This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between dildos and tofu?

I can put a dildo in my mouth without gagging.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Donald Trump, and Jane Fonda?

Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

What's the difference between the Taliban and Texas?

The Taliban requires women to wear masks

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guys.
Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.

It's quite obvious to each of the three men know where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you to do you? This is my seat after all."

The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! ...

There is a lot of difference between a man and woman saying,

"I went through a whole box of Tissues watching that movie"

What is the difference between BTS and Logan Paul?

BTS is a boy band from Asia; Logan Paul is a boy banned from Asia.

What's the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chickpeas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song and Chickpeas can only Hummus one.

What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?

The ones in the casinos are serious.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the similarity between a bank and sex?

In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

What's the difference between Mariah Carey and Marie Curie?

One glitters, the other glows

What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme. (Credit to Dorothy Parker.)

A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate. During his meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there's more between him and his roommate.

Reading his mom's thought, his son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your whole day,

Anal sex makes your hole weak.










Edit: added “whole”
Props to a fellow redditor for correction. u/rex-natchez!

How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask?

Ask them who won the election.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW What's the difference between eating pussy and drinking Bud Light?

Pussy only tastes like piss for a few seconds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between American girls and Arab girls?

American girls get stoned before sex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the space between 2 artificial breasts?

Silicone Valley......

I'll leave and close the door behind me

My grandfathers favorite joke: what’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

The drug dealer can’t wash the crack and resell it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a cowboy hat and a tampon?

Cowboy hats are for assholes.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

What's the difference between your pregnant wife and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What is the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?

When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a stroke.

When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a stroke.

What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

Snowballs.

What is the difference between choking fetish and necrophilia ?

About 15 seconds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Help! I'm lost at sea. I'm somewhere between America and Japan

I can't be anymore pacific

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with big tits?

One is a crusty bus station,
the other is a busty crustacean

What's the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a Nazi an uncircumcised penis?

*and an

Nothing. They’re complete dicks.

A woman was forced to choose between two suitors to wed.

The first man was about 4 foot 5 tall and ran a very successful store that sold many fruits and vegetables.

The other man was disgusting. He was covered head to toe in boils and bedsores and smelled awful. He had not ever even seen a bath. He was pretty much the most foul human you could imag...

What’s the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al-qaeda outpost?

I dunno man I just fly the drone.

What’s the difference between juice and cider?

A date can’t end with you in juice.

What is the difference between a Snow man and a Snow woman?

Snow balls

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day, when the daughter said, "My hands are freezing cold!" The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold!"

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and warmed his hands.

The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the ...

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird?

A bird can still tweet.

What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

Trump never paid to have a lentil in his face.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a joke and 3 dicks?

Your mom can't take a joke.

What is the difference between Jesus and Casanova?

The facial expression when getting nailed.

What is the the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a feather... Kinky is using the whole chicken.

What's the difference between an American and a computer?

American don't have trouble shooting.

What’s the similarity between a unicorn and a good politician?

Neither exist

What's the difference between a politician and a crook?

No, seriously, I can't tell.

What's the difference between a hard smack and a gentle pat?

One's a tight slap, the other's a slight tap.

What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and gathers your personal data, and the other is an industry standard.

What is the difference between COVID-19 and the 101st Infantry Division?

COVID-19 is Airborne

What's the difference between a gardener and a pimp?

A gardener doesn't want his hose to have kinks.

What’s the difference between a fetish and a hobby?

***Depends where you stick the ship in a bottle after you finish painting it…***

what is the similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist?

Both are allowed to smell but neither of them is allowed to eat.

What’s the difference between pie and cake?

π r². Cakes are round.

Happy cake day to me.

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter "F".



Edit: *To everyone making jokes in the comments comparing politicians to pigs, please stop.
It's really offensive and disrespectful. Pigs are not all that bad.*

Whats the difference between the people praying in a church and the people praying in a casino?

The people in the casino mean it.

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One weighs 3.500 pounds, the other is a little lighter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandfather once boasted he could hit a man between the buttocks from 200 yards with iron sights

That's quite the crack shot

What's the difference between a pervert and a dead bee?

One is a seedy beast and the other is a bee deceased.

What's the difference between an ISIS K bomb maker and an Afghani aid worker?

How should I know I just fly the drone

What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth?

A glad-he-ate-her

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the different between a rooster and my ex girlfriend?

A rooster goes cockadoodledoo.

My ex goes anycock'lldo.

What's the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never drop a bag of cocaine.

How can you tell between a German and a Frenchman?

Whether he’s raising one arm or two

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People who can’t choose between “your” and “you’re” correctly piss me off.

Like, our you fucking kidding me?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between Jesus and vaccines?

One has the ability to prevent disease, slow down and eventually stop a global pandemic, and has saved countless millions of lives.

The other is a giant hoax, made up by evil shit bags to control the global population.

What's the difference between a pencil and my life?

The pencil had a point.

What is the difference between a daydreamer, a psychopath and a psychiatrist?

The daydreamer builds a Castle in his mind, the psychopath lives in it and the psychologist collects the rent

What’s the difference between a Redditor and an egg?

An egg has been laid

What’s the similarity between a female and a vacuum

They only suck when they are turned on

What is the common thing between an entrepreneur and a suicide bomber ?

Do the job well on first try and they are set for life.

What's the difference between an incel and an egg?

At least the egg gets laid.

What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?

Men will take the time to look for a golf ball.

What's the similarity between a pack of chewing gum and a gun?

When you pull it out in class, everyone wants to be friends

What's the difference between British English and Australian English?

British English: bloody hell!


Australian English: ¡llǝɥ ʎpoolq

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.

What’s the difference between your father and an elevator?

An elevator can raise a family.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between a nice bunch of flowers and a bitch-demon from hell?

One has pretty petals, the other is the British Home Secretary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Disney and PornHub?

Disney teaches you to hate your stepmother.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Arsenal and a toothpick?

A toothpick has 2 points.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?

One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting ...

The difference between being Involved vs. Committed

Take a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese sandwich. The chicken and the cow are involved, but the pig is committed.

There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Then again, only a fraction of people will find this joke funny.

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.

My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."

My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my futu...

What's the biggest difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

What's the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has dates.

(\*cries in self pity\*)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's difference between the United States and unprotected sex?

With the US, it doesn't matter if it pulls out or not. You are screwed anyways.

What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob and the other is a form of sea life.

What the difference between Pizza and Musician?

A pizza can feed a family of 4.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ladies: How can you tell the difference between being hungry and being horny?

# Depends on where you put the cucumber.



My wife can't get over this joke she heard on TicTok. She's told 10 people today. Practically forced me to post in on Reddit.

What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub?

A woman in church has hope in her soul...

What’s the difference between a really strong weightlifter and a really, really, really strong weightlifter?

Repetitions.

What's the difference between a freshwater fish and a mountain goat?

One mucks around in fountains,

What's the difference between a cactus and some drivers

The pricks are on the outside

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches watches...

Whats the difference between you and eggs

Eggs get laid



Ps: Sorry if this has been posted before(playing it safe)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the differnce between an afghan Soldier and a Woman ?

The Woman has the balls to oppose the Taliban.

What’s the difference between a policeman and a bullet?

Atleast when a bullet kills someone. It’s fired.

What's the difference between alcohol and weed?

Five drunk guys will start a fight. Five stoned guys will start a band.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized

What's the Difference between pink and purple?

Depends on how hard you grip it.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes 1 nail to hang the picture.

What's the difference between God and the Pope?

God doesn't suffer from delusions of Popehood.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a oyster shucker with Parkinson's and a prostitute with diarrhea

One of them fits when they shuck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What comes between 4 and 6?

A horny insomniac.

What's the difference between Dubai and abu dhabi?

Dubai don't like flintstones but abu dhabi do.

A major difference between men and women

is if a woman says "Sniff this." it usually smells nice.

What's the difference between a pessimist and an optimist?

A pessimist says "It can't get any worse!"

An optimist says "Yes it can!"

What is the difference between a golfer and a akydiver?

The golfer goes *whack* "Damn!"

The skydiver goes "Damn!" *whack*

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

You can mash potatoes.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know the difference between jam and jelly?

You can’t jelly you dick in your wife’s ass

What's the difference between an idiot and a moron?

An idiot is someone who drives faster than you... a moron is someone who drives slower.

What is the difference between a Tornado in Oklahoma and a divorce in Mississippi?

I don’t know but someone is losing a trailer.

What's the difference between Captain Picard, a scared female pig, a loose thread, and the likelihood this joke is terrible?

One likes to make it so, one is an afraid sow, one is a frayed sew, and sorry, but I'm afraid so!

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts??

Beer nuts are $1.25 and deer nuts are under a buck.

What’s the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

Drunk drivers will run a red light.
Stoners will wait for the stop sign to turn green.

Difference between falling from 1st and 10th floor

1st floor : Thud.....Silence......Shriek

10th floor : Shriek......Thud...Silence

Whats the difference between onions and girls?

I cry when I cut up onions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a pianist and a penis?

A pianist tickles the ivories, a penis tickles the ovaries.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Do you know the difference between a dick and a chair?

If not, you'd rather watch out where you sit!

What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law?

Outlaws are wanted.

This was told to me by my girlfriend’s grandma.

Letters between a father and son

Dear son;

Your mother and I love you very much, and we miss you dearly ever since you went to prison. I especially miss you now that spring is here, and it is time to plow the fields. The ground is hard, and my back is old. I am afraid I will never be able to plant the crops in time.
...

What’s the difference between Amazon and prison?

You can sit down in prison

What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?

The look on their face when you're nailing them

What’s the difference between a French kiss and an Australian kiss?

They’re the same kiss, but the Aussie one is down under.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between the panties of today and the panties of the 1970s?

In the 70s, you had to pull down a girl's panties to see her ass. These days, you have to spread her ass to see her panties.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"
...

The easiest way to distinguish between an aligator and a crocodile

Is to know whether it will see you later or in a while.

What’s the difference between a tea bag and the French National Team?

A tea bag stays in the cup longer

What’s the difference between a church and an insane asylum?

A church is where you go to talk to god.

An asylum is where you go if he replies.

What's the difference between my horse and my gf ?

Fewer people have riden my horse

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I called in on my doctor yesterday because I had found deep inside between my buttocks a full-stop and also a comma just below it.

He took one look, paused for a moment, and then referred me for a semi-colonoscopy.

What's the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?

One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man settles in his seat next to the window on a plane, when another man sits down next to him and seats his Black Labrador Retriever in-between them. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why he's allowed on the plane. The second man explains that he's a DEA-Agent, Sniffing-dog.

His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says "Watch this. He tells Sniffer to 'search'". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposef...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.