What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale

Old man goes to church

One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services
were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean,
he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In
his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest is walking to his church when he passes a group of prostitutes.

One of them yells out “$20 for a blowjob, Father!” The priest puts his head down and speed walks the rest of the way. When he arrives at the church he nervously approaches one of the nuns and asks her “Sister, what’s a blowjob?” She tells him “$20, Same as downtown”

Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church.

One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, "Where is God?" The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, "Where is God?" The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet. Eventually his brother found him and asked, "What's wrong?" The crying boy replied, "We're in tr...

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change.At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a real fire orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he were two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.

“Ah,” he said, “That’s my altar ego.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My physics teacher asked me how much a church weighs with and without people in it.

I had to consider mass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest lived in a church with three nuns.

One evening the priest decided that he wanted to take a bath. He went to the washroom, filled the tub with water, and then undressed before he realized that he forgot to bring his soap.

He wraps himself in a towel around his waist and goes back to his room to retrieve his soap, grabbing an ex...

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn’t need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied. The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappear...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pastor is hiring a new bell boy to ring the church bell.

So a boy walks in with no arms, that wants to apply for the job. The pastor says "I don't think you qualify". The boy responds with "nonsense, let me show you"

They head up the bell tower. The boy proceeds to get a running start and headbutts the bell to make it ring. The pastor shakes his he...

What's the difference between a church and most public places?

Most public places have a "little girls room" too

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Late one night, a cop shines his spotlight on a car parked in a church parking lot. He sees an older man in the backseat with a younger woman.

"Okay," the cop says to the man. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? Get out of the car. Now!"

The older man protests, telling the cop, "But officer! I'm Pastor Fluff!"

"I don't give a shit if you're already up her ass, get the fuck out of the car."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest is nervous about conducting his first church service...

...he gives it his best effort and does horribly. Feeling dejected he returns to his quarters where he finds an anonymous note, it reads: "Next Sunday, take some of the port and sip it whilst carrying out the service, it will calm your nerves."

The priest thinks this is great advice and sets ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbi and a priest are asking for charity outside of a church...

They are standing one next to the other as the congregation is exiting mass. They look at the Rabbi with disdain and give more money to the priest.

Until one guy sees the rabbi hasn’t collected any money and decides to help him out “Rabbi, why don’t you try asking for charity outside of a s...

Church Fundraiser

A preist wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he ha...

Why did the priest buy an owl for his church?

Because it's a bird of prey

The top executives of the Budweiser beer company decide they need a fresh, new marketing initiative. One suggests that the Catholic church, being a well known, global brand just like themselves, would be a suitable sponsorship partner, so they send two of their most persuasive directors to Rome.

They are granted an audience with the Pope and explain that they want a commercial link-up with the Vatican. This would, of course, involve some careful 'product placement'. What they suggest is that the words in the Lord's prayer , 'Give us this day our daily bread', be replaced with, 'Give us this...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into a church and started to pray.

''Listen God,'' John said. ''I know I haven't been perfect but I really need to win the lottery. I don't have a lot of money. Please help me out.'' He left the church, a week went by, and he hadn't won the lottery, so he walked into a synagogue. ''Come on, God,'' he said. ''I really need this money....

An elderly couple is sitting in church...

The woman leans over to her husband and whispers, “I just let out a silent fart, what should I do?”

The husband replies, “Well the first thing you should do is put your damn hearing aid in!”

Swiss Cheese was recently declared the official cheese of the Catholic Church.

It’s the holiest of cheeses.

A man goes to church by himself one Sunday, leaving his wife at home who had a cold.

Upon his return from church, his wife noticed that he had two black eyes. “What in the world happened to you??”

The man explained, sheepishly, “Well, we stood up for the first hymn and there in the pew in front of me was Sue Ellen. Don’t you know, she was wearing one of them dresses she wears...

A man goes to his church to ask the priest a question.

"How much does it cost to get a church-singing group?" the man asks.

The priest replies, "you mean, a choir?"

"Uh, okay, I didn't think that mattered. How much does it cost to *acquire* a church-singing group?"

Little Johnny is walking out after church....

he stops and asks the preacher, "What are all these bricks in the side of the building with names engraved in them?"

The pastor replies, "Those bricks and names are all in remembrance of people who died in the service."

"Oh"' Johnny replies..... "was it the early or late service?"

You know I heard that the Catholic Church was going to start letting priests and nuns marry one another

Though it may be hard for nuns to get out of the habit

An old married couple are in church one Sunday…

when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”.

The husband turned to her and says, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In church they tell you not to drink or have premarital sex

Yet Jesus got hammered and nailed in a single weekend.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man ask for absolution to a priest during conffession. The priest tells the man " is clear that you are too attached to money so as a penance give 20€ to the first person you meet outside of the church, it doesn't matter who he or she will be". So the man leaves the church and walks away

After a few minutes, finally, he sees someone, is a woman, from her appearance alone he understands that the she is a prostitute but he remember Father's words "it doesn't matter who he or she will be". So he approaches her and trys to give her the 20€. The woman is furious! "You think you can have ...

What is the mathematical function condemned by church?

It's sin.

A Canadian visits a small church while on holiday in Scotland.

The Canadian is intrigued by the intricately carved pulpit and, being something of a history buff, would like to know more about it so approaches the little old vicar.

"Excuse me sir, would you be so kind as to tell me what the pulpit is made of?"

"Aye. Wood."

"You would?"
...

Anyone planning on attending their non-conformist church now that COVID restrictions are lifted?

Remember to bring your mask. Always practice safe sects.

...I'll see myself out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A convict was sent to work at a church, you won't believe what happened next...

A guy got sentenced to do some community service at the local church after robbing it. The first day, the priest decided to put him to work at the confessional booth and accompanied him through the first confessions to show him how it works.

First woman entered the booth and said: "Bless me F...

Suzy came to the church in a see-through blouse leaving almost nothing to imagination

After the congregation,the priest called her aside and said " you can't come to church dressed like that " pointing at her blouse.


"But I have a divine right" complained Suzy.


" And you have a divine left too " noted the priest " but still you can't come dressed like that " .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were three nuns at a church lined up to confess their sins to a pastor.

The first nun approached the pastor and said “forgive me father, for I have sinned. I looked at a man’s penis”.

The pastor said to the nun “go to the font and wash your eyes with the holy water. Then, you may be forgiven”.

The second nun approached the pastor and said “forgive me fathe...

What’s the difference between a nun in the bath and a nun in church

Ones got hope in her soul, ones got soap in her hole

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus full of Catholics and a coach load of Jews all arrive at the same church

There was mass confusion.

A drunk enters a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth sits down but says nothing

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there, not saying a word.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

To which the drunk mumbles, “Sorry, can’t help you. There’s no paper on this side either.”

If the 2nd Amendment were a religion, what kind of chairs would their churches have?

Pew pews.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got kicked outta church because I yelled "fuck the devil!"

I thought we hated this guy.

The elderly Mr. Johnson attended church every Sunday ...

And every Sunday one or another of the old ladies of the church would invite him for dinner, and he would always decline.

One Sunday, Mrs. Smith pressed him on the issue. "Wouldn't you like a nice home-cooked meal?" she asked.

"No thanks," he replied.

"What about some of your ...

Two old ladies were attending a church service

And about half way through one says:

"I just did a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

The other woman proceeds to lean over slowly and say:

"Put some new batteries in your bloody hearing aids!"

Why don't churches have WiFi?

They don't wanna compete with an invisible power that actually works.

I don't like talking about my childhood as a church choir boy

it is a touchy subject

My Christian friend keeps asking me to go to church and I keep refusing.

Friend: Why won't you go to church with me? he asked.

Me: Well you see, I'm Jewish and going to church isn't something we do.

Friend: Well, you just haven't found Jesus yet.

Me: Oh no, that's not it. we definitely found him...

Two nuns were riding their bikes back to the church.

The first nun suggests they take a detour down a back alley. A few minutes later the second nun says, “I’ve never come this way before.” The first nun says, “It’s the cobblestones.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are two things that you can see in the photo op at St John's church?

One is a glorified tool that is no longer relevant, but still widely used by radical christians to persecute homosexuals, degrade women, prohibit freedom, and rationalize war on non-believers.

The other is the bible.

Why are there so many old people in church?

They’re cramming for the final

In the Mormon Church there is a family that has recently been baptized.

After a month of being new members the Bishop calls them in separately to see how they are doing. During an interview with the father, the bishop asks,
“Will you give a talk next Sunday in Church?”
The new convert replies, “Sure, but what would you like me to give my talk on?”
“On anything ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jews are standing in front of a catholic church...

...where a sign is outside that says "Become Catholic today and receive 100 $".

Jew 1 says; Nice, I think I am gonna do this.

Jew 2 says; No, you can't just change your religion like that!

Jew 1 says; Yes I can, and 100 bucks is 100 bucks!

So Jew 1 goes in and comes back...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jews walk past a sign outside a church

“Convert to Christianity now, get $100!”

Micha can’t resist such easy money, and enters the church, while Ben decides to wait outside.

After a while, Micha returns, and Ben asks:

“Well? Did you get the 100 dollars?”

Micha scoffs, and says:

“Money! That’s all you ...

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.

She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute-glass bowl sitt...

Two nuns are bicycling to church one morning, as they always do.

They decide to take a different route this time and eventually end up on a cobblestone road. One nun says the other, “I’ve never come this way before.” The other nun responds, “must be the cobbles.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three couples are trying to get married at a church.

There is a young couple, a middle-aged couple, and an elderly couple. The three couples meet with the priest and discuss when they can get married.
 
"If you wish to get married in my church, you must all go one month without having sex," says the priest.
 
One month later the three coup...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Susie goes to church every Sunday, but she has trouble staying awake during class...

Little Johnny sits behind her, and one day a nun comes up to Susie and asks her,

“What is the name of out lord and savior?”

Little Johnny pokes Susie in the back with a stick to wake her up, she jolts up and yells

“Jesus Christ!”

“Very good Susie.”

She falls back a...

So the Pope arrives at heavens gate

St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.

The Pope: "I am the pope."

St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."

The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."

St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."

The Pope: "But I am t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is a joke my dad told me a long time ago. I hope I don't offend anyone.

A young man was inspired to help out with his church's fundraiser. He asked the preacher if he could participate. The preacher, knowing the young man had a bad stutter, only gave him 3 bibles to sell.

The following day the young man returned asking for more. The preacher gave him 5. The follo...

One day in a small town, a man buys land right infront of a church

He decides to build a brothel there and when the priest and the other religious folk heard that, they strongly stood against the construction of the house of many sins. However, nobody could do anything because the land was not theirs and the man could legally build anything he wanted there.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, Linda, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.

The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Linda very discreetly about the problem, and told her to m...

Two older Jewish men walked by a Catholic Church with a sign in front that said “Convert today and get $100”

The first man turned to the second and said “$100?!? I’m going in!” and walked into the church, leaving his friend to wait for him outside. When the first man came back out, the second asked, “OK, so now you’re Catholic but did you at least get the $100?”. The first man gave him a look and said “It’...

The other day I saw an event a local church was having at a dispensary where they were giving away donuts and spreading the Word of God

They called it Glaze It, Blaze It, and Praise It

After years of going to catholic church I’ve finally decided to seek other points of view on religion...

... After countless hours of study and understanding, I felt an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

Had I made a mistake? Had I crossed a benevolent God?

I had studied Judaism in Israel,

Buddhism in Tibet,

Even to indigenous areas of the globe to to better understand what it...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At church, Joe was in charge of taking up the offerings.

One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated. So he questioned Joe. He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation. Joe said that he did not take any of the offering. The priest again questioned him and again he said t...

A homeless man with poor clothing is walking one day when he sees a church is having a service so he goes inside. When he gets inside a person walks up to him looks at his clothes and tells him to leave.

The man goes and sits outside and has a small cry when a voice behind him says "whats wrong"?. When he explains what has happened the voice replies don't worry my son my name is god and I have been trying to get into that place for years

What’s the difference between school and church?

In school, the teachers care about you mentally, at church, the priests care about you physically.

It's really nice to see Churches embrace internet technology during this pandemic.

Our priest even bought my son his own Webcam.

You know why churches dont have wifi?

Cause they don’t want to deal with an invisible power that actually works


Not original, a friend told it to me years ago.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

She asked me, "Father, what is the church's position on fellatio?"

It reminded me of the first time I was asked that question. It was a lady who had just wedded.

I told her then, "I wish I can tell you, but I don't know what fellatio is." So then she showed me.

Now whenever anyone asks me that question, I tell them... "I wish I can tell you, but I do...

A priest is making his weekly rounds, visiting the parishioners of his church...

He stops by a friendly old woman’s house, a faithful member of his congregation. She invites him in for a cup of tea, and as he sits down with the tea he notices a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. After a few minutes of conversation the priest takes a small handful and starts munching on the pea...

A kid at church with his parents turned to his mom and said “mom I have to go pee” she looked back and said “we’re in church don’t say pee say whisper”

So the next weekend he looked at his dad and said “dad I need to whisper” and his dad said “do it in my ear”

A few minutes before the church service started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was i...

A drunk man staggers into an empty church. He looks right. He looks left. When he spots the big crucifix in the middle, he makes his way down the center aisle, muttering under his breath. Finally, when he's right underneath it, he waves his bottle around and starts screaming at it...

"YOU! S'all YOUR fuggin' fault!" he screams. "I los' ma job, ma wife lef' me, ma kids ran 'way, and today ma dog died! Jus' you wait! I'ma come back with ma shotgun and give ya what for!"

And then he leaves, cursing and shouting all the way.

Meanwhile, the priest has been hiding in the...

going on social media these days is like going to church

after 5mins, I feel guilty af

I never shower before church.

I like to sit in my own pew.



Credit to my 7 year old granddaughter.

Why did the chicken cross the road?







To take a photo in front of a church.

The local nun has always been washing and hanging her clothes outside the church every other day for decades.

But recently, when it came time to collect the dried clothes, it was at least -30C and she just broke her habit.

Why aren’t chickens allowed in church?

Because they only use fowl language.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church.

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church.

The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the final couple were ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man screams at his tv: “You fucking idiot don’t walk into that church!!”

His wife comes Into the room and asks him what he’s watching.

The man responds: “Our wedding tape”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest is sitting inside the church, when a guy comes in and asks to be confessed.

“Very well, my child,” says the priest, as he leads the man into the confession booth, “Tell me about your sins.”

“Well, Father,” says the guy, “On Monday, I was at my girlfriend’s house, and, well… the two of us alone, the house empty… I sinned, Father.”

“Don’t worry, child,” says the...

Have you heard about the Catholic church that is having drive-up confessions due to COVID-19?

It’s called “Toot and Tell or go to Hell”

The Church just added an 11th COMMANDMENT.

Thou shall not COVID thy neighbor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. and Mrs. Johnson wanted to join a very conservative church.

"When was the last time you had sex?" asked the minister.

"Just this morning," said Mr. Johnson.

"At our church," said the minister, "we do not tolerate it when people have sex more than once every three months. Today is May 1st. Please come back by August 1st. If you have not had sex...

A bishop came to my Church.

He was an impostor. Never once moved diagonally.

Kanye West

After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take...

How much humour does a woman of the church have?

Nun

What would you call a war between Area 51 and the Catholic Church?

Alien vs Predator

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife go to church

The man has a plan since his wife keeps falling asleep during mass. The man brought a pencil with him to poke his wife so that she would stay awake.

During mass, the priest decides to play trivia, at which this point the wife is asleep. The priest asks “Who was atoned for the sins of man?” ...

A priest was asked whether he had exploited anyone from the church. Father replied:

I have exploited none.

A guy with a black eye walks into a bar.

The barman, after serving him, asks "how did ya get the black eye?" He says "I was in church last Sunday and the lady in front of me had her dress stuck in the crack of her bum. So I thought I'd do the christian thing, reached forward and grabbed the hem of her dress and plucked it out. She turned a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest kept chickens at his village.

One evening, the cock went missing.

At the church mass prayer gathering, the priest asked, "Who has a cock?"... all the men stand up.

"No, I meant who has seen a cock?"... all the women get up.

"No no no! Who has seen a cock that isn't their's?"... Half the women stay standing.<...

I saw my wife slightly drunk, yelling at the TV :”Don’t go in the church, you moron”

She’s watching our wedding video again

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is having an affair...

... with a man.

One day, her 14-year-old son hides in the closet to watch what they do.Surprisingly, the husband comes home and the wife hides her lover in the closet without realizing that her son is already in there.

Son: " Kinda dark in here."Man: "Yes."Son: "I have a baseball."Man:...

What's the difference between a casino and a church?

You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

What do you call a church shooter?

Mass murderer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy asks the Church Priest "What are you doing Father?"

"It's called masturbating. You'll be doing this soon", replies the priest.

"Why Father?"

"Because my wrist is killing me."

A holy man was feeling distraught one morning, so he sat alone in his church praying to God for guidance...[long]

The Good Reverend had been giving into indulgence far too often lately; drinking wine, his Tuesday night Poker games, and sneaking peeks at those unmentionable places on the Interwebs.

It had started innocently enough, but the priest was getting carried away and the guilt was finally getting ...

what did the stormtrooper say when he walked into the church?

Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!

It seems I’ve joined a church run by the Thieves’ Guild.

We’ve been reading the Bribe-al.

Why don’t church ladies like chicken?

They’re offended by their fowl language.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Seven Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

The Catholic Church banned plastic bags from its premises.

They consider them to be sac-religious.

A man is praying in church.

He looks up to heaven and says "God, could you answer a question for me?"



"Of course, my son," says God, "what would you like to know?"



"God, what is a million years to you?"



"Well," says God, "a million years to me is as a second."



"Hmm," ...

Forget separation of church and state...

... I need separation of home and work.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young lady approaches a priest

A young lady approaches a priest and asks him, "Father, what are the Church's views on fellatio?" The priest was confused for a second and replied, "I'd love to tell you, but unfortunately, I do not know what fellatio is." The lady demonstrates and the priest is slightly taken aback.


A f...

I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.

It was a touching story.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Betrayed

Perry was riding a cab when he saw the *Nun* that he likes very much



"I wish I could kiss that Nun" said Perry



"You could come back here later at 12 MN, I assure you she'll be praying at the back of the church." said the cab driver

"Are you sure?!" said Perry wit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mary walks into her church weeping and goes to the Priest and bawls "Father. My husband has died"...

The priest says "Oh Mary, I'm so sorry for your loss. I knew Peter, he was a good man. Did he have any last wishes before he died?"

Mary said "Yes Father. He said 'Mary can you please put down the fucking gun'"

A church decides that god will protect them from the Corona Virus

As a result, **they all agree that they should not wear masks**, because they trust god so much. Weeks later, they all are infected and die from the virus.

They go to heaven and ask god, **"why didn't you protect us?"**

God responded **"that's what the masks were for you dumbasses"**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a baby born with no arms. His parents put him on the church's stairs and vanished.

The local priest took him in and raised him, eventually giving him the job of ringing the bell for evening mass. So, each day, the child lined up from across the room and ran as fast as he could to hit the bell with his head.

One day, the priest ate a banana and left the peel lying by the bel...

A new teacher trying to get to know his students.

He asked one of them "what do you do after school"
Student 1: I go home, watch TV then go to Frank the weed guy"

Teacher felt awkward and decided to ask another student.
Student 2 "me, I play football then go to Frank the weed guy"

Teacher was really disappointed but didn't want...

Jack goes to his buddy Bob and says ... "I'm sleeping with the priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?"

The friend doesn't like it but being a buddy, he agrees. After mass,

Bob starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks him what he's really up to.

Bob feeling guilty, finally confesses to th...

What do priests say to get rid of insects in the church?

Let us spray!!!

One Sunday, in a church...

...the preacher said out loud: "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And the congregation shouted,"Amen!"

"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river."

And the congregation shouted,"Amen!"

"And if...

Three priests are meeting to discuss how to manage church funds

Three priests are having a meeting and the topic of money comes up. The question each has to answer is what is the best way to decide how much money goes back to God and how much money the priest keeps for himself.

The first priest says that he prefers to completely clear a large table and s...

A 90 year old Holocaust survivor told me this joke.

Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100."
The one says to the other, "should we do it??" The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?" The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I'm gonn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church." And with that said, the secretary lea...

Why do the fungi go to church today?

Because it’s yeaster.

Repost: typo.

Because of the coronavirus, churches unable to meet in person this Sunday...

...will be celebrating "E-ster."

Why did the farmer take his milk to the church?

Because it needed to be pastor-ized

“Jesus loves you” is a beautiful thing to hear at church.

But a horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.