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The contact lens is mans greatest invention

At least in my eyes

What’s the most remarkable invention of the last century?

The whiteboard.

Take EVERYTHING you know about bread and throw it out the window. Okay...Now, let me tell you about a little invention I made.

Bread!

There are four people in an airplane.

They are as follows:

\- The pilot (Obviously)

\- The president of the USA

\- The world's smartest man

\- A student from a local school.



Suddenly, an alarm sounds. The pilot runs into the passenger cabin and says:

"I don't want to alarm you, but there...

how do you know the toothbrush is a British invention?

If it was from elsewhere they'd call it a teethbrush !

After the invention of time travel, many historic figures were brought to the present to experience modern culture with varying degrees of success.

George Washington nearly had a heart-attack because of the current state of the two party system, Napoleon tried to conquer Europe once more, and Alfred Einstein became an avid redditer, amongst many other historic events.

But out of all the crazy things happening because of time travel, the ...

What was a more important invention than the first telephone?

The second one.

Before the invention of crowbars…

Crows had to drink at home.

Last week I submitted a ten page in depth technical description of my groundbreaking invention to a prestigious journal... but it didn't get published.

They said I should just call a spade a spade.

Whisky is an amazing invention.

2 doubles and you start feeling single again.

It's my cake day, thought I'd share my favorite joke I like to tell

King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those Knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice.

After explaining his predicament t...

When you think of it, invention of the shovel was groundbreaking

But it was the invention of the broom that swept the nation.

What was the most ground-breaking invention in human history?

The shovel

The inventor of the ballet skirt was struggling for a name for his invention.

Finally he put tu and tu together.

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years...

the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable

A new invention

An inventor walks into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. "Let's celebrate!" the inventor tells the bartender. "My latest invention is finally in production and will be on the market soon ... just in time for this crazy cold snap that is coming next week." "What is it?" the bartender asks. "It'...

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Italians have always copied good inventions from other cultures and made them exceptional

Beretta took Walthers's designs and made them sexy

They discovered noodles from china, removed the dog, and created pasta

They stole the idea of arches from the Etruscans and built colosseums and aqueducts

They took the gladius from celt-iberians and conquered the world with it<...

A woman tells her friend: "Hey, yesterday I bought a toilet brush".

Her friend replied: "Alright, so?"

Her: Well I think its great invention, but I'd much rather use toilet paper.

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An inventor, Liam, builds a humanoid lie detector robot that can slap you if you lie. As with all his inventions, his family will be the first round of test subjects.

At dinner, the inventor asks his son Jimmy about his day.

"I was at Scotts, we were studying for mid-terms."

The robot suddenly springs to life, slapping the son hard upside the head.

"Ow, what the fucking shit?" Jimmy exclaims angrily.

Liam looks at his son with a bemu...

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King Arthur goes on a crusade

But is worried about his wife having sex with other men. So he goes to a locksmith and asks:

-Hello my dear friend you see I'm heading out for a crusade and I'm worried about my wife's purity.

-Say no more my king I think I have just right thing for your sorrows. Look this my latest ...

Anyone know the best thing about the invention of e-mail?

People stopped judging me so much for being an anti-faxxer

The first person to invent a drill must’ve said,

“I’ve made a groundbreaking invention!”

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