UPJOKE
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Consistency Jokes

My girlfriend lacks consistency.

She's always telling me she wants me to be more positive. Now that's the very thing she's mad about after one measly trip to the health clinic.

My middle name is Consistency

So are my first and last names.

The owner of a seafood restaurant sends one of his sons undercover to his rival's restaurant.

The owner tells him to get a job as a cook, and figure out the recipe for his rival's famous clam chowder.
The first day, the son comes home with a basic list of ingredients that the rival uses. They try making it, but it doesn't turn out the same. The owner sends him back.
The second day, the...

What does a cannibal life coach value in their clients?

*Consistency.*

How did the Mexican chef become the best cop on the force?

Consistency. He always finished a case a dia.

Two things I hate the most

1. Consistency
2. Inconsistency

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Grandpa's favorite "dumb blonde" joke.

A blonde is on an airplane to Chicago and gets up from her seat in coach and goes into the first class cabin and sits down.

The flight attendant goes up to the blonde and politely tells her that she does not have a first class ticket and must go back to coach. The blonde refuses and says , "...

An aging farmer decided it was time for his youngest son to start pulling his weight around the farm.

His older, strong-armed and favoured son, Jedediah worked hard every day, getting up extra early every morning to milk the cow before dutifully doing the rest of his chores.

The farmers delicious milk became very popular around the area with neighbours often walking miles in for a glass and ...

The owner of a restaurant sends his employee undercover...

...to the vastly more successful restaurant across the road.

Before sending him, the owner says "That restaraunt is ruining business here, all because of their famous chowder. I need the recipe and the secret ingredient ASAP!"

The employee manages to infiltrate the kitchen of the succe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you say to someone who talks too much ?

In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosa. Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescen...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blind man walks into a bar ...

A blind man walks into a bar and says to the bartender “Give me a shot of your finest 30 year old single malt !”

The bartender says, “You know, that will cost you 100 bucks – it’s pretty expensive”. The blind man says “Not a problem, I have the money and I know what I like !”. So the bartende...

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift…

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift when his coworker called in sick. Friday nights were always busy at the restaurant and he was the only one working the kitchen. He decides to grab one of the busboys to help him cook for the night.

“Alright,” the chef says, “tonight is busy...

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