UPJOKE
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My dad taught me one thing "deny, deny, deny"

...but he'd say he never said that.

My friend was arrested for spray painting graffiti and he tried to deny it.

But…the writing was on the wall.

Why did the judge deny the ghost bail?

Too much of a fright risk.

I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80's bands...

There is no cure...

They might deny pouring glue on my weapons...

But I'm sticking to my guns.

Why did the robot deny having a brother?

Because he had trans-sisters

How old Mildred stopped gossiping.

Mildred was the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals. She kept sticking her nose into other people's business, even if several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities. However, they feared her enough to maintain their silence.

Once, she accused a ...

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If you deny pooping after being in the bathroom for a while...

I'm going to assume you're full of shit.

Why does Turkey deny armenian genocide?

Because they can't accept the failure - Kardashians are still alive

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Say what you will about men in porn, but you can't deny one thing

They work hard.

My friends Victor and Timothy were arrested for bank robbery, but they are denying it.

They are claiming it’s a Vic Tim less crime.

Did you hear about the cowboys who deny robbing the glue factory?

They're sticking to their guns.

Trump's Presidency is like climate change

Every day it gets worse and Republicans try to deny it.

An atheist is hiking in the woods...

So an atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear. The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man. The atheist screams in terror "Oh God, help me!!!"

Suddenly, everything--> the bear, the trees, the birds, everything bu...

What decade did people start denying the existence of a god?

The nineteen-atheist

No denying that

A journalist goes to interview an old healthy man on his 105th birthday

Journo: What's the secret to your long healthy life?

Old man: Just one thing: I don't get into arguments

Journo: How can it be just that? Surely you need a healthy diet, good exercise, etc.?

Old man: ...

Why did the female asteroid deny her boyfriends marriage proposal?

Because she was scared of comet-ment

Cop: sit on that chair, we're gona interrogate you.

Lawyer: \*whispering\* deny everything.
Me: \*loudly\* thats not a chair!

Was out of the loop. Asian friend told me United Airlines has the power to deny your liberties

He said they punched his rights out.

Apparently I have a foot fetish. Feet make me so excited, but I'm always ashamed. I really want to deny it, but after a year of lying to myself...

I accept defeat

"Peter, you will deny me three times before the sun rises." Jesus said in the Bible.

"No, I won't" Peter replied.

 

"Yes, you will."

 

"No, I won't, my Lord!"

 

"Yes, you WILL!"

 

"No, I WON'T! ...wait"

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A shipwrecked man washes up onto a deserted beach.

He meets a couple that's also stranded there. He and the wife immediately lock eyes and feel the chemistry for some genital bonding.

The Husband tells the Stranger: "hey man, see that tall coconut tree over there? We take turns all day climbing it to the top and seeing if any ships are approa...

an extrovert, an alcoholic and a karen were reluctant to take the covid vaccine

an extrovert, an alcoholic and a karen were reluctant to take the covid vaccine. the doctor tries to persuade them

the extrovert denies

" you won't be able to go to public gatherings anymore"

the extrovert agrees to take it



the alcoholic denies

"you will ha...

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R. Kelly has made a song denying any sexual misconduct charges that lasts 19 minutes.

Which is unusual because he usually insists on 18 or under.

My wife has been putting glue all over my rifle collection..

She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

An Atheist Walking In The Woods Is Chased By A Bear

An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He...

"Tell me about the day you died."

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was hav...

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Knock knock 2021

“Knock knock”
“Get tf outta here I can see you on my ring doorbell. I told you last week that I’m not into that shit”
“You can’t deny the chemistry we had last week” replied the guy in the furry perry the platypus costume

Art students are so dramatic

Art students are so dramatic deny them one thing and they go off and start a war

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A bodybuilder takes public transport to work..

Bus conductor ask him to buy a ticket

Bodybuilder "I never buy ticket!"

Bus conductor was a thin fella so he couldn't argue much with him.

Next day Bodybuilder again takes the same Bus to work.

Same story he again denies to buy the ticket.

Conductor was very frust...

A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew

It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning's work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there's something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot san...

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A guy finds a Genie in a bottle...

**A Genie zooms out of the bottle and shouts "THANK YOU FOR FREEING ME FROM MY MYSTICAL CHAMBER! YOU MAY HAVE THREE WISHES!"**

*The guy says "Ha, Make it four"*

**The Genie claps his hands and cheers: "IT SHALL BE GRANTED! YOU NOW HAVE THREE WISHES LEFT!"**

*The guy stumbles "O...

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