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Blender Jokes

What happens when you put your hand in a blender?

You get a handshake.

This blender I just bought doesn't seem to be working right

I keep getting mixed results

Wife: I regret getting you that blender for Christmas

Me: *sipping toast* why?

When I was five, my Dad put Snowballs in the blender to make a slushie...

I miss snowballs, she was a good cat.

Why did the president put his vegetables in a blender?

He was hoping for whirled peas.

What do you get when you get 10 cars and a ton of sugar and you put it in a blender?

You get a load of traffic jam

What do you call 10 smurfs in a blender?

Blue Man Goop

I got stuck in a blender.

Pour me...

Recently I wrote ‘blender’ with the wrong vowel

It was a blunder

Why did Jeffrey Dahmer keep a blender on his front porch?

So he could greet visitors with a handshake.

What do you call a Nun in a Blender?

Twisted Sister.

A blue man gives you a pineapple. A man with a horse for a head gives you a blender. A man with seven feet on each leg gives you a dragonfruit. What do you have?

Schizophrenia.

What do you get when you mix a bird with a blender?

Shredded tweet.

I ordered a new blender but they sent me one that had clearly been used.

Seems like there was a mix up at the store.

I wanted to buy a blender off the internet but I didn’t

because it had mixed reviews.

Jeffery Dahmer is in his kitchen, using his blender...

... when his phone goes off in his pocket. It was a notification from the CDC:

"The public is still advised to avoid direct contact from others through cordial gestures during this pandemic, such as hugs or ***handshakes.*** "

"Awwwwww..." Jeffery mopes, as he turns off his blender.

What's the best way to get a baby out of a blender?

Doritos.

Lame joke I made one night. What do you get when you mix a cat and a blender?

A visit from the cops.

What do you call an experimental monkey in a blender?

Rhesus pieces........

What's red and green and goes 90 miles an hour?

Frogs in a blender.

What’s red, white and blue, and brings tears to the eyes of many?

A bluejay in a blender.

How do know when a punchline doesn’t fit the set-up in a joke?

A frog in a blender.

Who’s the smoothest singer?

Blender Carlisle

News Anchor: The CDC has advised no handshakes at this time.

Cannibal: "Aww..." *STOPS BLENDER*

A joke from Kyiv.

A Russian soldier calls home from Ukraine.

- Did you take Kyiv?
- No.
- Did you take Harkiv?
- No
- What did you take then?
- A blender, a washing machine and two fur coats

What’s green and red and goes 100 miles an hour?

A frog in a blender.

This joke brought to you by one of my first grade students who loudly shared it at lunch this week.

How do you get 14 babies in one bucket?

With a Blender.

How do you get them out?

With Nachos.

The CDC said to refrain from hand shakes.

Jeffrey Dahmer immediately bummed as he turns off the blender

A policeman pulled me over

What do you do for a living, sir?



It's a strange profession, you have probably never heard of it. But I'm an insect blender.



An... insect blender?



Yes, I combine insects for a living



Right...



A few minutes later I reached int...

Why I got divorced

HUSBAND: My wife where are you?

WIFE: At home love.

HUSBAND: Are you sure?

WIFE: Yes.

HUSBAND: Turn on the blender.

WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee

HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye. Another day

HUSBAND: My wife where are you?

WIFE: At home l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very jealous husband would call his wife from work everyday " where are you ?"

And everyday she would respond "I'm at home honey"..................
" oh yeah ? Well turn on the blender , I wanna hear it"............................. And she would turn on the blender, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm. ............. This would go on day after day . One day he decides to leave early from ...

They say you can lead a horse to water, but how do you make a horse drink?

Put it in a blender.

When I was a kid, I would dream of being chased through the woods by a tall, unusually thin man in a suit, holding a fruit smoothie in one hand and an electic mixer in the other. His name?

Blender Man.



As a little sub-note to this terrible joke, you may think it funnier that when I first typed it out, my phrasing was "....chased through the woulds....", coz I'm a dolt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Baby Jokes [NSFW] [NSFL] NOT SAFE FOR ANYONE.

What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take off your boots before you jump on a trampoline.

How do you make a baby spin around?
Blender.
How do you take it back out?
Nachos.

What do you call a dead baby on a wall?
Art.
What do you call a dead baby ...

What scared Jimmy Buffet?

The boo's in the blender.

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