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Clips Jokes

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These are genuine clips from council complaint letters

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. it's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it h...

Do you know why roach clips are called roach clips?

Because potholders was already taken.

What is your favorite Norm Macdonald joke/lune

"You,re the first defensive player ever to win the Heisman trophy, and no one can take that away from you."


"....Unless, of course, you kill your wife and a waiter"

If you see your joke, by all means comment, but don't repeat it, find another -he has thousands and thousands - I ...

Why do they call "roach-clips", "roach-clips"???

because potholder was already taken.

I know it's like a venn diagram of drug jokes and dad jokes.

I used to review strip clips. I know it sounds like an easy job

but I worked hard.

I keep seeing clips from “An Inconvenient Truth” on my YouTube homepage...

Must just be the Al Gore-ithim

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Old Woman

An old lady is walking down the street carrying 2 large sacks and one is leaking $20 bills.

A cop stops her and asks "Where did an old lady like you get all that money?" and she replied,

Well you see I live behind a golf course and when the golfers need to pee they stick their penis in...

My Pikachu started eating paper clips, paint chips, pencils...

When I asked her what's wrong, she said "Pica. Pica."

He walks through the midday heat, an occasional shot clips through the trees overhead.

He and many men like him question their logic to sign up. They could be home, spending time with their families but instead they are outside, dehydrated, fighting a battle they probably won't win. Their frustration mounts as they realize it's nothing at all like all the games they played as kids. ...

So I've been watching Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmare clips, but one video wouldn't load

There was a problem with the server

My land lord stole all my cloth hanging clips

She is a cliptomaniac.

I read this really intense book about a metal contraption that clips off parts of the body...

It was truly a nailbiter.

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I'm Still A Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had divorced eight husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle with me, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be, you have been married eight times?"

"Well, husband #1 was a Politician, he kep...

My favourite TV show is the one that shows funny clips of things being destroyed and everything going wrong!

Or, as some people call it...the news.

TIL: Amy Winehouse spent the last moment of her life watching her own video clips on Youtube before her death.

She must have read the comments.

How does the moon shave?

Eclipse it.

(He clips it)

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Two guys go moose hunting.....

A bush-pilot drops Bob and Ted, two moose hunters, at a remote lake in Northern Ontario. He tells them that he’ll be back in a week, and warns them that his plane won’t be able to take off with more than one moose.

The next week he returns, and sure enough the hunters have bagged two moose. ...

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What Rhymes with “Freudian slips”?

“My mother’s tits”, oh shit I meant to say paper clips

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A Father is driving home with his child in the back seat

The boy looks out the window and, seeing a field full of cows, excitedly says to his father;

“Dad! Look! Moo moos!”

His father looks angrily in the rear view mirror and says

“They’re not called moo moos! They’re cows! Say it properly!”

The boy replies quietly “cows, dad.”...

What do you put in an oragami gun?

Paper clips.

Where does a book go to get a trim?

Paper Clips.

I told my dad "Look, I got a B in reading!"

He said "That's a D you idiot."

-Rocky Laporte

http://www.cc.com/video-clips/m25nl8/comedy-central-presents-birthday

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A sadist and a masochist meet for some kinky time

They go to the sadist's room, full of whips, clips, bondage stuff etc. The sadist slowly goes from one device to the next, eyeing the masochist.

The masochist can't take it anymore and blurts out "Oh yes master, whip me, spank me, hurt me!"

And the sadist, with an evil, horny grin,...

I saw saw a few nasty surgery .gifs with open-organ operation.

I don't really like surgery videos, but there's nothing I can do, totally clips of the heart.

Why men don't write advice to the lovelorn columns:

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's hel...

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