A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.

“We have two big needs,” said the village headman. “First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”

The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said: “I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?”

“We have no cellphone reception ...

I genie walks into a village

This village is known to be jealous. He stops the first guy he saw and tell him “Whatever you wish for, your friend will have double”.

The man says “A blind eye”

(Hope it translated good:))

My grandad said there’s gangs at his retirement village

The blood clots and the cripples

The village blacksmith found an apprentice willing to work long and hard.

The blacksmith told the boy, "When I take the shoes out of the fire, I'll lay them on the anvil, and when I nod my head, hit it with the hammer." The apprentice did as he was told.

Now he's the village blacksmith.

Chic and Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five are plotting to destroy the world, and so former arch-enemies the Village People and the Beastie Boys put aside their differences to stop them

The slaughter is brutal and extremely exciting to watch, but finally, it ends in a showdown: Nile Rogers and Grandmaster Flash, laughing as they square up to the last surviving Beastie Boy and the last surviving Village Person.

He straightens his hard hat, draws his sword and charges at Nile ...

The village of idiots.

There is a village of idiots. Every month the village gathers in the town square, where 3 people from the neighboring town each bring in an object so,the town's folk can guess what it is. It's great fun for the whole town women, men, young and old alike join the festivities. The first person walks t...

There was a south pacific island village...

Far away in the south pacific, there once was an island village with the custom of electing a new chief every year. By tradition, the laborers of the village would work for months every year to create a giant, ornate bamboo throne for each new chief.

The thrones from previous chiefs began to...

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A man accepts a job in a village with no women

Once there, he asks a local:

-There are really no women here?

-None.

-So... What do you guys do when you need to have sex?

-There is a donkey close to the river for that.

The man tries to ignore that and goes home, from where he can see the river and therefore, the...

A village idiot walks into a library

He goes to the librarian and says, "Ma'am, I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare."

The librarian says, "Sure, hon. Which one?"

The idiot says, "William".

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A deaf and mute orphan in a small village...

...is found pregnant. The villagers cannot find any way to get the poor girl to help them find out what happened. As the girl is due to give birth, a nasty rumor begins to circulate among the folk: the preacher is to blame.

The preacher does not expect the villagers to care much for the vile ...

So there's this village on the Black Sea coast in Turkey

Over time a pothole in the road has got so big that people are falling into it and getting injured.

It get so bad that all the villagers get together to decide what to do about the hole in the road.

One of them says, "We should have an ambulance standing by ready to take people to the ...

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A hero comes to a village...

The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. ‟There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it’ll come down and eat one of our virgin girls” the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.

Two nuns, who were in Africa to spread the gospel, ran out of gas with their jeep just outside a remote village they had visited.

One of the nuns remembered they had a small gas station of sorts in the village, so they decided to walk back and get some gas for their jeep. They couldn’t find any can in the car, but one of them grabbed a potty from their sanitary equipment and said it would suffice, and off they went. As they re...

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Amanda and Bob are walking through the village on a hot day, both very thirsty.

They both see their friend Carl walking to his house with a bucket full of water in his hands. Bob asks him "Carl, where'd you get all that water you're carrying?" to which Carl responds "Oh, I went down to the... uhh... the hole in the plaza that goes down into the earth and there's water at the bo...

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There was an alcoholic man in a village

So he seeked help from the village's only doctor.
-"Tell me about your problem", said the doc.
-"I just can't stop drinking and nothing can help me, I am an alcoholic", said helplessly the man.
- "I will fix that!", said the doc and started fucking the alcoholic in the ass.
After it was ...

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Colonel Reichman, an interrogation specialist for the German army, was walking around in a quaint little Swiss village one day during WWII. He spots a little shop selling clocks and watches and decides to enter.

Inside, the owner, a lady standing behind the counter, immediately recognizes who he is and welcomes him into the shop, asking how she can be of assistance.

"Frauline,” he starts "Deez are all very nice little clocks and vatches you have in here, but ze von I am interested in is zat big grand...

My sick friend wrote to me about water scarcity in his village.

I sent him a get well soon card.

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

A local copper was walking through his quiet English village when he spots a red Ferrari coming through just a little bit too fast. He steps out into the road, stops the car, and walks up to the driver's window.

"Going a bit fast there, don't you think?"

"This road is the b35 so I was going 35mph." Replies the driver.

The copper shakes his head at the driver's stupidity. "That's not how it works, son. It's tight bends and small single lanes for miles around here, 30mph maximum." The copper the...

A politician visited a village in India..

A politician visited an Indian village and asked what their needs were.
”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager.
“Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.”

On hearing this, the politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the vil...

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There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

Mother Superior was curious as why all the nuns were suddenly eager to visit the village bakery.

So she decided to journey from the convent and into town to find out for herself.

When she entered the bakery, the baker greeted her with a big smile.

“Greetings Sister! What can I get for you today?”

“What do you suggest?” She asked.

“Well, this new recipe of mine has ...

In the village...

In the village, one man asks another:





\- Does your horse smoke?

\- No.

\- Then run quickly, your barn is on fire.

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A dragon appears and burns down a village...

...so the inhabitants of the another village across the river plead with Sir Roland, a mighty knight, to come and slay the beast.

Sir Roland dons his best plate, arms himself with his finest weapons, and rides out to battle the dragon. He comes to the area where the beast was last seen, and f...

Please stop calling Congress village idiots.

Village idiots are far less useless.

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Another man accepts a job in a village with no women...

He asked his foreman "what do you do without any women here?"

The foreman replies "there's a barrel with a knothole in the side. Stick your dick in it and you'll be able to get off".

The new recruit is surprised but eventually gets horny enough to give it a try. He is amazed: it feels ...

A man who has been brought up elsewhere, returns to his ancestral village.

He had heard tales that the average IQ of the people of his village was pretty low, and so he wanted to find out for himself.

Near the outskirts of the village, he saw a man atop a branch of a tree imitating a racecar.

"What are you doing?" He asked

"Don't disturb me, I'm in a ...

Government official visits a remote village

An official once went on a field trip to one of the small remote villages.

He asked, what can the government do for you?

They replied: we have a health center, but there is no doctor.

He immediately picked up his phone and dialed

a number and in a very strong voice deman...

Maybe it takes a village to raise a child...

I know it takes a vineyard to home school them.

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A priest kept chickens at his village.

One evening, the cock went missing.

At the church mass prayer gathering, the priest asked, "Who has a cock?"... all the men stand up.

"No, I meant who has seen a cock?"... all the women get up.

"No no no! Who has seen a cock that isn't their's?"... Half the women stay standing.<...

A russian village has a tradition...

...where each year they they hold a very unusal contest, that consists of 4 challenges: First, the contestants must down a bottle of vodka, then they must swim across an icy lake, third they must shake hands with a chained up wild bear on the other side, and finally they have to run to the closest v...

A bus full of politicians crashed in a remote village.

Days later, when the reporters went there they found that all the corpses have been buried. And they went to the village chief to ask about the details. He told them how it was raining and that their bus lost control and crashed into a tree.
And then the politicians in the bus were screaming that...

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In a little village in africa everyone is black except the pastor who's white

One day one of the black man becomes a father. It's a beautiful son but there is a problem : the baby is white. So the black man being super pissed goes and see the pastor accusing him to have a relationship with his wife.

The pastor then says :

'You know my son there is a lot of mist...

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A different man accepts a job in a village with no women

The first few months are fine, but Bob starts to feel urges.

After work one day he asked some of his new friends what they do when they get horny. They tell Bob there is a herd of sheep just over the hill. Bob is taken back. This has to be a joke right? You don't really do it with sheep?
<...

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A man goes to his village medicine man and requests a colonic for his constipation.

The medicine man ponders for a moment and says, “Let’s try something else first.” He opens a jar and pulls out a dried out fern. He places the fern into a cup of hot water and waits as it brews. “Here, take a sip.” The man does as he is told. Suddenly, his eyes rolls back in his head, followed by th...

After a generous contribution by the band Thin Lizzy, a seaside village was able to put their navigation marks back out to sea

The residents are ecstatic. The buoys are back in town.

Genghis Khan once had the hands of an entire village of superb bowmen maimed so their skills could never be used against him. Similarly, he crippled a conquered town of excellent sprinters

For the town, it was a crushing de feet

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A man gets sick in a remote village

A man gets sick in a remote village and his neighbors take him to the nearest doctor, far away in the big city. The doctor examines the man and prescribes him a suppository. He says to his neighbors the pill should be placed in the patients rectum. They take the doctors number in case anything happe...

A tourist found himself in a sleepy little country village.

He approached one of the locals and asked to take him to the oldest inhabitant.


The villager replied, ' Well sir, we ain't got one now. He died last week.'

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once upon a time there was a village where everyone was named after letters of the Alphabet.

Also everyone referred to one another as "person".

"Hello person"
"How are you person"
Greetings, fellow person!"

and so on.


Anyways one day an outsider wanders into the village and he is being introduced to everyone by the village guide.

"This, is person A. Tha...

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, there was a small desert village with a single well outside town. One day a young woman went to the well to fetch water, and the well heard her crying and asked: "What's wrong?"



She stopped her sobbing and asked the well, "You can talk?"



"Yes," said t...

In a certain country, there are specialized manufacturing villages

There are shoes village, candy village, light bulb village... Deeper in the mountains there are villages that even produce things like air conditioners or TVs.
But the most rural one is the remote village.

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There was a King who's Queen was horny af

She couldn't last a day without sex and was quite a seductress. He had no problems with this as she was super hot and she was always by her side but one day the king had to go to a nearby village to quell an uprising for a few days. There was nothing he could do to avoid it and taking the Queen with...

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Jebediah the shepherd wanted to make a statement about bullying and stood up at the town meeting.

"Friends, there is a cruel and unfair practice that is infiltrating our community. You may not have noticed, but it is here and it is doing grave damage to my sense of well being and comfort in our beautiful village.

Perhaps Englebert has noticed? The man who bakes our bread every day, who f...

I decided to get Minecraft. I found a village and killed all the villagers.

Then I opened the game.

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A husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?"

"We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a...

In a small Jewish village, a man walks into the butcher shop.

He doesn’t look at the meat, and instead just mopes around, sighing. Eventually, the butcher is forced to ask, “Binyamin, what’s wrong?”

“Oy, gevalt, you’d never believe it, but my son went to Jerusalem, and he came back a Christian!”

“You’re kidding?”

“No, I promise!”

Th...

In an African tribe village, the chieftain's wife gave birth to a white skinned child.

The chieftain quickly figured the voluntary doctor from Europe might be to blame. So the chieftain asked him to talk in his tent.

Chieftain: "Today my wife gave birth to a white child. She and I are dark skinned. You are white. It doesn't take a doctor to figure out that you have slept with ...

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Jim moves to a small village for a new job...

... And the village has no women - only men and animals.

Jim asks a villager, "There are no women? How do you live without sex?"

The villager points to a horse and says, "Oh, we just use that horse over there."

Jim, now absolutely revolted, walks away in disgust. He thinks to hi...

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A man from a small village came to the big city for the first time

As soon as he arrived the first thing he saw was a hooker with massive boobjob. She saw him staring at her and told him he can feel them for $500. The Man agreed

She took him behind the building and he started touching them and kept nervously saying "oh my God, oh my God, oh my God"

H...

Guy goes traveling to a small village in the jungle...

when he arrives he hears drums coming from the mountain behind the village. He asks the driver what the deal is with the drums. Driver says, "Oh. Drums stop very bad." Huh.
Well next he's walking around the village checking it out and he asks one of the villagers about the drums and the vil...

There once was a village whose mayors were all named Benny and had magnificent beards

Legend held that if a mayor shaved his beard off, an ancient curse would transform him into a piece of pottery.

Centuries passed and every Benny was a fair and wise mayor, and never shaved their beards. But one summer, their land was struck by a terrible heat wave. All the men of the villag...

A journalist goes to Russia for a documentary. In a little village he saw an old man and asked him to narrate a typical happy story of his village.

The old man smiled and began:"One day, a long time ago, my goat got lost in the mountains. As is our tradition, all the men of the village gathered to drink vodka first and then looked for the goat. When we finally found her, as is our tradition, we all drank some more vodka and all the men in the v...

On my way to climb Mt. Everest, I came upon a local villager who said he had a rooster that laid eggs.

"How is that possible?" I asked.
"Himalayan rooster," he replied.

There's a guy in town who walks around talking to himself using only figurative language.

We call him the Village Idiom.

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each...

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of th...

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Henry Kissinger was once asked to explain what shuttle diplomacy was.

– Oh! It is a never-failing old Jewish method. Let me give you an example. Suppose you want to marry Rockefeller’s daughter to a lad from a Siberian village.
– How would you do that?
– Easy. I go to a Siberian village, find there a young man and ask him, “Would you like to marry an American Je...

A village is being terrorized by a man eating tiger.

All the villagers' efforts to catch this tiger have been in vain. They call an acclaimed hunter "One shot Bob" who is so named because rumor has it that he can disable or kill any animal with just one shot.

So the hunter arrives, all smug and self assured. He prepares for the hunt and perch...

Once upon a time there was a teacher in a small village

This teacher is known to have screwed many girls in the village. After a few months, he decides to move out from the village. Before he leaves, a villager asks him the secret of how he has slept with this many girls. He answers "Silently enter the room, walk near her and blow in her neck".
The v...

An American doctor is doing aid work in an Afghan village.

A woman in the village gives birth to a white baby. The village leader goes to the doctor and says:

“Doctor I am no fool. You’re the only white man around for miles. That baby must be yours.”

The doctor is caught off guard and as he’s pondering what to say he sees a group of goats. Th...

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Genghis Khan and his soldiers attacked a tiny village of their enemy country and took all the men and women as prisoners..

Later in the evening,after being intoxicated,the sadistic Genghis decides to play a game..

He asks all the men from the village to stand in a line and strip down their pants..

He then instructed one of the wives of the men to be blindfolded and she should recognize her husband after ex...

A young man named Theseus moves to a lakeside fishing village looking for work

When he arrives, he finds one of the residents, Justin, is interested in going out and seeing the world, and wants to sell his fishing boat to fund that trip. Thinking that it might be a good way to make a living, Theseus buys the boat and spends the next few years learning the trade, establishing a...

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There was once a red Indian with one testicle

whose given name was 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,'

If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'



The word got around and nobody called him th...

Sam was a man with big dreams who lived in a small countryside village

One day, sam decided to follow his dreams and went to the big city. "Now you gotta find a job, Sam" he said to himself, and went to search for one.

After being rejected from several job interviews, Sam returns defeated to his home, there, he decides not to give up. With some money from his pa...

I love the Dave joke so much I decided to write a sequel

At first Dave’s boss in in complete disbelief at Dave’s popularity. But he slowly comes to his senses. He reasons that Dave couldn’t possibly know *every* person. Nevertheless, if he wants to catch Dave, naming people out of the blue isn’t working. He has to come up with a new strategy. He sits down...

Some monks came down to a small village in need of carpentry. They offered to replace all the wooden pillars and support beams in all the buildings by themselves. When the villagers asked why they were being so generous, the head monk simply replied

"Isn't it obvious? We're reposting for karma."

I recently got a job as a waiter in the FRIENDS Restaurant, in a small village known for its friendliness.

At first, it seemed like the perfect town to move to after a life full of meeting competitive people as a Professional Chess Player.

Finally I felt like I had a good shot at being with friendly people who wouldn’t just be competing with me over a game of Chess and then hate me after losing. ...

The vampire joke

3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire amongst them.

The strongest one started 1st,

"watch this," He said as he flies so fast, about 100 miles/hour. After only 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth. "what happened?" they asked. "di...

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A TV crew was on a remote village making a documentary…

…they stopped a villager and asked him if he would tell a happy anecdote for the camera. The man smiled, gave a deep, longing breath and told “well, there was this time when Sven’s sheep got lost, so it wandered up the mountain, so we got together to look for it. We searched and searched all day lon...

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An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom...

Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.

The American steps up first. 'I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full versi...

I made a villager in my game out of bread

It's a naan-player character

A Prince was visiting a small, unknown village wearing a fancy hat made from the hair of a fox...

The villagers asked the Prince, "That is a magnificent hat you have, what made you decide to wear it?"

"Well", said the Prince, "I was telling the Queen about my plan to visit your small village and she replied, 'Wear the fox hat?' And that's why I'm wearing it today"

A reporter visits a small village farm to interview a farmer about his sheep.

A reporter visits a small village farm to interview a farmer about his sheep.

Reporter:So Billy,what do feed your sheep?

Billy:I feed the white one corn mix.

Reporter:what about the black one?

Billy:I feed it corn mix as well.

Reporter: Ok,where do your sheep sleep...

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McGregor was a mighty man.

Two Scotsman were drinking in bar. As they were walking out, one man lets out a sigh as he's looks out at their village, and his friend asks what's wrong.

"Look at our town." he replied. "You see that bridge crossing the river over there? I built that bridge with me own two hands. But do they...

A long time ago in Judaea...

There's a woman buried up to her neck in the sand, and angry villagers are eagerly waiting with sticks and stones.

But! There comes a man, and he's beautiful and charismatic, and when he speaks, everybody listens. So he speaks and he concludes "he who never sinned throweth the first stone", a...

In the small village the 5G transmitter was built.

Some time after building, the villagers started being angry about it. Soon, they made a petition against it. A secretary comes to the director of the project to inform him about the whole situation.
- Director, you may want to look at this.
- What is this?
- A petition against placing our t...

What does vikings call english villages?

Chopping centers.

A small town near Russia and Poland

There was a small town located along the frontier between Russia and Poland; no one was ever quite sure to which it belonged. One day an official treaty was signed and not long after, surveyors arrived to draw a border. Some villagers approached them where they had set up their equipment on a nearby...

A young country girl (Mary) was walking down through the village with a large bull

Mr Jones stops her and says : Young Mary, where are you taking that beast?
Im taking him to farmer Giles so that the bull can mate with his cows. She replied
Can't your father do that? Asks mr Jones
No sir, says Mary, It must be the bull that does it.

Stalin went to a little meeting in a village near Moscow.

He discussed the new plan that will greatly increase the production in that region. He was in the middle of his speech when suddenly he heard someone sneeze. Stalin took that as an act of disrespect.

"Who did that?" he asked, but since people were scared, no one replied.

He looked at h...

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WWII, nazis came to some village and decided to have a little fun

So, they line up all the men from the village and pick one of their women. And one of the nazis says: "We'll kill all of you unless you will find your husband while blindfolded only by touching his dick".


So, they blindfold her and she begins touching. "Not mine, not mine, not mine, this ...

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Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they w...

Two retired British Indian Army officers sat in the common room of their nursing home waiting for tea when they began reminiscing about their time India.

“Say, old chap, did I ever tell you about the time I was attacked by a Bengal tiger?”

“I dare say I’ve not heard that one.”

“I decided one summer to try my hand at taking down one of the royal beasts. I hired a guide from the local village and armed with my rifle we set out. Several ho...

Me: *Raids a Minecraft village killing everyone*

My Grandpa trying to help me with his eternal love and support: "Try napalm, it'll change your life, trust me."

Two tourists were travelling around Europe and had gone to the village of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.

They stopped for lunch and asked the lady behind the counter, "Could you please pronounce the name of this place for us, and do it very slowly?" "The lady behind the counter then said "Buuurrrgeeeeer Kiiiiiiiing."

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Once upon a time in a kingdom

Once upon a time in a kingdom, there lived a queen who was a tramp(had multiple sexual partners all the time). The king was frustrated by this but couldn't do anything because she was extremely beautiful. One day the king had to leave for war but he knew that his wife would have sex with a lot of me...

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Happy Oldman

A journalist asked an old man "tell us a happy story from your life as you lived a long life"

The man said ok: back then when we were living in the village and my neighbor's cow got lost, all the village went searching, we spent a whole day searching, and when we found it we all fucked it....

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Fritz and his grandpa Hans sit atop a hill overlooking their cozy little village.

Hans points at one of the houses and says "See that house over there? I built that. But do the people of our village call me 'Hans the house builder'? No."

Then he points at a bridge crossing a small stream and says "And see that bridge over there? I built that as well. But do the people of o...

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A NSFW joke I tried to translate from Turkish

A group of bandits raided a village. They said to the women of the village; "To save the life of your family, you have to identify your husband by sucking his dick."

They blindfolded women and lined up the men of the village in a mixed order, and a few of the bandits became involved.

T...

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A villager had a small penis and hated it...

One day, he decided he's had enough of his pitiful manhood and goes to see the village elder.

The elder referred him to a shaman living in the center of a village, so he went to see the shaman. When he got there, he told the shaman about his small penis.

The shaman nodded his head, and...

Once in a village named Conclusion

there lived a farmer called Jump. He was very hardworking and honest farmer.

But there was a problem he faced he his line of work. He was allergic to hay. He would always get cold due to it. But as it was not avoidable, he had no choice but to work with it.

Things changed when he got ...

What do you call Hamlet after he takes steroids?

Village.

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A newly graduated doctor is assigned to a rural area, and after a few days he realizes that there were no women in the village, they were all men.

After taking a bit of confidence he asks one of his patients that they did when they had the need for sex and the patient replied: That they went down to the river.

The weekend came and the doctor went to the river, and there was a huge line of men standing on the shore of the river. Being so...

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A good (and very old) joke to explain why people are stocking up on necessities

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.

When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. ...

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A Rare Dish

This is a long one.

An English cook is trying to build up his skills as a chef. He's been working for years learning all sorts of rare and unique dishes to serve at his mentor's restaurant.

One day a wealthy guest at the restaurant asks to meet the cook and says "While I enjoyed the me...

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The Bicycle: "A teaching moment"

A Priest was about to finish his ten-year tour of missionary duty and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives about the Bible and Christian values, in their own language, when he realizes that the one thing he never really taught them was how to speak Engl...

A guy walks through the Olympic Village

And comes across an athlete with a big stick on his shoulder.

The first guy asks "Are you a pole vaulter?"

The athlete says "No, I am a German and don't call me Walter!"

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those damn j...

A nomad traveler is walking through a village in the country...

A nomad traveler is walking through a village in the country when a little boy comes running up and says, "Please, help, help, my mother is trapped in a well!" So the traveler comes to the mother's aid, she gives him some bread and a place to rest in thanks, and he moves on.

Next he is walkin...

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3 nuns went to a village and stayed a night at a lodging house.

Because it was a small lodging house, there was only one pool where people took a

bath. So the owner told the nuns to take their bath first, then it would be

his turn. But at that time they were busy praying to God, and didn't hear

anything the owner said.

An hour later, ...

Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.

Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...

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A young man is sitting in a tavern in a small town in Italy, drinking and looking glum. A stern looking local man approaches him and asks, "What's wrong my friend?"

He says "My partner left me for another man."


"Ah, life can be cruel" says the local. "Take me, I built this bar with my bare hands. Foundation to chimney. You think they call me Mario the builder? No. Come with me."


Mario takes the man to the window.


"You see...

Old Moroccan Juba jokes

One day while traveling, Juha arrived at a village he had
never been to before. He left his donkey in the street and
went into a shop. When he came back his donkey was
missing. Juha stood in the middle of the street and yelled,
“If my donkey isn't here when I get back I'll do here wh...

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In a small village church, the priest found a crying young woman...

She is sitting there alone all teary and sobbing. So the priest sits next to her and asks her what makes her so unhappy. The young woman replies: "I got married two years ago. I have been trying to conceive an offspring with my husband since, no success so far, though."

"Do not worry," the pr...

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The priest in a small village loved his chickens that he kept in the coop behind the church.

One Sunday morning before mass, he went to feed the birds & discovered that the cock was missing.

He knew about the cockfights in the village, so he decided to question his parishioners

in church.

During mass, he asked his congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men ...

The Twelve Thank You Notes Of Christmas

Dec 25

My dearest darling Edward,

What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank you.

Your deeply loving,

Emily

Dec 26

Beloved Edward,...

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An elderly British couple are vacationing in Africa.

An elderly British couple have just arrived in Africa for a safari vacation and are being shuttled by taxi to their hotel. They drive by a rural village, and a man is outside, completely naked, with a ruler up against his penis.

"Blimey!" exclaims the wife, "what on earth is that bloke doing!...

6 Men kidnap a blonde

They let go of her after being paid the ransom. Now the blonde is being questioned by the cops,for info on the kidnappers.

Cop:Mam, did you get a good look at them?

Blonde:No they were wearing masks.

Cop: Do you have anything to help us with the case?

Blonde: Yes I do...

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One day, terrorists attacked a village [NSFW]

Warning : A joke from my own language. Terrible grammar ahead.

They took the men of village as hostages. The head of terrorists wanted to have some fun this time. He called the wives of the men to the camp of terrorists. He put bandage to women's eyes and told men to lose their pants. Terrori...

A lighthouse was installed at an Alaskan cape near a remote Inuit village

The leader of the village opposed the installation, but the US government overruled him.

One foggy morning, the village leader said to his people, "I told you that thing no good. Look at it: light flash, bell ring, horn go woo-woo. But fog come in, just like always."

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Little Red Riding Hood sets out to go visit her grandmother, who lives in another village

As she's walking on the forest road, she sees the big, bad wolf hiding behind a shrub. She stops and says:

\-My, what big red eyes you have!

The wolf looks at her and leaves without saying a word, disappearing in the dense forest. Little red riding hood continues walking on the same fo...

The 3 men (Joke told by professor)

Sometime during the middle ages, one day - an engineer, a priest, and a farmer were being executed by the guillotine due to their crimes they commit against the village

the engineer was punished because he was rigging his builds and selling it blindly to people to make extra money by offering...

A priest and a permanently drunken bus driver from the same village come to the pearly gates and request entry to heaven.

St. Peter says to the priest " You wait two years," and to the bus driver, " You go straight in."

The priest protests, " How come? I have been preaching every Sunday for so many years - and he is nothing but a drunken bus driver."

St. Peter replies, "Listen, when you preached, they all...

It is early January of 1793. The commotion outside of the Castle of Versailles is growing louder by the minute. Louis XVI, however, is not bothered, as he is getting his new suit matched, pleated and frilled in his chambers by his favorite tailor.

"Ah yes, Poilon, superb work with the gold thread on my boot leather as per usual. And now: the silk pants with Morocco pearls."

"Y-your Majesty... I think they're breaking down the front wall."

"Nonsense! Clothe me or I shall have you beheaded!"

"Absolutely, your majesty! There...

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion.

So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture t...

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A superhero arrives in a village.

The mayor of the village approaches him, clearly in distress. The superhero asks the mayor: "What's going on?". The mayor replies with: "We've got a monster nearby that's taking a virgin woman to eat every two days! Please, can you help us defeat it?". The superhero agrees and gets to work. Two week...

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Well, it's a well story.

When I was in my 5th grade, my English teacher told this story.
Once there lived a landlord in a village.He was rich. He had a daughter which meant the world to him. One day while he was on his way to work, he heard the news that his daughter fell inside a well, while she was playing. He immediat...

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A ventriloquist from Cork visiting Kerry walks into a small village

A ventriloquist from Cork visiting Kerry walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.
He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kerryman... 'Whats the craic, mind if I have a chat with your dog?'
Kerryman: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Lange...

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Why wasn't the village afraid of the fearsome, ejaculating giant?

They could see him coming from a mile away.

A young man finds the perfect girl from his small village for marriage

He asks his father for his blessings, but the father tells him that he was screwing around in his youth, and that the girl he wants to marry is in fact his sister.

The young man devastated but still wanting to get married suggests his next door neighbor's daughter. The father tells him with ...

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My Father’s Favorite Joke

One day, a man goes to a remote village and goes to the pub. He is completely taken with how incredible the bar is. Eventually he speaks to the barman and tells him how he has travelled the world but that this is the most beautiful bar he has ever seen. The barman says:
“You like this bar, hr...

what is the difference between a taliban training camp and an afghan village?

„I don't know. I'm just flying the drone.“

Villager goes for vasectomy

So one villager reaches the doctor's clinic looking very despondent.

Doc: What are you here for?

Villager: The vasectomy camp.

D: Oh OK. How many kids do you have?

V: None. I am not even married!!

D (shocked): Then why do you want a vasectomy?

V: Every man i...

To all naruto fans, what do u call leader of hidden weed village?

Highkage

A rural village close to a university gets its very first dorm.

Due to the rapid increase of young people inhabitating said village, the demand of mobile data and accessibility has increased. So the village's mayor intents to raise a cell tower and has tasked a company for planning, erecting and operating said cell tower.

After construction, the mayor ho...

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Your life pursuit

Long ago in a distant land an explorer and his large team of bearers, trackers, hunters, cooks, handymen, translators and so on came upon a village of people never before known to the outside world.

Luckily the translators were able to communicate with the people and soon the explorer was tal...

Three men die and appear before Buddha...

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

\-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forwa...

An Indian chief goes to the village shaman...

An Indian chief goes to the village shaman and asks him if this year's winter will be harsh. The shaman thinks about the question for a while, does his thing and says "oh yeah, it will be a terrible winter"

So the village stockpiles everything they can as to survive the terrible winter. Winte...

A village chief and his family.

There was a small village where everyone lived in grass huts.

In the middle of the village stood the biggest hut which belonged to the village chief and his family.

During the day, the chief sat in his throne which took up most of the space in his family's hut.

At night, the ...

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