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Village Jokes

An old man was roaming the desert when he reached a village...

Last year on my first cake day, I shared one of my grandmother's long jokes. I think of making it a tradition, so here's another:

An old man was walking in the Sahara desert with his donkey when he reached a village. The people welcomed him with everything they could, offering him hospitality...

[NSFW] The village idiot wanted to get rich.

Everyday he would pray to the gods that he would win the lottery.

Every night, "God, please let me win the lottery!!!!"

This went on for years and years, until one day suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens open, god steps in front of him and slaps him across his ...

A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.

“We have two big needs,” said the village headman. “First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”

The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said: “I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?”

“We have no cellphone reception ...

In a remote tribal village…

A baby is born with light skin and fair hair. The expectant father, whose features are quite dark, is outraged. He gathers his weapons and heads straight for the only fair-skinned man in the entire region: a missionary the next village over who bears a striking resemblance to this newborn child.
...

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There was an alcoholic man in a village

So he seeked help from the village's only doctor.
-"Tell me about your problem", said the doc.
-"I just can't stop drinking and nothing can help me, I am an alcoholic", said helplessly the man.
- "I will fix that!", said the doc and started fucking the alcoholic in the ass.
After it was ...

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One day, terrorists attacked a village [NSFW]

Warning : A joke from my own language. Terrible grammar ahead.

They took the men of village as hostages. The head of terrorists wanted to have some fun this time. He called the wives of the men to the camp of terrorists. He put bandage to women's eyes and told men to lose their pants. Terrori...

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A reporter went to a small village...

And asked one of the villagers, "hey could you tell me a story about your village?" The villager says "well one time a neighbors goat got lost in the mountains, and we all got together to look for it, and then we found it. We all celebrated and drank and then we all had sex with the goat".

T...

So a village boy and a modern girl fall in love and want to try 69

The boy doesn’t know about 69 so the girl takes the lead.

He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts out uncontrollably directly in his face. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises.

She squats down for another go but farts again, thi...

Birth control in an African Village

The great white doctor comes to an impoverished African village where he sees several young mothers either pregnant or with several small kids in tow, all showing signs of malnourishment. On inquiry through an interpreter, he learned that the chief was a rather amorous character and all the ladies a...

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each...

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of th...

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A man accepts a job in a village with no women

Once there, he asks a local:

\-There is really no women here?

\-None.

\-So... How do you guys do when you need to have sex?

\-There is a donkey close to the river for that.

The man tries to ignore and go home, where he can see the river and therefore, the donkey. A...

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A hero comes to a village...

The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. "There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it will come down and eat one of our virgin girls" the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.

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A villager had a small penis and hated it...

One day, he decided he's had enough of his pitiful manhood and goes to see the village elder.

The elder referred him to a shaman living in the center of a village, so he went to see the shaman. When he got there, he told the shaman about his small penis.

The shaman nodded his head, and...

Ruto, a politician, visited a village and and asked what their needs were.

”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager.
“Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.”

On hearing this, Ruto whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the ...

A young man finds the perfect girl from his small village for marriage

He asks his father for his blessings, but the father tells him that he was screwing around in his youth, and that the girl he wants to marry is in fact his sister.

The young man devastated but still wanting to get married suggests his next door neighbor's daughter. The father tells him with ...

A long time ago there was a fishing village...

In this fishing village, they worshipped the sea. They did everything on the ocean--they lived in huts on the beach or over the water, they were always fishing, cultivating, and harvesting from the ocean. They also had this custom where they would name their kids based off of how they interacted wit...

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Genghis Khan and his soldiers attacked a tiny village of their enemy country and took all the men and women as prisoners..

Later in the evening,after being intoxicated,the sadistic Genghis decides to play a game..

He asks all the men from the village to stand in a line and strip down their pants..

He then instructed one of the wives of the men to be blindfolded and she should recognize her husband after ex...

Duck hunting in a village

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in a village. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I sho...

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So there's this guy that moved into an African village...

He finds the locals aren’t accepting him because he hasn’t passed the initiation ceremony.

To be accepted, he has to drink three jugs of the local booze, have sex with the first woman he finds and then kill a lion with his bare hands.

He drinks the three jugs, gets obliterated and stu...

A backpacker finds a tiny village tucked away in the mountains with one tiny pub

He walks into the pub and there are all these old men just sitting around in silence. So the backpacker orders a beer and finds himself a seat.

Suddenly one of the men shouts, "Number 4!" and the whole room erupts with laughter.

The backpacker is surprised by this but then the laughter...

The village of idiots.

There is a village of idiots. Every month the village gathers in the town square, where 3 people from the neighboring town each bring in an object so,the town's folk can guess what it is. It's great fun for the whole town women, men, young and old alike join the festivities. The first person walks t...

In an African tribe village, the chieftain's wife gave birth to a white skinned child.

The chieftain quickly figured the voluntary doctor from Europe might be to blame. So the chieftain asked him to talk in his tent.

Chieftain: "Today my wife gave birth to a white child. She and I are dark skinned. You are white. It doesn't take a doctor to figure out that you have slept with ...

Happy stories from a remote village

A journalist goes to a poor remote village for a documentary.

He saw an old man and asked him to narrate a typical happy story of his village.

The old man smiled and began:
"One day, a long time ago, my goat got lost in the mountains. As is our tradition, all the men of the village...

Once, in an African village,

a native man walked up to a missionary with a look of fury on his face. "My wife gave birth today," the native growled, "and the baby is white! And you're the only white person within 100 miles of here! "
The missionary glanced around guiltily for a moment but quickly regained his composure. "Loo...

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Pastor Jim was coming home late one night, when he found the whole village having a party at the local pub

He decides to check it out. He walks in to find all the men naked, and all the women blindfolded.

"What in the name of the lord is happening here?", he asks in shock.

"Come on in, pastor Jim, we're playing a game" says one of the drunken men.

"What kind of games is this?" inquir...

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours.

The blacksmith instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.”

The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he’s the village blacksmith.

Two blondes meet on a village road.

One of the blondes was carrying a large gunny bag over her shoulder.
‘Hey there,’ hailed second blonde, ‘what is in the bag?’
‘Chickens,’ came the reply.
‘If I guess how many, can I have one?’
‘You can have both of them.’
‘OK.. five?’ Said the second blonde.

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The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, havin...

A Swedish Farming Village in 1265...

...is facing a crisis. They haven't had any rain in almost 2 months. All of their crops are dead or dying, and many of the citizens are starving.

One day, Sven comes bursting into his kitchen, scooping his wife Helda into his arms and dancing with joy.

"Sven! What's gotten into you? Wh...

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so, the apostles hired the most beautiful escort in all the village…

Jesus had just come home after spending a long day out in the village miraculously healing the diseased and injured. the apostles decided that since he had been working so hard to help the village people, they would show their appreciate my hiring Jesus an escort. they went to the village and hired ...

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There once lived a strong, Native American man who had only one testicle

Everyone in the village called him "One stone" because of this, but nobody dared to say it to his face because he would kill anyone who directly said it him. Unfortunately, a woman in the village named Bluebird did not know about this. One morning, while she was walking past One Stone, she greeted h...

Three village women are walking home from a trip to town...

(Full disclosure: I modified this joke from one in *The Pretty Good Joke Book*)

(Disclaimer: You can assign any nationality or ethnicity you like to these women. To avoid controversy, I'm calling them "Poltroonian")

So these three Poltroonian village women are walking back to their vi...

Village Idiot

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidences of the most amazing shooting. On trees, on walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's-eyes with the bullet hole in dead center. The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person res...

It takes a village -

to give one an idea of how many screwed-up people there are in the world.

Inuit and American tourist walks near far-north village.

Suddenly the polar bear starts chasing them. American starts crying, Inuit starts to warm up and takes running position.
American - What are you doing? Don't you know, that polar bear runs faster than any human? We can not outrun polar bear!
Inuit - I don't need to outrun the polar bear, I ne...

In our Village

We don't have a Town Drunk. We all take turns.

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Three vampires are having a competition to find out who's the most vicious vampire amongst them.

The first one says, “Watch this,"


  
He flies fast, at about 100 miles/hour. After 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth.


 

“What happened?" asked the other vampires.


  


“Did you see that house over there?" he inquired....

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A TV crew went to interview the oldest man living in a small village

"Can you tell us what was the happiest moment you can remember?"

"That was when Mary Jones got lost on the hills over there. We organized a search party and when we found her we were so happy that we had a special celebration, everybody got drunk and all the men in the village fucked Mary Jon...

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An interview with an old man .

An 80 years old man had an interview with the local TV channel and they told him : old man can you tell us about a happy memory from your youth ?

Old man : one time my donkey got lost and all the village went out to search for and when we found it we were so happy we all fucked it .

J...

A missionary is in a tribal village in Africa.

One day the chief summons him. The chief is angry, and brings out a white baby.

"My wife just had a white baby. You are the only white man in the village. What have you done??"

The missionary thinks, then brings the chief outside, to a field. He points to a flock of sheep.

"This...

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Albert the village postman is retiring after 50 years on the job

So he puts on his satchel and collects his last mailbag from the post office, and sets out on his last round.

He drops off a few letters at the local library. The librarian smiles and presents him with a leather bound volume of The Complete Works of Charles Dickens: "Here you are, Albert. We...

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A young girl started work in the village chemist shop.

She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own.

She had to confide in him her worries about selling the condoms.

"Look," he said. "My regular customers don't a...

The Longest Memory in the World

One day, a young man takes a trip out West and comes across a little Native American village. He decides, what the heck, he'll stop and look around. One of the Native women, seeing that he's not from around, tells the man he should visit the Chief, who she says has the longest and best memory in the...

A missionary staying in an African village approached by the Chief...

The Chief says,

"Holy man, my wife just gave birth to a white child. Everyone in the village is black, except for you. "

The missionary begins to sweat until he notices a herd of goats outside.

"Chief, every once in a while, God makes his creation different from the others. Loo...

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An illiterate man returns from hospital to his village.

The pills that the doctor gave him was too big to swallow so he asks people how to take it. No one knows so he calls his doctor

"Sir, the pills that you gave me are too big how do I take them?" Then he hangs up the phone and asks the people again

"He said these are suppositories and ha...

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A superhero arrives in a village.

The mayor of the village approaches him, clearly in distress. The superhero asks the mayor: "What's going on?". The mayor replies with: "We've got a monster nearby that's taking a virgin woman to eat every two days! Please, can you help us defeat it?". The superhero agrees and gets to work. Two week...

Stalin goes to a village on a trip

He talks to the people there for a while and then leaves.

After leaving the village, Stalin can't seem to find his pipe.

"One of the villagers must have stolen it!" a KGB agent said "Don't worry Comrade Stalin, I'll find out who"

The KGB agent returns to the village.

A wh...

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The priest of a village had a pet rooster.

One day, the animal suddenly disappeared, and he thought that one of the villagers stole it.

The next Sunday, while he was hosting the Mass, he asked the villagers:

"Does anyone here have a cock?"

All men stood up.

"No, no, that was not what I wanted to know! Has any of y...

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One day a group of terrorists took over a small village...

I fully acknowledge I first read this joke on Reddit many years ago. But since I haven't seen it posted in a long time, and it's been one of my favorite jokes, I'll give my best retelling of it-

So one day a group of terrorists took over a small village in the middle east. And being the evi...

Found out they're adding a Priest villager in the new Minecraft update

I really thought the Creeper was sufficient.

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A priest kept chickens at his village.

One evening, the cock went missing.

At the church mass prayer gathering, the priest asked, "Who has a cock?"... all the men stand up.

"No, I meant who has seen a cock?"... all the women get up.

"No no no! Who has seen a cock that isn't their's?"... Half the women stay standing.<...

a small village is home to three witches.

One witch puts up a sign in front of her house reading "Here lives the most powerful witch in the world!" A second witch sees the sign and puts up her own, reading "Here lives the most powerful witch in the universe!" The third witch sees both signs and puts up her own sign reading "Here lives the m...

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I grew up in a small village...

...where I pretty much laid all the new roads in the place but was I known as Mikey the road layer?

No.

I single handedly built three bridges across the river there connecting the two sides of the village for the first time ever. Was I known as Mikey the bridge builder?

No....

Our village has a lady lumberjack

Every time I see her I get wood

A small village's pastor's bicycle was stolen

And he was discussing what to do with the choir master.

"I know, I'll do a sermon on the ten commandments, and when I get to 'thou shalt not steal', I'll pause and look everybody in the eye to see who looks guilty".

After church, the choir master asked the vicar if he'd worked out who ...

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Jim moves to a small village for a new job...

... And the village has no women - only men and animals.

Jim asks a villager, "There are no women? How do you live without sex?"

The villager points to a horse and says, "Oh, we just use that horse over there."

Jim, now absolutely revolted, walks away in disgust. He thinks to hi...

The trainee competition judge arrived at the village fair

He meets his mentor at the entrance.

"Nice to meet, nice to meet, nice to meet you," stammers the mentor. "Forgive my, forgive my, forgive my speech impediment."

"Please, don't worry about it," says the trainee.

They head off to judge the villagers' chilli peppers. They come to...

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Small village

In a country,there was a small village which has very bad winter conditions. So bad that , no communication, no WiFi,no transportation to anywhere.
One of correspandant of a newspaper decided to write an essay about that' village.
He set off and hardly reached to village. He found the sheriff ...

So there was a tribal chief who decided he needed the biggest hut in the village...

so he gathered the grass he needed and built the only two story hut in the village. He placed his throne on the second story and held audiences there. One night while he slept the throne fell through the floor and crushed his head. The moral of this story is that people who live in grass houses shou...

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion.

So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture t...

In a small Jewish village, a man walks into the butcher shop.

He doesn’t look at the meat, and instead just mopes around, sighing. Eventually, the butcher is forced to ask, “Binyamin, what’s wrong?”

“Oy, gevalt, you’d never believe it, but my son went to Jerusalem, and he came back a Christian!”

“You’re kidding?”

“No, I promise!”

Th...

An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, “Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.”

The doctor paused and said, “There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.

But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.

When he encountered a bear, he still didn’t realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the...

A russian village has a tradition...

...where each year they they hold a very unusal contest, that consists of 4 challenges: First, the contestants must down a bottle of vodka, then they must swim across an icy lake, third they must shake hands with a chained up wild bear on the other side, and finally they have to run to the closest v...

My brother told me to stop quoting The Village People

I said 'Young man.'

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An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years …

…until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop:
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: Butter – 10 euros
In response, the old lady added a sign to her own window: Butter – 9 euros
The next day, the big supermarket had a ...

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A wealthy village man, Narendra Singh, is elected the leader of a group of villages in North India

He decides to give a victory speech to each of these villages. To do this, however, he realized he would need a secretary to introduce him and brag about how great he is, because it would look stupid if he did it himself. So he hires Mohan Nath, a highly respected member of his own village.

M...

Three vampires are arguing amongst themselves.

Each is claiming to be the most vicious.

The first one suddenly runs off, and comes back in fifteen seconds, blood dripping from his mouth.

'See that house over there?' he says, pointing. 'I've killed all of the family members inside and sucked their bodies dry of blood.'

The s...

In the village...

In the village, one man asks another:





\- Does your horse smoke?

\- No.

\- Then run quickly, your barn is on fire.

A Rich Wall Street trader visits a village

During his stay, he sees a young man sleeping everyday and doing nothing outside his house. So he decides to persuade him to change his life and goes on to talk to him.

Trader: Hello young man, looks like you have nothing to do. I suggest you come with me to New York.

Man: What happ...

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A terrorist group decides to hold a public castration of three villagers.

They ask to the first villager for his occupation. When he says that he's a woodsman they castrate him with an axe.

Then they ask to the second villager. Frightened, he says that he's a farmer. They castrate him with a sickle.

When the turn comes to the third villager they see that he ...

A catholic missionary is baptizing people in a river near an African village.

He pushes Mutombo under water and raises him again. Then he tells him:
"You are now Christian, and so you are no longer called Mutombo, you are now Joseph.
Oh and one more thing. Since you are Christian, you are no longer allowed to eat meat on fridays. "

The next friday, the priest...

Private, do you see that village?

Yes sir!

I don't want to see it!

Yes sir!

\*Proceeds to throw tarp over commander\*

I decided to get Minecraft. I found a village and killed all the villagers.

Then I opened the game.

There was a south pacific island village...

Far away in the south pacific, there once was an island village with the custom of electing a new chief every year. By tradition, the laborers of the village would work for months every year to create a giant, ornate bamboo throne for each new chief.

The thrones from previous chiefs began to...

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An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom...

Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.

The American steps up first. 'I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full versi...

A gypsy village was flooded

Superman came and started helping them, which resulted in no one being harmed.

When the last gypsy was saved, as Superman put him to the ground, the gypsy wanted to thank him, but he couldn't remember his name.

He sees a big "S" letter on his chest and said:

"Thank you, S...Sbat...

A village idiot walks into a library

He goes to the librarian and says, "Ma'am, I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare."

The librarian says, "Sure, hon. Which one?"

The idiot says, "William".

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Three vampire brothers decide to hold a competition to see which one of them is the most powerful

The first brother is the strongest.

"Watch this," he says, and takes off at nearly 100 miles per hour. Two minutes later, he returns, his mouth covered in blood.

"What happened?!" his brothers exclaimed.

"You see that mansion over there?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I went over...

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A tourist is walking through an isolated village in India

As his walk progresses, his stomach starts to gurgle and his butt puckers like the mouth of an infant who was cruelly given a lemon.

He looks around for a place to privately relieve himself. He sees an outhouse and rushes inside. In the outhouse is just a short divider wall to lean over and...

Finally after two weeks of fruitless tracking through the jungle one of our local guides received word that tigers had been spotted just outside a neighbouring village.

Personally I'd been hoping for stripey ones but beggars can't be choosers.

Government official visits a remote village

An official once went on a field trip to one of the small remote villages.

He asked, what can the government do for you?

They replied: we have a health center, but there is no doctor.

He immediately picked up his phone and dialed

a number and in a very strong voice deman...

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A man gets a new job in a remote village with no women.

A few days after he gets there he asks a local, “You really have no women here?”.

“None” replies the man.

“Okay...so what do you do if you want to have sex?” he asks with concern in his voice.

“Oh that’s no problem, there’s a donkey tied up close to the river for that.”

T...

He used to be the village's chief, until he lost his eye...

Now he's just a chef.

The wisest men in the village could not figure out where the sun went at night.

So they stayed up all night discussing it.
And then it dawned on them.
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
(I'll see myself out.)

A guy married a girl who lived in a village, near his town.

As her dad was a landlord and wanted someone to look after the assets, the guy moved into their house. After roaming around in the village in search of something entertaining, he came across a bunch of middle aged guys. He asked them, "Why isn't there anything for entertainment in this village ?". O...

Please stop calling Congress village idiots.

Village idiots are far less useless.

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Little Red Riding Hood sets out to go visit her grandmother, who lives in another village

As she's walking on the forest road, she sees the big, bad wolf hiding behind a shrub. She stops and says:

\-My, what big red eyes you have!

The wolf looks at her and leaves without saying a word, disappearing in the dense forest. Little red riding hood continues walking on the same fo...

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A TV crew was on a remote village making a documentary…

…they stopped a villager and asked him if he would tell a happy anecdote for the camera. The man smiled, gave a deep, longing breath and told “well, there was this time when Sven’s sheep got lost, so it wandered up the mountain, so we got together to look for it. We searched and searched all day lon...

what is the difference between a taliban training camp and an afghan village?

„I don't know. I'm just flying the drone.“

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A man gets sick in a remote village

A man gets sick in a remote village and his neighbors take him to the nearest doctor, far away in the big city. The doctor examines the man and prescribes him a suppository. He says to his neighbors the pill should be placed in the patients rectum. They take the doctors number in case anything happe...

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Another man accepts a job in a village with no women...

He asked his foreman "what do you do without any women here?"

The foreman replies "there's a barrel with a knothole in the side. Stick your dick in it and you'll be able to get off".

The new recruit is surprised but eventually gets horny enough to give it a try. He is amazed: it feels ...

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An Irish man bursts into a bar and demands a beer. He pounds it and slams it back and demands another. The bartender asks what's wrong?

The Irish man angrily slams the second beer and says, "You know, you build 100 roads for the community. But do they call you Seamus the road builder? No!"

He orders another beer and slams it back. "You build 1000 walls for the villages. But do they call you Seamus the wall builder? No!"
...

Guy goes traveling to a small village in the jungle...

when he arrives he hears drums coming from the mountain behind the village. He asks the driver what the deal is with the drums. Driver says, "Oh. Drums stop very bad." Huh.
Well next he's walking around the village checking it out and he asks one of the villagers about the drums and the vil...

A bus full of politicians crashed in a remote village.

Days later, when the reporters went there they found that all the corpses have been buried. And they went to the village chief to ask about the details. He told them how it was raining and that their bus lost control and crashed into a tree.
And then the politicians in the bus were screaming that...

There was a fire at my local model village today

Eye witness reports claim that flames could be seen from up to 3 feet away

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A young tribal boy asks the village chief:

“How did Howling Moon receive her name?”

*Ah,* answers the chief. “As her mother went into labor there was a lone wolf howling into the moon!”

The boy ponders and asks, “What about Jumping Brook? How was he named?”

“Oh yes,” answered the Chief. “On the morning of his birth we wa...

My grandad said there’s gangs at his retirement village

The blood clots and the cripples

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A backpacker is in the Scottish Highlands, when he comes upon a bar in a seaside village.

He decides to go into the bar. There is one other person there, an old, burly man.

"Yer see this bar here? I built this bar with my bare hands, chopped the finest wood in the county, with the finest nails, but do they call me McGregor the bar builder? No."

*points out the window*
...

Village Atheist

In a small village in the middle of the countryside, there is only one atheist. He sells insurance for a living. But, he grows old and one day gets really sick. On his death bed, he calls for the village priest, who is obviously a very devout catholic.

They talk for an entire day, and during ...

Two tourists were travelling around Europe and had gone to the village of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.

They stopped for lunch and asked the lady behind the counter, "Could you please pronounce the name of this place for us, and do it very slowly?" "The lady behind the counter then said "Buuurrrgeeeeer Kiiiiiiiing."

A village chief and his family.

There was a small village where everyone lived in grass huts.

In the middle of the village stood the biggest hut which belonged to the village chief and his family.

During the day, the chief sat in his throne which took up most of the space in his family's hut.

At night, the ...

So there's this village on the Black Sea coast in Turkey

Over time a pothole in the road has got so big that people are falling into it and getting injured.

It get so bad that all the villagers get together to decide what to do about the hole in the road.

One of them says, "We should have an ambulance standing by ready to take people to the ...

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A deaf and mute orphan in a small village...

...is found pregnant. The villagers cannot find any way to get the poor girl to help them find out what happened. As the girl is due to give birth, a nasty rumor begins to circulate among the folk: the preacher is to blame.

The preacher does not expect the villagers to care much for the vile ...

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The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild:

The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild:
Since he was a chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Never...

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WWII, nazis came to some village and decided to have a little fun

So, they line up all the men from the village and pick one of their women. And one of the nazis says: "We'll kill all of you unless you will find your husband while blindfolded only by touching his dick".


So, they blindfold her and she begins touching. "Not mine, not mine, not mine, this ...

Three women were returning to their Hungarian Village

When they spotted a man, obviously very inebriated, walking ahead of them. As they watched, he stumbled and fell face down in a puddle. When they walked up to him, one woman turned him over to see if she could recognize him. However, his face was covered with mud and she could not tell. So she u...

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A dictator takes over a village...

He says, "Everyone who is not in a relationship, you are free to go. As for everyone else, stay here." The people do what he says.

The dictator continues, "All the men, get in a line and get naked, all of the women, get a blindfold." The townspeople follow procedure.

The dictator then...

I heard about this little village in Africa where everybody is dying of thirst...

So I sent them a "Get Well Soon" card.

In the small village the 5G transmitter was built.

Some time after building, the villagers started being angry about it. Soon, they made a petition against it. A secretary comes to the director of the project to inform him about the whole situation.
- Director, you may want to look at this.
- What is this?
- A petition against placing our t...

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A father is sitting with his son on a hilltop looking over the village...

The father says: "Son there's something I want you to understand... you see that house we live in?"

The son responded: "yes, dad"

Dad: "I built that house with my bare hands. Do they call me Bob the house builder?" Son says no.

Father says "look at that wall around the village...

Atheist Bus Driver

(Turkish Joke, couldn't find it on Reddit, hopefully the translation does justice)

So I met a guy in jail whose nickname was "Atheist". I finally asked him why everyone called him this way; so he started telling his story:

"Well, I was a bus driver in our village. One day while driving...

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There's a party in the Olympic Village one night...

... and from across the room, a sprinter sees a diver talking to the most beautiful woman that he has ever laid eyes on. Later in the evening, the sprinter approaches the diver to ask about her.

"I just can't get her out of my head!" the sprinter says. "I have to sleep with her! Who is she?"<...

Where did sally go when her village was bombed?

Everywhere

A guy from some middle eastern village moves to Germany.

He gets off the plane and hails a taxi, an old Mercedes Taxi cab pulls up to pick him up and they set off.

Middle eastern guy is really impressed with the car, having never seen a Mercedes before, and he asks about the hood ornament, what is it for?

The taxi driver realizing this guy ...

A guy walks through the Olympic Village

And comes across an athlete with a big stick on his shoulder.

The first guy asks "Are you a pole vaulter?"

The athlete says "No, I am a German and don't call me Walter!"

Once upon a time there was a teacher in a small village

This teacher is known to have screwed many girls in the village. After a few months, he decides to move out from the village. Before he leaves, a villager asks him the secret of how he has slept with this many girls. He answers "Silently enter the room, walk near her and blow in her neck".
The v...

Maybe it takes a village to raise a child...

I know it takes a vineyard to home school them.

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How the Germans bailed out Greece

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.



Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.



On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel...

Villager goes for vasectomy

So one villager reaches the doctor's clinic looking very despondent.

Doc: What are you here for?

Villager: The vasectomy camp.

D: Oh OK. How many kids do you have?

V: None. I am not even married!!

D (shocked): Then why do you want a vasectomy?

V: Every man i...

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A NSFW joke I tried to translate from Turkish

A group of bandits raided a village. They said to the women of the village; "To save the life of your family, you have to identify your husband by sucking his dick."

They blindfolded women and lined up the men of the village in a mixed order, and a few of the bandits became involved.

T...

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A Female Journalist Ventures Into A Village

A female journalist ventures into a village in a faraway land, away from all modern civilization, to write a story about the people that lives there.

When she gets into the village, the villagers give her a warm welcome, tell her that she can talks to anyone and photographs anything that she ...

What does vikings call english villages?

Chopping centers.

I was chatting with my Finnish friend the other day...

I asked him where his favorite part of Finland was.

He said "Hyvä kysymys! I really like Rovaniemi for the Santa Claus Village!"

I asked him "Hyvä kysymys? What's that?"

All he said was "Good question!"

It's been a week and he still hasn't told me what it means.

(I...

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Blindman from the village

Six nuns are washing themselves all together when the doorbell rings.

One nun goes to the door and says 'who is it?'

An elderly gentleman replies "It's the blind man from the village" so the nun shouts to the others, "don't worry it's just the blind man from the village, I'll let him i...

Village Competition

Tomorrow our village is having it's annual Innuendo competition

I might enter my friend's sister.

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A doctor went to a village inhabited by only men.

A young doctor went to an isolated village to provide medical assistance to its villagers which were composed only by men. One day the people tolled the doctor that if he ever felt the need for sexual relief that he'd need to go and stand in-line near the river and wait he's turn.

The next da...

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The priest in a small Irish village...

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.

During Mass...

A government agent is sent to a village

A government agent is sent to a small English village where there are reports of multiple deaths from tainted pharmaceuticals.

The villagers are unaware of the cause, but are nonetheless worried and ask the agent who is responsible for these deaths around the village.

The agent tells t...

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The journalist and the villager.

A journalist is traveling across the country, visiting all the small villages he finds in his way.

One day, he meets a villager:

-Good morning, sir. I'm making a documentary about the customs and traditions of many villages and you are the first person I've found today. Can I ask you a...

A village is being terrorized by a man eating tiger.

All the villagers' efforts to catch this tiger have been in vain. They call an acclaimed hunter "One shot Bob" who is so named because rumor has it that he can disable or kill any animal with just one shot.

So the hunter arrives, all smug and self assured. He prepares for the hunt and perch...

An Indian chief goes to the village shaman...

An Indian chief goes to the village shaman and asks him if this year's winter will be harsh. The shaman thinks about the question for a while, does his thing and says "oh yeah, it will be a terrible winter"

So the village stockpiles everything they can as to survive the terrible winter. Winte...

A tourist found himself in a sleepy little country village.

He approached one of the locals and asked to take him to the oldest inhabitant.


The villager replied, ' Well sir, we ain't got one now. He died last week.'

There once was a village whose mayors were all named Benny and had magnificent beards

Legend held that if a mayor shaved his beard off, an ancient curse would transform him into a piece of pottery.

Centuries passed and every Benny was a fair and wise mayor, and never shaved their beards. But one summer, their land was struck by a terrible heat wave. All the men of the villag...

In a certain country, there are specialized manufacturing villages

There are shoes village, candy village, light bulb village... Deeper in the mountains there are villages that even produce things like air conditioners or TVs.
But the most rural one is the remote village.

Three vampires are discussing who is the most powerful.

Three vampires are in a castle in Transylvania discussing how strong and powerful they are. The youngest of the group slams his fist on the table and exclaims, "I am the fastest out of us three! Watch this!"

He bursts out the window transforming into a bat and flies towards a small village....

A reporter visits a small village farm to interview a farmer about his sheep.

A reporter visits a small village farm to interview a farmer about his sheep.

Reporter:So Billy,what do feed your sheep?

Billy:I feed the white one corn mix.

Reporter:what about the black one?

Billy:I feed it corn mix as well.

Reporter: Ok,where do your sheep sleep...

A young man named Theseus moves to a lakeside fishing village looking for work

When he arrives, he finds one of the residents, Justin, is interested in going out and seeing the world, and wants to sell his fishing boat to fund that trip. Thinking that it might be a good way to make a living, Theseus buys the boat and spends the next few years learning the trade, establishing a...

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