UPJOKE
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My mother-in-law has come around to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we had a change ...

We let her in.

Why does Santa only come around once a year?

He's locked up for breaking and entering the rest of the year.

Russian spacecrafts designed in 1960s don't come around often

Soyuz them wisely.

A man on his retirement, purchased a house situated near a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began.

One afternoon early into the first semester, three young boys came down the street, beating merrily on every bin they passed.

They did this the following day and the day's after that, for a week, until the man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heard it?

A horse, Dave and his boss, the Pope, a cab driver, a drunk and his wife, a ventriloquist and a Welshman, two kids and their mother, three captives, a teacher and little Johnny, and a preacher and little Sally walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"

Th...

I debated a flat earther once

he stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.

He'll come around, eventually.

The roof job

Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over.

Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time.

It was nearing 5 PM and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Talking Dog

A man was driving down the street one day and saw a sign: Talking Dog for Sale - $10.

Though very skeptical, he immediately pulls up to the house and knocks on the door. An old man comes out and says “you hear for the talking dog? Come around back”.

He goes around the house and sees ...

A man is tossed off an ocean liner and ends up on a desert island..

There are 2 other men who were living on the island so the man pitched a house and stayed waiting to be rescued. After 2 weeks, the other 2 men go and take a bath in the springs, shave their faces with cut glass and comb the rats out of their hair. The new man asks, "*what are you doing that for?*" ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Leprechaun Joke

A man went to a pub on St. Patrick's Day to have some drinks with his mates. After a while, the man needed to relieve himself, so he went to use the restroom.

The restroom was quite small and only had two urinals, one of which was being used by what appeared to be a little person. The man beg...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Twas the week before Christmas

‘Twas the Week before Christmas
by Canttake Itany Moore

‘Twas the week before Christmas and all through the city

The virus still raged. The year was still shitty.

The cars sat snuggly, all still in the street.

There was no place to go. No friends to meet.

Restau...

They should call your mama Covid

Every time I come around it’s a super-spreader event.

So little Timmy has bone cancer.

The Make-A-Wish Foundation people come around and say “well Timmy, you can see anyone you want. We’ll do our best to get them.”

So Timmy says “I wanna see Black Panther!”

The Doctor says “hold on now, you’ll see him in a couple days anyways. Why don’t you pick someone else?”

My brother is a big believer in Flat Earth Theory

but he is starting to come around.

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