What rock group had four man who don't sing?

Mount Rushmore

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A survey shows that 85% of men masturbate in the shower. The remaining 15% sing. Do you know what they sing?

...No, I thought you probably didn't. ;)

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Why couldn't the pony sing?

He was a little hoarse.

My friend wants me to sing at his funeral.

He wants people to know there are worse things than death.

What’s the only PC that can sing?

Adele

If the Rolling Stones sing "hey, you, get offa my cloud!", what do the Scots sing?

"Hey, MacLeod, get offa my ewe."

Do you know why birds sing in the morning?

Because they don’t have to go to work!

What computer sings the best?

A Dell.

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Many sing in the shower, but rarely in the bathroom

Maybe because the audience is shit

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What does Solid Snake sing when he gets drunk and horny during 80’s Karaoke Night?

“...Cum on Mei Ling~”

Why can’t pirates sing the alphabet?

Because they get lost at sea!
(My friend told me this idk if someone else posted before)

What does Tom do before it's his turn to sing?

Tom Waits.

Some crocodiles decided to get together and sing parody songs.

It's a pun-croc band.

A random child is walking on the sidewalk. He stops, and beautifully sings, “A pore!”

Three years later, he is a star and is given an award. He gives a speech.
“Thank you, everyone. But mostly to my family. They told me we were going to Singapore, and I did. I just wonder why I’ve never seen them again...”

What does thanos sing in the shower?

Another one bites the dust

What happens if you sing country music in reverse?

You get your wife and job back.

Sam could sing six magic note

when he sang the seventh he blew up. Do you know why?

















Samsung note 7

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

I want to hear 99 people sing ‘Africa’ by Toto.

It’s something that a hundred men or more could never do.

My urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is only a whim away

A whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

What do you sing when you kill Dracula's last clone?

"It's the final countdown"

A teacher is about to sing a song he made for his students

He then started:

-Joe, kiss my toe! Ferdinand, kiss my hand!

He abruptly stops singing and asks:

Why are you leaving the classroom, Patrick?

What happens when you make a Llama sing along to a song by the Cranberries?

You get a zombie alpacalips

What do Asian people sing to their children at night?

Wok a bye baby.

How do you get a duck to sing the blues?

Put it in the oven till it's bill withers.

Why do fish always sing off key?

Because you can't tuna fish

What’s a NASCAR driver’s favorite song to sing to other drivers during a race?

Blue Bayou

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A guy talks about his experience at the brothel with his friend

1st guy: "Yo man I just had this amazing time at the brothel. This girl was able to blow me and sing to me at the same time!"

2nd guy: "No way! How'd she do it?"

1st: "No idea. The only condition she had was that I put on a blindfold. I got an idea. I'm gonna invite her to my house ton...

I love to sing in the shower

Until I get shampoo in my mouth, then it becomes a soap opera

A little Jewish boy runs up to his mom and says, "Mama, I wanna sing really loud!"

His mother says, "Shush with that! Not in the house!"

So the boy runs up to his grandmother and says, "Gramma, I wanna sing really loud!"

And his grandmother says, "My darling, you do whatever you want."

So the boy takes in a deep breath...

*"My Mom's tellin' me nooooo......

A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named clearly

suddenly, Lorraine died.

At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook’s right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...

Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee

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A man finally hires the famous hooker who can give a blowjob and sing at the same time

Indeed, for months, the man's friends had been telling him about this hooker who gives amazing blowjobs while singing, so, even though he was sceptical, the man finally took action and hired her.

When the hooker finally comes, the man asks her if she can sing a national anthem while doing he...

What's green and sings and dances fantastic?

Fred Asparagus. (I'm sorry, Holiday Inn was on TCM tonight.)

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I said to a blonde girl I bet you a blowjob I can sing a song with your name in it, no way says the blonde my name is Chantelle so I bet you, Ok I said here we go....

Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday Chantelle happy blow job for me...

When the girls sing "They did the mash" and then the guy chimes in with "They did the *monster* mash"

That's wolfmansplaining

Which went up to sing karaoke, rock, paper, or scissors?

Rock. He was Boulder.

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Sometimes I like to wind down the windows of my car, and sing at the top of my lungs to strangers walking by.

I was never meant to be a hearse driver.

What do you call a black person who sings well?

A vocal minority

Sing this - Spiderman Spiderman

Does whatever dust can.
Doesn't feel good
with Stark's plan.
Keep him away
from the fan.

Look out! You might breathe him in.

Falls down, outta breath.
What's that he senses? Total Death.
WATCH OUT
Vanished like a spider can.

Nothing beats a beautiful woman that can also sing

Well, except Chris Brown.

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend.

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend. His wife's not home; the past few nights she's returned past midnight with increasingly elaborate alibis. He's getting frustrated; he loves her, but he's not sure he can keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. His friend asks what he's go...

Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"

I couldn't if I tried.

I hate singers that sing in unison.

But I wouldn't harmony.

What is born skinless, flies wingless and sings until it dies?

A fart.


*dedicated to my dear departed Grandfather who told me this joke almost 40 years ago when I was a kid.*

[NSFW] She gives head and sings at the same time

A guy, let's call him John. John moves to his new place in Manhattan for work. John doesn't know anybody there; he's gotta start fresh.

After a few days of getting acquainted with his co-workers at the office, he's invited out to the bar for a few drinks. When they walk in, they all start to...

I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row...

...they told me I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts

My computer sings „Hello“ everytime I walk through the room

It‘s a dell

I was having trouble finding a singing partner,

so I bought myself a duet yourself kit.

What do you call a duck that can't sing?

Drake.

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Why did Beyoncé sing "to the left, to the left"?

Because black people don't have rights.

What do you call an herb that sings?

Elvis Parsley.

What do you call a bunny that sings supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?

Mary Hoppins

By the way, not to brag, but I got that spelling right without Googling

There is a reason why I store the soap away when I sing in the shower

Otherwise it would be a soap opera

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I opened the door last night to carol singers & said "Do you know Silent Night?"

"Yes" they replied
"Well piss off then because I want one!"

Who knows how to sing Mariah Carey songs?

Not Mariah Carey

A man walks into a bar and sits down He asks the barkeep "If I can show you something you have never seen before, can I drink here for free tonight?"

The barkeep thinks about it and says "well I have seen a lot of stuff, if you can genuinely show me something I have not seen before, I will pick up your tab tonight".

So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a minature piano and sets it on the bar, then he reaches into his other pock...

What do you call Pokemon sing alongs?

Gary-oake.

A man walks into a bar

He asks the bartender, "If I can show you something amazing, will you let me have a free drink?" The bartender plays along and replies, "Sure".

The man opens his jacket and out hops a frog. The frog runs over to the piano in the back of the bar and hops around the keys playing Mozart, Beetho...

Ever hear a flatbread sing?

Ever hear a pita wrap?

When my wife starts to sing,

I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

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