Did you hear about the man who blamed arithmetic for his divorce?

His wife put two and two together.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”


An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.. 'Here's your first question,' the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'

'Without a numbers?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy.' and he proceeds to draw three trees. ...

Everyone likes to laugh at other people's inability with numbers. However, 45% of people consider themselves bad at math, every twentieth member of the population hates decimals, 1 out of 5 people can't do mental arithmetic and 3/10 can't do fractions without a calculator.

Yet only one in a hundred find this funny.

I haven't done much in my life, but I did teach basic arithmetics to ants...

It's the little things that count.

โ€œIf you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher," and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"

โ€œOne quarter." answered little Johnny.

โ€œYou don't know your arithmetic!" snapped the teacher shaking her head.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my dad!"

Scientists have discovered a new species of moss that can perform arithmetic calculations.

They do this using algae-rhythms.

A 6th-grade teacher posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes:

โ€œA wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars.

One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity.

Now, what does each get?โ€

After a very long silence in the classroom, one little boy raised his hand.

With ...

The problem with math jokes

Calculus jokes are derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are too formulaic but arithmetic jokes are just basic.

The outlier is the occasional statistics pun.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"

"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?"

"That's exactly what I said!"

Credit to /u/Cruzinspeed

Why can't Trump form an arithmetic series?

He's only got one term

There was a horse who was a genius at arithmetic...

...which it learned with no difficulty. Algebra was a breeze, and it could even prove theorems in Euclidean geometry. However, when someone tried to teach it analytic geometry, it would rear back on its hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly, and make violent head motions in resistance.


I made an abacus by threading string through polo mints....

....it has improved my menthol arithmetic

An older couple decided to try "swinging"

They'd both recently turned sixty and, what the heck -- YOLO. So they went to a swingers party and, to their amazement, connected with a very young couple barely past their teens. After an hour and a half of "play time" they got dressed and headed home.

"Well that was disappointing," he said...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

John is an elementary school teacher,

and in particular enjoys teaching mathematics and crafting. However, one year, his students are rather uninterested in their arithmetic homework. Since John is a dedicated teacher, he decides to come up with a new way to teach his students.

He takes some cubical blocks of wood, and writes va...

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