My sister is taking part in a social experiment. She has to wear a “Boris is doing his best “ t-shirt for 2 weeks and see how people react. So far she’s been spit on, punched and had a bottle thrown at her!

I’m curious to see what happens when she goes outside.

I had a joke for Generation Z about Social Security...

... But they're probably not going to get it.

What do you call a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life?

Alien versus Redditor.

Did you hear about the crow who got arrested for trying to start a social club?

He was charged with attempted murder... I'll see myself out

What did the reddit user say after looking at his social life?

Wow, such empty

whats the difference between a social media influencer and a bench??

one can support a family.

I'm a social vegan.

I avoid meet.

My 4 yr Old son said "Daddy, why do people make up things that their children have said for social media?

Isn't it just inherently dishonest and indicative of inability to construct a compelling narrative themselves? "




Ps: This sub in a nutshell

the inventor of the revolving door looked at a perfectly normal door and boldly asked "what if i added social anxiety?"

if i go too slow? surely everyone behind me hates me.

too fast? everyone behind me is in danger.

perfect invention.

let's put them in the busiest buildings.

I hate it when people outright copy and paste somebody's joke on Twitter and post it on a different social media platform.

Retweet if you agree.

Social distancing will never work in India because...

... by the time you are 6 feet away from one, you will be too close to another person.

What are frogs' favorite social media platform?

Reddit

What happens when a plant tries to add you on social media?

You get a fern request.

I'm starting a social media website for religious people with a lisp

Faithbook

My son is doing a social experiment for school.

He plans on wearing an "I love Liberals" shirt out in public and will be recording the interactions with others. So far he has been cussed at, spit at, slapped, and even threatened. Im afraid what will happen when he actually leaves the house.

Flat earthers are very worried about the pandemic.

They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.

Why shouldn’t you recommend a book to a social media user?

Because they have probably already Reddit

What do you call a person who has flu but does not isolate themselves and is very active on social media?

Influen(zer)

1960s kids don't have a problem with social distancing.

Everyone was pretty spaced-out then.

How do Muslims social distance?

Qur'antine

Social distancing guidelines have been relaxed, and we can now have gatherings of up to 8 people without issues

But I don't even know 8 people without issues.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

"Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be e...

What happens when you get a 100 socially awkward people together in a room?

Nothing.

I just got kicked out of flat earth Facebook groups

because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing had pushed anyone over the edge yet.

Why does Satan have social anxiety?

Because he goes through hell just to say hello

How does a socially inept cat walk away from conversation?

On his faux pas

Social Security

To Whom It May Concern,

I would like to ask the Social Security Administration about my case.

I got married in 1962 to a widow, who had han adult daughter. My father visited us frequently, and as a result, he married my stepdaughter.

After this, my stepdaughter became my step...

Trump has more impeachments than he does social media accounts.

This joke will never get old, ever.

My doctor refuses to post my diagnosis to social media...

He says my disease is untweetable...

What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man,  and in a socialist one, it’s the other way around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist told me that I’m terrible in picking up social cues.

I think she’s hitting on me.

What does a socially awkward and depressed frog say?

Reddit.!

We've been practicing social distancing for a while now;

I think we're ready for the real deal.

A Gen Z kid and a boomer walk into a bar

They sit down and the Gen Z kid orders from the gluten free vegan menu and the boomer orders a T-Bone steak.

They start chatting and the Gen Z kid says that social justice issues are the biggest problem facing the world, and that the white supremacist patriarchy is a plague on society. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Social progress....

A wise old Indian Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a
Ceremonial Pipe and eying two Canadian Government officials sent to
interview him.


"Chief Two Eagles" asked one official, "You have observed the white man
for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his techn...

I hate it when people confuse one social media for another

Edit: Thanks for the likes

My college age son decided to wear a Trump 2020 shirt as a social experiment here in California.

So far he’s been yelled at, punched, kicked and spit on, & he hasn’t even left the house yet.....

Most often heard response to the social-distancing 1 meter apart rule in Norway?

We have to stand closer to people?

[Long] A Russian Jew...

...is migrating to Israel after much paperwork and waiting.

At Moscow airport, customs found a statue of Lenin in his baggage and asked him, "What is this?"

The man replied, "What is this? Wrong question comrade. You should have asked: who is he? This is the most respected Comrade Leni...

Due to social distancing, only six of the seven dwarfs can meet at their favorite coffee shop.

One of them isn't Happy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the other day I said to me wife - you know seems like these days we only have Social Security sex."

She gives me a strange look - "Social Security sex?"

I said "Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.

Guys I tried to think of a social distancing joke

but this is as close as I could get

A court declares social distancing unenforceable in Alabama

Reasons the judge: The entire state’s population can reasonably be considered as a family unit

What is Captain Hook’s least favorite social media site?

TikTok!

What core subjects do Kentucky students take?

English, Science, Social Studies, and Methamatics

The CDC advises practicing social distancing during the holidays

That is why I didn't call my mom this year

What happens when people refuse to social distance?

It all ends in tiers...

Gravity is just a social construct

Invented by a Christian to keep you down

I developed a successful chicken social network app to make more money.

I didn’t do it for the glory I did it to make hens meet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver’s license to verify his age.

He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. “I will have to go home and come back later.”
...

Boris turns to his friend Sergei and says, “I see you have been doing the Instagram and Twitters.”

Yes, I’ve gotten quite good. I am what you call a Socialist, no?” Replies Sergei.
“Sergei no, no. That is not Socialist. Soci-“
Sergei interrupted “Yes I am going professional on social media’s. I am Socialist.”
“Yes, your on the Twitter and Instagrams.” Reassured Boris.
Yes, Sergei nodd...

How can Santa Claus possibly practice social distancing?

He stays at least 6 feet away from his HO HO HO’s!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every time I see someone posting lyrics of inspirational songs on social media, I get really pissed off.

But I will survive.

Covid restrictions...

I'm down with social distancing, but I think my local grocery store has gone too far.

They've put a big X on the floor to show where to stand in line at the register.

I've seen enough Roadrunner cartoons, I'm not falling for that.

As a social justice warrior, you all offend me. I am going to cancel each and every one of you.

Starting with your netflix account.

My dad is a social distancing champion!!!

I havent seen him since 2005

My girlfriend and I have been practicing social distancing since the start of the pandemic.

She calls it a restraining order for some weird reason.

I’m confused - The Left are telling me that COVID social restrictions and vaccines are the way forward, whilst Trump supporters are saying lets get group immunity from many catching it

I feel I’m stuck between a woke and a herd place

If social distancing makes you feel lonely...

... just buy some stocks. Then you'll have a bit of company.

Why did the social awkward man never go to the second storey of his house ?

He couldn't handle the stairs.

What did the cows write on their protest signs when the farmer made them social distance due to COVID?

We just want to be herd.

Wanna see some social distancing?

Loan someone some money.

All my social media apps and people I know keep telling me to vote...

I’ve probably cast like 40 ballots by now, and they STILL won’t stop telling me to do it!

I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles.

Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.

And it works. I already...

USSR should've been called PTSD

Post-Tsarism Socialism Disorder

Social Distancing is so unbelievably stupid

If corona came from China, surely it can go another 6ft.

Man, social distancing sucks.

WHO thought this was a good idea

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian Jew decides to emigrate to Israel

At Moscow airport the customs officials stop him when they find a statue of Lenin in his luggage and ask what it is.

He replies, "I think you meant "Who is this?" This my friend, is Comrade Lenin, who laid the foundations of socialism and allowed Russia to prosper. I take a statue of him wit...

Who is the REIGNING, DEFENDING and UNDISPUTED Social Distancing Champion of the World?

A whistleblower.

If social media were a thing in 1937

would people on the Hindenburg say:

"Here before this blows up."

I always thought I had anger problems and was anti-social

but after spending time on Reddit, I'm apparently well adjusted and normal.

We, Americans have been told to keep practicing social distancing. But I’m curious...

When do we get to do it for real?

What is an example of redneck social distancing?

Sleeping with your 3rd cousin instead of your 1st.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To social distance.

(Credit to my 10 year old niece for coming up with this one.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When social media bans female boobs, but not men's, it shows a real intolerance...

lactose intolerance.

Finnish people eagerly await giving up the mandatory social distancing guidelines

So they can return from the government mandated 2 meters of distance to the normal 5 meters

So the UK has introduced the “rule of 6” for social groups...

Now if you attempt to add another party member they will be sent to the PC.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bi sexual Hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie watching sci-fi on wifi.

I told my Dad I am going to delete all of my social media accounts, throw away my electronics and go live in the woods.

He told me I can't just Thoreau my life away.

Google Plus was the gym of social networking

We all joined but no one ever used it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fellow stuck in a coronavirus outbreak, prayed to God for help.

Soon the head of the WHO came by. He said “Try social distancing! It can save you!”

The fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the head of the WHO went on.

Then Dr. Fauci came by and told the man “Wear a mask! It can save you!”

The ...

Social Club

An Italian husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
<...

I don't understand why everyone is saying that Americans are refusing to social distance...

...six feet is six feet, even if it's six feet under.

social distancing is great, public school shootings are down 100%

Unfortunately home school shootings are up 100%

Michigan has updated their social distancing guidelines

Residents are now asked to stay one oars-length away from one another.

Which cheese is always compliant with social distancing?

Provolone

What do whales do during Social Distancing?

Netflix and Krill

Why are Anti-Maskers better at social distancing?

Because they keep 6 feet of dirt apart from the living.

Two grandparents are having a phone call talking about their family. One grandparent talks about how proud she is that her granddaughter came to visit her while socially distanced

The other said - “my grandson is so protective of me. He socially distances so much he won’t even call me!”

What do you call a highly cited epidemiology researcher with a social media presence?

An influenzer.

Want to follow social distancing guidelines but still meet with your friends and family?

Just gather in groups of three, as there will be 6 feet between all of you :)

I don't get why there are so many social justice warriors

Why don't people want to play as social justice mages or social justice rangers?

India is taking social distancing seriously

Citizens without masks were seen getting hard whacks on the behind by policeman with batons as punishment.

When asked if the punishment was too severe, one constable responded, "Not at all. I'm just flattening the curve".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend of mine was having trouble socializing with Japanese Karp,

I told him to be less koi

My wife is stressed out not being allowed to leave the house or socialize.

And now, with this coronavirus thing...

"Social credit system , censorship of any info that does not fit their narrative , Demonization of people with wrong think " You know who I am talking about.

Reddit

What game should you not play when social distancing?

Space invaders

I asked my friend, “Hey, did you read that article about a social media platform that has some very toxic people, very questionable virtual communities, and people that come together to do amazing things?”

He replies: “Yeah, I Reddit.”

My son is doing a social experiment for school

For a week he will be wearing an "I love liberals!" hat everywhere he goes and record the reactions he observes from people he meets. So far he has been cussed at, spit at, yelled at, slapped twice and even had a bottle thrown at him. Its really quite awful, im not sure whats going to happen to hi...

Due to social distancing, everyone is asking Kim Jung Un how far six feet is Exactly!

Because he is the supreme ruler.

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