The 47+ Best Considering Jokes

Apparently the Republican party are considering banning coffee...

Part of their war on woke.

The Missouri state legislature is considering a ban on female legislators' clothing that leaves their arms exposed

I never thought I'd see a Republican state trying to overturn the right to bare arms

(Yes, this is actually happening)

What do you call a girl who is always considering surgery to deal with her weight problem?

A lipochondriac

I’m considering taking a position translating old Mongolian poetry.

The jobs has its prose and Khans.

Happy cake day to me!

A spiritual Leader lay quietly. He was dying.

The disciples had gathered around his bed and recited some holy verses trying to make his last journey divine and pleasant.

They wanted to give him warm milk to drink but he declined.

One of the disciples took the glass back to the kitchen and decided to add some brandy con...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the difference between a politician and a hooker?

A hooker will stop fucking you once you run out of money.

Edit: As somebody observed below, this joke is as old as the sun, yet never gets old.

Considering all the comments, it's a fair conclusion that hookers would make honest politicians, if there is such a thing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting.

He traveled
up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on
his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I mau...

I find it odd that so many Americans are circumcised...

Especially considering how many rely on tips to get by.

I'm considering a job installing mirrors, the pay isn't great

But it's a job I can see myself doing

The amount of short people with anger issues has always striken me as weird

Specially considering that they are the ones that should be more down to earth

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why I’m getting a divorce

I woke up the morning of my 43rd birthday. Expecting something similar to previous years, I freshened up and walked into the kitchen. To my surprise and disappointment, my wife did not acknowledge my birthday at all. Even my kids had forgotten and didn’t say anything. I little taken back. I complete...

My conservative brother is considering buying free weights…

To own the lbs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wife said she's considering anal tonight....

That's a big thumbs up from me .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple from Alabama got engaged

The wife was still friends with a lot of her exes, but her fiancé didn’t mind. He just didn’t want them at the wedding.

The wife agreed it would be awkward, saying that it would be weird if she invited someone she’s slept with. Her exes were a little upset about not being able to go to her w...

I got fired from my job this week, which is ridiculous considering I was putting in 80+ hours of hard work..

...every single year.

I was considering telling a vaccine joke to a right wing coworker of mine

but didn't because he probably wouldn't get it anyways.

Given how my heart has several defects since birth, I'm considering a heart transplant.

But then again, I might have a change in heart with that decision.

I am considering living in a bubble…

I am considering living in a bubble..

That way I can honestly say, “I’m in shape.”

Matthew McConaughey considering a run for Texas Governor.

He's planning to run on an alt-right, alt-right, alt-right platform.

I don't believe in the Big Bang

Considering it's a multiverse, I'm thinking "medium" Bang is more likely

A couple was going to get married…

but unfortunately they had a car crash and died. Before the gates of St Peter they stood thinking maybe they could get married in heaven. So they ask St Peter, and Peter says ”Well it’s quite rare, but let me see what I can do.” So St Peter goes into heaven. As the couple sits for a couple of months...

After considering it for weeks, I finally decided to turn myself into the police.

It really wasn't worth it. Scaring people and stealing their drugs was fun, but getting busted for impersonation sucked.

My dad's star sign was cancer which is ironic considering how he died

He was attacked by a giant crab

US Postal Service was considering a new Trump postage stamp...

But in the early focus-group testing, most people were spitting on the wrong side causing the stamp not to stick to the envelopes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Artificial Intelligence & Counter Intelligence

Hey Google, I am feeling the urge to have sex.

Google: Most certainly. I am dimming the lights. Setting your AC to 22 degrees. Viagra is kept on the top right shelf of your wardrobe. The gel is kept next to it. I have hired your favourite Thai masseuse.

She is just 12 minutes ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my family is considering matching tattoos.

My eldest sister recommends flowers.
My middle sister recommends fruits.
My youngest sister recommends Pokemon.

Me? I suggest we get dinosaurs so I can show my ass cheek and get a tattoo of a Mega-Sore-Ass.

I've been thinking about starting a community outreach program to teach inmates about literature...

I'm still considering all of the prose and cons.

I heard the Republican Party is considering renaming itself as the National Conservative party

Or Nat-C for short

I'm considering becoming a mind reader..

What are your thoughts?

My wife and I got married on the same day as the Kentucky Derby. I remember it because I was considering betting my life’s savings on this one Filly.

...

I also considered putting money on the derby.

The NFL is considering having their teams play to empty stadiums and no fans.

The Lions have been preparing for this their whole lives.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Considering it's history, West Virginia is mis-named

they should've called it "Left Virginia".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack & Jill

Jack and Jill have grown up. They've graduated from uni, gotten married and got a job at the same firm.
One day, while going through the books and after much deliberation, their boss decides he must lay off one employee. Jack and Jill are the most recent hires, so it must be one of them. The prob...

Russia is considering banning the internet for most people, replacing it with a limited Russian propaganda version...

It will be called the InterNYET.

An Irish Priest

An Irish Priest is Transferred to Iola, Texas.

He rose from his bed one morning; It was a fine spring day in his new West Texas mission parish.

He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in ...

The broom and dust pan will be kept in the hall closet from now on...

...and I'm considering other sweeping changes around here.

Tesla is considering releasing a line of electric buses named after Egyptian gods.

It'll be A-new-bus.

A pastor and a music leader were not getting along.

As time went by, the feud began to spill over into the service.

The first week the pastor preached on listening to the will of God and following his will. The music leader led the song "I Shall Not Be Moved"

The second week the pastor preached on giving to the Lord's ministry. The musi...

Everyone thought that Obama's Vice President was done with politics after 2016, but now he's considering running for president in 2020.

I guess he was just Biden his time.

My daughter's teacher called me

She said,
"We are considering to move your daughter to a special class, as her homeworks could not meet the standard for more than a month already."

I was so angry.

"No way, I did the homework for her."

I was considering telling you my time travel joke.

but you didn’t like it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy loses his right arm and he's considering to take his life

He walks by the subway station waiting for the moment when the train arrives to the station to make a leap of faith into the train rails.

When the train is about to arrive he sees a guy without both of his arms coming down from the stairs, dancing jumping and spinning around.

He appro...

I am seriously considering reversing my circumcision.

Anybody have any tips?

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it’s an alcoholic, considering all the bars it frequents, to which the horse replies,"I don't think I am."

POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time in which any philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of cogito ergo sum, or roughly, "I think, therefore I am."

But to explain that concept beforehand would b...

Completed in 1856, Big Ben was designed by architects Charles Barry and Augustus Welby Pugin and took 13 years to build.

Which is crazy long considering they were working around the clock.

The government is considering implementing a plan to freeze inmates on a large scale

They’re weighing up the Frozen Cons

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population

#1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census

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