What's the difference between an argument in kindergarten and the presidential debate?

About 70 years

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

Who won the presidential debate last night?

People who didn't watch

Can you guys settle this debate? My buddy thinks McDonalds has the best coke.

I think Mexico has the best coke.

I once debated with a flat earther, he got so mad he vowed to walk to the edge of the to prove it.

He'll come round eventually.

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like...

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on fire.

The fly remained undecided during the debate.

He was..

On the Pence

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Jamaican debaters only want one thing

and it's to fucking discuss tings.

Why is Pence upset about plexiglass at the debate?

>!This administration is afraid of transparency.!<

I missed the Vice Presidential debate...

Can someone please tell me what all the buzz is about?

a fly stayed on pence's head for a couple of minutes at tonight's debate

at least the fly knew when his two minutes were up.

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Just found out from a time traveler who lost tonight’s debate!

America!

Enjoy the shit show. Cheers.

I know there's been a lot of debate over how to pronounce gif...

But can we all at least agree that it rhymes with knife?

SNL does great parodies of presidential debates.

For some reason this one is airing on a Tuesday though

I found a way to solve the Gif vs Jif debate.

Just pray to Jod and Gesus for resolution.

Congratulations to the obvious winner of last night’s debate...

The voyager space probe hurtling away from our solar system at over 35k mph!

You may be a master debater...

But I'm a cunning linguist.

The whole Subs vs Dubs debate is so dumb.

Like what the hell even are "Dubtitles" ?

What's missing from tonight's presidential debate?

The laugh track.

Two philosophers are engaged in a rousing debate.

The first says "All my studies, discussions and experiences lead me to firm belief that humans have agency. What has led you to your belief in determinism?"
The second responds:
"The big bang."

You know why fish are so political?

They are always taking debate.

I watched the US Presidential Debate last night, but I don't know if it was worth it

If I wanted to watch two old men fighting and screaming at each other, I would have just gone to bingo night at the local nursing home‬.

You think the Presidential debate was hard to watch?

Think of what it was like for the sign language interpreters.

All the people who still need to debate the wearing of masks in public...

Are guilty of public mask-debation.

After the debate Melania went up to Trump and said

We can still win this, we just have to be positive and patient.

Biden should do the virtual debate without Trump present. He can say the same stuff he's been saying for years and trump can say what he's been saying for the last 4.

Nothing

Looking forward to the debate tonight...

to be over.

If you can put a end to this 'gif' pronunciation debate...

I'll give you a gift of gin.

I am feeling pretty good right now, that debate was a huge help.

I need to stop playing all these damn "When Trump Interrupts" Drinking Games.

A fly walks into a debate and asks

“Is this stool taken?”

The debate really changed my view on Mike Pence...

Pretty fly, for a white guy

Trump decided not to attend the second virtual Presidential debate

I guess that makes it forBiden

2020 presidential debate

Actually nvm jokes are supposed to be funny not sad

How is a presidential debate like the show The View?

Both have a couple of idiots talking over each other and not making a point.

After viewing the disappointing post-debate polls, Trump asked Kushner how to do better in the following debate.

Jared said,"be positive, spread your positivity, and after all is said and done, try to come across as a patient person"

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It was 1988. A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot...

... One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond n...

My work colleagues and I had a debate about who we thought America's most notorious assassin was.

Lee Harvey Oswald won by a long shot.

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Everyone debates butts vs. boobs, but nothing beats a pretty face.

Except for Chris Brown

Why did the electrician get killed in a debate?

He used conductive reasoning.

Watching the first presidential debate was like watching two people who shouldn’t play with legos argue

One acted like he was under 4 years old and the other acted like he was over 99!

Trump is going to have a talk with his VP about the debate performance tonight...

...to be a fly on Pence’s head during that convo

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The Pope contracts a rare terminal illness.

The best specialists were quietly called in from around the world for consultation.After much debate and research they determined that the only hope to save the Pope's life was for him to have sexual relations with a woman. His advisors were notified and they in turn spoke in confidence with the pop...

Teacher asks students for their favourite stand up comedians

Students start naming their favourite comedians.

Then one kid says : Joe Biden.

Another kid follows with : Donald Trump.

Political debate starts. When the teacher finaly quiets down the class there is only the person who didn't say who their favourite is, is the quiet kid.
...

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Hitler, Stalin, and COVID were having a debate

"Who amongst us is the most hated?" Hitler asked

Stalin said "It is I, the Soviet Union killed more people than even you, Hitler!"

COVID says "NONSENSE! I've kept everyone in quarantine for 6 months, ruined global economy, and killed hundreds of thousands of people. I am the most hate...

In light of the recent debates on whether Splash Mountain should remain the same or be remodeled after "The Princess and the Frog", let me give you some hints on which Disney movie I think it should be based on.

1. It's far from the most popular Disney film, but it definitely isn't without its fans.
2. It is notable for taking place in the Americas and featuring a mostly non-white cast.
3. One of the main characters of the movie is a selfish and lazy teenage prince who likes to party.
4. This princ...

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Rabbi Eliezer was the most brilliant Rabbi of all time...

Nevertheless, his fellow Rabbis would often disagree with his opinions, leading to lengthy philosophical and theological debates.

During one debate on the subject of the legal minutiae of a religious ritual he found himself at odds with three of his colleagues. While everyone recognized that ...

After a long debate with my Wife, I decied that we won't Vaccine our kids

We think the doctor would do a way better job than us

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I was masturbating to a debate.

I've made a lot of questionable decisions to end up here, but at least I came to the right conclusion.

I can’t believe some people are really making masks a debate.

Stupid mask debaters

I tried having a philosophical debate with Aristotle once, but I couldn’t follow the conversation at all.

It was all Greek to me.

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman and an Englishman are having a philosophical debate.

The question arises: What separates man from the animals?


"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the hights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the beasts."


"I disagree," announces the Italian. "...

Hoping the democratic debate tonight doesn't get too rowdy.

Putting *dem* in *panic* would be a whole other *pandemic*

If you know anyone who wants to join the debate team

You should try to talk them out of it.

There is a huge debate about letting NFL teams play against prison inmates as part of their rehabilitation program.

Understandable, it has a big list of pros and cons.

Congratulations to the winner of last night's presidential debate!

The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour.

Definition

DEBATE — What goes on de hook to catch de fish.

In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.

Thoughts and prayers.

Everyone is debated capital punishment nowadays talking about lethal injection and humane treatment. Me, I think we should just shoot them in the head...

Seems like a no-brainer to me

Trump got COVID...

Well my wife and I don’t see eye to eye politically. One was happy, the other worried... you understand. So after much debate, we came to a compromise: we sent him a get well soon card that said stay positive.

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An old man is hosting his retirement dinner with his family, friends and coworkers

He’d lived a long life- when he was only 25 he went on a mission trip to South America where he met two young boys who he later adopted. Seeing the standard of living in South America prompted him to study medicine- a field he completely excelled in and successfully developed vaccines for over ten d...

The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate.

Nobody knows what may happen.

Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.

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The ultimate revenge ( long)

Melville was 10 years old and he loved clowns. When he heard that the circus was coming to town he did everything he could to convince his parents to take him so he could see the clowns. They eventually agreed and when the day arrived he was incredibly excited! He was on the edge of his seat with an...

This joke is for all the engineers out there

Three university engineering students are having a heated debate over which type of engineering is the best to specialize into. Mechanical is clearly the best says the one student, its the most interesting field and theres more employment opportunities post grad!! no way says the other student elect...

An American and a Chinese man are talking in a cafe. They’re engaged in a debate over their two systems of government.

The American says, “Look, our system might not be perfect, but we have freedom!”

The Chinese man asks, “Freedom to do what?”

The American responds, “Well, for one, I can go down to Washington DC, walk up to the President’s desk, and say ‘Mr. President, I don’t like the way you’re runni...

Donald Trump answers the question during the debate...

Mr Trump, what is 2+2? "I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can...

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Parts of the body having a debate.

One day all the body parts are gathered together to discuss who amongst them should be the leader.

The brain steps forward and says "I should be the leader for i am the cleverest. I keep everyone organized and find solutions to problems."

Everyone is quite impressed until the heart st...

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Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of the...

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A boob, vagina and asshole are having a debate on who is the greatest among all of them. Boob: I produce milk; Vagina: I produce babies;

why are you still reading? It is your turn to speak.

My blind girlfriend and I were having a debate about whether Jesus was a Jew...

....but i just can’t respect her views, since she is a not-see

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There was a debate in my class about the Mexican/US border

Some argued that a wall was needed, and a rather racist friend of mine jokingly said:
"Mexicans are rather dumb, some barbed wire and such would be more than enough to keep those thieves out." After a short pause, he added: "As long as they don't start to steal the border itself".

Unsurpr...

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Financial Trouble

A husband and wife have fallen on hard times and are at the end of their rope. After much debate and discussion, it is decided that the wife will go out and give blowjobs. The wife leaves for a few hours and then returns home.

Husband- “How’d it go?”

Wife - “Great. I made $300.25.”<...

This happened in my Debate class today as we were discussing politicians...

Student A: I hate politicians. Kill 99% of them and I wouldn’t care. Just don’t touch my man Bernie Sanders.

Student B, immediately, without skipping a BEAT: Oh so does this make Bernie part of the 1%?

I used to run a pro-life debate team.

No one could de-fetus.

International Doctor Debate

A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."

The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a...

Why did Trump refuse the debate with Bernie?

Because chickens tend to run from people with a last name of Sanders.

I like to debate flat earthers

I will go to no ends to shut them up

The President of the United States is going to debate the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Nobody's sure who's going to win.

Trump may trump May, May may trump Trump.

r/wordavalanches

Age old debate.

People these days always talk about how disgusting butchers and people who sell meat are, however I've found that people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

TIL in 2015 three inmates from a maximum security prison beat Harvard’s debate team.

With their fists.

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