98% percent of the population is stupid.

Luckily I’m part of the 3%.

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?

Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.

Everyone likes to laugh at other people's inability with numbers. However, 45% of people consider themselves bad at math, every twentieth member of the population hates decimals, 1 out of 5 people can't do mental arithmetic and 3/10 can't do fractions without a calculator.

Yet only one in a hundred find this funny.

Last night I had a dream that I was responsible for culling half the living population on Earth.

Then I snapped out of it.

Why does China have such a big population of 1bn people?

Because their condoms are "Made in China"

What can solve over population and world hunger at the same time?

Cannibalism

The percent of the population holding anti-vaccination beliefs has gotten up to the mid-teens.

Unlike their children.

If the human population held hands around the equator...

A significant portion of them would drown

If half the population really are introverts...

... why haven't I met any?

Population Growth

A small town with a high birth rate attracted the attention of a team of university sociologists. They wrote a grant proposal, got a chunk of money, hired aides and an anthropologist, found a family planning and birth control specialist, moved to town, rented offices, set up their computers, and des...

A government run initiative to restore the male geese population is getting a lot of media attention...

Critics are referring to it as proper gander.

A mental asylum was getting too crowded so the director decided to do a quick test to try and lessen the population..

He chose 15 least mentally ill patients to a room wich he had painted a door on the wall.
He says: "behind that door is freedom, you can now leave this hospital." all of the patients jumped off their benches and and started running towards the door painted on the wall and smashed into the wall e...

Which city has the largest population?

Density.

I grew up in a town where the population never changed…

Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town.

Demographers estimate that the Jagger Tipping Point, the moment when a majority of the UK population are direct descendants of Mick Jagger, will likely occur around the year 2300.

I wonder how weird that will feel to Keith Richards.

What city has the highest blind population?

Venetians!
This is my first post to r/jokes

My town’s population has remained constant over the last 30 years.

Whenever a girl gets pregnant, a guy skips town.

Why I'm tired

The population of this country is about 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor the women are extra fertile.

But their condoms are "Made in China"

What would the world’s population be if it were only Brazilians?

About 7.7 brazillion

[Long] The population of this country is 300 million.

60 million are retired.

That leaves 240 million to do the work.

There are 95 million in school.

Which leaves 145 million to do the work.

Of this there are 22 million employed by the government.

Leaving 123 million to do the work.

61 million are disabled.
...

“We’ve divided the population as you’ve requested, Mr. President,” announced the assistant from the doorway, “so we’re just waiting on your final approval for the memory wipe.”

“Wipe the memory of groups 1-8,” replied the president, “leave group 9 alone but wipe group 10 too.”

“Sir? You want us to wipe groups 1 through 8 and then 10, but not 9? Group 9 refers to... children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?”

The presiden...

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There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

When you market TV shows and movies in other countries, it's not uncommon to change the title in order to appeal to the local population.

For example, the Chinese title for "Black Mirror" is "Really Cool Ideas".

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There once was a country with strict population growth rules.

The population was so low, the government had enacted a law that required all couples to have children within 5 years of their marriage. Should a couple fail to produce a child during this period, a government official would be sent to "get the job done".

Such was the situation of a couple, w...

Have you heard about that new virus that is devastating the bird population?

It’s called Chirpies.

What’s most heartbreaking about it is that it’s...

untweetable.

The population is running low so the government decides to pay its citizens $50,000 for every child they have at that time

A man hears the news and says to his wife, "I have a kid with my girlfriend. I'm going to bring him so we can add him to our 4 kids." He goes for the kid and when he comes back, he only finds one of his kids remaining.

Stunned, he asks: "Where are the other 3?"

"You are not the only ...

What city grows twice its population?

Dublin

The population of South America is huge!

It's gotta be like at *least* a Brazilian!

Did you know that the Spanish-speaking population of Canada knows how to unplug from technology once in a while, do nothing, and learn to be bored with their free time?

That's right, they can nada.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population

#1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census

They say 99% of the population is stupid...

I'm glad to be a member of the other 2%!

Only 1% of population uses the labels on clothes to check washing method

The remaining 99% believes that the label is to see where the back side is.

Ireland's population is out of control

It keeps Dublin and Dublin

I was shocked to find out that 35% of America's prison population is white.

Surely we don't need that many guards.

Three people die and appear before Buddha

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forward a...

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I want to start a political party called the People of our Population....

..... I know it would be the POOP but it would be better than the shit we have to deal with now.

A recent study was released on head lice stating that 95% of lice populations are resistant to treatment.

Scientists are scratching their heads trying to figure out how this happened.

Now I understand why the British population was on a steady decline these past few years...

Brits are really good at pulling out.

Growing up, it always my childhood dream to study populations...

...then I came to my census

Why, with twice the population of the United States at the time didn't China invent the airplane first?

Well, two Wongs don't make a Wright.

Welcome to Skagway where the population always remains the same.

Every time a child is born, a man leaves town.

Ever wondered why china has over 1 billion population?

Cause the condom they use is "Made in china"

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I was worried about the population problem

But then I realized we just shouldn't give a fuck.

How is it that rice originated from China to become a staple food for a large part of the world's human population?

I mean, come on! They couldn't even pronounce it.

Why the population in India is exploding these days?

Because everyone over there is doing IT!

China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means,

Even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half >!the population of the planet dead thanks to anti-vaxx morons actively working towards deleting herd immunity.!<

So I just heard there is a disease killing off the Alligator population in Florida.

They all got Gatorades.

Why I'm tired

For a couple of years I have been blaming it on lack of sleep,not enough sunshine,too much pressure from my job,ear wax buildup, poor blood,or anything else I could think of.But now I found out the real reason.Im tired because I'm overworked.And here's why:The population of this country is 273 milli...

How many population geneticists does it take to change a light bulb?

It's independent of population size.

Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.

For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.

Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases ...

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A horny American man gets sent to the desert for a job

The desert has a total population of 50 people. After a couple months of his "dry-spell", the man seeks to find out if there's a way to "get the job done" somewhere in the desert.

He asks the locals around and they guide him to the "PIMP with the Camel". He immediately runs up to the PIMP and...

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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Being Gay

Pro: Reduces the global population

Con: It sure is a pain in the butt

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Before landing in Thailand...

...the captain kindly reminds the passengers to be careful who they meet and for what, because 50% of population has HIV and the other 50% tuberculosis.

One old man couldn't hear properly, so asked his grandson, what the captain said.

The man replied:

- To fuck only the coughi...

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