Premeditate Jokes - 14 Hilarious Premeditate Jokes

A drunk driver is being interrogated

Detective : okay buddy, walk me through the whole thing, from the top

Driver : I don't know, it all happened so fast, I need a drink of water..

Detective : Your water is on its way. But first, tell me if this was premeditated.

Driver : NO! I swear, I just lost control of the car...

Oscar Pistorius is pleading not guilty to the charge of premeditated murder

Frankly I don't think he's got a leg to stand on.

What's the difference between hot blooded manslaughter and cold blooded premeditated murder

A few degrees.

I never plan anything I do in my life.

I don't want any of my crimes to be considered "premeditated ".

A joke for the cerebral...What do you call it when a bunch of crows agree to meet later?

Premeditated murder.

What do you call it when you kill a yoga teacher before a session?

Premeditated murder

My uncle killed a monk in training

It was premeditated

Yoga instructor killed one of his clients.

The murder was premeditated.

What type of crime do monks commit?

Premeditated murder

What do you have to allocate in order to crash a Minecraft server on purpose?

Premeditated Wam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If abortions are illegal in 2 states

Sex without conception can become premeditated attempted murder.

I don't like to talk, or even think, about my wife dying.

That way the lawyers can't use the word "premeditated."

I don't like making plans for the day

Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around the courtroom.

What do you call a flash mob of crows?

Premeditated murder.

What do you call a sunburned murder of crows?
1st, 2nd, and 3rd degree.

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