This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.

I think she’s hitting on me.

I'm a social vegan.

I avoid meet.

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When social media bans female boobs, but not men's, it shows a real intolerance...

lactose intolerance.

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Want to know a fun fact about my social security number?

It's long and unique, unlike my penis. But like my penis, has never been used by anyone else.

I don't get why there are so many social justice warriors

Why don't people want to play as social justice mages or social justice rangers?

There's a new social media platform where people can take pictures of how they've been conned by their coke dealer.

Isntagram

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Who the hell decided farting in public wasn’t socially acceptable?

Must’ve been a real asshole.

What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man. In a socialist society, it's the other way round.

Why are people in I.T. the worst kind of social justice warriors?

They are always asking you to check your privilege.

I don't have a drinking problem. I am a social drinker.

If someone says "I think I'll have a drink." I say, "Social I!"

What do you get when you cross a social media site with a Chinese investor?

[redacted]

What did the frog say when it was asked it favourite social media platform?

"reddit reddit"



Sorry I had to

Have you heard about the social media stars who are coughing and sick?

They're Instagram Influenzas

What do you call a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life?

Alien versus Redditor.

Jimmy Carr Joke - Socially Unacceptable

JC - I can do a brilliant Michael Jackson impersonation - would you like to see it?

Crowd - YES!

JC - I just need a young volunteer that can keep a secret

(laughter ....)

(\* hope and pray that I've offended none broke no posting rules \*)

Imagine being a social creature that's bad at socializing.

Oh wait. I don't have to

Last year I joined a support group for anti social people

We haven't met yet.

I'm what you would call an anti-social extrovert.

That may sound like a contradiction, but it basically means that being alone makes me what to kill myself and I love it

At first, I thought my idea for a social media platform had failed

But then I made a 4chan.

Socialism is good for only one thing.

Weight loss.

I tried making an anti social media platform.

But it never went anywhere.

I’m thinking of starting a social media network for chickens.

Not as a full time job just a way to make hens meet.

What did the French army general do on social media?

Retweet!

Oedipus at social engagements:

Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Oedipus, this is my significant mother...

A 19-year-old teen had to be admitted after he became addicted to social media.

He’s currently being tweeted in hospital.

What’s thanos’s favorite social media platform?

Snapchat

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A lawyer, priest and social worker

A lawyer, priest and a social worker all on a sinking ship,
Social worker: save the children !!!
Lawyer: no ! Fuck the children !
The priest: ohh do you think we have time

Ever heard the one about the social chef?

I told the guy "Dude you're really good with people, and the food? It's amazing!"

The chef goes "Haha, thank you, Just wait till you see what I can do with animals!"

Which US president was the first to embrace professional social networks?

Abraham LinkedIn

How many social justice activists does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't be silly. Social justice activists can't change anything.

A socialist, a nihilist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks

"We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.

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The clitoris has over 8000 nerve endings

But it's still not as sensitive as a vegan on social media

I always thought I had anger issues and was anti-social

but after spending time on Reddit, I'm apparently well adjusted and normal.

I heard global warming is just a social construct

If it weren't for our society, it wouldn't exist.

For a while now, I always wondered how my parents passed the time in the 80’s and 90’s without social media

I asked my 32 other siblings and they’ve got no idea either.

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An unkempt teenager with his pants hanging half off his bottom walked into the local welfare office to pick up his welfare payment.

He marched up to the counter and said,

"Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job ope...

So apparently there is now a social awareness group that formed to protect corpses from necrophiliacs!

#MeTomb

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

So the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.

The husban...

The Godfather’s relaxing at his social club...

...with his crew. The usual gaggle of young Turks waits in the wings, hoping to get noticed, hoping to move up.

The Godfather calls one of them over.

“Jimmy, I hear good things about you. They tell me you’re serious, that you can be trusted.”

Jimmy swells with pride.

“I ...

What do social media Influencers and perverts have in common?

They both think people want their exposure.

Why was the filmmaker hated at social events?

He was super imposing.

I have a great joke about social anxiety.

Who am I kidding? You'll hate it.

An old man, a schoolboy, a lawyer, a doctor, and a community service worker are all on a plane with only four parachutes when...

The pilot of the plane has a stroke and passes away. As the plane plummets its passengers to death the five members of the aircraft argue over who deserve to have the four bags containing the parachutes.

Social Worker: I deserve to live because I protect vulnerable children and support famili...

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Hey, Fellow people with social anxiety, want to meet up tomorrow?

Oh wait, I greatly apologise but I can't make it.

I am very busy, shit

Maybe another time.

[Religion] [Racist]What is the difference between christianity and national socialism?

In christianity, one guy died for all the others.

What's Forrest Gump's social media password?

1forrest1

Stop writing hateful things about Alabama and the abortion laws all over social media.

They likely can't read, we will need to tell them in person.

Which social network do Sith Lords prefer using as they dominate the universe?

MySpace

I'm not sure where all the racists are going to go when social media platforms kick them off

They can't all go to Congress

What do you call a socially aware Chewbacca?

A “Wokie”

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There is a young man who lives a terrible life.

He had to go to school AND go to work, but his teacher hated him and would fail him for every test he took, and his boss was so cheap and crooked, he was barely making any money at all even after working for him for years. On top of that, he was hated so much by his co-worker and that there was an a...

I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

Real socialism, waiting on a breadline.

Joke socialism, waiting on a punchline.

I've just discovered the cure to Social Anxiety!

Social Security.

Socialism looks like a pretty good idea on paper.

Unless that paper's in a history book.

I did a social experiment on campus

I was having a bad day one week so I decided to try something at my college. I stood in the middle of campus and held up a sign that read "hug me" in hopes that maybe somebody would come around and cheer me up. I waited for 10-20 minutes and then people started walking up. I got so many hugs and it...

Why do social justice warriors hate dentists?

Because they make teeth straight and white.

if I had a dollar for everytime socialism was succesful, I'd have 0$

Which is funny because if it did work, I'd also have 0$

For all its faults, social media has really helped tackle loneliness

If you spend any time on it, you start thinking, 'Thank god I'm alone.'

The university president was inconsolable when the wing housing social sciences and languages burned down.

"Oh, the Humanities!" he cried.

My socially anxious friend got a PhD in palindromes.

He now goes by the title 'Dr Awkward'.

An old man went to get his Social Security started.

But he forgot his papers on the kitchen table.

The lady at the Social Security office told him he needed proof of birth before they could get things started. He pulled down his shirt and said, “Don’t these grey hairs on my chest prove I’m 65?”

She said, “All right sir, I believe you. B...

Me - "Arab countries are so backward, there most of married girls can't even vote on Soacial Media polls without asking their husbands."

Friend - "That's not the truth, there is no such law Arab countries"
Me - "But you need to have a guardian permission to sign up into Social Media if you are less than 13 years old"

I finally understand the difference between capitalism, libertarianism, and socialism.

Capitalists hire libertarians to say socialism is bad. Socialists say capitalism is bad for free. And libertarians will say everyone else is bad as long as they get paid.

My girlfriend is a social media expert.

She sent me a long message last month on why Twitter and Instagram are hands down the best Social Media apps.

But I only reddit now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Greek, A German and An Italian get stranded after a plane crash.

They wander for days until finally they see something in the distance. They approach and are found by some local tribesmen and are accused of trespassing their village. Immediately they are led in front of the local leader:

"I am in a good mood so I will let you go if you participate in a sma...

Social Justice Warriors Favorite Sandwich:

Lettuce, Guacamole, Bacon and Tomato

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A social misfit walks into his local bar

with a big grin on his face.


"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.


"Well I’ll tell you," replies the ugly guy. "You know I live by the railway, well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies.


I, of cou...

What do you call a Facebook mom who coughs at her unvaccinated child?

A social media influenzer

I caught a bunch of social justice warriors in my yard digging up large wooden stakes

They said the posts had to be removed before they caused a fence.

Why are so many young people turning to socialism and communism?

Because then they can seize the memes of production.

Karen served wild mushrooms to the church group.

A group of country friends from the Wildwood Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Tom and Karen to be the hosts, Karen wanted to outdo all the others. Karen decided to have mushroom-sm...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the Minotaur a social outcast?

Because he’s so horny

A man rubs a magic lamp and a Genie pops out.

Genie: You have one wish, but there's three rules. I can't kill anyone, I can't make people fall in love and can't bring anyone back from the dead.

Man: I want socialism to work.

Genie: There's four rules.

What do you call an anti social vegan?

A person who avoids meets.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts

That’s as crazy as the discounts at Dave’s furniture Emporium.

I've always wanted to be a murderer...

Helping socially inept crows get together has always been a dream of mine

He's all over the place

Heard about that social media influenza who went viral? He's sick.

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10 ISIS suicide bombers decided to blow up a building

"We must pick a building that will have a mass effect on western culture" the leader says. So they research all the popular websites they can find and have decided on the reddit headquarters.

"YES!!" Another exclaimed! "We can not only dismantle their social construct but we can all attack ...

All my friends keep tagging me in their social media

So this is what they called the #trashtag challenge

Did you hear about the insomniac social justice activist?

He was woke af

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The General Social Survey reports that the average male has sex 54 times a year.

It’s going to be a busy month.

Last night, I met some university students having a social event for the Frisbee society

But there wasn't much to discuss.

How can you spot the losers in a social media War?

They're the ones yelling, "Retweet! Retweet!!"

[Serious] We should have joke explanations stickied in the comments.

I know explaining the joke “ruins” the joke, but in text format I think this could work. No one is forced to read the stickied comment explaining it and most people read the joke before looking at the comments section. There are so many people including myself who say “IDGI” or “OOTL” in the comment...

Socialism works great!

Until you run out of other people's money

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Orange Dick Bad

A guy goes to his doctor and says "Doc, ya gotta help me. My dick is turning orange!"

Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can have a look. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange! Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a l...

What did the virus name it's social media account?

Influenceza

"I'm a socialist drinker!" The bartender chuckled and asked me, "Don't you mean social drinker?"

"No, I only drink when someone else is paying."

I respect a person who socializes with others by playing Magic: The Gathering.

They're a mana culture.

What do you learn in both Math and Social Studies class?

Inequalities

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My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.

I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

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