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Mag Jokes

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A wife was cleaning their 12-year-old son’s bedroom. When she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags, she asked her husband, “what do we do?”

The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”

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Whoever stole my porno mags....

...I hope you feel like a jerk.

.


Hol up...

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Two fat girls Nelly and Mag are walking across a bridge when Nelly tells Mag she really needs to take a piss.

Mag says just scoot up on the railing and go, so Nelly drops trow and gets up on the railing and let's fly.Now Nelly looks down over the edge and starts laughing...What's so funny? Mag asked Nelly. Look look in the river...I'm peeing on a canoe ha ha ha.
Mag looks over and also starts laughing, Y...

What do you call a convict with nudie mags?

A hardened criminal

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Me reading ScienceMag: It's impossible to feel happiness and fury simultaneously.

Girlfriend: "You know... - Out of all your brothers, your dick is the biggest."

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"I flicked through one of your porn mags earlier," said my son.

"Oh my god!" I gasped. "How did you find it?!"

He said, "Pretty good, but a few of them were ugly."

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A mother cleaning her adolescent sons room finds a stash of hardcore German S&M porno mags...

Mortified, she puts them back so he won't know, but hides one in her apron to show her husband. Later that night they're in bed and she shows him the magazine... The father chuckles at first, assuming it was a Playboy, or Penthouse, but quickly becomes horrified at the images of whippings, and ball ...

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A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum a yells "who the fuck fucked my wife!".

Everybody's silent for a second, then a guy in the back of the bar says "you havent got enough bullets mate"

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A bloke walks into an extremely posh restaurant, sits down and waives the waiter over. "I want to see the cock-sucking, mother-fucking boss now," he says.

The waiter is naturally a bit taken aback and replies "Excuse me, sir, would you refrain from using that kind of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the bloke says "Are you the chicken fucking manager of this bastard joint?" "Yes sir, I am", ...

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One day little Johnny goes up to his grandad and asks, "Grandad, what's a cunt?"

The grandad looks at him for a while then goes and gets one of his old porno
mags. He flips it open, pages through and leaves it open on a picture of a
naked woman posing.

"You see those two stars up there on top and that little black bar down below
Johnny?"

"Yes."

"Wel...

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A guy goes to see his doctor

"I'm stressed out by the most simple social interactions," he says.

"Very common," says his doctor. "I'll write you a prescription. Your insurance covers that."

"Sometimes I hear voices telling me to hurt myself and others," he says.

"That's fine as well," says the doctor, scrat...

A man with a gun walks in to a bar...

He unholsters the weapon and waves it in the air, shouting, "I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911 with 7 rounds in the magazine and one in the chamber, and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife!"

A voice from the back shouts, "you're gonna need more ammo!"

The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. Being a good shot, no one could argue with him.

But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole, he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal.

He said that he was willing to prove it if they would pay for the drinks a...

How to takeover a friend's wife?

* Jack and Mag were friends. One day Jack revealed to Mag that he has friendship with Priest's wife and they have spent good time on alternative Sundays in past few weeks.
* After taking into full confidence Jack told Mag that coming Sunday he has another date with Priest's wife and He will be g...

Took my new girlfriend out......

...... to a restaurant last night,at the end of the evening I asked the waiter for the bill.
My girlfriend said, "Go Dutch."
I said, "Mag ik dan de rekening alstublieft?"

Password Savvy

Scene: A bar.

**Me:** What's the WiFi password?

**Bartender:** You need to buy a drink first.

**Me:** OK, I'll have a Coke.

**Bartender:** Three Dollars.

**Me:** There you go. So what's the WiFi password?

**Bartender:** "You need to buy a drink first." No sp...

A Mother is cleaning her kids room...

She finds a bunch of BDSM gear and fetish mags. She shows her husband

Mom: What do we do?

Dad: I'm not sure, but whatever you do you better not spank him!!

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A woman is walking around a grocery store...

...completing her shopping list. When she finally collects what she came for, she makes her way to the cashier and unloads her basket onto the conveyer.

The clerk begins to ring up her items;
He grabs her container of mixed salad greens and passes it over the barcode scanner. 'BOOP' sou...

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[NSFW] Be careful what you say

A newly-wed business man planned to go on a business trip and didn't want his wife to cheat on him because he couldn't pleasure her for 3 weeks. So he comes out of the house and goes to the nearest sex store. After asking the store owner what could pleasure his wife for the 3 weeks he was gone, the ...

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A man working at a convenience store gets a little bored..

A man working at a convenience store gets a little bored and decides to grab a slushie. Still bored and with business being slow he grabs a porno magazine and starts "reading" it.

Just then three elderly ladies come into the store. With his pants down and hand on his junk the clerk hurriedl...

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