Mathturbation

His wife put two and two together.

Student: One dollar.

Teacher: You don't know your arithmetic.

Student: You don't know my father.

(Credit: The Three Stooges)

Teacher: You don't know your arithmetic.

Student: You don't know my father.

(Credit: The Three Stooges)

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.. 'Here's your first question,' the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'

'Without a numbers?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy.' and he proceeds to draw three trees.

...

'Without a numbers?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy.' and he proceeds to draw three trees.

...

Yet only one in a hundred find this funny.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

It's the little things that count.

He's only got one term

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

"Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"

"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?"

"That's exactly what I said!"

Credit to /u/Cruzinspeed

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"

"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?"

"That's exactly what I said!"

Credit to /u/Cruzinspeed

...which it learned with no difficulty. Algebra was a breeze, and it could even prove theorems in Euclidean geometry. However, when someone tried to teach it analytic geometry, it would rear back on its hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly, and make violent head motions in resistance.

T...

T...

Dr. Holmes, after many years of biotechnological research, finally succeeded in his secret project, using funds diverted from his research grant. Because the project needed to be kept off the records, Dr. Holmes kept the deer at home.

The cyborg would grow and develop just as a normal fawn wo...

The cyborg would grow and develop just as a normal fawn wo...

“One quarter." answered little Johnny.

“You don't know your arithmetic!" snapped the teacher shaking her head.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my dad!"

“You don't know your arithmetic!" snapped the teacher shaking her head.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my dad!"

....it has improved my menthol arithmetic

They'd both recently turned sixty and, what the heck -- YOLO. So they went to a swingers party and, to their amazement, connected with a very young couple barely past their teens. After an hour and a half of "play time" they got dressed and headed home.

"Well that was disappointing," he said...

"Well that was disappointing," he said...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

and in particular enjoys teaching mathematics and crafting. However, one year, his students are rather uninterested in their arithmetic homework. Since John is a dedicated teacher, he decides to come up with a new way to teach his students.

He takes some cubical blocks of wood, and writes va...

He takes some cubical blocks of wood, and writes va...

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