As I get older I think about all the people I've lost along the way

Maybe being a tour guide wasn't for me

When you think about it, almost all chickens that live are just..

Pretenders

My wife walked out on me today because apparently all I think about is football.

I'm devastated, we'd been together for 7 seasons.

I think about dieting sometimes...

It takes a lot of weight off my mind.

You know, if you think about it....

The ocean is just constsntly humping the earth until it caves.

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Guys don’t think about sex every 7 seconds.

We think about it every 6.9 seconds.

If you think about it, Iron Man, under all that technology, the fancy clothes and the expensive jewellery...

He is just... Stark naked!

What do you think about saying ‘Awomen’ in addition to ‘Amen’?

No comwoment.

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English parlimentarians and pornstars are not so different when you think about it

What do pornstars and English parliamentarians have in common?


They both love to wake up to BBC

What's the worst think about moving back with your folks in your 60's?

Waiting for the inheritance

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Well, if ya think about it...

You get one of two reactions after sending someone a dick pick. It’s either:



“So long....” Or



“So long.”

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Apparently, men think about sex every seven seconds...

I make sure I eat my hotdogs within 6 seconds so it doesn't get weird.

Why is it so easy to think about the Pacific?

Because it's a notion

Mr. President, what do you think about the constitution?

"It's truly awesome. I defeated the virus in only four days and I feel better than 20 years ago."

If you think about it, walking is just falling

With extra steps!

When you think about it, a blood cell’s life is truly futile...

After all, its whole life is lived in vein.

What did the sperm think about his chances of becoming a baby?

He thought it was inconceivable.

I’m tired of hearing men talk about how women make their lives more difficult. Just think about where men would be without women...

Still in the Garden of Eden.

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Today's young people only think about sex!

Says mom of nine.

Reporter to Trump: What do you think about all the lying you have done?

Trump: I never lie. But when I do, I tell the most beautiful lies. The most magnificent lies. But I never lie. Really I don’t.


Some people do think I lie on the bed though. But I never lie.

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant, and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season, but one day, went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appea...

What do Mexicans think about Trumps wall?

They'll get over it.

Chicken restaurants are pretty redundant when you think about it...

They just trade one type of tender for another.

One to think about.. Or not

What do you call a rich redhead?.. A Ginger Breadman

All auto-cannibals think about is food

It’s self-consuming

Of course I touch myself when I think about you

It is called face palm

Hey, What do you think about allergy season?

'Snot Cool

Car rides and plane rides are just like video game loading screens if you think about it.

Most of the time they both take way too long.

The ending of Game of Thrones makes sense, think about it.

Arya went west, Jon went north, Drogon went east, and the show went south.

A Duck was sitting on the side of the road, thinking about crossing it..

A chicken walks up to him and says, “don’t even think about it mate. You’ll never hear the end of it”

My wife broke up with me yesterday because I'm a compulsive gambler and ever since, all I can think about is...

...how to win her back.

When you think about a blackboard for long enough you realise something.

It truly is remarkable.

So what do you think about the Trump administration so far?

It's been alt right

I'm inviting everyone reading this, to join me in a session to think about Stephen King's iconic shape-shifting clown.

Come to think of it.

Man "I hate the world and everyone in it. I have no patience for it. It's starting to make me sick". Wife: "what do you think about me?"

Man: "oh you mean the world to me, darling".

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It was WW2 and a German man was being interrogated in case he was a German spy. He was asked “what do you think of nazis?” He replied “they are gay” he was then asked “what do you think about Winston Churchill?”

The man replied “he is very sexy” he



He was later executed

What do you all think about guillotines? [DAD JOKE INCOMING]

They’re good on paper, but I don’t really like the execution.

Think about it

The coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We're told no if we get too close to people. We get really excited for a car ride.

Y'all ever just stop & think about all of the amazing, world changing, discoveries/inventions we use every day? Fire, the internet, refrigeration, the wheel, the combustion engine. My favorite invention?

The shovel. That was truly groundbreaking.

If you're having a hard day but you've got some new plants, think about them.

They're rooting for you.

If you think about it, Forgive me father for I have sinned

is basically just the catholic version of "I'm sorry Daddy, I've been very naughty"

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When you think about it, brushing your teeth and sex have a lot in common.

it’s good for your health, you do it before bed, and it doesn’t happen everyday.

if i got a dollar for every time i think about you....

..i would start to think about you

If you think about it, Futurama was an extremely progressive show.

Truly ahead of its time.

If you really think about it...

Kindergarten teachers love to spread communism

What psychosis do you have, if all you can think about is Chinese noodles?

Mega-Lo-Mein-ia

If you think about it, Y is just a T

That your mom sat on

If you think about it, we already have Time Machines.

They're called clocks.

Think about this

AKA is also known as also known as

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If you think about it, therapists and executioners have the same job.

Both of them really take a weight off your shoulders.

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