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My friends Victor and Timothy were arrested for bank robbery, but they are denying it.

They are claiming it’s a Vic Tim less crime.

Cop: sit on that chair, we're gona interrogate you.

Lawyer: \*whispering\* deny everything.
Me: \*loudly\* thats not a chair!

Why did the judge deny the ghost bail?

Too much of a fright risk.

An Atheist Walking In The Woods Is Chased By A Bear

An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He...

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Say what you will about men in porn, but you can't deny one thing

They work hard.

Apparently I have a foot fetish. Feet make me so excited, but I'm always ashamed. I really want to deny it, but after a year of lying to myself...

I accept defeat

"Tell me about the day you died."

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was hav...

I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existance of certain 80s bands..

there is no cure

What decade did people start denying the existence of a god?

The nineteen-atheist

Why did the robot deny having a brother?

Because he had trans-sisters

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A shipwrecked man washes up onto a deserted beach.

He meets a couple that's also stranded there. He and the wife immediately lock eyes and feel the chemistry for some genital bonding.

The Husband tells the Stranger: "hey man, see that tall coconut tree over there? We take turns all day climbing it to the top and seeing if any ships are approa...

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If you deny pooping after being in the bathroom for a while...

I'm going to assume you're full of shit.

They might deny pouring glue on my weapons...

But I'm sticking to my guns.

Did you hear about the cowboys who deny robbing the glue factory?

They're sticking to their guns.

Was out of the loop. Asian friend told me United Airlines has the power to deny your liberties

He said they punched his rights out.

After repeatedly denying it, I eventually accepted that I have a fetish for using fancy words and phrases to describe things.

I've finally come to terms with it.

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You can't deny that Rosanne Barr has the longest legs of any dame in show business.

To be able to keep a foot on the gas pedal of the bus and run yourself over with it is some Russian hooker level contortionist shit.

Why does Turkey deny armenian genocide?

Because they can't accept the failure - Kardashians are still alive

An atheist is hiking in the woods...

So an atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear. The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man. The atheist screams in terror "Oh God, help me!!!"

Suddenly, everything--> the bear, the trees, the birds, everything bu...

Why did the female asteroid deny her boyfriends marriage proposal?

Because she was scared of comet-ment

"Peter, you will deny me three times before the sun rises." Jesus said in the Bible.

"No, I won't" Peter replied.

 

"Yes, you will."

 

"No, I won't, my Lord!"

 

"Yes, you WILL!"

 

"No, I WON'T! ...wait"

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The moment I reached home,my wife was standing at the door and told "I got a call from "Amber" and she said she slept with you 5 times".

"Err... Wrong number," I replied. "It has to be a wrong number."

She pulled out her phone and showed the photo.

"Then,explain this !"

"Well, I'm not denying sleeping with her .But that dumb bitch is either bad in counting or memory. We slept 7 times so far".

How to stop the church gossip

Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new m...

No denying that

A journalist goes to interview an old healthy man on his 105th birthday

Journo: What's the secret to your long healthy life?

Old man: Just one thing: I don't get into arguments

Journo: How can it be just that? Surely you need a healthy diet, good exercise, etc.?

Old man: ...

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R. Kelly has made a song denying any sexual misconduct charges that lasts 19 minutes.

Which is unusual because he usually insists on 18 or under.

an extrovert, an alcoholic and a karen were reluctant to take the covid vaccine

an extrovert, an alcoholic and a karen were reluctant to take the covid vaccine. the doctor tries to persuade them

the extrovert denies

" you won't be able to go to public gatherings anymore"

the extrovert agrees to take it



the alcoholic denies

"you will ha...

I used to have a dog that was only a head.

Very happy dog. One day I was drinking a beer and he wanted a sip. Who am I to deny him?

He had a sip and a body grew on his head! So I gave him a drink. A leg formed! Another drink, another leg, then another, and another. A final drink and he had a tail!

By now he was really drunk and...

I think my wife is putting glue on my rifle collection.

She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew

It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning's work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there's something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot san...

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A bodybuilder takes public transport to work..

Bus conductor ask him to buy a ticket

Bodybuilder "I never buy ticket!"

Bus conductor was a thin fella so he couldn't argue much with him.

Next day Bodybuilder again takes the same Bus to work.

Same story he again denies to buy the ticket.

Conductor was very frust...

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