What's the difference between an atheist and an evangelical Christian?

The atheist is honest about not following the teachings of Christ.

What's the difference between a buoy and my ex girlfriend?

A buoy can be found above the ocean's surface.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What gets long when you jerk it,fits between boobs,slides in a hole and loves to be pulled?

A seat belt you pervert

What’s the difference between a police officer and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You only need one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.

What’s the difference between an anti-vaxxer and a hot dog?

The hot dog might actually have some brains in it.

My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony?

One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a golf ball and a clitoris?

Guys will spend 10 minutes looking for a golf ball.

My niece told me this joke: What's the difference between Chanukah and a dragon?

Chanukah is always eight nights.

A dragon sometimes ate knights.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a fairy tale and a redneck tale?

Fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time...", while redneck tales begin with "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?

I can get through one of his jokes without laughing.

What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man and in a socialist one, it's the other way around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gas station owner in Arkansas was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read: *** "FREE SEX w/fill-up ... just guess the right number between 1 & 10.” ***

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and asked for his FREE SEX.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his FREE SEX.
The redneck guessed ‘8’. The proprietor said, "You were close. The number was ‘7’. Sorry, but no FREE SEX thi...

What’s the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is using a feather.

Perverted is using the whole chicken.

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don’t know and I don’t care

How to differentiate between the branches of the US armed forces:

If you give the command "SECURE THE BUILDING", here is what the different services would do:

The NAVY would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The ARMY would surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire.

The MARINE CORPS would assault the b...

What's the difference between a kilo of cocaine and a baby?

Eric Clapton would never let a kilo of coke fall out of a window.

Courtesy of my 11-year-old: Dad, what's the difference between a humorous reference and an imaginary bread?

One is a wry allusion and the other is a rye illusion.

What's the difference between a wife, a nymphomaniac, and a hooker?

The nympho says, "You're done already?" The hooker says, "Are you done yet?" And the wife says, "Beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room you know it’s some good shit!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an epileptic chef at an oyster bar and a hooker with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits

The other fucks between shits

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Donald Trump, and Jane Fonda?

Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between dildos and tofu?

I can put a dildo in my mouth without gagging.

Know the Difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

Vast majority of folks in Dubai do not like the Flintstones, but most in Abu Dhabi do.

What’s the different between science and religion?

Science flies you to the moon.

Religion flies you through buildings.

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?

I can't peanut butter my dick in your ass

My 9 year old told me this one. What is the difference between girl spaghetti and boy spaghetti?

Meatballs.

She's so petite and delicate so it was perfectly hilarious.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a woman and a cigarette?

The taste changes when you get to the butt.

What’s the difference between genealogy and gynecology?

family tree vs. family bush

What’s the difference between Jim Jones and Donald Trump?

Trump would’ve charged for the kool-aid.

Whats the difference between a dead dog on the side of the road, and a dead politician on the side of the road?

The skid marks infront of the dog.

When I was a child, I was obsessed with the difference between sine and cosine.

Later on, I realized it was just a phase.

What’s the difference between a casual dress party and an orgy with pirates?

One, you come as you are, and the other, you “arrr” as you cum!

What's the difference between CNN and the Titanic?

The Titanic had all of its anchors when it sank

I think I figured out the source of the beef between Kyle Rittenhouse and LeBron James.

Kyle has LeBron sorely outclassed in both shooting and defense.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the similarity between having sex and bungee jumping?

If the rubber breaks, you’re doomed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a porn addict and a pickpocket?

One snatches watches.

What's the difference between a dog and a fox?

Four drinks.

What's the difference between the Taliban and Texas?

The Taliban requires women to wear masks

What's the difference between your wife and your work?

After 10 years, your job still sucks.

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guys.
Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?

Annette.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little girl asks her Mom about the hair she is growing between her legs

The mom calmly replies , " The part where you are growing hair is called a monkey . Be proud that your monkey is growing hair"

This makes the little girl happy and she goes to her big sister and says , "My Monkey is growing hair."

This sister laughs and replies , " That is nothing ,...

What's the difference between husbands and prisoners?

Prisoners complain behind bars. Husbands complain in them.

What’s the difference between giving a bird a bag of weed and peeing on a campfire? [og]

Nothing. They are both fried peckers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a panda and a fuckboy on a date?

One eats shoots and leaves. The other eats, shoots and leaves.

What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted





Thank you Alaska Airlines rep

What's the difference between a young and old person?

When you're young a joint is something you smoke, when you're old it's something that hurts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the similarity between a bank and sex?

In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.

It's quite obvious to each of the three men know where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you to do you? This is my seat after all."

The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! ...

What is the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter f.

What’s the difference between and enzyme and a hormone

You can’t hear an enzyme

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a guy who rides a Harley?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.

What’s the difference between a bowling ball & my mother-in-law?

The bowling ball doesn’t have a beard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between the guy praying in church, and the guy praying at the track?

The fucker at the track means it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a mega church pastor and a crazed marine carrying a butt plug covered in superglue?

One wants to heal your soul for money.

The other wants to seal your hole for Gunny.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between being hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber.

There is a lot of difference between a man and woman saying,

"I went through a whole box of Tissues watching that movie"

Races between Myanmar and Laos

Are usually Thais

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between getting a blow job from an eighty year old woman and walking a tightrope?

In both cases, you really don't want to look down.

What's the difference between "oooohhhh" and "AAAAAAHHHHHHH"

3 inches

What is the difference between my life and a knife?

The Knife has a point

What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing and gargling

What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.

What is the difference between BTS and Logan Paul?

BTS is a boy band from Asia; Logan Paul is a boy banned from Asia.

In a fight between a car and a train, who would win?

The train, because its been training.

What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner?

When driving, a drunk will approach a stop sign and may speed right through it.

A stoner will actually stop... and wait for it to turn green.

What's the difference between black eye peas and chick peas?

Black eye peas can sing us a song; chick peas can only hummus one

What’s the difference between North Korea and the North Pole?

One of them is forever ruled by a jolly fat man who directs an entire race of short people to produce packages he can drop from the sky all over the world, and the other is the North Pole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's difference between Hitler and the Boston Marathon Bomber?

The bomber successfully stopped a race

what's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad never beat cancer

How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask?

Ask them who won the election.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One is a good year the other a great year.

What is the difference between the Government and the Drug cartel?

The cartels don't force you to take the drugs....I'll see myself out

What’s the difference between R Kelly and a Tiger?

No one wants to see a tiger in a cage for the rest of its life.

What’s the difference between a piano, a fish, and a bucket of glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog?

The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.

What’s the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?

A washing machine won’t follow you around for a week after you put a load in it

(Thank you for the award!)

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

What is the difference between American girls and middle eastern girls?

American girls get stoned before committing adultery.

Whats the difference between you and an egg?

An egg gets laid

What's in common between Elon Musk and Homeless man

They both do not pay taxes

Whats the difference between worry and panic?

About 28 days

What’s the difference between a hold up and a stick up.

Old age.

What's the difference between a new AAA and a violent offender?

One's a battery with charge and the other's charged with battery



*I came up with this myself but in case someone beat me to this one, not meant to be a repost*

What's the difference between Americans and a computer?

The computer has troubleshooting at school

What's the difference between Tesla and Nestle?

Nestle's child slaves are 1700 miles northwest of Tesla's child slaves.

My grandfathers favorite joke: what’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

The drug dealer can’t wash the crack and resell it

What's the difference between a clown and an athletic rabbit?

One is a little bit funny and the other is a little fit bunny

What do you call a fight between Trans people?

TRANSACTION

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW What's the difference between eating pussy and drinking Bud Light?

Pussy only tastes like piss for a few seconds.

What's the difference between pink and purple?

Your grip.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between an escort and a student loan provider?

An escort will stop fucking you when you run out of money

What did the duck tell the other duck in the war between chickens and ducks

“ENEMY FIRING EGGS! DUCK!”

What’s the difference between ex-cons and a congressmen?

Every once in a while an ex-con passes few good bills.

The difference between Cognac and Brandy

Cognac is made in the Cognac region of France and Brandy is a fine girl.

What is the difference between being vegan and having Covid 19 ?

With Covid the loss of taste is only temporary..

What do you call a fight between two Rednecks?

The Clash of Klans

A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate. During his meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there's more between him and his roommate.

Reading his mom's thought, his son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?

One's a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other's a lepidopteral taxonomy

What the difference between glasses and a girl with glasses?

:glasses seem to sit a bit higher on my face

You know the difference between my wife and work?

Two options:

1) work still sucks after a year

B) I still enjoy coming into my wife

What’s the different between Bitcoin and my wife?

My wife doesn’t go down on me

What's the difference between Mariah Carey and Marie Curie?

One glitters, the other glows

What’s the difference between a circus and 5 female line dancers without panties?

I don’t know either, but one sure is a cunning array of stunts.

What's the difference between a hacksaw and a blender?

Are you kidding? You should be able to tell them apart, they're two completely different tools.

>!Anyway, you can't just put the entire baby into the blender, it doesn't fit. That's what the hacksaw is for.!<

What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?

The ones in the casinos are serious.

What’s the difference between Americans and computers?

Americans don’t have trouble shooting

What’s the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al-qaeda outpost?

I dunno man I just fly the drone.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a blue collar worker?

Ask them to pronounce the word “unionized”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your whole day,

Anal sex makes your hole weak.










Edit: added “whole”
Props to a fellow redditor for correction. u/rex-natchez!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?

Usain could actually finish a race.

What's the difference between L. Ron Hubbard and Ayn Rand?

One author is delusional and whose fans follow blindly like a religion...and the other is L. Ron Hubbard.

What’s the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

You can’t make a vitamin

-RIP Benny Hill

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan ?

Apple gets picked

What’s the difference between a camera and a sock?

One takes photos -

- the other takes five toes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between NASA and the NSA?

One seeks to probe Uranus and the other seeks to probe your anus.

I think we can arrange races between boats and marine mammals to fund marine mammal protection charities...

Or would thy defeat the porpoise?

What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

One goes Whack! “Dang!”, the other goes “Dang!” Whack!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a difference between a sexy woman and a beautiful woman?

How would I know, I am scared to talk to either.

What’s the difference between my wife and an umbrella?

Only one of them gets wet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked a girl if I guess the number she has in her mind, she has to kiss me. So I told to her to think of a number between 1 and 3

*After she choosing a number in her mind*

Me: It's 2, isn't it?

She: No.

Me: then which fucking number is it?

She: 2.5.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the space between 2 artificial breasts?

Silicone Valley......

I'll leave and close the door behind me

What's the difference between a black bear and a grizzly bear?

If you climb a tree to escape, a black bear can climb up the tree and you eat you.

The grizzly bear will knock the tree down and eat you.

Whats the difference between a crack head and a meth head?

A crack head will steal your wallet. A meth head will steal your wallet and spend 20 minutes helping you find it.

What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?

The strength of the communion wine.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

With the porcupine the pricks are on the outside.

How can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask them to say the word unionized.

(This is the same joke I post every year on my cake day)

What’s the difference between foxholes and gloryholes?

If you answered, “I don’t know,” then stay out of the military.

What's the difference between a woman and a volcano?

Volcanos never fake an eruption!

What's the difference between a prince and a booger?

A prince is heir to the throne and a booger is thrown to the air.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

There's no such thing as a jamfish.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.