UPJOKE
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My dad taught me one thing "deny, deny, deny"

...but he'd say he never said that.

I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80's bands...

There is no cure...

Why did the judge deny the ghost bail?

Too much of a fright risk.
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Apparently I have a foot fetish. Feet make me so excited, but I'm always ashamed. I really want to deny it, but after a year of lying to myself...

I accept defeat

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Say what you will about men in porn, but you can't deny one thing

They work hard.

They might deny pouring glue on my weapons...

But I'm sticking to my guns.

My friends Victor and Timothy were arrested for bank robbery, but they are denying it.

They are claiming it’s a Vic Tim less crime.

How old Mildred stopped gossiping.

Mildred was the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals. She kept sticking her nose into other people's business, even if several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities. However, they feared her enough to maintain their silence.

Once, she accused a ...

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If you deny pooping after being in the bathroom for a while...

I'm going to assume you're full of shit.

Why did the robot deny having a brother?

Because he had trans-sisters

Did you hear about the cowboys who deny robbing the glue factory?

They're sticking to their guns.

An atheist is hiking in the woods...

So an atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear. The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man. The atheist screams in terror "Oh God, help me!!!"

Suddenly, everything--> the bear, the trees, the birds, everything bu...

What decade did people start denying the existence of a god?

The nineteen-atheist

Was out of the loop. Asian friend told me United Airlines has the power to deny your liberties

He said they punched his rights out.

Why does Turkey deny armenian genocide?

Because they can't accept the failure - Kardashians are still alive

Why did the female asteroid deny her boyfriends marriage proposal?

Because she was scared of comet-ment

"Peter, you will deny me three times before the sun rises." Jesus said in the Bible.

"No, I won't" Peter replied.

 

"Yes, you will."

 

"No, I won't, my Lord!"

 

"Yes, you WILL!"

 

"No, I WON'T! ...wait"

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A shipwrecked man washes up onto a deserted beach.

He meets a couple that's also stranded there. He and the wife immediately lock eyes and feel the chemistry for some genital bonding.

The Husband tells the Stranger: "hey man, see that tall coconut tree over there? We take turns all day climbing it to the top and seeing if any ships are approa...

An Atheist Walking In The Woods Is Chased By A Bear

An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He...

Trump's Presidency is like climate change

Every day it gets worse and Republicans try to deny it.

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R. Kelly has made a song denying any sexual misconduct charges that lasts 19 minutes.

Which is unusual because he usually insists on 18 or under.

No denying that

A journalist goes to interview an old healthy man on his 105th birthday

Journo: What's the secret to your long healthy life?

Old man: Just one thing: I don't get into arguments

Journo: How can it be just that? Surely you need a healthy diet, good exercise, etc.?

Old man: ...

Cop: sit on that chair, we're gona interrogate you.

Lawyer: \*whispering\* deny everything.
Me: \*loudly\* thats not a chair!

"Tell me about the day you died."

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was hav...

My wife has been putting glue all over my rifle collection..

She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

an extrovert, an alcoholic and a karen were reluctant to take the covid vaccine

an extrovert, an alcoholic and a karen were reluctant to take the covid vaccine. the doctor tries to persuade them

the extrovert denies

" you won't be able to go to public gatherings anymore"

the extrovert agrees to take it



the alcoholic denies

"you will ha...

Jesus, the Christ, decides to to give humanity a second chance...

Arriving on Earth, he does a tour.

He travels the Middle East and everything goes well. He then goes through Australia and he's welcomed with open arms. Afterwards, he goes to Europe, and all the Europeans love him. Then he goes to America...

whilst in one of the Southern States, one...

A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew

It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning's work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there's something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot san...

The Pope and an Athiest discuss God

The Pope and an atheist decided to debate the existence of God. At first the debate was reasonable and reasoned, but after some time it became more and more heated; until finally the Pope snapped at the Atheist:

"How can you deny the existence of the Almighty when you can see the mystereies ...

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