What is the fastest growing country by population?

Ireland. it’s Dublin every year.

The cattle population is being affected by the pandemic.

They have cowronavirus.

A psychologist, a general, and a government official are tasked with reducing underage crime in a sample population put under their authority. Whoever drops it the most in a year, wins. After the year is done, they have a meeting to discuss their results.

The psychologist starts: "We lowered underage crime by over 20% in the last year, mostly by introducing counseling courses, and social assistance programs."

The General goes: "Crime is down by over 30%. Turns out, strict discipline and a one-strike rule can greatly affect people's habits."...

I'm using an operating system to wipe out half of the population in this universe...

It's called ThanOS

My town’s population never changes.

Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

Scientists have recently discovered that 97% of the worlds population is kind of dumb.

Phew, thank god I'm part of the other 5%.

The spread of COVID-19 is based on two factors

1. How dense the population is
2. How dense the population is

Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?

Ireland. Everday it's Dublin.





\*Idk if this has been on here yet. My co worker told me this and I about had a stroke.\*

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How to control population ?

Google: Use a Condom

Bing: \*Cocks Gun\*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Easily accessible porn is causing increased cases of erectile dysfunction in younger populations...

Its a growing problem.

I came from a small town where the population always stayed the same...

Whenever a girl got pregnant, someone left town.

I read that 70% of Earth's population are stupid

Good thing I'm one of the other 40% !

98% percent of the population is stupid.

Luckily I’m part of the 3%.

I just read that 6.7% of the world's population have a problem with alcohol.

And I thought "6.7%...That would be a pretty strong beer."

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Since self quarantine, masturbation has doubled among the population...

You know what they say desperate times call for desperate pleasures...

97% of the world's population is good at maths

I belong to the rest 4%

Three men die and appear before Buddha...

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

\-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forwa...

What do you call a headcount of the prison population?

A consensus.

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The reasoning behind both Japan's aging population and healthy lifestyle

A long-running fear of another Fat Man and Little Boy

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Despite black people making up only 13% of the population, they make up 50% of...

Captain Americas ^in ^the ^mcu

Everyone likes to laugh at other people's inability with numbers. However, 45% of people consider themselves bad at math, every twentieth member of the population hates decimals, 1 out of 5 people can't do mental arithmetic and 3/10 can't do fractions without a calculator.

Yet only one in a hundred find this funny.

As the world’s population swelled over the past few decades, Santa’s sleigh got heavier and heavier, requiring more reindeer to pull it.

Santa hired two new reindeer as crew, Lee and Franklin.

As part of their new hire training both Lee and Franklin go through a lot of physical training, navigational training, as well as a list of things that is to be packed on the sleigh.

Franklin is going through the list of banned it...

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A widow, Claire, was looking to move away from the city, and looked for a small town to live her final years in.

She drove a few hours out into the countryside to find a good place to move into. Eventually she came by Barkstown, and this peculiar name piqued her curiosity.

She drove in and was amazed by the amount of dogs there were in this town, but she was getting hungry from not eating all day.
...

While only making up only 13 percent of the population

...people who don’t wear their seatbelt make up half of all car accident deaths. Wear your seatbelt.

There are immigrants who came to America and murdered the local population and stole jobs

and we call those immigrants the founding fathers.

What nation has caused the largest population growth since 1970?

Insemination.

Studies suggest that approximately 90% of the world's population is right-handed.

On the other hand, 10% of the world's population is left-handed.

A white man visits a rural tribe in Africa

A white man wants to take the trip of a lifetime, and decides on a trip to Africa. He is in a go nowhere job, with no friends or family, and is feeling down. He quits his job and decides to travel to a remote area, far from civilization. He does not like the touristy vibe that some places give off, ...

What happened to the guy who had a fetish for population statistics?

He finally came to his census.

We're in Trouble

The population of this country is 327 million.


76 million are retired.


That leaves 251 million to do the work. 


There are 48 million people who are permanently disabled.


Which leaves 203 million to do the work


There are 74 million chil...

If there's one thing Americans can look forward to when the pandemic ends

Is that the average IQ of the population will increase.

It's widely known that some members of a prison population become well-read and crafty with words.

Sometimes you can mix prose with cons.

What is the population of Brazil?

I’d say about a Brazilian people or so

The Russian people were constantly hounding the government to tell them when they would finally reach true communism.

Because of this, the government got the leading scientists to input hundreds of statistics, such as ground fertility, rainfall, public relations, international relations and population into the best computer in Russia. They waited 4 nights for the answer: 23 kilometres. It puzzled the many politicia...

If the human population held hands around the equator...

A significant portion of them would drown

Last night I had a dream that I was responsible for culling half the living population on Earth.

Then I snapped out of it.

I have the best idea to tackle over-population

Send your kids after John Wick

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China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor the women are extra fertile.

But their condoms are "Made in China"

I figured out why I’m so tired!

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the w...

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A brash American tourist got seated next to a Chinese man in a plane.

Mid flight, the Chinese man ordered for a marmalade sandwich. The American could not contain his curiosity so he struck up a conversation with his seatmate.

"You enjoyin' that sandwich, pal?" he asked

"Yes" politely answered the Chinese man after he took a bite and made a few chews....

The percent of the population holding anti-vaccination beliefs has gotten up to the mid-teens.

Unlike their children.

If half the population really are introverts...

... why haven't I met any?

Health Education

Appropriate analogy: “The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now” = “The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now”.

There are two critical factors in the spread of Coronavirus. 1. How dense is the population. 2. How dense is the population.
...

Meanwhile in 2020, as the song "Despacito" rises in popularity around the world, it has exceeded the world population in views.

-Meanwhile at school-

Teacher: What’s the population of the world?

Student: 1.5 despacitoes.

Teacher: correct

What can solve over population and world hunger at the same time?

Cannibalism

What movies teach us:

AMERICAN MOVIES TEACH US:

1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.

2. More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.

3. The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote basketball / baseball.

4. Aliens have specia...

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There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Can't wait to go clubbing again.

The seal population is getting out of hand.

Population Growth

A small town with a high birth rate attracted the attention of a team of university sociologists. They wrote a grant proposal, got a chunk of money, hired aides and an anthropologist, found a family planning and birth control specialist, moved to town, rented offices, set up their computers, and des...

A government run initiative to restore the male geese population is getting a lot of media attention...

Critics are referring to it as proper gander.

Demographers estimate that the Jagger Tipping Point, the moment when a majority of the UK population are direct descendants of Mick Jagger, will likely occur around the year 2300.

I wonder how weird that will feel to Keith Richards.

Have you heard about that new virus that is devastating the bird population?

It’s called Chirpies.

What’s most heartbreaking about it is that it’s...

untweetable.

“We’ve divided the population as you’ve requested, Mr. President,” announced the assistant from the doorway, “so we’re just waiting on your final approval for the memory wipe.”

“Wipe the memory of groups 1-8,” replied the president, “leave group 9 alone but wipe group 10 too.”

“Sir? You want us to wipe groups 1 through 8 and then 10, but not 9? Group 9 refers to... children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?”

The presiden...

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A Medical Friend Just Sent Me This Lockdown Update

THE GOVERNMENT WILL BE LIFTING RESTRICTIONS IN PARKS AND BEACHES DURING THE EASTER BREAK.

The Government has announced today that, for the Easter break, certain groups are allowed to go to parks and Beaches and invite friends round for BBQ’s.

IMPORTANT- PLEASE READ

While the maj...

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There once was a country with strict population growth rules.

The population was so low, the government had enacted a law that required all couples to have children within 5 years of their marriage. Should a couple fail to produce a child during this period, a government official would be sent to "get the job done".

Such was the situation of a couple, w...

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Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population

#1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census

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A teacher asked her class, "What is sex?"

Johnny got up and said, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation where a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination to increase the population of the next generation.


"Did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?"

When you market TV shows and movies in other countries, it's not uncommon to change the title in order to appeal to the local population.

For example, the Chinese title for "Black Mirror" is "Really Cool Ideas".

They say 99% of the population is stupid...

I'm glad to be a member of the other 2%!

Trump and Thanos are a bar discussing their plans.

They are having a heated discussion when Putin comes in and asks what they are talking about.

Trump : we are going to decimate half the population including Keanu Reaves.

Putin : why Keanau Reaves?

Thanos : see..I told you nobody will care if half the population disappears?
...

Court declares social distancing rules unenforceable in Alabama

The Judge wrote in his opinion that "the entire state's population can be reasonably considered a family unit."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Viagra

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it’s generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra...

The population is running low so the government decides to pay its citizens $50,000 for every child they have at that time

A man hears the news and says to his wife, "I have a kid with my girlfriend. I'm going to bring him so we can add him to our 4 kids." He goes for the kid and when he comes back, he only finds one of his kids remaining.

Stunned, he asks: "Where are the other 3?"

"You are not the only ...

Scientists find a man immune to Covid-19 because of a genetic mutation

They conclude that 1/2 of the population in Alabama are immune to Covid-19.

The population of South America is huge!

It's gotta be like at *least* a Brazilian!

Only 1% of population uses the labels on clothes to check washing method

The remaining 99% believes that the label is to see where the back side is.

Unfortunately a large population of the East Coast of the US are attaching sleds to their backs.

Now it's all going down hill rather quickly.

I’m already sick of hearing about Corona Virus

I would trade 2% of the earth’s population right now to never hear about it again.

Ever wondered why china has over 1 billion population?

Cause the condom they use is "Made in china"

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I want to start a political party called the People of our Population....

..... I know it would be the POOP but it would be better than the shit we have to deal with now.

I was shocked to find out that 35% of America's prison population is white.

Surely we don't need that many guards.

Now I understand why the British population was on a steady decline these past few years...

Brits are really good at pulling out.

A recent study was released on head lice stating that 95% of lice populations are resistant to treatment.

Scientists are scratching their heads trying to figure out how this happened.

The animal kingdom had become overpopulated.

The lion, being the head of the animal kingdom, made a decree: a joke telling contest would be held at the end of the week. The tortoise, unanimously agreed upon as being the fairest of all the animals, was appointed as the official judge. The rules were simple: tell your joke to the tortoise, and i...

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