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Supply Jokes

Two men walk into a chemistry supply store

The first man says: 'I'll have some H2O'.

The second man says: 'I'll have some H2O too'

The second man died

For safety, if you're turning a power supply on at work, just say hey

Watts going on

What do you get when you put jelly into Flint, Michigan's water supply?

Pb & J.

I wanted to supply an economic dad joke,

But there is no demand right now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Five people have been found guilty of conspiracy to supply millions of pounds worth of counterfeit Viagra.

The judge described them as hardened criminals

I used to work in an art supply store.

I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.
Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?"
Me: "Certainly, what width?"
Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) "Scissors?"

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each...

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of th...

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Just got back from the farm supply store. The price of manure has almost tripled since the beginning of the pandemic.

Shit's getting expensive.

Just got fired from my new job as a supply chain manager...

My boss just said, "That's LIFO."

I won a lifetime supply of canned pineapple.

I'm looking forward to living on the Dole.

A man walks into a store and buys a life time supply of condoms.

Only he doesn't know it.

I never thought I'd be shoplifting from a kitchen supply store

But that's a whisk I'm willing to take

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A poorly translated Dutch joke: A family called "Vermeer" has a construction supply shop

Next to the front door they have a cross with Jesus hanging on it with the text "for two thousand years, Jesus has hanged here with nails of Vermeer."

Their shop was in The Veluwe, i.e. the Dutch Bible belt, so the local municipality got upset and told the family to change it.

So the f...

A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine...

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post ...

My neighbor and I are good friends so we decided to share our water supply.

We got a long well.

My friend and I signed up to win a lifetime supply of skin lotion. He won and I didn't

The worst part is that he keeps rubbing it in.

Did you hear about the guy who owned the Earth's supply of herbs?

He had all the thyme in the world

Thinking of starting a bakery supply business

The whisks are great but so are the wewards.

At the Helsinki Summit, Russia offered to supply both Translators

Which is nice considering they supplied both President

A lawyer calls up a plumber to come out to his house...

The plumber takes a look and says, OK, I can fix it today, and it will be $800.

The lawyer raises an eyebrow and asks, how long will it take? The plumber responds, "well, I need about an hour round trip to the supply house for a part, and then it should take me about an hour for the repair"<...

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Guy walks into a bar Sits at the bar and orders a drink. He pays with a $100 bill and refuses the change. Just when he's about to take a drink, this little guy - not even a foot tall - runs across the bar and knocks the drink out of his hand. The little guy jumps off the bar and disappears.

The bartender, really confused, pours him another drink. The guy pays him $100 and refuses the change again. Just as he's about to sip his drink, the little guy appears, knocks the drink to the floor and runs off again.

Now the bartender pours him another drink and asks him about the little g...

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"A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a v...

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"Your one and only job is to supply the miners"

The foreman told the asian man before leaving the job site.

Upon the foreman's return a week later he noticed one of the job site workers lackadaisically lounging in the sun.

"Hey Bob! How are ya? Why arent you workin boy?" said the foreman.

"Im too hungry to work. That chinama...

What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?

The Three-Hole Punch...

I won a lifetime supply of rope yesterday

It’s 10 feet long!

Why don't Africa supply medicine?

Because you're not supposed to eat medicine on an empty stomach

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Mr. O'Malley comes home from the doctor and tells his wife he needs to supply a urine sample.

Mr. O'Malley is distraught because he has no idea what a urine sample is. Mr. O'Malley asks his wife to go nextdoor and ask their neighbor for help.

Mrs. O'Malley comes back, beaten, bruised, and bloodied.

"What the bloody hell happened to you, my love!?" exclaims Mr. O'Malley.
<...

A man was working at a boat supply shop

He was a salesman

I got a lifetime supply of bread!

You'd think I'd say I'm rolling in dough, right? Well I am actuality a very lucky Soviet in 1936.

I won a lifetime supply of cyanide pills

I only got one though

Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia.

You could say I was involved in very organised crime.

A farmer walks into a farm supply store...

...and says to an employee, "You know, when I bought my farm it had a coop for chickens but I've never had any. I think I'd like to start raising some so what do I need?"

The employee walks him over to the area with the chicken supplies and gets him started with bedding for the coop, heat la...

Apparently, when you supply Human Resources with a urine sample...

... it has to be because they requested it

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My friend has a lucrative business supplying batteries for sex toys at the coast.

She sells C cells by the sea shore.

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A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom. The wife can't orgasm because it's too damn hot.

They See A Sex Therapist, And He Recommends That They Have A Constant Supply Of Cool Air In The Bedroom, So The Man Asks His Best Friend To Waft A Towel While He And His Wife Make Love.

Begrudgingly, The Friend Submits And Says Yes.


After 20 Minutes Of Lovemaking, The Woman Is No C...

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My cousin got caught with his pants around his ankles in the supply closet at work

He said he really felt like a jerk.

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TP is currently in short supply, and I just squandered 3 squares

on a ghost shit.
Thanks for nothing, asshole.

A guy phoned and asked if I was interested in switching to an alternative energy supply...

I said “ No, I think I’ll stick with food thanks!”

Teach a parrot the words supply and demand,

and you’ve got yourself an economist.

I got a pop up ad for a locally owned Sean Connery roofing supply company

It said, “shingles in your area”.

Officials have found a brain-eating Amoba in the water supply of Washington DC. Officials are worried

After all, there's a good chance the Amobas will starve to death

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The legend of Attila the Hun.

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.

But his snake lost its appet...

A white guy, a black guy, and a Chinese guy go to work at a coal mine.

When they arrive the manager assigns each of them a task. The white guy, Frank, is in charge of digging. The black guy, Jamaal, is in charge of transportation. The Chinese guy, Wong, is in charge of supplies.

They get to work and everything is going smoothly. Frank is digging up the coal at...

To the person that stole my month’s supply of Adderall..

You now have my complete attention.

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

When our little girl was sick in hospital we bought her a lifetime supply of crayons.

It cost $3.

TIL; JFK bought a lifetime supply of Cuban cigars before he enacted the embargo.

The box of cigars lasted LBJ one week.

Contest Emcee: Congratulations! You just won a lifetime supply of Ramen Noodles!

Me: Can I just take the $20 instead?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly couple are about to have sex in a nursing home supply closet.

The woman decided to warn the man about her heart condition. “ You need to know this, I have acute angina.”

“That’s good news.” The man replied, “because you have the ugliest pair of tits I have ever seen.”

What do you call a cocaine addict who runs out of supply?

Crackalackin

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is humbler, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable r...

So a farmer goes in to tractor supply...

And he asks the clerk if they have a milking machine. The clerk says, "why sure! How many cows do you have?" The farmer tells him just 1 cow. The clerk finds this odd and asks him why he needs a very expensive milking machine for just one cow.

The farmer says, " Well the other night I tried m...

how much is a life-time supply of fast food?

Not much.

Why did the supply chain manager wake up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat?

He was having a logistical nightmare.

The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk...



The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk. The cow was wonderful.

It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. The...

What do you say to a man who's fallen ill from dehydration after their water supply was cut off?

Hope you get well soon.

My boss just told me I'm now in charge of controlling the town water supply.

Well I'll be dammed

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