Containing Jokes - 30 Hilarious Containing Jokes

I called Animal Welfare today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing four kittens."

“That's terrible," she replied, "We’re they moving?”

“I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "but if they were that would explain the suitcase.”

Just found an envelope containing several severed fingers in my mailbox

It was weird because we don't usually get mail on Sundays

Can you make a sentence containing the words defense, defeat and detail?

When a horse jumps over defense, defeat goes before detail

I just saw a movie containing mild violence about cleaning supplies.

It was rated Squeegee-13.

We thought it was our ability to love that made us human,

but it turns out it was actually our ability to SELECT EACH IMAGE CONTAINING A TRUCK.

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An elderly Man goes to the Doctor.

Man:"Doctor i need help, recebtly i got a new Girlfriend, 26 years old and im pretty much impotent can you help me?"

Doctor:"I have the right thing for you, please drop your pants."

The Man drops his Pants and the Doctor puts a syringe in his Penis, containing a blue liquid.

The...

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A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"

Archaeologists in Egypt have unearthed a tomb containing a mummy covered in chocolate & nuts.

Excited they believe it is the remains of the long lost Pharaoh Roche.

A friend sent me a package containing sulfur, charcoal, and potassium nitrate.

Wow, this blew up. RIP my mailbox.

Can you say a sentence containing 4 different languages?

No.

A man is walking on a beach, and finds a lamp containing a genie that offers him 3 wishes, however, whatever his wish, his mother-in-law gets double of it.

The man is upset at first since he hated his mother-in-law, but decides to try it out.

"I wish for a hundred million dollars" the man told the genie.

The genie nods his head, and $100,000,000 appears before the man.

"Gtanted, but Your mother-in-law now has $200,000,000 as well" ...

Lines for urinals have become an an increasing problem in containing the coronavirus.

So mind your pees in queues.

What's wrong with a joke containing Cobalt, Radon and Yttrium?

It's CoRnY

Two lorry's crashed into each other, one containing terrapins the other containing tortoises...

It was a turtle disaster.

A joke finally containing original content

Original content.

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Little girl lands position as construction boss.

**A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.**

**The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing ...

I Never Buy Anything Containing Velcro

It's all a total rip-off

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A woman walks into a bank to deposit $100,000 in cash

The bank manager decides to handle this himself, as it’s such a large deposit. As he is processing her request, he asks, “Do you mind if I ask what it is you do for a living?”.

She says, “I make bets with people…For example, I bet you $50,000 that your testicles are cube shaped, like dice”....

The bidding was proceeding furiously when the Head Auctioneer suddenly announced, “A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing ten thousand dollars.”

“If returned, he has agreed to pay a reward of two thousand dollars!”

There was a moment's silence in the auction house and from the back of the room came a shout, “Two thousand five hundred!”

They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise

I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"

Few days later I received a care package containing ammo

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A man haunted by his sins went to the church for a confession with the priest...

There's a devout Catholic man who once committed a regrettable act – he gave his best friend a blowjob while intoxicated. Filled with remorse, he decided to seek forgiveness from God and headed to the church.

Inside the church, he approached the priest and says he wants to confessed his sin, ...

An old man, a schoolboy, a lawyer, a doctor, and a community service worker are all on a plane with only four parachutes when...

The pilot of the plane has a stroke and passes away. As the plane plummets its passengers to death the five members of the aircraft argue over who deserve to have the four bags containing the parachutes.

Social Worker: I deserve to live because I protect vulnerable children and support famili...

I think Trojan is a bad name for a condom brand...

...because of course, the Trojans were a people whose lives were ruined when a vessel containing little warriors unexpectedly exploded inside their city walls...

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Guy walks into a hotel

A few years back, a feeder tournament for the World Series of Poker has attracted a lot of people to the town where it is being held, and every hotel in town is sold out. A guy without a reservation walks in and asks for a room. The desk clerk tells him “Sorry, but there are no rooms available. Due ...

Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.

The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.

The second guy wishes the same.

The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’

Why did people use insulation containing deadly toxins?

It was asbestos they could do at the time!

An old man is sitting with his wife on her death-bed. He asks her about the box containing three eggs and large pile of cash hidden under the bed.

"I'm ashamed to tell you that the contents of this box represents my infidelity to you." she admits with a guilty look. "Every time I went with another man, I'd place one of our chickens' eggs in the carton."

"Well Dear, don't feel bad. I suppose three times in fifty years is no big deal."...

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel...

and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.

"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed....

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One day, a girl comes home crying, upset that her boyfriend had just dumped her.

Devastated, she starts trashing the place, smashing pictures of her ex-boyfriend and knocking things off shelves, rampaging from room to room. In her mother’s bedroom she rips down the curtains, jumps on the bed and smashes some mirrors. She finally calms down enough to notice that a small secret dr...

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a statistician all walk into different rooms, each containing a bucket of water and a garbage can that is on fire.

The engineer walks into his room. He sees the fire, then sees the bucket. He immediately grabs the bucket and dumps the whole thing on the fire to put it out.

The physicist walks into his room and sees the fire and bucket. He takes out a sheet of paper and calculates exactly how much water he...

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