UPJOKE
textwritingwritepenprosesentencecomposehandwrittentranscriptfootnoteexcerptarticleverseprefacestanza

Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?

I wouldn't recommend it.

Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.

It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonym...

I wrote a nine-paragraph joke...

I thought it might be long here.

Just developed an app that let's me condense really long paragraphs into a couple of lines.

I've always struggled with being able to express myself in fewer words and hence had to find something that would help me So I booted up my pc and got to coding until I finally did it! I successfully created an app that reads through all my typed and creates the most optimal sentence to summarise ev...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've read that excessive sex causes memory loss:

It was in the British Medical Journal in May last year, page 12, paragraph 3. A nice sunny day I was reading in the park ...

I think I have a fetish for the last paragraph of an essay. How do I know?

I just came to that conclusion.

How do you know a redditor is not a native english speaker?

They'll apologize for potential mistakes after 10 paragraphs of perfect english

I'm pretty sure someone stole the last paragraph of my essay, and hid it on a really high shelf...

But I don't want to jump to conclusions.

Not original, and not sure if it's been posted before, but it made me chuckle and thought I'd share.

What do a three paragraph term paper and a 5'2" Mexican have in common?

They're both short essays.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yo Mama's so old... and stupid... and fat.

Yo Mama's so old she remembers when Captain Caveman was a lieutenant,

yo Mama's so old, when she went to school history class was just one paragraph.

yo Mama's so stupid, she has a glow in the dark sundial in her garden,

yo Mama's so stupid she went to the Dentist to fix her Blu...

What's the difference between a paratrooper and a paragraph?

One paratrooper is enough to satisfy your English teacher

Why are Hispanic dwarves called Paragraphs?

They're too short to be called Essays.

What do you call a short Mexican?

A paragraph, cuz he's not quite an ese

Never judge a book by its cover.

Use the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.

Really short Mexicans should be called paragraphs

Because they're not long enough to be an essay...

A guy is talking to a barmaid with an exceptionally large chest...

After an awkward pause the barmaid says "Excuse me sir, my eyes are up here"

The man replies "When you've got something written on your t-shirt, people are going to read it."

The barmaid says "Yes, but you've been staring at my chest for the past minute, what's your problem?"

Th...

"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.

"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.

Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I...

The caretaker sat pondering a cube he held before him. (Long)

The caretaker sat pondering a cube he held before him. He sat amidst billions upon billions upon billions, which surrounded him. He alone, at the end of time, bore witness to the Great Library, the vast repository of consciousness in Universe.

Before him was a pile of similar cubes. These cub...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's this kid named Jackson . . .

Jackson is about to have his first day of kindergarten.

He knows his name. He's like 5 or 6, or whatever age kindergartners are. They all know their names. That's important.

So Jackson goes into his class. His parents drop him off or whatever. Class starts and the teacher starts doing ...

Something I don't understand.

I **never** get why some people randomly emphasis a few odd words in a paragraph. Are you **gonna** just read the emphasised words? When you write like this, does it **give you** a sense of satisfaction? What's **up** with that?

What did a Mexican professor assign for homework last night?

A paragraph ese!

Ever since I got my left leg amputated, every girl has been avoiding me.

I got into a car accident a few years back and had my left leg amputated. Getting used to balancing myself on 1 leg and crutches took a lot of time. I felt that without my precious left leg, i would never be the same.

My confidence dropped severely, and the passion i had for all the things i ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys walk into a bar

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down at a table.
The barkeep comes over to them and asks, "What can I serve you gentlemen?"

One of them says to the barkeep, "I'll bet you a pitcher of your finest beer that I can lick my eye."

The barkeep says, "I've had guys come in here that could...

The magician's Publicity Stunt.

I asked a magician for an \[OC\] joke to post on reddit. (Yes, I asked a magician and not a comedian, I don't know many comedians personally, sorry.)

.

Instead, I got a long winded story of his most popular magic trick. He probably made it all up, but here it is.

.

It w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) A 90-year old man walks into a church confessional...

'Father,' he says, 'I'm 90 years old...been married for 70 years. Yesterday two college girls picked me up at the store. We drove to a motel and I fucked them both!'
'And are you remorseful?' asks the priest.
'Hell no.'
'So then what do you think of these sins?' the priest asks.
'What si...

Three friends die and go to heaven...

When they get to the gate saint peter says, "Hi, welcome to heaven. You're going to have a great time. We only have one rule in heaven, and that is to never, ever, no matter what, step on a duck."

"Ducks?"

"Yes, if you do, you will receive a terrible punishment. You may enter."
So...

My computer mouse isn't working properly

It could type paragraphs, but now it's just randomly slamming its tiny paws on the keyboard.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.