What do you call a machine gun loaded with tranquilizers?
My kids were driving me nuts one day so I got some tranquilizers and sure enough, right on the bottle, it says:
Warning! Keep Away From Children
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes", the boy's mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Who cares?" the mother replied.
I don't know why they call them "dog tranquilizers."
They seem to work just fine on people, too.
A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him out cold.
A Passersby pulled him from the wreckage and revived him. He began an Epic struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he had calmed down, they asked him why he had struggled so.
He said, a bit sheepishly, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete sla...
A scientist was studying life extending properties through diet...
And realized he had the perfect formula for eternal life. He developed a special food formula which he fed to seagulls. Then he would feed their eggs to a pair of dolphins.
After 10 years on a diet of fortified seagull eggs, the dolphins hadn't aged a day. But there was one problem. Th...
Once there was a girl named Darling...
... had a particularly rough childhood because of her uncommon name. She always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school and hated her parents for the pain they inflicted on her. By the time she graduated school, however, she overcame her anger and embraced her unusual name finding it brought her so...
The dolphin trainers at the state zoo were very upset because the dolphins were very ill and getting worse. An animal shaman told them that he could not only cure the dolphins, but make them live forever--all he needed were some young sea gulls. The trainers immediately set off to find some young se...
I had a friend a friend who sleep through anything, even the loudest of noises!
Granted, I shot him with a tranquilizer first.
A Holiday Story
Back in the 1970s an Alaskan lawyer found out he had a long lost cousin in Czechoslovakia. In letters, the Czech mentioned he always wanted to see Alaska, so they arrange for him to come for a visit over the Christmas break.
While he's there the Alaskan takes him for a hike through the woods....
Sorry I called animal control about your children...
...but I really think those tranquilizer darts did the trick.