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Paragraph Jokes

Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?

I wouldn't recommend it.

Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.

It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonym...

What do you call a Mexican dwarf?

A paragraph... Because it's not a full ese

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three married men sit at a bar. one ugly, one average, and one handsome

The conversation shifts to their love lives.

The first, ugly man says "My wife nor I are all that nice to look at, but we have a loving relationship with great communication. We both cook and clean and take care of each other. In fact, since we have trouble looking at each other in bed, we've...

Pearly Gates Pontiff

The Pope died and went to heaven, where he was greeted by St. Peter. “Welcome,” St. Peter said, “let me show you around.”

St. Peter showed the Pope the streets of gold, choirs of angels, and so many wonderful things. At last, they came to a verdant meadow with a quaint cottage overlooking a l...

How do you know a redditor is not a native english speaker?

They'll apologize for potential mistakes after 10 paragraphs of perfect english

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've read that excessive sex causes memory loss:

It was in the British Medical Journal in May last year, page 12, paragraph 3. A nice sunny day I was reading in the park ...

I heard USA today just won a Pulitzer

"Best investigative paragraph"

I wrote a nine-paragraph joke...

I thought it might be long here.

Never judge a book by its cover.

Use the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.

A guy is talking to a barmaid with an exceptionally large chest...

After an awkward pause the barmaid says "Excuse me sir, my eyes are up here"

The man replies "When you've got something written on your t-shirt, people are going to read it."

The barmaid says "Yes, but you've been staring at my chest for the past minute, what's your problem?"

Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yo Mama's so old... and stupid... and fat.

Yo Mama's so old she remembers when Captain Caveman was a lieutenant,

yo Mama's so old, when she went to school history class was just one paragraph.

yo Mama's so stupid, she has a glow in the dark sundial in her garden,

yo Mama's so stupid she went to the Dentist to fix her Blu...

"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.

"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.

Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I...

The caretaker sat pondering a cube he held before him. (Long)

The caretaker sat pondering a cube he held before him. He sat amidst billions upon billions upon billions, which surrounded him. He alone, at the end of time, bore witness to the Great Library, the vast repository of consciousness in Universe.

Before him was a pile of similar cubes. These cub...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's this kid named Jackson . . .

Jackson is about to have his first day of kindergarten.

He knows his name. He's like 5 or 6, or whatever age kindergartners are. They all know their names. That's important.

So Jackson goes into his class. His parents drop him off or whatever. Class starts and the teacher starts doing ...

I think I have a fetish for the last paragraph of an essay. How do I know?

I just came to that conclusion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) A 90-year old man walks into a church confessional...

'Father,' he says, 'I'm 90 years old...been married for 70 years. Yesterday two college girls picked me up at the store. We drove to a motel and I fucked them both!'
'And are you remorseful?' asks the priest.
'Hell no.'
'So then what do you think of these sins?' the priest asks.
'What si...

Three friends die and go to heaven...

When they get to the gate saint peter says, "Hi, welcome to heaven. You're going to have a great time. We only have one rule in heaven, and that is to never, ever, no matter what, step on a duck."

"Ducks?"

"Yes, if you do, you will receive a terrible punishment. You may enter."
So...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys walk into a bar

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down at a table.
The barkeep comes over to them and asks, "What can I serve you gentlemen?"

One of them says to the barkeep, "I'll bet you a pitcher of your finest beer that I can lick my eye."

The barkeep says, "I've had guys come in here that could...

Ever since I got my left leg amputated, every girl has been avoiding me.

I got into a car accident a few years back and had my left leg amputated. Getting used to balancing myself on 1 leg and crutches took a lot of time. I felt that without my precious left leg, i would never be the same.

My confidence dropped severely, and the passion i had for all the things i ...

Just developed an app that let's me condense really long paragraphs into a couple of lines.

I've always struggled with being able to express myself in fewer words and hence had to find something that would help me So I booted up my pc and got to coding until I finally did it! I successfully created an app that reads through all my typed and creates the most optimal sentence to summarise ev...

What did a Mexican professor assign for homework last night?

A paragraph ese!

The magician's Publicity Stunt.

I asked a magician for an \[OC\] joke to post on reddit. (Yes, I asked a magician and not a comedian, I don't know many comedians personally, sorry.)

.

Instead, I got a long winded story of his most popular magic trick. He probably made it all up, but here it is.

.

It w...

A man and two women die and go to heaven

They reach the pearly gates, where St. Peter greets them and has them sign some legal papers. They are confused, but sign anyway, eager to get to paradise.

As they finish, St. Peter points to the last paragraph of the papers, saying, "Pay special attention to that provision. Do NOT step on a ...

What do a three paragraph term paper and a 5'2" Mexican have in common?

They're both short essays.

My computer mouse isn't working properly

It could type paragraphs, but now it's just randomly slamming its tiny paws on the keyboard.

How do you identify a joke made by a redditor?

Proceeds to write three paragraphs.

I'm pretty sure someone stole the last paragraph of my essay, and hid it on a really high shelf...

But I don't want to jump to conclusions.

Not original, and not sure if it's been posted before, but it made me chuckle and thought I'd share.

Testing

I'm testing how long jokes need to be to be tagged "long."

People say that it has more to do with paragraphs than words or anything, but someone just told me that it is posts over 450 characters.

You can downvote if you want, but I can't think of a better way to test this.

I've ...

Why are Hispanic dwarves called Paragraphs?

They're too short to be called Essays.

Have you heard about the judge who left his job to become a public speaking instructor?

He progressed from reading sentences to entire paragraphs.

What's the difference between a paratrooper and a paragraph?

One paratrooper is enough to satisfy your English teacher

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