The Joy of Sects

A man crossing a bridge sees a suicidal chap about to take a big dive, Thinking he could be the good Samaritan, he stops and calls to the jumper.

GS: "Hey Buddy, Lets talk, Don't do anything rash, life is good, lets find something to talk about, Say tell me friend, are you religious?"

...

Praying mantises don't all follow the same religion.

They're in sects.

Why don't ants go to church?

Because they are in sects.

Sects, Sects, Sects

That's all monks ever think about

Did you hear about the hipster youth pastor creating a new Christian sect combining elements of Protestant and Baptist beliefs?

He's a Pabst-ist.

Edited to help /u/visualshocker get the joke

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Be careful who you talk to about religion in West Virginia

You could be talking about sects with a miner!

What did the warring religious sects say to each other after they made peace?

"Good Shiite."

"See you Sunni."

Do you know how many 3rd party sects the catholic church is protecting?

None, catholics aren't allowed to have protected sects.

Joke

Don’t join dangerous cults
Practice safe sects

Why doesn't ants believe in God?

... Because they're in sects.

Anyone planning on attending their non-conformist church now that COVID restrictions are lifted?

Remember to bring your mask. Always practice safe sects.

...I'll see myself out.

What do you call a muslim insect?

A mosque-ito

I always have heavy security at my far-left political rallies...

It's dangerous to have unprotected sects.

What do you call a dead-end religion?

A cul-de-sect.

Did you hear about the non-denominational Christian who converted to Catholicism because of his Catholic wife?

He didn’t believe in sects before marriage.

Why do bugs have odd beliefs?

They're in sects.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Celibacy and atheism are quite similar.

One is avoiding sex, and the other is avoiding sects.

Why doesn’t scientology have any coal workers?

because sects with miners is illegal

What do you say to a theologian graduate with a good GPA?

"Oh, high marks! How's your sects life?"

Why do you never see any bugs in a church?

Because they are in sects.

Church

I'm going to start a religious sect for people who love both bible study and varietals of cheddar.

It shall be called The Church of Cheesus Christ.

Credit to /u/Poem_for_your_sprog

He sat and sighed beside the road -

His engine's gasket blown.

His car was old and cold and towed.

The man was left alone.

-

'I need to find a place to stay

Until it's fixed,' he spoke -

But as he rose to walk away

Arrived a band of folk.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife hates the study of cults that worship the rear end.

But personally, I love butt sects.

Why do politicians always claim to be religious?

Because sects sells.

Three men are in a bar

Three men are in a bar, talking about the Red Sox. "I think they'll win it all this year," said the first man. "No way, the Yankees are too good", said the second man. "Well, I've converted to several versions of Christianity and still belong to all of them!" declared the third man, before walking o...

How do religions reproduce?

They have sects.

A particle physicist met a quark collector...

... and discovered the latter, named Richard, had managed to get his hands on two of the most elusive quarks - the notorious up-quark and the sought-after down-quark.

Now the physicist was a bit of a connoisseur himself, and had managed to get his hands on all the four other quarks and their ...

Started a new religion

Doesn't matter, had sects.

Religious gardening rising in popularity with today's youth.

Parents around the nation are alarmed at their teens obsession with Sects and Violets.

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