Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

A mother and her inquisitive young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy dutifully asked the fligh...

Two men are robbing a condo in a big city.

Suddenly, the building alarms begin to go off and the men hear police sirens outside.

“Quick, jump out the window!” the first man shouts.

The second man gives the first man a look of confusion and replies, “Are you insane, Mike? We’re on the 13th floor!”

Mike rolls his eyes an...

The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?.

The law...

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A pilot, a captain, and a driver were all stuck in a blimp headed straight towards a city.

The pilot, wanting to save himself from crashing, says “let me steer this blimp off course and land us safely. As a pilot, I have years of experience controlling flying vehicles. A blimp surely can’t be much different from a plane.”

The captain then butted in and said “No, let me take the whe...

In what city do bad kids get iron instead of coal for Christmas?

Santa Fe

Everyone knows that Las Vegas is Sin City. But do you know what is Den City?

p = m/V


mass/volume

What's the most electrifying city?

Coulombus, OH

My son was moving to a city in Arizona. On the day before he left he told me, "I love you, Dad."

I love you Tucson.

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A priest and a rabbi are strolling down the city together one evening when they spot a little boy wandering down an alley...

The priest says “Let’s fuck him!” The rabbi says, “Out of what?”

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A Japanese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City...

He entered the store with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.

The following week, he walked in with another 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.

The teller said, "Fluctuations."

The Japanese man stormed out, a...

A city guy drives into the country and sees some ducks at pond...

He walks up to the ducks and asks them their name and what they’re up to.

The first duck says “Hi, my name is Quack and I’m just blowing bubbles.”

The man then goes to the second duck and the duck says “Hi, my name is Quack Quack and I’m just blowing bubbles.”

So, when the man g...

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An artist is commissioned to paint a mural in the newly built city hall.

The city council has decided the mural must be an important scene from American history. The artist accepts the deal with one condition.

No one can see the piece before it is completed.

Begrudgingly, the town council accepts, a contract is signed, and the artist begins work behind a m...

Why is San Francisco called the granola city?

Because when you take out all the fruits and nuts, all you have left are the flakes.

Sir,our driving school is one of the best in the city

No.I am not believing that

What gave you the idea, sir?

Well, you offer crash courses

City Scammer

A scam artist from the city needs to lay low for a while an goes to a faraway village where nobody knows him.

​

He thinks to himself: "These people are probably not as smart as the city folk and I could probably get away with a few scams. It'll be easy pickings."

&...

A blind man is walking the busy streets of the city with the help of his guide dog...

He senses himself coming closer to a busy street with cars driving left and right beeping at each other and driving fast. The dog, urges the man to walk despite the obvious sounds of ongoing traffic. He pulls his dog back, the dog walks harder urging him to walk but the man pulls him back again even...

A husband and wife have just moved out of the city...

...to a dairy farm at the top of a hill. One day, while on their morning walk, the husband spots their beautiful neighbor tending her garden. A gust of wind blows the neighbors dress up, exposing her rear. The husband, in complete awe and excitement, takes a deep breath and accidentally mutters to h...

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A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing!?"

One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry."

The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??"

One of the other businessmen replies, "The menu say, FIRST COME, ...

What did the buffalo tell to his son when he was going to a faraway city?

BISON.


-This was not originally my joke.

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A guy who has spent his whole life in the outback of Australia decides he wants a change in his life, so he moves to the city.

He arrives in Sydney, and the first thing he does is looks for a job. He goes to the biggest department store downtown and applies for a job. The HR rep asks him if he has any experience in sales. So the guy says 'yea I was considered one of the best salesmen out Bush'. The rep isn't amused. 'This ...

They just opened a new Buddhist restaurant in my city...

It's called Karma. The thing is, they don't have a menu.


Instead, you get what you deserve.

A crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus.

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking t...

A physicist moved from the country to the noise of the inner city...

And found the noise there insufferable. But, being a man of science he lined the walls of his apartment with broken Hoover's, Dirt Devil's, and Dyson's, because sound can't travel through a Vacuum.

One hot summer day in the city...

A group of boys are hanging around on the corner with nothing to do. One of their mothers opens her window and shouts down to them "hey you boys better stay outta trouble! Go on and buy yourself something to keep you busy!" And throws a $5 bill down to them.

One of the boys grabs the money a...

Which city has the largest population?

Density.

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Pedro worked in a fine pickle factory in Mexico City

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the cucumber slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.
After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Pedro to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of ...

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An Israeli tourist on a visit to New York City hires a cab to drive him around the sights.

He engages the driver in small talk to get better acquainted.

"Where are you from?" he asks.

"I'm from Palestine" says the cab driver proudly, "and you?"

"I'm from Narnia."

"Bullshit, that place doesn't exist" says the cab driver.

"Well, you started it" says the Is...

I'd like to move to the fifth most populated city in France.

I've heard it's nice.

What did the treasure hunter say when he finally found the map of the Golden City?

Atlas!

What city has the worst waffles?

Sandy Eggo.

Oh, sure. My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero.

I donate five kidneys and I get arrested.

Two blond guys were working for the city works department.

One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole.

They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.

An onlooker w...

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A city man recently moved to a rural area

He buys a nice house & his neighbors seem great.
One of his neighbors comes up to his fence & they begin to talk.

The country guy tells him “I’m going to throw a big party for you at my place. There’s going to be a lot of drinking, a lot of fighting & a lot of fucking.”
<...

What famous European city is in the middle of Czechoslovakia?

Oslo

Big city teacher gets a job in rural Alabama. One room school, all grades...

Teacher can't get any of these kids to learn basic math so she tries a new tack..."If there are 3 crows on a telephone line and a farmer comes out and shoots one, how many are left?"
Troublesome kid says "none". She replies "3 minus 1 is 2...why don't you get that?". Kid says if you shoot one t...

Pol Pot was in his palace...

Pol Pot was in his palace in Phnom Penh one day when his lieutenant came in and told him that a plague had arrived in the west of Cambodia. The lieutenant told him that on the first day, the plague victims became covered in pustules and boils. On the second day, an incredible fever started which nev...

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced

"Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two ...

A native american hitchhiker was picked up by a slick city man who was driving past the reservation.

As they were driving along, the native american noticed a brown paper bag on the dashboard and inquired as to its contents. The city man replied: "It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my wife".

The native american looked forward at the road, nodded his head solemnly, and said: "Good trade".

(From my grandfather)A man from the city goes to work on a farm

He helps the farmer with the harvesting and is riding the tractor around the big field while the farmer is working at one place. Everytime the man passes the farmer he greets him with a simple ''Hey''. This goes on for a little while, until the end of the day.

The farmer walks up to the man ...

New York City tried to hold a nice New Year's Eve party.

But they dropped the ball.

What do you call a man that calculates how many prostitutes are needed in each city?

Horatio!

A young guy comes to the city for a job ....

He finds a vacancy at a department store, and gets invited for an interview.

&#x200B;

The manager asks if he has any previous sales experience to which he replies that he was a vacuum salesman back in his home town. Although unsure, the manager see's potential in the kid and hire...

A guy was walking down the street in New York City

When he noticed another man trying to take an old lady’s purse. As he ran over he noticed she was putting up a pretty good fight. He didn’t know if he should intervene at this point but he decided he would.

With his help they were able to get the purse pretty quickly.

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A English man goes for dinner in a Spanish city

As he's sitting browsing the menu, he notices a man across from him recieves his meal, a large seared juicy looking ball of meat. The man asks the Maître d "What is that man eating" the waiter replies "That is the victory special, a rosted and broilled bull testicle from the weekly bull fight, unfor...

What city has the highest blind population?

Venetians!
This is my first post to r/jokes

I was walking around the city when i saw a man in a turban shaking his carpet on his balcony.

I shouted at him: "What's wrong, it isn't starting?"

Where do all the New York City landscapers live?

Lawn Guy Land

I was walking down the street one day in New York City when I was approached by a black guy. He asked me "Did the Yankees Win?"

I said "Well yeah, you're free"

In the year 1897 a young man named Jonathan Quimby set out for adventure from the frontier city of Seattle. He'd risked his entire life savings to make the trek to the Yukon to prospect.

He started his journey full of excitement and hope. he'd purchased his nearly 2,000lbs of gear and supplies and two fine stock horses to help him carry it.

The voyage to Skagway was difficult. The seas were rough and Jonathan spent many hours at the rail, emptying his stomach into the frigid,...

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An Amish family takes a day off to visit New York City

An Amish family takes a day off to visit New York City.

They drive their wagon all the way into Time Square because they want to find a hotel with a room overlooking all of the cool sights they have never seen. The husband drops his wife and kids off at the front door of a super fancy hotel a...

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2 fleas meet in the city...

One of them is coughing hard and seems to be really sick.
The other one asks: "what the F happened to you?"
The other replies: "I did something stupid. I crawled into the mustache of a biker. Shit got cold quickly and now I'm stuck with the flu."

"Man that sucks, but I know something...

A Scottish mother visits her son in his New York City apartment.

She asks "How do you find the Americans, Donald?"
"Mother," says Donald, "they're such noisy people. One neighbor won't stop banging his head against the wall, and the other screams and screams all night long."
"Oh. Donald! How do you manage to put up with them?"
"What can I do? I just lay ...

A city in Yorkshire has gone missing....

Police say they have no Leeds.

Did you know, flintstone vitamins are not sold in all but one city in the United Arab Emirates? The citizens refuse to eat them.

But Abu Dhabi do.

Two Blizzard employees are driving through a city and are trying to get to an event.

They've been driving for what feels like an eternity but can't seem to find where the event is hosted. They see a young teenager walking on the sidewalk and decide to ask for directions.

After pulling to the side and stopping the teen they ask: "Excuse us, do you happen to know where the Bliz...

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Naive Priest in the Big City

There’s this young priest who’s spent virtually his entire life in a monastery. He is sent to work in one of the poorer areas of a big city. The priest has never seen a city so after settling into his new post he decides to take a long walk to explore things. A couple blocks away from the church he ...

I heard they’re renaming the city of Thousand Oaks...

The new name is “Just A Couple Oaks”. Too soon?

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Louie CK is starting a new food truck in New York City.

Specializing is Jerk Chicken...

Which city suffers from PTSD?

Warsaw.

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A man decided he was sick of city life and moved to the country.

After getting situated, he decided he needed some animals on the farm. He searched the local ads and found a farmer willing to relinquish some livestock for a fee.

He promptly goes to the farmers home and begins his inquiry.

First is the chicken coop and he finds the most beautiful roo...

What do you call a freezing German city?

"Brrr"-lin.

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A man, tired of busy life in the city, moves to a house at the countryside,

...in middle of nowhere. After living there for few months, his nearest neighbor, a big, hairy guy living a few miles away, comes to visit him for the first time.

"Theres gonna be a party tonight at my place, are you interested?", asks the neighbor. The guy, already a bit bored of his quiet l...

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A hillbilly family takes a vacation to New York City

While there, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"
...

A blond city girl named Amy marries a Wisconsin farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the farmer says to her, "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"
The f...

How is it, that the capital city of USA is also the place of most successful laundry bussines?

Because they're washing tons.

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An ugly man walks into a bar and a beautiful woman approaches him...

... the woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?" and the man is stunned. He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees. They both get into his car and drive really far. He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city. Within seconds they start taking ...

They say that New Delhi is the brownest city in the world...

...but I can think of one that’s Dhaka.

North Korea now has a missle that can reach New York City, and I think that's really scary.

If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

A blonde walks to a bank.

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business trip for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan. So the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. ...

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I wanted to borrow a copy of Oedipus Rex, but the library told me the city had banned it.

"Banned it?" I asked.

The librarian nodded. "Yes, for inappropriate content."

I blurted out "Motherfucker!".

She calmly replied "That's exactly why.".

A middle aged man was tired of his job in the city and wanted a place where he could relax

So he decided to go to the seaside and buy a house. He found the perfect house and was about to buy it when his next door neighbor to be shows up: a very fit, athletic 85 year old man, with a full head of beautiful silver hair!

“Hey old timer, it seems this place has done you good! You look...

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A famous city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men

He asks " How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?

And they replied, "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."

The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.

One man says, "Since you're our guests you get to go first."
<...

My city just fired half of the city's construction workers...

Apparently they realized a shovel can stand-up on it's own.

What is the tallest building in any city?

***The library, because it has so many stories.***

I was in a small city in Israel...

and I met this gorgeous woman. Truly beautiful. We had a crazy night of drinking, and passion, and maybe even love, but she was gone in the morning, and I had to go back home. I couldn't even remember her name, only the translation she'd given me into English. "A length of time." It was a dumb thing...

What city has many apples?

Many-apple-lis

(Minneapolis)

Sin City

A penguin was driving through the desert, headed for Las Vegas, when his car started to overheat and stall. As he crested the next hill he was relieved to see a service station and he pulled in. The mechanic said "there's a couple of people ahead of you, and there's a diner across the road. Leave th...

What's the difference between the lost city of Atlantis and Florida?

About 3 days

In all honesty though, my thoughts and good wishes go out to the people of Florida,

Courtesy of my 8 yr old son: if you’re city is overrun by hulks, who you gonna call?

Hulkbusters

I started taking fish out of Kansas City and bringing them into Kansas. The local vegans and fishermen got mad at me.

I said, “What, I’m just putting them out of their Missouri”

A family of moles lived in a hole in the city.

There was a father mole, a mother mole and many sister and brother moles. One day, they were awoken by a pleasant smell that none of them could identify. The father scurried up the hole and poked his head out, then announced “I smell milk and honey!” The mother mole followed close behind him, took a...

A man is driving to a big city, but he has to go through a desert. [Long]

His car beaks down on the way and he realizes there is no way for him to fix it. He starts to walk when he sees a snake rise out of a hole. The snake speaks to him.

“I see you are tired. I will grant you three wishes. The first is free, but the second comes with secrecy and the third with a f...

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A truck driver from Alabama who has been driving around the country for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Kansas City.

He walks straight up to the madam, drops $300 and says, “I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich.”

The madam is astonished. “For that kind of money you could have one of my best girls and a three-course meal.”

The driver replies, “I’m not horny...