Beethoven: ARE YOU GUYS PUMPED?

Crowd: YEAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Beethoven: I can’t hear you!

After he became deaf, many people told Beethoven that his career as a composer was over.

But did he listen?

A tourist goes to see Beethoven's grave in Austria

And, to his shock, he sees the great musician seated next to his grave, erasing pieces of paper with his symphonies written on them.

The tour guide leans over to his visibly startled guest and says, "Don't worry, he does this all the time. He's decomposing."

What did Beethoven do after he died?

He decomposed.

What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit?

Banananaa

Why did Beethoven go to the car dealership?

For a lease

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The New York Philharmonic was conducting a rendition of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony

If you are not familiar with Beethoven's 9th Symphony it's a tremendous piece of work, but the bass line is atrocious. Not because it is complicated, but because it goes like this:

**"bbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"**



And then approximately an hour an a half later it goes li...

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.

A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music comin...

Why did Beethoven kill all his chickens?

Because they kept going Bach Bach Bach.

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "it would to be something spectacular to take that offer." The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little plano. The piano man starts pla...

The night Beethoven was buried

The graveyard attendant was walking by his grave and he swore he could faintly hear Beethoven’s 9th symphony playing in reverse. The next night as he walked past the grave, he could hear Beethoven’s 8th symphony playing in reverse. This happens all throughout the week for this man. The graveyard att...

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A recent symphony performance

During a recent performance of Beethoven's 9th symphony, the two bass violin players become bored because there is a long period where they have nothing to do. One invites the other to go across the alley to a bar. One drink leads to another. Finally one says they need to get back, but the other say...

(Oldie but goodie) Why did Beethoven quit fishing?

Because you can’t tune a fish but you can tuna a piano

What does Beethoven say after a concert ?

I can't hear you

?What is Beethoven's favourite fruit?

Ba-nA-NAA**AAAAAA**

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What did a therapist say to Beethoven?

>!I am all ears.!<

At a Beethoven concert --

Beethoven: You guys ready for some music?

Crowd: YES!

Beethoven: I can't hear you...

What is Beethoven doing right now?

Decomposing.

The Death Of Beethoven

When Ludwig von Beethoven died in Vienna, Austria in 1827 he was buried at the city's central graveyard.

After 3 days some people who walked by his grave notice there was a strange noise in the air. Something was wrong.

After 6 days more and more people were talking about that and it b...

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770- 1827."

Then he realizes that the music is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the prev...

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his friends are acting in a short film about classical pianists and musicians. One of friends says "I'll play Beethoven", another says "I'll be Mozart." In the end, Arnold says

I'll be Bach

When Beethoven died, he was buried in a churchyard.

The town drunk was passing by, when he heard some eerie music. Afraid, he called the priest to tell him what happend. The priest investigated and summoned the town magistrate. The town magistrate listened and said:
“It’s his Ninth Symphony... backwards.” Then, his Eighth Symphony, his seventh his...

A symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth

In the piece there’s a long passage that’s about 20 minutes during which the double bassists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the bar next door for a quick one. After drinking many beers one of them looked at his watch and s...

What’s brown, soft, and sits on a piano bench?

Beethoven’s First Movement.

Action Composers

All the action heroes are at Stalone's house when their phones all go off. Their agents give them news about a new action movie focused on the great composers. After the call they are all talking about who they would like to play.

Stalone: I'm not going to be in it if I can't be Mozart....

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"

"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"

That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can ...

What was Beethoven's favorite game as a child?

Hayden seek.

What would have been Beethoven's record label?

Deaf Jam.

Beethoven has died...

Local townsmen state that they can here faint music from under his grave.
Intrigued, the local Mortician visits the site to investigate
And yes, faint music rises from the grave! The Mortician retrieves the Priest.
Together they listen, and slowly begin the realize the music playing is Bee...

Beethoven to his audience:

Beethoven: Make some noise for the next symphony

Audience: YEAAAAAAAAA!!!

Beethoven: I can't hear you

What is Beethoven’s favourite fruit?

Ba na na na

I was at a performance of Beethoven's 7th, when suddenly the whole orchestra got up and left.

...which was disconcerting.

How do you wish Beethoven aMerry Christmas?

Fur-Elise Navidad!

Fun fact about Beethoven.

On March 26th, 1827, Ludwig van Beethoven stopped composing, and began decomposing.

Beethoven never sold his house

But he did put it up Fur Elise

What is Beethoven doing in his coffin?

De-composing

Beethoven gets on the stage and the crowd goes wild.

“Are you ready to hear some music??”
“YEAH!!!”
“I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!”

Steven Spielberg died and went to Heaven.

"Thank goodness you made it to Heaven!" said St. Peter. "God is producing a movie and He wants you to direct it."

"Directing movies was what I did in my mortal life," said Spielberg. "This is my eternal life. I want my eternal life to be relaxing."

"I haven't told you about the film cr...

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My go to joke- Guy sees “piano player wanted” sign window..

So he goes in, says he wants the job. Manager says, “alright, but 1st I gotta see if you’re qualified” So he plays a song and it drops the managers jaw “wow! That was amazing, was that Beethoven??” “No” the man replies “that’s an original. I call it ‘your tits are so big, my eyes are poppin outta my...

What do Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and the hitchhiker in my car have in common?

They are both in an advanced state of D composition.

What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?

Bananaaaa.

Beethoven's new peice

Beethoven had created a masterpeice once again and decided to show it to some kids first, he asks the children "Are you ready kids", while they reply saying "Aye aye Captain" which Beethoven replies with "i cant hear you" and the kids decide to speak up, shouting "Aye Aye Captain!" And finally Beeth...

"Master Ludwig," said Beethoven's manservant one day, "where do you get your inspiration from?"

"Why, from you of course, dear Heinrich!" Beethoven answered.

Heinrich slapped his thigh in delight. "Oh, what a joker you are, master! A genius like you inspired by a dullard like me! That's a good one. Ha-ha-ha-*haaaah*! Ha-ha-ha-*haaaah!*"

Beethoven was deaf, but you better enjoy this joke :)

* Beethoven selling property *

Buyer: So, is it for sale or for rent?

Beethoven: For lease

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A number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Milton Katims.

At this point, you must understand two things:

1. There's a long segment in this symphony where the bass violins don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page.

2. There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400, right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, rather ...

What does a Catholic priest have in common with Beethoven's Fur Elise?

They both finish in A minor

Since 1782, at the age of 12, Beethoven was composing some of the greatest music ever,

of course since 1827 all he has been doing is decomposing.

While visiting Beethoven's grave, this Deaf person learned from the other Hearings that there is symphony playing backward from below the grave because Beethoven is..

De-composing.

What would Beethoven be doing if he were alive today?

Decomposing

When Beethoven started composing music, people said he wouldn't amount to anything because he was deaf

Fortunately, he didn't listen to the critics

What did Beethoven say when it was discovered that he was not actually deaf, and just wearing airpods?

"It smells like baroque in here."

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger were discussing who they were going to play in the new Hollywood Blockbuster:

The Great Composers!
"I wanna be Beethoven," said Stallone.
"I gotta be Mozart," retorted Willis.
"What about you, Arnie?" they asked....

In bed I’m like Beethoven

It’s all over in three movements.

What do you call an American Revolutionist who listens to Beethoven while making love?

Lewd Whig.

What do Beethoven and the hiphop artist Lil'Jon have in common?

What?!

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Beethoven's concert

Beethoven: "Are you ready for for my greatest piece?!"

Audience: "Yeah!"

Beethoven: "I can't hear you!"

Audience: "YEAH!"

Beethoven: "I can't hear you!"

Audience: "YE- oh fuck, that's right..."

What happened to Beethoven's body after he died?

It decomposed

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A dictator once asked a famous composer if he could write him a brilliant piece of music.

Naturally, the composer was extremely nervous, as the dictator had a habit of giving the death penalty to those who did not please him.

The composer spent weeks working on this piece, and from a musical standpoint it was quite good. So, he gathered his orchestra and performed his piece for th...

What did Beethoven say when he finished writing his 5th Symphony?

I'm done done done doooooone.

Why couldn't Beethoven find his teacher?

Because he was Haydn.

Two Grave Robbers Found Where Beethoven Was Burried.

They dig for a while and finally get to his coffin.

They open it up, only to see him erasing all the music that was buried with him.

Terrified, one of the grave robbers screams!

The other one turns to him and says, "hey man, calm down! He's just decomposing."

After Beethoven died and they buried him, you could hear his symphonies from the grave in the descending order, first his symphony No. 9, then No. 8 etc.

He was just decomposing.

I heard a backwards symphony coming from Beethoven's grave

Turns out he's decomposing

Why did Beethoven never answer the doorbell?

They weren't invented yet.

Mozart, Beethoven, and Schwarzenegger are getting ready to throw a Halloween party. Mozart turns to Arnie and asks, "what's your costume going to be?"

"I'll be Bach"

Why don't soccer moms let their kids listen to Beethoven?

Because of all the violins.

What did Beethoven say to his hairy piano playing dog, Lise?

"Come here, furry Lise."

An illustrious Count, Wictor Oblodowsky, agrees to conduct Beethoven's 9th Symphony in a Baltimore gym.

He's hesitant at first. He'd only been to America once before, and it was a favor for a friend. The oboist in his orchestra kindly loaned him the first season of The Wire, but the Count never watched it, as he'd never gotten around to buying a DVD player.

After an uneventful flight and some t...

In the last movement of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony...

...the double basses have a few big chords right at the start, then nothing for 10 minutes, then come in right at the end for the big finale. During rehearsals, the bass players started putting down their instruments, going for a quick drink, and comng back in time for the end.

On the night o...

How did Beethoven get to be so famous?

Some people just have mad scales.

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