UPJOKE
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The Soviet Union started to crack down on drinking while on the job...

The Soviet Union started to crack down on drinking while on the job. The Soviet official assigned to handle the problem entered one of the industrial plants where the problem was said to occur and asked a worker,

"Could you do your job if you drank a cup of vodka?"

"It would be a littl...

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

A bouncer is working on a Saturday night at a popular nightclub for household utensils...

... One of the regulars, a mirror, comes outside for a smoke and greets him.

As they make small talk, a toilet approaches flaunting a pristine gold plated lid. The bouncer immediately lets him in.

The mirror rolls his eyes as the toilet pushes through.

Next, a limo pulls up and ...

A man and his pet greyhound walk into a bar

While heā€™s sipping on his drink he notices a man with his pet turtle. Now this turtle did not look healthy, it had a large crack down its shell and bandages all over it. So, asked the bartender,
ā€œWhatā€™s up with that turtleā€
the bartender answered,
ā€œThatā€™s the fastest turtle in the world...

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Voodoo Dick

This businessman is going away on a trip for 2 weeks, and he doesn't want his wife to get lonely and mess around while he's gone, so he stops by the adult outlet in town. He looks around and sees lots of dildos, sex dolls, vibrators and etc, but nothing that would keep his wife occupied for 3 weeks....

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