Little Johnny was taken from his parents and they were deemed unfit to raise him.

He went to family court where a judge would decide his fate. Johnny had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. But johnny...

Why did the restaurant staff deem the waiters absence due to depression to be a technical issue?

Because their servers were down.

Being deemed an "essential worker"

Is like being condemned to summer school while the rest of the students are off.

After it was determined that dogs could not transmit COVID-19 to humans, the world health organization deemed that all companion pets could be let out of quarantine

We really should have seen this coming, they told us WHO let the dogs out for years

The warden only allowed boys who did a good deed that day to eat supper in the hostel dining room.



During their induction she taught them what were considered good deeds - running an errand for someone, helping an old lady cross the road, teaching other students things they don't understand and the like are examples of good deeds and should be rewarded, she explained.

The young bo...

Youth Slang

Kids are always coming up with the strangest slang. Remember "on fleek" or when "dank" stopped meaning dingy?

I was working as a counselor at a summer camp one year. The kids came up with a new one and proceeded to absolutely run it into the ground. One day in the cafeteria, one of the ner...

This was deemed "pretty bad" by my friends...

I'm not really good at writing stories so bear with me.

Simon, a high school student, passed his sophomore year with a 100% in Algebra 2. Thinking he was the most outstanding student ever, he went to his counselor to ask if he can skip directly to Calculus AB.

"Calculus is a very rigor...

In 2025 the world is set to change its official language to Finnish

all other languages were deemed un-finnished

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God woke up with a hangover.

He held His temples as one of His angels knocked gently on the door. He grumbled them inward.

"Sorry to disturb You, Sir," the angel said hesitantly. "But I wanted to congratulate you on yesterday's creations. For the most part, they were spectacular!"

"Wha...?" God mumbled blearily....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A deaf and mute orphan in a small village...

...is found pregnant. The villagers cannot find any way to get the poor girl to help them find out what happened. As the girl is due to give birth, a nasty rumor begins to circulate among the folk: the preacher is to blame.

The preacher does not expect the villagers to care much for the vile ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A virgin is trapped in the woods on a deserted island

A virgin is trapped in the woods on an island which appears to be deserted. However, once he sets up camp, some indigenous people tie him up and capture him.

The man is pretty ugly, so the tribe decides he is probably a virgin. The leader proclaims, "It is as prophesied: the gods have brought...

An old man was driving his old Fiat in the Italian countryside, when the car broke down

He pulled over to the side, and called for a tow truck. While he was waiting, this guy in a Ferrari, who must have felt very generous that day, stopped and asked if he needed any assistance.

“It’s okay, the tow truck will be here soon,” the old man told him.

But the guy with the Fe...

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer,” and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb,” do hereby and forthwith agree t...

A fathom is a unit of measure equal to 6 feet

Therefore, a cluster of rally attendees not practicing social distancing could be deemed "unfathomable"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For All You Disney Fans, here’s a little Story about the time I rode the Monorail at Disneyland

One time while riding the monorail at Disneyland, I let out the loudest, wettest, deepest and almost foul smelling fart I have ever ripped in my life. There are no words in the English language that can describe the absolute rancidity of this fart. It was so putrid that actual green gas was visible ...

Centuries upon centuries ago, a group of nuns lived in a secluded convent deep in the woods.

Centuries upon centuries ago, a group of nuns lived in a secluded convent deep in the woods. The convent provided all of their basic needs: cows for milk, sheep for cheese, grain for bread, and even bees for honey. However, one day a deadly plague swept through the land, infecting all of the siste...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New HR policy

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduced budget, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.


Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Farmer problems (long joke)

There was a farmer, who owned a Datsun Ute. He used this Datsun for all his farm work, feeding the horses.. Throwing bails of hay out the back of it.. Carrying firewood and what not. When all of sudden one day, chug chug chug it breaks down.

So he decides to go back to the shed to grab his tr...

Indian restaurants in my town will not be allowed to open, even after the lockdown is over.

They are deemed to be a Naan essential business.

Apple made a new tablet computer catered towards children but had to abandon the product before it hit the market...

... market research deemed that "iTouch Kids" didn't go well with the target audience.

First Time at the Barber

I had never been to an actual barber before yesterday, I've grown my hair and beard out for the past several years for a few reasons, but mostly because up until a couple weeks ago I've been too poor to afford regular haircuts. I string enough jobs together working out of a labor pool to get by,...

I walked into the living room to find my wife breast feeding our son...

"How long do you have to do that for?" I asked. "When is he going to be too old for it?"

"Well, it's a physical bond between a mother and her child isn't it? It's only society that deems it unacceptable above a certain age."

I replied, "Shut up, Harry. I was talking to your mother."

Hairstyle Competition

Hello, my name is John and I would like to tell you about the time I entered a hairstyle competition. You see, I have always loved trying out different hairstyles and colors. It is something I have put great effort into!

It was about February of last year that the idea of entering a hairstyle...

Just wrote this one about my esteemed profession. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the aforementioned task in a timely and efficient manner within the structure in which said bulb is housed and being dependent on the following variables:

Whereas it should be taken in to account that ceiling heights may differ significantly f...

In a courtroom one morning

Barry the Basher was being faced with multiple charges of aggravated battery. He had a reputation of assaulting his victims with a baseball bat.

However, the opposing legal team discovered that all of their evidence was either lost or destroyed and were not able to tie him to any of the cha...

I like my beers as I like my Paralympians

strong and hoppy



*^((I'll delete this if it's deemed to be offensive)**)*

During the days of the Soviet Union...

...a fellow in Moscow decided he wanted a car. During those times, items deemed to be luxuries were scarce, and there was a long wait for them. So he saved up for it over a period of years. When he finally had enough money for the car, he went to the dealer and paid the money.

The dealer s...

I tried to start a religious social media page called Faithbook...

...but it was deemed offensive by the American Lisp Association.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Chinese take over the world, and start re-organizing the social structure...

They decide that the best way to do things is to separate everyone by race, and keep all white people in Europe and North America, all Asian people in Asia, all black people in Africa, etc.

Now, of course, the issue is that race isn't such a cut-and-dry thing, so after sorting through the obv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Headlines Today: White House Sex Scandal

Evidence deemed “fake nudes.”

So an elderly golfer dies on the course and arrives at the pearly gates...

St. Peter looks upon his life and deems him worthy to enter heaven. But first, St. Peter asks him to recall the moments leading to his demise.

"I went out to the golf course, like i do every so often, and I was having a particularly great round. I was even on target to set a new personal best...

Cold Cold Canada.

There was an elderly couple who lived in a small house, right smack dab on the U.S. and Canadian border. For several years the two goverments had argued over which nation the house belonged to. One day the elderly couple recived a letter stating that they were now considered full American citizens a...

Why did the dictator ban carousel rides in his country?

He deemed them revolutionary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wheels in heaven

There are three men standing in line to get into heaven, and St. Peter tells them, " Congratulations on getting it this far guys! You have all been deemed righteous enough to enter heaven, but we still like to give people a token to remind them of how they behaved in their marriages. And so, every p...

Jesus and Satan were arguing about who was better with computers...

Jesus and Satan were arguing about who was better with computers, when they decided to see for sure by having a contest. Whoever could demonstrate greater skill, as judged by God, would be deemed the winner. So the two sat down at their computers and began typing, furiously creating spreadsheets, da...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a man in Ukraine who operated a train for a living.

He showed up to work one day extremely drunk and starting hitting people on the tracks, killing a few before he was caught and arrested. State law deemed that death via the electric chair was an acceptable punishment for his deeds.


The day he was put to death, they asked him for any last ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boss had a sudden dilemma...

...as due to the company's restructuring, he has to fire one of two employees, Karen or Jack. Both are excellent workers and are perfect for the job, but the position was deemed redundant and only one should stay.

While out for lunch, he decided to confide with his office friend, "Look, I can...

warning sign on children's alphabet blocks

Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1) How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, one to change the light buld and the other 9 to say "that should be me up there"
2) How many gays does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one but it takes a whole emergancy room to screw it back out again
3) How many English men does it ...

A new test was conducted to study how fat Americans are getting; the test results are as follows:

60% are deemed overweight

30% are deemed morbidly obese

10% ate the test

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.