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I can work the lyrics of “Uptown Funk” into any conversation I have.

Don’t believe me? Just watch!

My wife demanded I stop quoting Oasis lyrics or she'll have to leave me

I said maybe

Have you ever realised that when you are listening to music, somewhere in the world there is someone who is listening the same song, the same lyrics, the same syllable as you are.

Then you are aware of FM radio

What bird never sings the lyrics?

A hummingbird

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What should be the last lyric of Cardi B’s song “Wet Ass Pussy”?

The Aristocrats

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What could possibly wrong with Hitchhiking Nun

Neil is a skilled truck driver and drives the freeway every day. But Neil wouldn't be Neil were it that he sings a song every five minutes: "I'm Neil and I fuck behind the wheel".

And he sings this every five minutes.

At one point, Neil sees a nun hitchhiking along the highway. Neil ha...

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An Englishman, an American, and a Japanese are doing white water rafting...

...when all of a sudden, they spot a huge drop to a waterfall they never knew was there. They are moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom... Suddenly a genie appears.

The genie explains that he is the spirit of the waterfall, and he is of limited power. He cannot prevent th...

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Every time I see someone posting lyrics of inspirational songs on social media, I get really pissed off.

But I will survive.

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When your wife opts to describe your sex life to her friends as ‘like Michael Jackson wrote *those lyrics* just for us’, what is your very worst case scenario?

‘Beat it, Speed Demon. Leave me alone.’

Why did the man jump off a building?

To find some concrete evidence that he can really make an impact.

Credit to the lyrics of sequía throne

My boyfriend is kicking me out of his house for constantly singing lyrics from "Take on me"

He said he's giving me the weekend to move all my stuff out, and he asked me when I would be able to finally leave, so I replied with "I'll be gone in a day or two."

My girlfriend left me because I wouldn’t stop quoting Linkin Park lyrics...

...but in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

What do you call it when Arnold Schwarzenegger remembers the lyrics to Africa

Toto recall

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NSFW. What do lyrics from the cha cha slide and a redditors average sex duration have in common?

One hump this time

I showed my band the lyrics I composed and they said I should be a poet

Poet, fireman, accountant, anything but lyricist.

Son: Dad can you tell me your favorite Beatles lyric?

Son, son, son, here it comes:

What do you say when you don’t know the lyrics to a-ha’s “Take On Me”?

“I don’t know what I’m to say”

My wife just left me, screaming, "ALL YOU EVER DO IS QUOTE ELVIS PRESLEY LYRICS TO ME!"

I'm all shook up…

I tried to sing “Danger Zone” five times at karaoke night, but kept forgetting the lyrics.

They eventually kicked me off stage.
Too many Loggins attempts.

Hand Washing Lyrics

**Neil Diamond:** Hands...
**NHS:** Yep, wash them for 20 seconds
**Neil Diamond**: Touching hands..
**NHS:** No, don't do that
**Neil Diamond:** Reaching out..
**NHS:** Errrr, avoid that too
**Neil Diamond:** Touching me..
**NHS:** Oh no
### **Neil Diamond:**...

Rihanna had “Work, work, work, work, work” as the original lyrics

Her producer told her it needs more work.

Old MacDonald is up to something. He keeps typing the lyrics to his song as "E-I-E-I-o".

I just can't trust a guy with shift-E-I's.

True story: when I was a kid I used to mix up lyrics. For example, after watching Mary Poppins, I sang "a spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down." -My dad thought is was SO funny I mixed that line up.

Little did either of us know, I was predicting my future diabetes problems.

I absolutely love the lyrics to the song "What is Love?"

The artist really haddaway with words...

7 years on reddit and all I got was this joke

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
Wow, ty reddit for this lyrical blast, left me smitten with the bot that wrote it to me.

I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't learn the correct Smash Mouth lyrics.

And then I looked at her head.

What is anti-vax parent's favourite song lyrics?

Swish, swish, bish

Another one in the casket

My friend told me he felt sad because he didn't know the lyrics to "YMCA".

I said "Young man, there's no need to feel down".

Someone once asked me if everyone in the U.K. Knows the lyrics to Wonderwall

I said mayybeee

Do songbirds get mad...

At humming birds for not knowing the lyrics?

I'm just now realizing most blink-182 lyrics don't make any sense

I guess this is growing up...

What do rappers use to write their lyrics?

Word,yo.

A couple go to a bar during karaoke night...

and they hear a man sing to most beautiful cover of Stairway to Heaven they had ever heard. Since they were planning their wedding at this time, they approach the man after his performance.

"Wow, that was an amazing cover! Would you like to come perform at the reception of our wedding?" they...

Studies have shown that if presented with song lyrics, the human mind will produce the melody and have it in the background. According to the researchers,

your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know.

I was at a job interview and was asked if i can perform under pressure.

I said im not very familiar with the lyrics, but i would certainly have a go at doing bohemian rhapsody

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Just wrote this poem

Everyone gather together

Put aside what you are doing

See this lyric, feel the weather

Take a second for the viewing.

Everyone gather together

In this house we all are one.

No discrimination, son.

Did I say a house we're in?

It's a prostitution...

My friend composes lyrics about sewing machines.

She's a Singer songwriter.

Girl: im breaking up with u.

guy: why?
girl: because u keep quoting Chicago lyrics.
guy: but, if u leave me now, u take away the biggest part of me 😭

One way or another,

One way or another, I’m really going to have to stop quoting Blondie lyrics...

TIL that a flock of crows is called a murder.

Thus apparently, gangsta rap lyrics are mostly about ornithology.

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What do you call a person that constantly hunts for karma?

A predditor.

"Robot Walks in to a bar .... "

Robot walks into a bar Orders a drink, lays down a bill Bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve robots"And the robot says, "Oh, but someday you will"

**Bonus:**

Boy wants a car from his dad Dad says, "First, you got to cut that hair"Boy says, "Hey, Dad, Jesus had long hair"And Dad says, "...

I brought my car to a mechanic and asked him, “Do you have any idea why my car is humming?”

He replied, “Probably because it doesn’t know all the lyrics.”

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A rock band was booed by the crowd.

The drum player and the bass player drink in a bar, depressed as fuck, trying to figure out what went wrong.
'It's probably the stage sound', the bass player suggests. 'That engineer can't mix shit in a bowl, let alone sound.'
'Come on, we've had worse. At least the monitors were working.'...

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They asked me to organise a karaoke night for the blind

One of the songs I included was 'I Can See For Miles' by The Who, but the participants weren't really feeling the lyrics.

Mainly because I forgot to get the braille version.

I made a rap song all about soap.

It’s fine, the lyrics are clean.

I kinda stole this

The worst part about liking classical music is when you forget the name of a piece and you can't google the lyrics because there are none

⚠️ No Results For "there was a really good bit with a flute"

I love listening to Bongripper.

I know all of their lyrics by heart.

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How long will it take for Rammstein's new album to be released?

'Till Lindemann has finished the lyrics.

Alternate Lyrics: I kissed a Trans and I liked it.

The taste of her hairy lap stick.

Why do bees hum?

Cos they don’t remember the lyrics.

In church tonight ....

My sister said she didn't need a hymnal because she knew the lyrics to every Christmas song.

I told my brother, "Don't mind her, she's just a big noel-it-all."

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A man walks into a bar and opens his suitcase revealing a million dollars in cash.

"I'll give this million dollars to the first person who can sing "Auld Lang Syne" and give me head at the same time."

Immediately people started a stampede, men, women and children all alike, towards the mans crotch. They whipped his dick out and started battling over who gets to do the "perf...

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First Time Poster, Go easy on me ... "Hamster"

So.. A guy walks into bar and takes a seat ....

The Barman approaches and says what are you having boss?

The Man replies .. I don't have any money pal ...

Barman says if you don't have any money you can stay here ...

The guy says ...what if i told you i have a hamster th...

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The monkey's balls.

A man stops in a little town after a long drive, looking for a place to have a big cold glass of beer. He goes onto the local bar, which is completely empty, except for a blind pianist, who is playing some ragtime tunes. he sits down at the bar, and from the back a bartender appears.

"What do...

Heavy metal is a lot like jazz....

It's the lyrics you DON'T hear

Why is it appropriate that the Rolling Stones let their song “Start Me Up” be used for a Windows 95 commercial?

Because it contains the lyrics “You’d make a grown man cry.”

I'm selling this new shower radio I just bought a few days ago.

It sings the wrong lyrics.

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Lets talk about racism in music

You know how some people claim that music made by white people can't be enjoyed by black people because they can't relate to it.

They are crazy. Black people can relate to music made by white people just as much as white people can. For instance, look at music made by Everclear. Black people...

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