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Think Twice Jokes

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times, and she won't think twice...

Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

Why do men think twice as much and women talk twice as much?

Because men were born with 2 heads and women were born with 4 lips.

*sorry if a repost, I searched 1st*

My wife said, "You wouldn't think twice about cheating on me if Scarlett Johansson asked you."

"Actually I have," I replied, "and both times I ended up in a long shower."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the Contractor and the Nun...

A Catholic School was expanding its buildings, new basketball courts, the works! the winning contractor shows up a day before construction was to begin, the head Nun was talking with him and said she was going to bring all the kids out to watch parts of the work being done.
Contractor: Sister,...

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A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.

In response the doctor said, “When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself.”

On the way home the man went to a gun store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he ran home to his wife. When he got home he was surprised and delighted to find ...

A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris

The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to t...

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This lady friend got really mad at me for giving her a compliment

So I was hanging out with a friend of mine and she has been in a dark place lately. I thought I’d be nice and give her a compliment. Then all of a sudden the slaps me and leaves. Just like that.

I don’t really understand why she would do that. We’ve been friends for a while now and she is sup...

Best medicine

Patient approached a doctor for incessant cough and doctor prescribed laxative.

Assistant to doctor. Sir, you gave him laxative for cough.
Doctor: Yes, and now he'd think twice before coughing.

A girl is out with her friend when says,

"Hey, do you see what I see over at that motel?!?"
the friend replies, "no, what is it?"

In anger she says to her friend, "That's my dad's car! I know it's my dad's car because the license ends in 0 and has the university sticker that I put on it. I can't believe it. Mom's at home taking ...

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Gingerbread house (long)

Me and my good friend John went camping one time, but after we left our campsite for a walk we got lost. After two weeks of walking around the forest, trying to find our way out, or at least something to eat, we stumble onto a little meadow with a gingerbread house in the middle.

As you can i...

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He Has No Class

Donald Trump lands aboard Air Force One at Heathrow, and deplanes to a long red carpet. He walks to where Queen Elizabeth II is waiting to welcome him with much pomp and circumstance.

They are ushered into a new silver Rolls Royce, then chauffeured to Buckingham Palace.

After tea, ...

Stoner Joke

A pothead finds a strangely looking old oil lamp in the trash and rubs it to clean it up a bit when suddenly a genie comes out of it. "Congratulations, you freed me from my captivity! I grant you three wishes for releasing me!" The pothead does not think twice and says "OK, for my first wish - I wan...

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