How can you tell the difference between a nerd and someone with a BDSM fettish?

Ask them what a dungeon master is

People who don't understand the difference between...

People who don't understand the difference between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I can't put into words.

What’s the difference between a police officer and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired

There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?

A comma.
A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

What is the similarity between a communist and an IT technician?

They both believe restarting it might work.

What's the difference between physicists and gods?

Gods don't think they're physicists.

What’s the difference between science and religion?

Science flies you to the moon while religion flies you into buildings.

What’s the difference between retail workers and turkeys?

We let the turkey rest on Thanksgiving.

A woman is deciding between three suitors which one to be with. She says to the three men, "we are still young and inexperienced, go out there and travel around the world, we'll see when you come back."

So the first guy goes to Europe and tours the different countries there.

The second guy goes to Europe, then Asia, then Africa, then Australia and basically goes everywhere.

The third guy doesn't go anywhere.

6 months later they all meet up and the first guy says, "I went to all...

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with breast implants?

One is a Crusty Bus Station and the other is a busty crustacean

What's the difference between a a Shakespeare play and a Trump-era White House press conference?

One is The Taming of the Shrew.

The other is the shaming of the true.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If sex between four people is a foursome and sex between three people is a threesome...

Now I know why they call you handsome.

What’s the difference between Santa Claus and voter fraud?

One is a childish fantasy about getting what you want. The other has flying reindeer.

What's the difference between a Christmas tree and a man?

A Christmas tree will stay up for weeks, has cute balls, and looks good with the lights on.

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes *whack* "Darn" And a skydiver goes "darn" *whack*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between racists and bucket of shit?

The bucket.

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche

The porcupine usually has the pricks on the outside

What’s the difference between your washing machine and your wife

You don’t have to say I love you every time you put a load in the washing machine

What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?

One looks up your family tree, the other looks up your family bush.

Whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

What's the difference between a seal and a sealion?

An electron or two

What's a difference between a suicidal french speakee & a terrified english speaker when you point a gun at them?

I don't know, it sounds the same.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a sniper with bad eyesight and a constipated owl?

One shoots but doesn’t hit and the other hoots but doesn’t shit.

What's the difference between a jet engine and my wife?

The jet engine stops whining when it gets to Miami.

What's the difference between a Cat and a Fleshlight?

If you've clicked into this to find out, then you really shouldn't have a cat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I feel like Rudy Giuliani's press conference at a landscaping company between a dildo store and a crematorium is still relevant because...

Trump's effort to overturn the election is somewhere between fucked and dead.

What is the difference between a Hooker and a Drug dealer?

A Hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a paycheck and a penis?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump?

George Washington couldn’t tell a lie.

Richard Nixon couldn’t tell the truth.

Donald Trump can’t tell the difference

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Trump hold his press conference at the 4-seasons garden centre, between a sex shop and a crematorium?

Because he was between a cock and a charred place.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What the difference between Bud Light and a clitoris?

The clitoris only tastes like piss for a second.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats common between eyes and butt cheeks?

between both of them, something smells

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Jam and Jelly?

I can't jelly my cock in your ass.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked

What’s the difference between the “China Virus” and the Vietnam War?

Trump dodged the Vietnam War.

What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four

What's the difference between God and a doctor?

When God is angry, he sends you to the doctor.

When the doctor becomes angry, he sends you to God.

( PS: I translated this joke from my native language to English. Would've sounded better if I delivered this joke in my native language.)

What is the difference between my girlfriend and my computer?

I can turn my computer on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's common between strippers and giants?

They both grind men's bones to make bread

How do you tell the difference between an Indian and African elephant?

One's an elephant.

What the difference between a green pea and a chick pea?

I've never had a green pea on my chest.

What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

What is the difference between hot potato and a flying pig?

One's a heated yam, and one's a yeeted ham.

If you want to pass your calculus exam, don’t sit in between two identical twins.

It’s very hard to differentiate between them.

What's the difference between a hooker and jesus?

The look on thir face when you are nailing them.

What's the difference between Trump and a can of beer?

At least the beer has proof.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

How do you tell the difference between a Crocodile and an Alligator?

By paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or after a while.

What's the difference between a jazz guitarist and a rock guitarist?

A rock guitarist plays 10 chords for 50,000 people,and a jazz guitarist plays 50,000 chords for 10 people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a joke and 3 dicks?

Your mom can’t take a joke

What's the difference between a Lada and a Jehovah's witness?

You can shut the door on a jehovah's witness

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's similar between a pregnant 15 year old girl and the fetus inside of her?

They're both thinking; "oh shit my mom's gonna kill me"

What's the difference between toilet paper and toast?

Toast is brown on both sides.

What's the difference between a guitar player and a couch?

A couch can support a family.

As the burglar entered our darkened room, I put the red dot right between his eyes and then…

…let my cat do the rest.

Whats the difference between Jack and Jill?

I cant Jill off onto your face.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?

You can’t peanut butter your penis into someone’s mouth

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between 100,000 political jokes and a kid falling off a bike.

I still laugh every time I see a kid fall off a bike....
(For real this shit just ain't funny anymore fellas.)

What's the the difference between a man on a bicycle wearing a tuxedo and a man on a unicycle wearing sweatpants and a hoodie?

Attire.

how did the arguement between the electricians come to an end?

they found common ground

What's the difference between a vegan and a straight male submissive?

A vegan craves umami. A male sub craves "ooh mommy".

What's the difference between a cactus and a school bus?

A school bus has the little pricks inside

What’s the difference between Santa Clause and a knight?

One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a political convention and porn?

In porn, the dicks don't talk.

From my 7 year old nephew: What's the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night.

With all of the confusion with moving between online learning and in-person learning I lost my thesaurus

I couldn't find the words to describe how upset I was

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

Whats the difference between Jack Daniels and John Wayne?

Jack daniels is still killing Indians.

What's the difference between a geologist and Dwayne Johnson conducting an experiment?

One is a rock scientist. The other is The Rock, scientist.



(This is so dumb. I apologize in advance to anyone who reads this.)

What's the difference between a product made in Mexico and a product made in America?

One is made by a Mexican, while the other is made by a Mexican immigrant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is difference between male and female legs?

Male legs always have the same dick between them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy asks his dad; "What's between mom's legs?"

The father answers," Paradise."
The kid asks again,"Whats between your legs?" The father replies, "The key to paradise."
Then, the son says, "Piece of advice dad, change the lock. The neighbor has a copy."

A guy calls his boss and asks "What's the difference between this morning and your wife?"

Boss: "What?"

Guy: "I'm not coming in *this morning*"

What’s the difference between parsley and pubic hair?

Nothing...

When encountered simply move aside and carry on eating

Whats the difference between pregancy and a light bulb...

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What's the difference between a potato and a chickpea?

I've never paid to watch a potato.

Edit - Cheers for my first award, much obliged.

What’s the difference between a school and a terrorist base?

I don’t know, I’m just the drone pilot.

In the middle of a spit roast between the founder of Apple and his brother, the girl stops and says she'll only continue if they pay her.

When asked why she suddenly wants money she said:

I'm in-between Jobs.

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I’ve never had a lentil on my face.

My neighbour has put up a fine mesh barrier between our properties.

I think it's a fence sieve.

In the US, whats the difference between a restaurant in a blue or red state?

In a red state olives matter

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between an alcohol-free beer and your sisters pussy?

When you taste it, it tastes ok. But there's something wrong with it

What is the difference between children and goldfish

Goldfish smile when you eat them

Q: What is the difference between a teenager and a terrorist?

A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A man will actually search for a golf ball.

Whats the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

The difference is Trump never paid 50k to have a garbanzo bean on his face

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a rimshot and a rimjob?

One goes *ba dum tiss*, the other is da bum kiss.

What's the difference between like and love ?

A Spit and a Swallow

What's the difference between Biden and a slow, phony, fake, crooked, corrupt politician?

About 4 million votes.

What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

Whats the difference between scientology and ancient aliens?

One is an alien-based pyramid scheme and the other is a pyramid-based alien scheme.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

A frog says ribbit ribbit. A horny toad says rubbit rubbit.

What's the difference between being vegan and having Covid 19?

With Covid the loss of taste is only temporary...

What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

There have been sightings of UFOs

What's the difference between a musician and a savings account?

One eventually matures and starts to make money...

What's common between a sperm bank and a coffee shop?

you can get a Cup o' Joe at both places.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People in Dubai do not like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooooo.

What is the difference between in-laws and out-laws?

Out-laws are wanted!

What’s the difference between a jumper and a sweater?

A sweater doesn’t go splat after falling 40 stories...

What is the one thing common between my girlfriend and my favorite book?

Both are works of fiction.

What's the difference between a farmer and a pimp?

The farmer makes an honest living with his hoe

How can you tell the difference between a horse and a pig?

The horse is the one that doesn't look like a pig.

What's the difference between a guy falling from the 1st floor and one from the 9th

The first one goes : thud...aaaaaaaah and whereas the other goes aaaaaaaah...thud

Whats the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts.

Well beer nuts are a buck 75, and deer nuts are under a buck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats similar between a hurricane and women?

They come in hot and wet and leave with **THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARA YOU BITCH!**

What is the difference between a girl friend and a girlfriend?

The space in between called the friend zone

What's the difference between a mosquito and a submissive woman?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

What’s the difference between Wolverine and Paul Bunyan?

One’s a Hugh Jackman, the other is a huge ax man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a northern and a southern fairytale?

A northeren fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins"Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

What’s the difference between my girlfriend and my job.

I can at least find the entrance to my job.

What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

Beer nuts are always over a dollar, deer nuts are always under a buck.

Goofy, I know, but still makes me laugh 20 years after I first heard it!

ETA: GUYS! Thanks so much for the upvotes, I've never had so many! Y'all made my night!

A boy was asking his dad what the difference is between "confident" & "confidential".

Son to Dad: Dad, what is the difference between "confident" & "confidential"?

Dad: See, here is an example, you are my son, i am confident of that.

Son: I see

Dad: Now, you know our neighbor, little Timmy, your playmate right?

Son: Yah?

Dad: He's my son too, bu...

What's the difference between an argument in kindergarten and the presidential debate?

About 70 years

What is the difference between a refrigerator and a woman?

A refrigerator doesn’t moan when you put a piece of meat in it.

What's the difference between a Redditor and an egg?

you know the egg gets laid at least once

What's the difference between a woman and a PC from 1995?

A woman doesn't accept 3 1/2 inch floppies.

What’s the difference between a slug and a gamer?

A gamer gets salty when they die, but a slug dies when it gets salty.

What’s the difference between a walnut and a chestnut?

How long you edged.

The difference between cold and hot is imaginary

chill and chilli

What’s the difference between North Korea and the US?

North Koreans can’t tell if their leader is seriously dead. Americans can’t tell if their leader is dead serious.

What’s the difference between a jeweller and a jailer?

One sells watches and the other watches cells

What's the difference between a banana and bananas?

One is just a banana and the other is crazy.


As told to me by my 10 year son.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked, what happened and the man expla...

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals

are missing the point.

What's the difference between capitalism and socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man,  and in a socialist one, it’s the other way around.

What’s the difference between a restaurant and a glory hole?

With glory holes you don’t always have to give the tip

What’s the difference between a maid of honor and a maid’s honor?

About seven beers.

What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

Snowballs.

What's the difference between cake and pie?

πr², cakes are round

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a apple and a Orphan?

An apple gets picked

(Fuck off chace)

Just hurt my wrists digging a hole between two koi ponds.

I think it's carpal tunnel.

Q: How do you tell the difference between male chromosomes and female chromosomes?

A: Pull down their genes!

What's the difference between 50 Shades of Grey and an Indian Restaurant?

The Indian restaurant has a Proper-Dom

What’s the difference between a picture of Jesus and Jesus himself?

It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a fetish and a kink?

Having a fetish can mean that you use a feather to orgasm.


Having a kink means that the chicken is still connected.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a 60 year old woman have between her breasts than an 18 year old woman does not?

Her bellybutton.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.