My wife was feeding the baby and complained that she just refused to latch and suck.

"Aww," I said. "More like her mother every day."

What pokemon is made of a SR latch and a NOR gate?

A SNOR latch.

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A Doctor, a Lawyer, and an Engineer ... and the Taliban.

A doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were waiting to be guillotined by the Taliban.

They tested it by chopping off the head of a goat. They dragged over the doctor. "Do you have anything to say?" "Why kill me? I'm a doctor. I can treat your sick and injured." "Off with his head!" shouted the m...

Does your Dog bite?

A man walks in and sits at the Bar.
he looks around the room and notices a bloke sitting at the other end of the Bar with a massive dog sitting on the seat next to him.
He walks over and says "Jees, that's gotta be the biggest Dog I've ever seen" the bloke nods in agreement.
He then asks "...

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Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

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Two prawns named Christian and Jason are swimming together on a reef

Being near the bottom of the food chain, both are in danger of being eaten and are constantly scared of any larger fish. Christian loves his life despite the odds, but Jason is unhappy. He wishes to no longer be scared. "Wouldn't it be great if we were the top of the food chain?" Jason says, "imagin...

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

Men are more susceptible to the covid19 coronavirus

Men could be more susceptible to Covid-19 because testicular tissue generates proteins the virus likes to latch onto.

It's got you by the balls.

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Three years ago I mistakenly bought my son a giant conch shell…

I have a son who’s on the spectrum. It’s quite common for people like him to latch onto one specific topic and become an absolute encyclopedia about it. Some people choose trains, some a cartoon. For my son, this was mollusks. Interesting topic I know, but it seemed to be a pretty good deal for us b...

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A rich business man goes fishing....

... he has all the newest gear, brand new top quality rods, beautifully handcrafted lures and he sits at the side of the river enjoying his peace. Sadly though after a few hours he still has not caught a single fish. Just as he ponders to retire for the day another man approaches the river not very ...

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A man is walking along the street when he sees a ladder...

...stretching well up into the clouds. Being the adventurous type, Harry begins to climb.

After a short while he stops at a cloud and sees a large, ugly looking woman lying there.

"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she said.

He decided that he was definitely not drunk...

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A Green Beret walks into a Marine bar carrying a large snapping turtle under his arm...

All of the Marines go quiet.

The Green Beret sets the snapping turtle on the bar, pulls out his dick and taunts the turtle with it until it latches on.

He lifts the turtle off the bar with his dick, swings it around in a circle, spins it around, slams it back on to the bar and ...

A man went fishing with his wife...

After a whole day fishing, he had caught 20 fish.
The next one he caught was a a small one, and his wife started complaining that she wasted a day and wanted to go home.

Just a as he agreed to pack up and leave, the biggest fish he had ever seen latched onto his hook and started pulling....

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Gorilla Catcher

One day a woman looks out her kitchen window and sees a gorilla in her backyard tree. She rushes to the yellow pages and finds "Gorilla Exterminators" and calls the first number she sees. A few minutes later a man drives up in a pick up truck with a ladder, a doberman, and a shotgun. He speaks wi...

Some pig!

I'm new here so I apologize if someone else has shared this one before, but here goes.

A couple have their pastor over for dinner on Sunday. He christened their baby a few months before, so they wanted to thank him with a nice dinner.

As they're finishing up, a pig with three legs walk...

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Little Timmy woke up one morning desperate to pee.

He bounded out of bed and hurtled across the landing to the main bathroom. Eager not to cause an upset, he carefully prised open the bathroom door.
In the bathroom, Timmy's sister, Lucy, was shaving her legs. Unfortunately, she caught a spot on her razor, causing a stab of pain. Blood started to ...

Gorilla removal service

I heard this a while ago and have altered it slightly. The original is linked below.

A man is getting ready for work and he hears some scratching on his above. He heads outside to find a full-size gorilla on his roof. He dashes inside and contacts his local gorilla removal service. The ma...

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NSFW A guy goes to get his girlfriend a dog for her birthday.

This guy's girlfriend wants a dog for her birthday. He decides he's going to treat her, and heads too a local dog breeder. He says, "I want to buy a dog for a girlfriend". He looks at a few of the various breeds, asks how much one of their cute puppies cost. The man replies, "$1,500 plus shots." He ...

A man is going out of town on a buisness trip

So he asks his brother to watch his cat. Two weeks into the trip he calls his brother.

Man: "So, how is my cat?"

Brother""Well listen the cat died"

Man: "That's not how you break something like that to someone. That cat really meant a lot to me. You should have said something li...

Climb the ladder

One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before. Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying here on a cloud.
...

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A guy wakes up one morning and sees a gorilla in the tree outside his second-story bedroom window.

He panics and calls the first wild animal control company in the phone book, a discount one as it turns out. An old man shows up at his door a few minutes later holding a crate. He steps inside the house and unloads a pair of handcuffs, a shotgun, an collapsible 10-foot pole and a small angry Chih...

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Sumbitch

The church was ecstatic because the great Pope was coming for dinner. Father John decided to go fishing to provide the main course. At the fishing hole he latches onto a big one and is struggling to get it up on the bank. A nice man rushes to help and says "I'll get that sumbitch for you." Fish in h...

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"The Most Painful Experience of Your Life"

So, these two guys are eating lunch and the subject of "the most painful experience of your life" comes up. The first guy thinks for a moment and says "that would have to be the time I slammed the car door on my hand". The second guy thinks and says "I know the second most painful experience of my...

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A guy walks into a brothel...

And tells the Madam that his wife hasn't done anything with him in months and that he's starving to get off. The madam kindly let's him know that all of the women are taken, but she leans in close and let's him know that if he's really starving for action that he can go in the far room in the back a...

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A door to door salesman walks up to an old man sitting on his porch

The old man has a mean looking dog sitting by his feet. The salesman stops short of the porch, and says "does your dog bite?"

"Nope" says the old man

Reassured, the salesman steps up onto the porch. The dog lunges at him and latches onto his arm, shaking his head back and forth. ...

Just say No

I spent today grinding down the latch from the little wooden door that leads into my garden, then tried smoking the resultant powder only to find that it had zero effect on me - so much for these gateway drugs...

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2 nuns on the highway

Mother Superior and Sister Caroline are driving on the highway on their way to a wedding. Mother Superior is behind the wheel while Sr. Caroline is riding passenger and yacking on and on about her favorite scriptures, the Blessed Mother, Pope Francis, and so on...

Out of nowhere, a terrible ...

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