Today it became clear to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on the keyboard.
This is why I'll never be ending an email with 'Regards' ever again.
What do you call crows that stick close together?
Velcrows
I hate how H and B are so close together on the keyboard.
I SWEAR I just wanna hang.
Why are the trees planted so close together in Paris?
So the Germans could march in the shade.
A couple is waiting in line with other guests to register at a busy hotel, and eventually are told that the only available room has twin beds.
The husband looks disappointed and says, "We've been sharing a bed for 44 years. I don't know about that."
The wife says, "Can we at least put the beds close together?"
The other guests in line smile, and one even quips, "How sweet!"
The wife then explains, "It's just that if...
I think skiing is rather suspicious
>!Its i's are too close together!<
Two musicians, violating social distancing
I was annoyed to see two musicians together today, violating social distancing. They were counting: one repeated "1 2 3, 1 2 3,"…; the other, "1 2 3 4 5, 1 2 3 4 5,"… "Hey!", I said, "It's unsafe, so close together!" "No worries", they replied, "we have two meters between us."
Raising a family is hard.
It's a lot easier if you're a necromancer and they're buried close together.
A man decides he wants to run a farm
A man decides he wants to run a farm.
He goes to the farm store, and orders 300 baby chicks from the manager.
The next week, he comes back and orders 300 more chicks. The store just thinks that his farm is doing well, and sells them to him.
Again, the next week, the man comes in...
The chicken farm
A farmer goes into a farm supply store and orders two hundred chicks, explaining to the owner that he wants to start a chicken farm. Two weeks later, he returns to the store and buys another two hundred chicks. The owner is curious, but doesn't say anything. The same thing happens when the farmer re...
A month ago my friend came to me and asked if he could borrow $2000
He told me he wanted to start a chicken farm, and needed the cash to buy some chickens to get it started. He said he would pay me back in no time, so I agreed and gave him the money. 2 weeks later he showed up again, asking for another $2000. He told me the first batch of chickens had all myste...
Marriage is like a fire.
If you put the logs too close together the fire grows too hot and burns out quickly. If you put the logs too far apart the fire goes cold. The trick is having the logs just the right distance apart.
And every once in a while you have to use your poker.
One small step for Man...
Neil Armstrong was asked... when you stepped on the moon... in that enormous moment... how did you come up with the saying... “ One small step for man, and one giant leap for mankind”... What an incredible quote!!!
He said I never said that!!
I actually said “One small step for man ...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
An American, An Englishman and a Norwegian were talking in a bar...
When the american said: "***Did you know that our air force is so big, that when all our planes are out flying. We can't even see the sun!"***
"That is nothing!" the Englishman answered... "***Our Navy is so huge, that if we line up all our boats we can walk on a straight line all the way fro...
A man goes into a local animal store
He asks the clerk for 50 baby chicks. Pleased with his purchase, he goes home to raise them. Two weeks later, the man is back again. He asks the clerk for 50 more baby chicks. The clerk says "Wow sir, it seems as if you're having a great success with your farm!" The man then responds, "Actually, I'm...
Two medicine students were sitting on a bench...
Two medicine students were sitting on a bench when they saw an old man walking along the road.
The man seemed to have some sort of disability because he had his legs unusually close together and when we walked he dragged one foot along the road.
The medicine students, taught to come t...
A farmer walks into a farm supply store...
...and says to an employee, "You know, when I bought my farm it had a coop for chickens but I've never had any. I think I'd like to start raising some so what do I need?"
The employee walks him over to the area with the chicken supplies and gets him started with bedding for the coop, heat la...
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