UPJOKE

mathematicssubtractionmultiplicationnumberalgebradecimaladditiondivisionmathnumber theorymathematicalintegercomputecalculatornumeral system

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.. 'Here's your first question,' the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'

'Without a numbers?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy.' and he proceeds to draw three trees.

...

'Without a numbers?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy.' and he proceeds to draw three trees.

...

His wife put two and two together.

Mathturbation

He's only got one term

It's the little things that count.

It's the thought that counts.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

While working, he says “1 plus 1, the son of a bitch is 2. 2 plus 2, the son of a bitch is 4”.

His mom hears him an in shock, she cries “what did you just say?” The boy replies “this is what the teacher says during arithmetic: 4 plus 4, the son of a bitch is 8.” His mother freaked “okay, I’m ...

His mom hears him an in shock, she cries “what did you just say?” The boy replies “this is what the teacher says during arithmetic: 4 plus 4, the son of a bitch is 8.” His mother freaked “okay, I’m ...

...which it learned with no difficulty. Algebra was a breeze, and it could even prove theorems in Euclidean geometry. However, when someone tried to teach it analytic geometry, it would rear back on its hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly, and make violent head motions in resistance.

T...

T...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

"Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"

"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?"

"That's exactly what I said!"

Credit to /u/Cruzinspeed

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"

"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?"

"That's exactly what I said!"

Credit to /u/Cruzinspeed

“One quarter." answered little Johnny.

“You don't know your arithmetic!" snapped the teacher shaking her head.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my dad!"

“You don't know your arithmetic!" snapped the teacher shaking her head.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my dad!"

Yet only one in a hundred find this funny.

....it has improved my menthol arithmetic

They'd both recently turned sixty and, what the heck -- YOLO. So they went to a swingers party and, to their amazement, connected with a very young couple barely past their teens. After an hour and a half of "play time" they got dressed and headed home.

"Well that was disappointing," he said...

"Well that was disappointing," he said...

Student: “One dollar.”

Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”

Student: “You don’t know my father.”

Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”

Student: “You don’t know my father.”

Dr. Holmes, after many years of biotechnological research, finally succeeded in his secret project, using funds diverted from his research grant. Because the project needed to be kept off the records, Dr. Holmes kept the deer at home.

The cyborg would grow and develop just as a normal fawn wo...

The cyborg would grow and develop just as a normal fawn wo...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

A rightfully annoyed British high command therefore advertises the job "military radio decrypter" in all the newspapers across the country and sure enough, some people attempt to apply for the job.

Outside the recruitment office there's a long line of men and women eager to help the war effor...

Outside the recruitment office there's a long line of men and women eager to help the war effor...

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