Guys I tried to think of a social distancing joke

but this is as close as I could get

I hate it when people confuse one social media for another

Edit: Thanks for the likes

What is an example of redneck social distancing?

Sleeping with your 3rd cousin instead of your 1st.

My son is taking part in a social experiment where he has to wear a t-shirt saying "GO VEGAN" for 2 weeks and see how people react.

So far, he has been punched, spit on and a bottle thrown at him!

I'm curious to see what happens when he goes outside.

Why did the communist kill all of the civilians in the town square, regardless of their social class?

Because he was an expert Marxman.

My dad is a social distancing champion!!!

I havent seen him since 2005

Want to follow social distancing guidelines but still meet with your friends and family?

Just gather in groups of three, as there will be 6 feet between all of you :)

What is Mr Frog's favourite social media platform?

Reddit reddit. Reddit

Michigan has updated their social distancing guidelines

Residents are now asked to stay one oars-length away from one another.

"Social credit system , censorship of any info that does not fit their narrative , Demonization of people with wrong think " You know who I am talking about.

Reddit

If social distancing makes you feel lonely...

... just buy some stocks. Then you'll have a bit of company.

Foucault: Schools serve the same social functions as prisons and hospitals.

Foucault’s mother: You’re still going.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bi sexual Hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie watching sci-fi on wifi.

Which cheese is always compliant with social distancing?

Provolone

Man, social distancing sucks.

WHO thought this was a good idea

Social Distancing

We are two months into self-isolation and it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks. It breaks my heart to see her like this. I have thought very hard about how I can cheer her up. I have even consid...

going on social media these days is like going to church

after 5mins, I feel guilty af

What do you call a riot wih social distancing?

A repellion.

It's unfortunate that the NASA and SpaceX astronauts weren't social distancing with eachother...

But their PPE is out of this world!

social distancing is great, public school shootings are down 100%

Unfortunately home school shootings are up 100%

India is taking social distancing seriously.

Citizens without masks were seen getting hard whacks on the behind by policeman with batons as punishment.

When asked if the punishment was too severe, one constable responded, "Not at all. I'm just flattening the curve".

My dad threw every social studies book away except one

It was history...

Not a single person at those Memorial Day swim parties in Missouri was social distancing. They were packed in there, shoulder-to-shoulder, splashing around, making a...

...second wave pool.

What do whales do during Social Distancing?

Netflix and Krill

Seeing as how Mount St Helen's been all over social media...

I vote we change her name to Mount St Karen..as a warning for future generations

Unfortunately men are still getting infected even when they abide by social distancing

That's because six feet to them is in reality 5'8"

Why can’t flat earthers practice social distancing?

They would run out of room and fall off the edge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There’s a C, N, & T in social distancing...

All I need is U to get the fuck away from me.

My wife is stressed out not being allowed to leave the house or socialize.

And now, with this coronavirus thing...

I asked my friend, “Hey, did you read that article about a social media platform that has some very toxic people, very questionable virtual communities, and people that come together to do amazing things?”

He replies: “Yeah, I Reddit.”

Day 1: Staying home, avoiding social gatherings and eating food in my room

Day 50: Continuing with this process

Day 100: Still feeling okay

Day 2500: Now a global virus has arrived and others are doing what i do.

What do you call a bunch of pandemic flu victims that all ignore social distancing and get together for a party?

A murder of crovids

Apparently you have no more social life once you turn 40

My friend turned 40 about 2 weeks ago and she says she doesn't go anywhere anymore - she just stays at home all days and doesn't hang out with anyone.

I don't practice "social distancing."

After 30 years of social anxiety and a deep disgust of humanity in general, I operate on an "expert" level.

Socially Distant

Years ago I was criticized for being socially distant... I quess I was ahead of my time!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Being on social media is like having sex

It's fun until you know your parents do it too

A fathom is a unit of length equivalent to 6 feet, so not respecting social distance would be rather...

...unfathomable.

I can't believe the NASA/SpaceX Astronauts...

Don't you think they are taking "Social Distancing" a bit **too** seriously?

I suggested to my wife that we practice social distancing

She agreed, but wanted to call it a trial separation.

My wife is socially distancing me...

Just to be safe, she started it in 2008.

Farmers have this social distancing thing mastered...

Guess you could say they’re outstanding in their field

Army soldiers can't comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement.

But everyone in the Navy can fathom it.

Court declares social distancing rules unenforceable in Alabama

The Judge wrote in his opinion that "the entire state's population can be reasonably considered a family unit."

During these uncertain times, it is important to remember that we are all still human beings and we should treat each other in a polite and respectful manner. If I come within 6' of you, just politely remind me about social distancing.

None of this, "I have a restraining order, creep!"

My girlfriend and I are practicing social distancing

Or as she calls it breaking up with me

Two musicians, violating social distancing

I was annoyed to see two musicians together today, violating social distancing. They were counting: one repeated "1 2 3, 1 2 3,"…; the other, "1 2 3 4 5, 1 2 3 4 5,"… "Hey!", I said, "It's unsafe, so close together!" "No worries", they replied, "we have two meters between us."

My Dad is Happy About Social Distancing

Now he has an excuse to never give me a hug. :(

I was keep my social distance, but this guy kept getting closer.

He got real close and whispered "I'm asymptotic."

What do a diet and social distancing have in common?

Both flatten the curve.

Social distancing for an introvert is like winning a free ticket to a Coldplay concert for an extrovert

I feel right at home

This social distancing is going too far.

I just went to make a cake and the first line on the packet said separate 2 eggs 🥚<-->🥚

How much toilet paper you have now determines your social status

How Charmin

I was so fortunate that a Muslim family was able to take me in when Social Isolation when into effect.

Now I am in Quran-tine.

I don't need to worry about social distancing.

Nobody comes near me anyways

In order to support social distancing, the National Association for Celebacy has cancelled its March meeting.

Please share this message. They want to make sure nobody comes.

Went out for my state sanctioned, socially distant walk today...

...and I gotta say, a lot of guys seem to measuring six feet the way they measure six inches.

Cemeteries are great places to practice social distancing.

Everyone is always six feet away from you.

Social Distancing is important, it’s right there in the Bible.

Commandment #10 : Thou shalt not COVID thy neighbor’s wife

At our local shop, the police were there to enforce social distancing.

They were singing ‘don’t stand... don’t stand so... don’t stand so close to me’.

Social distancing is not new

my friends practiced this in high school. And then in college. And my work friends have been doing it for years.

I’m a social vegan.

I really avoid meet.

What does it take to turn a Trump Supporter into a socialist?

$1,000

Covid-19 is just like the flu, don't believe in all social media that are fear mongering.

Spread the word and be positive

Social distancing

I logged on to Facebook the other day only to post on my daughter's wall that she's a horrible dancer.
She asked why I would do such a thing.
I told her because I heard we were supposed to be "social diss dancing"

"Social Distancing" is a strategy designed to protect you from someone coughing close to you.

So make sure you let everyone know to far cough.

Right now everyone in Cleveland is taking social distancing very seriously. No one is even down by the lake.

It's Erie

I heard that social distancing is important now

*So

I'm

adding

extra

space

after

each

word

I

type

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media

If Thanos used social media, what platform would he use?

Snapchat

Social distancing...

...is the new reason why women tell me to get away. At least I’m not a creep anymore!

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD...

How bad is it you ask?

So bad,

THAT....

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer....

A Chinese-owned social media platform has been poisoning breath mints to accomplish their goals.

It's the TikTok tic tac tactic.

Social isolation party at your house tonight!

And yours! And yours, and yours, and yours...

Grocery runs, social distancing, isolations, quarantines...

Everybody is Kung-Flu Fighting

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When social media bans female boobs, but not men's, it shows a real intolerance...

lactose intolerance.

My son is doing a social experiment for school

For a week he will be wearing an "I love liberals!" hat everywhere he goes and record the reactions he observes from people he meets. So far he has been cussed at, spit at, yelled at, slapped twice and even had a bottle thrown at him. Its really quite awful, im not sure whats going to happen to hi...

For over 30,000 years humans gave social "likes" by sharing beads made from ostrich eggs.

I guess you might call them emu-jis.

What do you call an anti-vaxxer who’s big in social media?

An influenzar

Flat earthers are very worried about the COVID-19 pandemic.

They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Theres a new social network app for wifebeaters

Twatter

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched straight up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just
HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.”

The social worker behind the counter said, “Your timing is excellent!”

We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a
chauffeur and bod...

A new study revealed that fencing experts are very popular on social media

It turns out the secret to success is just mastering the repostie.

How many Social Workers does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But fifteen to write a report about surviving in darkness.

Why do social justice warriors hate dentists?

Because they make teeth straight and white.

Socializing for me is like shoes......

I wear slippers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.

I think she’s hitting on me.

I don't get why there are so many social justice warriors

Why don't people want to play as social justice mages or social justice rangers?

What do you call an undead soldier that fights for Social Justice?

A Wight Knight

I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions !

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

Elderly couples are socializing over tea and biscuits, men are playing cards...

Marv: Oh, Benny, you won't believe the new diner we went to - the foood! Oy vey! You must try it!!

Benny: What's it called?

Marv: Hang on.. Oy... Um.. Hm.. What's that flower - all red and prickly?

Ben: A Rose?

Marv: Yes! Yes! Rose! **Hey, Rose, hon!!! What was the name o...

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