Why was the Hay Robber's prison sentence cut short?

He got out on bale.

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A Valentine’s Day story

A boy was walking home from school when he passed by a stray cat. The cat was trying to drink water that had spilt on the tarmac near it. The boy saw that the tarmac was dirty, and was worried that the cat would get sick if it kept drinking the water. He started to slowly walk towards the cat while ...

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One Monday morning the postman was walking through the neighborhood on his usual route delivering the mail.

As he approached one of the homes, he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.

His wonder was cut short by Dave, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.

'Wow Dave, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last nig...

I had a blind date last night

I had a blind date last night. But I was concerned -- What do I do if she's really unattractive? I'll be stuck with her all night.

Turns out, There's an app for that.

It's called "Mom Are You Ok". It schedules your phone to ring just after you meet her.

If you like her, you igno...

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In a therapist’s office

The therapist asks the son of a family what has happened.

”I walked in to the shower and saw my father masturbating”.

”How horrible! What did you think about in that situation?”

”I thought about how our current family trip to Auschwitz will be cut short.”

Cat

A man who lived at home with his grand ma and pet cat went on a trip to Europe. Before he left he told his best friend to tell him of any emergencies.

A few days into his trip, his cat slipped while climbing the roof, fell off and died. His friend immediately texts him with the message: “Your...

An inspiring true story about my friend's grandmother.

I'd like to tell you a little-known, but inspiring and true story that involves my friend Jake's grandmother.

Her name was Erica. She lived a typical grandmother life, knitting, spoiling her grandchildren and puttering around.

But despite having lived a full life before retiring, she w...

[Long] Trying to find a date had been really difficult for me recently

I’d been having some mental health issues lately and so my doctor prescribed me with some pills to help treat them. Unfortunately they had the unavoidable side affect of making me hallucinate.

My daily routine didn’t change that much, but it did have a huge affect on my dating game. Every da...

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A mother allowed her daughter to attend a friend's party.

The mother wanted to make sure that her daughter would be safe that night. She taught her that if boys ever approached, ask them "What will be our baby's name?" to keep them away.

At the party, a boy got close to the daughter but was immediately asked, "What will be our baby's name?". The bo...

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A man, a woman, and a dog are all about to go over the edge of a canyon in a car.

The man and woman get into a heated argument about bad driving, and whose fault this is.
The argument is cut short by the car's horn beeping repeatedly while the dog barks excessively. Glaring at the woman, the man bitterly complains, "Well it doesn't fucking matter, we're about to die anyway. Bu...

A jewish man walks down the street

He is approached by a native american man who aggresively states

"Your people stole my land!" The jew, knowing that this is incorrect, defends himself.

"i'm not white, i'm jewish, you see," he began, "My family fled here from germany in 1943", but was cut short by the native american...

I was going to tell a joke about vasectomies

But it was cut short.

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Quick thinking

A young man is working in the produce department of a grocery store. An elderly man comes to the store one day, and asks the young man what the price of half of a head of lettuce is.

"I'm sorry sir, but we only sell full heads of lettuce," the young man explains.

The older man ...

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