar..

Crows had to do their drinking at home.

The shovel was a groundbreaking invention

But everyone was blown away by the leafblower.

Shovels were a ground breaking invention...

But dumbbells were an uplifting one.

If war is the father of invention, and necessity is the mother of invention...

Then laziness must be the drunk uncle with inventions like the remote control, la-z-boy, and the clapper.

Why was the shovel regarded as one of the most creative inventions?

Because it was ground breaking.

My sandal invention for people with one leg

turned out to be a flop.

What was more important than the invention of the first telephone?

The second telephone.

I got fired for naming my invention the Direct Interface for Long-Distance Observation.

The boss accused my team of pulling it out of an unauthorised Acronym Synthesis Service.

In the list of groundbreaking inventions

No one ever mentions shovels.

I guess you could say that the invention of the shovel was really....

Ground-breaking

The telegraph must be the most heartless invention...

...because Samuel had no remorse.

What's the most remarkable invention?

A whiteboard

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The invention of sex

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian says, "We have the Colosseum"
The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire" and so on and so on and
Th...

I just realized that shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

*Ba-dum-tss*

My new invention has made me rich!!!

exploding prayer mats, prophets are going through the roof

What did people say when the inventor of the Dry Erase Board showed off his new invention.

That's Remarkable!

Terrible joke, came to me on the toilet early, but I had to say it. And it's also likely be told in some form before.

the invention of the shovel was ground breaking (short)

the invention of the shovel was ground breaking.
but the invention of the broom was the one that truly swept the nation.

- Scratch Farrell

Necessity isn't the mother of invention,

Stress is.

The invention of the broom may have swept the nation...

... but the invention of the Galaxy Note 7 really set the world on fire

Have you heard about the invention of the white board

It's remarkable.

After the invention of digital watches, the Swiss were in quite a bind...

Faced with what seemed like an existential threat to their national watch manufacturers, the Swiss Government send out pamphlets to foreign and domestic watch owners, asking them to sign up if they were interested in buying mechanical watches as gifts or fashion statements. Unfortunately, no one sig...

Sparkling water is definitely a German invention

Who else would put gas in water?

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King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice.

The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt... except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'

'Ah, sire, just observe...

What will be the most useless invention?

A waterproof teabag

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In 450 BC a Greek and a Roman are sitting around, discussing who has more reason to be proud of their heritage

Roman: We are clearly the superior society, after all, we invented aqueducts so cities and fields alike could grow

Greek: Perhaps, but we invented the water mill for grinding abundant grain, so that it could be stored and feed the people. Plus, we developed cartography, mapping out the world....

I wish I hadn't wasted so much of my life creating wacky sci-fi inventions...

The time machine alone set me back 15 years.

My daughter is making a documentary on the invention of the telephone, for a school project.

I remember the time I did that, in middle school.

Rings A Bell.

Scientists invent a new machine to ease the pain during childbirth

The machine transfers the pain a woman feels during labor to the father of the baby, at any percentage rate between 0 and 100%.

The first couple to test it is very excited, they connect the machine to the soon-to-be-mother and warn the husbands about the consequences. "Men are not used to fee...

Blonde Inventions

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlight

Submarine screen door

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart board

A dictionary index

Powdered water

Pedal powered wheel chair

Water proof tea bags

Zero pro...

I asked my secret crush if she wanted to invest in my new invention idea, chloroform kleenex.

She decided to sleep on it...at my place.

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My Shaggy Dog Joke

WARNING: This joke will probably not be funny.

There was this young boy who fantasized about flying like the birds one day. Every day after school he would try to make an invention that would allow him to soar above the clouds.

Every time he failed. Kids would bully him for flailing t...

Beer is mankind's best invention ever, but

the wheel is the most revolutionary.

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A man invites his friend over to show him his invention [NSFW]

"What is it?" Asks the friend, puzzled.

The man proudly responds: "It's a robot that gives hand jobs! You pull on its ear, and it gives you a hand job. I'll show you."

The man whips out his penis and tugs on the robot's ear. Sure enough, it gives him a hand job.

Turning to his f...

I've heard a lot about how important 'the wheel' was for civilization

But I think it's time to recognize 'the shovel' for being the ground-breaking invention that it is.

A husband and wife are in a hospital while the wife is starting to go into labor

Doctor: I have a new invention that will the pain from the wife to the husband, would you want to try it?

Wife: Quickly shakes her head yes.

Husband: If it’s okay with her it is okay with me.

Doctor *as he attaches some cables to the wife* : We will turn the dial to 15 percent ...

A quote from the Father of Invention.

Hi Invention, I'm Dad.

The greatest invention

A local reporter was interviewing people asking them what they thought the greatest invention in the 20th century was.
The first gentleman said it was the television, he could watch live football and nothing was better than that.
A housewife said it was the washing machine, she didn't have t...

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A scientist from Texas A&M

A scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.


After a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took the scientist outside...

Invention of the knife

"What is that?"

I call it the 'knife'.

"Wow, that's the best thing since bread!"

Greg, I am about to blow your mind.

Three logicians walk into a bar...

Three logicians walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Does everyone want beer?"

The first logician says, "I don't know."

The second logician says, "I don't know."

The third logician says, "Yes!"

:)

Did you know the first condoms were invented by the Welsh out of sheep's intestines?

The English improved on the invention by taking the intestines out of the sheep before using them.

Thief Capturing Robot

Disclaimer: This is only a joke, whatever or whoever I have stated are only for entertainment purpose only.



Once an organization of experts invented a robot that captured thieves.

So in order to test their invention they took to some places around the world to really see how ma...

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

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My Father Was An Inventor

When I was a kid he would invent the most amazing things, and I was fascinated with every thing he invented. He would start a new project at the beginning of every month, and it would always be done at the end of the month, and I would always be the first to see his new invention.

One year th...

Inventor displays the first knife ever.

His friend, "that's the greatest invention since bread"
Inventor, "well I'm about to blow your mind"

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Titles are really hard, but jokes are a bit easier.

A scientist invented a machine that could combine anything for form a hybrid of the objects.


He goes to a convention to present the machine.
For his presentations he decided to combine himself with two objects.

He stands in front of the crowd and brings out a xerox machine an...

I just summarized the jokes I liked best in a recent Askreddit thread. Have fun!

I hope that's fitting in the Subreddit. If not, leave a downvote please.

-Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular.

-I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings - its a complex complex complex.

-I have an L shaped couch... Lower case.

-I asked my North Korean f...

My friend asked me what my favorite tool was

I told him it was a jackhammer
He asked why
I said i liked it because it was a ground breaking invention

My friend tried telling me shovels are useless.

But I truly believe it was a ground breaking invention.

In the year 2030,

In the year 2030, space travel was expanding more than ever, and life science was seeing new revolutions every few weeks. Inventions in robotics and engineering were being created almost daily. But this new world came with a downside, the amount of harsh chemicals in the air were causing cancer to d...

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Apple that tastes like a banana

An inventor goes to the Patents Office to demonstrate his new invention.

"It's an apple that tastes like a banana," he explains. "Try it!"

The official bites into the apple. "My god!" he exclaims, "that's brilliant. It tastes just like a banana!"

"Turn it round," says the invent...

NASA discovers 10 earth like planets.

Within a month of Trump taking office, NASA has discovered 10 earth like planets...


They say necessity is the mother of invention !!

Elon Musk's new tunnel boring machine is....

quite a ground breaking invention.

A blonde walks into a store.

After a while, she comes across a salesman, holding a thermos and proclaiming to anyone who would listen, "This is the greatest invention in history!" The blonde stops, confused as how a simple cup could be the greatest invention. She asks the salesman, "Why is it so special?" To which he replies, "...

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Computer Quotes

"Remember, never ask a geek "why"; just nod your head and back away slowly... "
Dan Wineman

Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it.
Seymour Cray (commenting on virtual memory).

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and U...

The Thin Swiss Wire

A crew of Swiss engineerers was tasked by their government to create a wire as thin as possible. The project took months, years to finish, but at last, they succeeded. They produced a piece of extremely thin wire. It was so thin that they could not even measure how thin it actually was. Not only tha...

A man goes along to the Patent Office...

A man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs.

He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle."

"OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?"

"A fottle, replies the inventor."

"A fottle? That's silly! Can't you thin...

If I was an engineer, I would turn emo.

My inventions would be "Cutting Edge"

11 Geeky Jokes

1. What does a subatomic duck say “Quark”.

2. Why did I divide Sin by Tan, Just Cos.

3. Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

4. Why can’t you trust atoms, they make up everything.

5. A pen...

I wanted to be the first person to invent a feline cloning machine...

But everybody said it was nothing but a copycat invention.

Dear necessity, happy mothers day!

-Invention.

Reddit, help me finish this joke!

I have the first two parts:

1) The inventor of the Pringles crisp packaging was so proud of his invention that he was cremated and buried in a Pringles can.

2) The inventor of Doritos requested his family dust his grave with crumbled Doritos before burying his urn.

I need hel...

AI: Rise and Fall

So a programming team developed true AI capable of thinking, reasoning, and feeling. They wrote all the code in Scheme They go to their project manager and tell him of their invention and invite him to come talk to it. He agrees and sits down at the terminal they point to.

He types:
Hell...

How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama?

If it had been invented anywhere else, it would be called a teethbrush.

What's the latest invention to come out of the UA engineering program? A solar-powered flashlight.

How can you tell if someone's a UA graduate? Look at the ring while they're picking their nose.

Why are crim...

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Voodo Dick

A bit long, but worth it.



A husband is travelling abroad on a business meeting in a couple of days, and worried that his wife is going to cheat on him, he decides he wants to buy something spicy for her to enjoy while he is away, so she wont need other men to satisfy her needs.
...

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