I think about dieting sometimes...

It takes a lot of weight off my mind.

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Well, if ya think about it...

You get one of two reactions after sending someone a dick pick. It’s either:



“So long....” Or



“So long.”

Why is it so easy to think about the Pacific?

Because it's a notion

When you think about it, a blood cell’s life is truly futile...

After all, its whole life is lived in vein.

What do you think about saying ‘Awomen’ in addition to ‘Amen’?

No comwoment.

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English parlimentarians and pornstars are not so different when you think about it

What do pornstars and English parliamentarians have in common?


They both love to wake up to BBC

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Today's young people only think about sex!

Says mom of nine.

Mr. President, what do you think about the constitution?

"It's truly awesome. I defeated the virus in only four days and I feel better than 20 years ago."

If you think about it, walking is just falling

With extra steps!

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Apparently, men think about sex every seven seconds...

I make sure I eat my hotdogs within 6 seconds so it doesn't get weird.

What did the sperm think about his chances of becoming a baby?

He thought it was inconceivable.

I’m tired of hearing men talk about how women make their lives more difficult. Just think about where men would be without women...

Still in the Garden of Eden.

Reporter to Trump: What do you think about all the lying you have done?

Trump: I never lie. But when I do, I tell the most beautiful lies. The most magnificent lies. But I never lie. Really I don’t.


Some people do think I lie on the bed though. But I never lie.

Chicken restaurants are pretty redundant when you think about it...

They just trade one type of tender for another.

One to think about.. Or not

What do you call a rich redhead?.. A Ginger Breadman

All auto-cannibals think about is food

It’s self-consuming

Hey, What do you think about allergy season?

'Snot Cool

Over time, I think about all the places I’ve visited and people I’ve lost along the way. It really does make me think

Maybe I shouldn’t have become a tour guide

Car rides and plane rides are just like video game loading screens if you think about it.

Most of the time they both take way too long.

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant, and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season, but one day, went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appea...

Of course I touch myself when I think about you

It is called face palm

A Duck was sitting on the side of the road, thinking about crossing it..

A chicken walks up to him and says, “don’t even think about it mate. You’ll never hear the end of it”

What do Mexicans think about Trumps wall?

They'll get over it.

The ending of Game of Thrones makes sense, think about it.

Arya went west, Jon went north, Drogon went east, and the show went south.

You know what I think about hemorrhoids?

They’re a pain in the ass

When you think about it...

Every market in Africa is a black market

When you think about a blackboard for long enough you realise something.

It truly is remarkable.

I'm inviting everyone reading this, to join me in a session to think about Stephen King's iconic shape-shifting clown.

Come to think of it.

So what do you think about the Trump administration so far?

It's been alt right

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It was WW2 and a German man was being interrogated in case he was a German spy. He was asked “what do you think of nazis?” He replied “they are gay” he was then asked “what do you think about Winston Churchill?”

The man replied “he is very sexy” he



He was later executed

Think about it

The coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We're told no if we get too close to people. We get really excited for a car ride.

My wife broke up with me yesterday because I'm a compulsive gambler and ever since, all I can think about is...

...how to win her back.

What do you all think about guillotines? [DAD JOKE INCOMING]

They’re good on paper, but I don’t really like the execution.

Y'all ever just stop & think about all of the amazing, world changing, discoveries/inventions we use every day? Fire, the internet, refrigeration, the wheel, the combustion engine. My favorite invention?

The shovel. That was truly groundbreaking.

Man "I hate the world and everyone in it. I have no patience for it. It's starting to make me sick". Wife: "what do you think about me?"

Man: "oh you mean the world to me, darling".

Everyday I Think About Success And I think About Death, Put 2 and 2 Together What Do you Get?

Medium wage.
I’ll see myself out.

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Did you ever think about how nice it would be if we could undo the mistakes we made in life

Like being born and shit!!!!

If you're having a hard day but you've got some new plants, think about them.

They're rooting for you.

If you think about it, Forgive me father for I have sinned

is basically just the catholic version of "I'm sorry Daddy, I've been very naughty"

If you really think about it...

Kindergarten teachers love to spread communism

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When you think about it, brushing your teeth and sex have a lot in common.

it’s good for your health, you do it before bed, and it doesn’t happen everyday.

If you think about it, Futurama was an extremely progressive show.

Truly ahead of its time.

What psychosis do you have, if all you can think about is Chinese noodles?

Mega-Lo-Mein-ia

if i got a dollar for every time i think about you....

..i would start to think about you

Think about this

AKA is also known as also known as

If you think about it, we already have Time Machines.

They're called clocks.

If you think about it, Y is just a T

That your mom sat on

Santa Claus and Karl Marx are pretty similar when you think about it.

They both have long beards, re distribute items for free, and we all stop believing in them at a young age.

Flavored lube is technically meat seasoning if you think about it

Wouldn’t use it on the grill, though

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