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Sect Jokes

Sects, Sects, Sects

That's all monks ever think about

Praying mantises don't all follow the same religion.

They're in sects.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once, in the fifteenth Century B.C., there lived a pharaoh.

And that pharaoh once got a sexually transmitted disease.

All the best medics of Egypt tried to cure him, but all have failed. Until one day, an old man told him that in one oasis to the west, there is an old sect of priests who know many secrets of medicine.

Quickly, the pharaoh order...

The Joy of Sects

A man crossing a bridge sees a suicidal chap about to take a big dive, Thinking he could be the good Samaritan, he stops and calls to the jumper.

GS: "Hey Buddy, Lets talk, Don't do anything rash, life is good, lets find something to talk about, Say tell me friend, are you religious?"

...

Jehovah is showing Ra around Heaven one day...

... when a man runs up to them, crosses himself, then spreads his arms and closes his eyes.

"Excuse me," Jehovah says to Ra, "this will only take a second." He waves his hands, there's a flash of light, and a purring kitten goes scampering away from where the man had been.

"Other than ...

Did you hear about the hipster youth pastor creating a new Christian sect combining elements of Protestant and Baptist beliefs?

He's a Pabst-ist.

Edited to help /u/visualshocker get the joke

What did the warring religious sects say to each other after they made peace?

"Good Shiite."

"See you Sunni."

Do you know how many 3rd party sects the catholic church is protecting?

None, catholics aren't allowed to have protected sects.

Why don't bees go to church?

... because they are in sects

An entomologist walks into a bar and orders a grasshopper.

An entomologist walks into a bar and orders a grasshopper. "We haven't seen you in a while. How is your research going?" the bartender asks. "Great. I've actually had quite a breakthrough. I've discovered that praying mantises don't all follow the same religion," the entolomolgist says. "They're in ...

Why do bugs have odd beliefs?

They're in sects.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Be careful who you talk to about religion in West Virginia

You could be talking about sects with a miner!

Joke

Don’t join dangerous cults
Practice safe sects

What do you call a dead-end religion?

A cul-de-sect.

Why doesn't ants believe in God?

... Because they're in sects.

Why do you never see any bugs in a church?

Because they are in sects.

Did you hear about the non-denominational Christian who converted to Catholicism because of his Catholic wife?

He didn’t believe in sects before marriage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Celibacy and atheism are quite similar.

One is avoiding sex, and the other is avoiding sects.

Why doesn’t scientology have any coal workers?

because sects with miners is illegal

What do you say to a theologian graduate with a good GPA?

"Oh, high marks! How's your sects life?"

Church

I'm going to start a religious sect for people who love both bible study and varietals of cheddar.

It shall be called The Church of Cheesus Christ.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife hates the study of cults that worship the rear end.

But personally, I love butt sects.

Why do politicians always claim to be religious?

Because sects sells.

Started a new religion

Doesn't matter, had sects.

How do religions reproduce?

They have sects.

Religious gardening rising in popularity with today's youth.

Parents around the nation are alarmed at their teens obsession with Sects and Violets.

What's the difference between Catholics and Protestants?

Protestants have sects.

Credit to /u/Poem_for_your_sprog

He sat and sighed beside the road -

His engine's gasket blown.

His car was old and cold and towed.

The man was left alone.

-

'I need to find a place to stay

Until it's fixed,' he spoke -

But as he rose to walk away

Arrived a band of folk.
...

Three men are in a bar

Three men are in a bar, talking about the Red Sox. "I think they'll win it all this year," said the first man. "No way, the Yankees are too good", said the second man. "Well, I've converted to several versions of Christianity and still belong to all of them!" declared the third man, before walking o...

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