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Debate Jokes

Easiest way to win a debate is to have a sharp sword at the ready

Everybody will agree you have a good point

What's the difference between an argument in kindergarten and the presidential debate?

About 70 years

Who won the presidential debate last night?

People who didn't watch

I debated a flat earther once

he stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.

He'll come around, eventually.

Congratulations to the winner of last night's presidential debate!

The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour.

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Theological debate

One day, the Pope decided he'd ban all Jews from the Vatican. The Jews understandibly got really angry about this, so the Pope proclaimed that if a Jew could manage to beat him in a theological debate, they could stay.

The Jews chose their wisest rabbi for the religious debate against the Pop...

The other day I had was in a heated debate about circles

It was a pointless argument.

Donald Trump answers the question during the debate...

Mr Trump, what is 2+2? "I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can...

Why did Trump refuse the debate with Bernie?

Because chickens tend to run from people with a last name of Sanders.

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Just found out from a time traveler who lost tonight’s debate!

America!

Enjoy the shit show. Cheers.

In the great chicken or egg debate, what came first?

The rooster.

Four rabbis are having a debate

Four rabbis are debating scripture out in the garden, and one of them notices he's continuously outvoted by the other three even though he's absolutely certain he's right. At a certain point, his frustration gets the best of him and he stands up, raises his hands and and says "My Lord, you must know...

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Everyone debates butts vs. boobs, but nothing beats a pretty face.

Except for Chris Brown

Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii".

They ask a passerby, who answers "HaVaii".

"Thank you", says the satisfied first man.

"You're velcome", replies the passerby.

A pencil and a scissors are having a debate.

Everytime the pencil make a good point, the scissors get a little snippy.

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Hitler, Salin, and EA were having a debate

"Who amongst us is the most hated?" Hitler asked

Stalin said "It is I, the Soviet Union killed more people than even you, Hitler!"

EA says "NONSENSE! I've ruined dozens of game franchises. I am the most hated!"

Hitler said "Why don't we hold a vote in hell and see who is the mo...

After a long debate with my Wife, I decied that we won't Vaccine our kids

We think the doctor would do a way better job than us

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman and an Englishman are having a philosophical debate.

The question arises: What separates man from the animals?


"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the hights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the beasts."


"I disagree," announces the Italian. "...

I used to run a pro-life debate team.

No one could de-fetus.

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A Russian captain and an American captain debate which country builds the best submarines...

They are standing at a harbor and they've been arguing for hours. The American says "Our subs have such efficient air filter systems that they can stay underwater for months at a time".

The Russian replies:"A few months? Laughsble. Our Russian subs have such advanced air filters that they ca...

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A man and a woman debate whether it is more painful to give birth or to be kicked in the balls

The man argues: Many women after one or two years say 'Honey, do you want to have another child?' but I aint seeing no man saying 'Huh, I fancy getting kicked in the balls again'

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"

Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.

"Hey!" Trum...

If you know anyone who wants to join the debate team

You should try to talk them out of it.

My Debate Club leader said I was a terrible addition.

I found it hard to argue with their stance.

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A boob, vagina and asshole are having a debate on who is the greatest among all of them. Boob: I produce milk; Vagina: I produce babies;

why are you still reading? It is your turn to speak.

There’s so much debate about whether to allow Russian athletes to compete internationally

Whatever else happens I hope they let Russians compete in the Paralympics. With the way the war’s going they’ll have a heck of a team

A normie and an anime watcher were having a debate if humans have souls.

Normie: People don't have souls.

Anime watcher: No they do.

Normie: Oh really? Then let's make a bet. We research whether or not people have souls and come back in a year to show our evidence.

Anime watcher: ok.

Normie: I bet $10,000, how about you?

Anime watcher: ...

A man tries to win a debate but it all goes terribly wrong

The man decided to use facts and evidence in his arguments.

He called upon the wisdom of the ancients and reorganized it into a format that was easily digestible, tailor-made for the current audience. He pointed out every hole in his opponent's argument.

His argument was logical, rati...

Why does the tortilla chip always beat the potato chip in a debate?

The tortilla chip has a point.

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Donald Trump

Donald Trump has labelled Hillary Clinton "disgusting" for taking a bathroom break during the debate. Trump himself never has to go to the bathroom, as the shit just comes straight out of his mouth.

 

Edit: Thanks to everyone that found this joke funny. To all those I offended...

An Italian and A Greek debate culture.

An Italian and a Greek are debating the intellectual and cultural values of their respective countries. The Greek scoffs, "You Italians learned everything you know from us Greeks. For instance, we came up with the Classical Pantheon." The Italian replies, "Yes, but we improved upon everything you di...

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community..

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate.

Nobody knows what may happen.

Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.

The fly remained undecided during the debate.

He was..

On the Pence

I missed the Vice Presidential debate...

Can someone please tell me what all the buzz is about?

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The Pope contracts a rare terminal illness.

The best specialists were quietly called in from around the world for consultation. After much debate and research, they determined that the only hope to save the Pope's life was for him to have sexual relations with a woman. His advisors were notified and they in turn spoke in confidence with the p...

Congratulations to the obvious winner of last night’s debate...

The voyager space probe hurtling away from our solar system at over 35k mph!

Age old debate.

People these days always talk about how disgusting butchers and people who sell meat are, however I've found that people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.

Thoughts and prayers.

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like...

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on fire.

The Pope is engaged in an intellectual debate with an atheist. Fed up with the atheist's irreverence towards the leader of the Catholic world, the Pope finally snaps at him

"Arguing with you is impossible!" the pontiff proclaims. "You cannot speak of God in such a way. You look for the Lord like a blind man, in a dark room, looking for a black cat that isn't even there!"

The atheist is silent for a moment, but then says: "We are not so dissimilar. You are also a...

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I was asked to participate in a debate in front of a large crowd of people about the pros and cons of masturbation.

I showed up totally unprepared, as I’ve never been much of a mass debater.

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Watching a presidential debate with a friend.

Republican: I am going to smoke crack and burn down all the houses in your hometown.

Democrat: I will also burn down all the houses in that same town, but I will smoking meth, not crack.

Third party rep: I don’t do drugs and disavow arson.

Me to my friend: “I think I’m going to ...

3 boys were having a debate who had the healthiest grandma

Boy 1: I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!
Boy 2: No I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!
Boy 3: I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital...
Boy 1 and 2 looking confused
...

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The men in my debate team only want one thing...

And it's fucking discussing!

Me and my buddy got into a debate about flat bread being used for sandwiches.

We decided it was a naan issue.

A duo of serial killers got convicted. The sentence caused some debate.

The first one got 25 years. He put his victims in a bowl an drowned them in milk. The other one put the milk in first and got sentenced to death.

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The Pope announces he's kicking all the Jews out of Rome...

Outraged, the Jewish community call for a chance to debate the Pope and fight to stay.


They elect their best Rabbi and he travels to the Vatican to sit down with the Pope and plead for the Jews right to stay in Rome.


Since the Pope only speaks Latin and the Rabbi only s...

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I had a debate with myself about masturbation...

... On one hand it's feels good. And on the other it feels great!

What's missing from tonight's presidential debate?

The laugh track.

With the international mathematics conference in town, the bars around the convention center were hopping.

As was her custom, the evening manager was going from table to table greeting her guests. When she got to the first table, there were eight mathematicians seated. Strange, she thought, since there were only six seats, but some of them were getting a bit frisky and were sitting on others' laps.
...

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The Spanish, French and English king got in a debate about who had the best penis

The couldn't decide who had the best penis. They decided to ask an audience of 300 people. 100 British, 100 French, and 100 Spanish. When the 3 Kings arrived of stage, they started to take off their robes one by one.


The French king went first.
Gazing upon the smelly phallus, the Fr...

Normally I hate those trashy, fake, rigged reality TV shows...

But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.

You think the Presidential debate was hard to watch?

Think of what it was like for the sign language interpreters.

My work colleagues and I had a debate about who we thought America's most notorious assassin was.

Lee Harvey Oswald won by a long shot.

a fly stayed on pence's head for a couple of minutes at tonight's debate

at least the fly knew when his two minutes were up.

A women goes to the doctor all black and blue...

Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mou...

I found a way to solve the Gif vs Jif debate.

Just pray to Jod and Gesus for resolution.

I joined a debate club today, when I arrived everyone was pleasuring themselves

They were mass debating.

I watched the US Presidential Debate last night, but I don't know if it was worth it

If I wanted to watch two old men fighting and screaming at each other, I would have just gone to bingo night at the local nursing home‬.

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There was a debate in my class about the Mexican/US border

Some argued that a wall was needed, and a rather racist friend of mine jokingly said:
"Mexicans are rather dumb, some barbed wire and such would be more than enough to keep those thieves out." After a short pause, he added: "As long as they don't start to steal the border itself".

Unsurpr...

The Presidential Debate

We don't know if Hillary is telling the truth, and we're hoping Trump isn't

I know there's been a lot of debate over how to pronounce gif...

But can we all at least agree that it rhymes with knife?

Why did the electrician get killed in a debate?

He used conductive reasoning.

After the debate Melania went up to Trump and said

We can still win this, we just have to be positive and patient.

Looking forward to the debate tonight...

to be over.

Biden should do the virtual debate without Trump present. He can say the same stuff he's been saying for years and trump can say what he's been saying for the last 4.

Nothing

I am feeling pretty good right now, that debate was a huge help.

I need to stop playing all these damn "When Trump Interrupts" Drinking Games.

The debate really changed my view on Mike Pence...

Pretty fly, for a white guy

Husband and wife debate

A man and his wife are walking down the street when the wife turns to her husband and says “honey, I think it’s snowing” the man looks back at her and says “no it’s raining.”

To settle the debate between the two they ask the friendly redcoat standing at the end of the street. The redcoat, Ru...

2020 presidential debate

Actually nvm jokes are supposed to be funny not sad

I tried having a philosophical debate with Aristotle once, but I couldn’t follow the conversation at all.

It was all Greek to me.

There is a huge debate about letting NFL teams play against prison inmates as part of their rehabilitation program.

Understandable, it has a big list of pros and cons.

A fly walks into a debate and asks

“Is this stool taken?”

Two philosophers are engaged in a rousing debate.

The first says "All my studies, discussions and experiences lead me to firm belief that humans have agency. What has led you to your belief in determinism?"
The second responds:
"The big bang."

After viewing the disappointing post-debate polls, Trump asked Kushner how to do better in the following debate.

Jared said,"be positive, spread your positivity, and after all is said and done, try to come across as a patient person"

Watching the first presidential debate was like watching two people who shouldn’t play with legos argue

One acted like he was under 4 years old and the other acted like he was over 99!

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Pence made sure he was well dressed for the debate. His tie was adjusted, his collar was fixed, his buttons were buttoned, and most importantly...

His fly wasn't down

Trump is going to have a talk with his VP about the debate performance tonight...

...to be a fly on Pence’s head during that convo

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Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church...

Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church on which a large poster addresses non-Catholics: "Come to us, accept Catholicism, and you instantly get $30,000 in cash!" While walking away, the two friends become engaged in a debate about whether the offer is meant seriously. A week later the two friends ...

International Doctor Debate

A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."

The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a...

How do you win a debate with your wife?

You don’t

It's the final day of the annual pirate convention, and the debate over the site of next years convention begins...

One pirate says, "how about ARRRbys!", many pirates nod in agreement.

Another pirate says, "how about ARRRkansas", even more pirates are pleased at that suggestion.

A third pirate says, "how about Boston!", a confused murmur spreads across the room, "stay with me here" says the pirate,...

Do you have any experience with debate?

Why yes I use debate to catch the fish

I won a math debate.

Say it out loud. ^

If you can put a end to this 'gif' pronunciation debate...

I'll give you a gift of gin.

I like to debate flat earthers

I will go to no ends to shut them up

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I was masturbating to a debate.

I've made a lot of questionable decisions to end up here, but at least I came to the right conclusion.

I can’t believe some people are really making masks a debate.

Stupid mask debaters

An American and a Chinese man are talking in a cafe. They’re engaged in a debate over their two systems of government.

The American says, “Look, our system might not be perfect, but we have freedom!”

The Chinese man asks, “Freedom to do what?”

The American responds, “Well, for one, I can go down to Washington DC, walk up to the President’s desk, and say ‘Mr. President, I don’t like the way you’re runni...

My blind girlfriend and I were having a debate about whether Jesus was a Jew...

....but i just can’t respect her views, since she is a not-see

Did you guys hear about that crazy thing Trump said at the debate last night? I couldn't believe it.

He said "Ohio is a spectacular place."

This happened in my Debate class today as we were discussing politicians...

Student A: I hate politicians. Kill 99% of them and I wouldn’t care. Just don’t touch my man Bernie Sanders.

Student B, immediately, without skipping a BEAT: Oh so does this make Bernie part of the 1%?

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A Scotsman,

A Scotsman, on the way home from a heavy drinking session
with his mates, collapses onto a park bench and falls into a
very deep stupor. Some time later 2 girls walk past and on
seeing him debate whether he has anything under his kilt.
They decide to look and discover he’s stark naked....

Just an inch !

An American, an Afghan and an Frenchman sitting outside a bar, keep arguing about how their country is more advanced. A heated debate between the American and Frenchman continues whilst the Afghan can't seem to beat either of them and seems visibly frustrated.
" Our military is so advanced that ...

I was in the debate team in high school.

My best debate was about math. People still say I was the best math debater.

TIL in 2015 three inmates from a maximum security prison beat Harvard’s debate team.

With their fists.

A Star Trek forum exists where Trekkies can debate additions to the universe's lore.

It's called Prose and Khans.

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My girlfriend does not like that I debate and back my shit up.

Do you know where I can get a plunger?

I was gonna start a Debate Club

But I got talked out of it

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A rabbi and the Pope have a religious debate

Several of the Pope's officials are concerend about the growing Jewish population in Rome, so the encourage the Holy Father to set up a religious debate with the head Rabbi. If the Rabbi loses, he must leave Rome. If he wins, they can stay.

However, the Rabbi doesn't speak Italian or Latin an...

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Parts of the body having a debate.

One day all the body parts are gathered together to discuss who amongst them should be the leader.

The brain steps forward and says "I should be the leader for i am the cleverest. I keep everyone organized and find solutions to problems."

Everyone is quite impressed until the heart st...

A Chinese and a USA general debate on who's army is better taken care of..

"Our army is well fed. They're getting 1000 calories in meals every day!", says the Chinese general.


The USA general thinks for a second and replies: "Our soldiers receive over 4000 calories daily!"


"That's impossible," the Chinese general scoffs, "Who could possibly eat half a...

People think I'm an idiot, just because I'm a homeless man that asks people to debate with me.

I beg to differ.

Three philosophers are having a debate

Three philosophers are sitting in a study, discussing ideas. One says "Socrates once said I know that I know nothing. Which means whoever is most aware of their own stupidity is the smartest"

"I am the stupidest" another says, "for I do not know how to tie my own shoelaces and must get my wif...

There once was a heated debate between two groups of art students

One group wanted two draw a necklace and one group wanted to draw a scarf. They decided that the only way to make a decision was by taking a vote so that's what they did.

In the end, they drew a tie.

We had a lively debate in physics...

It was a conversation of energy

[Bad Joke OC] Why shouldn't you interrupt a debate between cows in a marijuana field?

The steaks are too high.

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask...

What's your opinion on the mobius strip debate?

I find it a tad one-sided.

I won a math debate today.

... but I gueth that thould be kepth private.

The rabbi's debate

Four rabbis are arguing about the purity of an old oven. Three think it need to be purified, but the last argues it is pure.

The contrary rabbi declares, "If I'm right, then this room will prove it!" Suddenly, a large crack appears on the wall opposite to the men.

"This old place is f...

If the US has a heated debate over global warming that polarizes the nation

desn't that mean problem solved?

Yesterday, both houses of Congress met to debate legalizing marijuana.

It was a joint session.

Did you hear about the amputee debate team?

They almost won the championship, but it turns out their argument didn’t have a leg to stand on.

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A Nazi is beating a Soviet at a political debate. The Soviet says he needs to take a bathroom break.

The Nazi says: "Now you're just Stalin".

I can’t believe the way they used the Childrens Health Insurance Program during the budget debate...

It was like a bargaining CHIP.

I want to debate flat earthers...

I just haven't come around to it yet.

A Creationist and Atheist Debate

Creationist: If man evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Atheist: If Adam came from dirt, why is there still dirt?

On the immigration debate, Donald Trump said of other countries: "They're not sending us their best people."

On a side note, Mary Anne MacLeod illegally migrated to the US in 1929. A few years later she gave birth to Donald Trump.

So he may have a point.

In tonight's debate Trump said we can't trust the rebels

I'm not surprised; he has always reminded me of Emperor Palpatine.

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