UPJOKE
simplicityqualitylogicbodythicknessviscositythickhardnesscoherencetheoryclarityfinessedurabilitycrispnesspoise

Did you know that the consistency of a woman's menstrual fluid is varies greatly based on her diet?

It's a viscous cycle.

My girlfriend lacks consistency.

She's always telling me she wants me to be more positive. Now that's the very thing she's mad about after one measly trip to the health clinic.

What does a cannibal life coach value in their clients?

*Consistency.*

My middle name is Consistency

So are my first and last names.

The owner of a seafood restaurant sends one of his sons undercover to his rival's restaurant

The owner tells him to get a job as a cook, and figure out the recipe for his rival's famous clam chowder.

The first day, the son comes home with a basic list of ingredients that the rival uses. They try making it, but it doesn't turn out the same. The owner sends him back.

The second ...

The owner of a restaurant sends his employee undercover...

...to the vastly more successful restaurant across the road.

Before sending him, the owner says "That restaraunt is ruining business here, all because of their famous chowder. I need the recipe and the secret ingredient ASAP!"

The employee manages to infiltrate the kitchen of the succe...

Two things I hate the most

1. Consistency
2. Inconsistency

An aging farmer decided it was time for his youngest son to start pulling his weight around the farm.

His older, strong-armed and favoured son, Jedediah worked hard every day, getting up extra early every morning to milk the cow before dutifully doing the rest of his chores.

The farmers delicious milk became very popular around the area with neighbours often walking miles in for a glass and ...

How did the Mexican chef become the best cop on the force?

Consistency. He always finished a case a dia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blind man walks into a bar ...

A blind man walks into a bar and says to the bartender “Give me a shot of your finest 30 year old single malt !”

The bartender says, “You know, that will cost you 100 bucks – it’s pretty expensive”. The blind man says “Not a problem, I have the money and I know what I like !”. So the bartende...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Shit List (from the office fax machine 30 or so years ago)

**THE SHIT LIST**

GHOST SHIT:

You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet.

TEFLON COATED SHIT:

Comes out so slick, clean & easy you didn't even feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toile...

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My Grandpa's favorite "dumb blonde" joke.

A blonde is on an airplane to Chicago and gets up from her seat in coach and goes into the first class cabin and sits down.

The flight attendant goes up to the blonde and politely tells her that she does not have a first class ticket and must go back to coach. The blonde refuses and says , "...

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift…

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift when his coworker called in sick. Friday nights were always busy at the restaurant and he was the only one working the kitchen. He decides to grab one of the busboys to help him cook for the night.

“Alright,” the chef says, “tonight is busy...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A long joke, thick with details

A man with a tiny dick hiked up a mountain to ask a shaman to help with his affliction. He reached the peak and approached the shaman.

"I want a nine inch dick. What do I have to do?"

"It's simple," said the shaman. "Look down at the jungle. Do you see that tree with the white bark?"<...

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