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Considering Jokes

Apparently the Republican party are considering banning coffee...

Part of their war on woke.

I'm considering a job installing mirrors, the pay isn't great

But it's a job I can see myself doing

Elon Musk is considering removing blocking from Twitter

Which means your only options for defense will now be dodge and counter.

Elderly folks looking for love should considering targeting archeologists.

They tend to date really old things.

I’m considering taking a position translating old Mongolian poetry.

The jobs has its prose and Khans.

Happy cake day to me!

The Missouri state legislature is considering a ban on female legislators' clothing that leaves their arms exposed

I never thought I'd see a Republican state trying to overturn the right to bare arms

(Yes, this is actually happening)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wife said she's considering anal tonight....

That's a big thumbs up from me .

My conservative brother is considering buying free weights…

To own the lbs.

I am considering living in a bubble…

I am considering living in a bubble..

That way I can honestly say, “I’m in shape.”

My dad's star sign was cancer which is ironic considering how he died

He was attacked by a giant crab

What do you call a girl who is always considering surgery to deal with her weight problem?

A lipochondriac

Matthew McConaughey considering a run for Texas Governor.

He's planning to run on an alt-right, alt-right, alt-right platform.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my family is considering matching tattoos.

My eldest sister recommends flowers.
My middle sister recommends fruits.
My youngest sister recommends Pokemon.

Me? I suggest we get dinosaurs so I can show my ass cheek and get a tattoo of a Mega-Sore-Ass.

I'm considering becoming a mind reader..

What are your thoughts?

US Postal Service was considering a new Trump postage stamp...

But in the early focus-group testing, most people were spitting on the wrong side causing the stamp not to stick to the envelopes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Considering it's history, West Virginia is mis-named

they should've called it "Left Virginia".

Given how my heart has several defects since birth, I'm considering a heart transplant.

But then again, I might have a change in heart with that decision.

I was considering telling a vaccine joke to a right wing coworker of mine

but didn't because he probably wouldn't get it anyways.

I'm seriously considering asking my ex-wife to remarry me...

But I'm worried she will think I'm just after her for my money...

After considering it for weeks, I finally decided to turn myself into the police.

It really wasn't worth it. Scaring people and stealing their drugs was fun, but getting busted for impersonation sucked.

I am seriously considering reversing my circumcision.

Anybody have any tips?

I'm considering a career in organized crime.

Which is best : Government or Private Sector ?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the difference between a politician and a hooker?

A hooker will stop fucking you once you run out of money.

Edit: As somebody observed below, this joke is as old as the sun, yet never gets old.

Considering all the comments, it's a fair conclusion that hookers would make honest politicians, if there is such a thing.

I heard the Republican Party is considering renaming itself as the National Conservative party

Or Nat-C for short

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population

#1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census

Tesla is considering releasing a line of electric buses named after Egyptian gods.

It'll be A-new-bus.

The NFL is considering having their teams play to empty stadiums and no fans.

The Lions have been preparing for this their whole lives.

My wife and I are considering having an abortion

How do we tell the surrogate?

Considering how bad Asian drivers are...

I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.

I'm considering stuffing my clothes with candy bars.

That way, I'll always have Twix up my sleeve.

Tampax are considering using tinsel instead of string

Just for the Christmas period

I'm considering hunting deer for a living

I hear its where all the big bucks are.

I got fired from my job this week, which is ridiculous considering I was putting in 80+ hours of hard work..

...every single year.

With the US’s failure to act, I’m considering moving

I was thinking that after quarantine, I’d try Italy. I hear they’re having a lot of openings in the housing market.

I have been considering overdosing on dopamine for a while now

At least that way, I know I would die a happy man

I was considering going on an all almond diet.

But that's just nuts.

I can’t believe they’re considering an all mail election...

...females worked so hard to get voting rights

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy loses his right arm and he's considering to take his life

He walks by the subway station waiting for the moment when the train arrives to the station to make a leap of faith into the train rails.

When the train is about to arrive he sees a guy without both of his arms coming down from the stairs, dancing jumping and spinning around.

He appro...

I was considering losing weight for my new year's resolution.

But I decided not to think less of myself.

Considering what Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark did with their money,

Bill Gates should be ashamed of himself.

German lawmakers are considering a policy that makes all Uber ride sharing free

If the law passes, then Deutschland will über alles

To all those considering doing the "Kiki Challenge" please remember...

You should never Drake and drive

A chicken walks up to a duck that’s considering crossing the road.

“Don’t do it, pal,” the chicken says, “you’ll never hear the end of it.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm considering buying a pair of stripper pants

Think I'd pull em off

The government is considering implementing a plan to freeze inmates on a large scale

They’re weighing up the Frozen Cons

My daughter is considering getting a tattoo...

She asked me what she should get. I told her to get a 4, so people would say what's that for.

Considering idiots aren't buying Corona beer because of the name of the virus.....

We should name the next outbreak the Toilet Paper Virus and watch people's heads explode

I’m considering a career change to global boating logistics...

...so when people ask what I do, I can say that I spread my seamen all over the world.

I'm considering migrating to Switzerland

For one, their flag is a huge plus

I was considering taking a trip to Bangkok, Thailand, but...

Phuket

Considering that Jesus Christ was able to make wine from water

and the fact that I can make water from wine,
does it make me Antichrist?

Russia is considering banning the internet for most people, replacing it with a limited Russian propaganda version...

It will be called the InterNYET.

TIL: bumblebees can fly higher than mount Everest

Kinda obvious. Considering mount Everest can't fly

My friend said that China might be considering assisted suicide for teenagers

He's probably wrong, but if he's right, that would mark the beginning of euthanasia of youth in Asia.

Completed in 1856, Big Ben was designed by architects Charles Barry and Augustus Welby Pugin and took 13 years to build.

Which is crazy long considering they were working around the clock.

Curtis Jackson, aka 50 cent, considering to run for office. His first campaign slogans released.

Change we can believe in! The change we need!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, its not like Donald Trump could write a book.

Edit: alot of people moaning in the comments "this is a stupid joke, Trump did actually write some books so this makes no sense!?".

Look at the sub you are in, some of these posts you'll see will just be jokes. If you are the sn...

I am considering making a balloon of my subconscious...

But I’m afraid it will only inflate my ego...

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