UPJOKE
ponygaitwalklopejogclipcribridinghorse gaithorseback ridingamblinghorserunlocomotiongallop

Trot Jokes

What's the difference between Yo Momma and a water buffalo?

About 25 pounds.


How do you change that?


Force-feed the buffalo or shave yo momma.


(I almost feel bad for trotting out a joke older than most Redditors but I can't.)

As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $25 bill and a note in his mouth, reading: “10 pork chops, please.”

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of pork chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he w...

I love the sound of trotting horses.

It's too good too good too good too good.

There's a great horse joke I'd like to trot out...

But it's lame :(

If a horse trots, does a sea horse

Trout?

A horse trots into a bar,

trips, and falls

Sisters

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 15 mi.’

He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought.

Soon, he sees another sign tha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A villager had a small penis and hated it...

One day, he decided he's had enough of his pitiful manhood and goes to see the village elder.

The elder referred him to a shaman living in the center of a village, so he went to see the shaman. When he got there, he told the shaman about his small penis.

The shaman nodded his head, and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two races horses trot into a locker room, one jumps into the hot tub while the winning horse went and stood next to his locker. The horse in the hot tub says

" How could you have won the race? You were in Last Place on the final turn"

The winning Horse says "Ok, this is going to sound VERY STRANGE, but I felt a Red Hot Poker stick me in the ass, and I took off running. Passing everyone, scared the hell out of my Jockey too."

About that t...

I finally caught her.

I jumped into a cab and asked the driver to follow my wife's car. From a safe distance, I saw her turn into the motel parking lot. I told the cabbie, "I'll pay you an extra $100 if you go in there and bring her out."
Without hesitating, he jumped out of the car and trotted to the motel. After a f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown.

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

...

As the kidnapper trotted towards the dark woods hands firmly grasped on a small sweaty palm he felt a reluctance, looking down he saw the boy trembling.

"What's wrong buddy?" He asked genially


"I'm scared" said the boy fighting back tears


"You think you are scared?.. i have to walk out of these woods alone."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

"Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."

"Oh, I'll let my husband know as soon as I get home."

"That's fine! Oh, and another thing, ma'am. It seems one of the reins has looped across the horse's back and ar...

Horse trots up and says to mirror: "why the long face?" Mirror says "It's okay, I'm just a bit reflective today."

I'll be here all week folks.

A horse owner was trying to sell a wind-broken horse

The owner was trotting him around for inspection. When he stopped, he stroked the horse's back and remarked to the prospective buyer:

"Hasn't a lovely coat?"

But the other noticed that the horse was panting, and answered:

"Ah, I like his coat all right, but I don't like his pan...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harry the horse

Once upon a time, in a quaint little village nestled between rolling green hills, there lived a horse named Harry. Now, Harry was no ordinary horse; he possessed an uncanny ability to make the most mundane situations utterly hilarious. His knack for comedy made him the talk of the town, and villager...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A semi-long joke. (Trying to be original.)

A horse walks into a Zaxby's, looking to quench its thirst, and trots up to the counter.

"I'd like a large diet coke please." Requests the horse politely.

The cashier looks bewildered but doesn't respond.

Thinking he wasn't heard, or perhaps the cashier was distracted, the horse...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newlywed farmer stops in at the tavern for the first time after his honeymoon.

He is greeted fondly and his friends buy him a few rounds. He gladly downs them and then orders a drink of his own.

A few drinks in he overhears three of the older farmers talking.

"You see this! Mary damn near bit my neck off yesterday! I was howling like a dog for an hour!" one says...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving his car along a country road when suddenly, it breaks down

He pulls over to the side of the road, pops the bonnet, and starts investigating the problem.

A horse in the field next to him trots over to the fence, looks the car over up and says " your spark plugs are gone, buddy"

The man, thinking he's lost the plot, shakes his head and proceeds ...

What do you call it when a racehorse has diarrhea?

The trots!

A famous pub in Dublin...

There's a famous pub in Dublin, at the top of Camden Street, called the Bleeding Horse. One day, a Clydesdale horse trotted in and ordered a pint of Guinness and a packet of cheese and onion crisps. The barman was a little taken aback, but Dublin barmen are nothing if not professional, so he served ...

A man baught a donkey from a preacher

The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, is to say, "Hallelujah!"

The only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, "Amen!"

The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately...

I keep having this recurring dream when I’m riding a horse...

It’s been six nights on the trot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons

where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot." The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices." The third man married a school teacher. Dave ...

Christian Horse

A Christian guy named Bill saw ana d online for a Christian Horse, so he went to check it out. The horse's owner said, "It's easy to ride him. Just say 'Praise the Lord!' to make him go and 'Amen!' to make him stop."

Bill got on the horse and said, "Praise the Lord!" Sure enough, the horse ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three racehorses were standing in a field.

One says, “you know, I’ve won ten races in my life.”

“And I’ve won twenty races!” Brags the second horse.

The third horse is much older then them both. He says, “That’s nothing! I’ve won fifty races!

Suddenly they all hear laughing, and they turn their heads to see a greyhound...

An arrogant zebra insists there are no lions in the area.

A herd of zebras are grazing peacefully. They begin to suspect that lions are waiting to ambush them in a nearby meadow. One of the zebras however thinks he knows everything and confidently declares that there can’t be lions because lions don’t move into that area until the autumn and haven’t arrive...

A newly wed couple is riding through the field on a donkey-cart.

After a while the donkey trips up. The man calmly gets down and looks the donkey squarely in the eyes.

"This, is the first time," he says.

Terrified the donkey keeps trotting on and tries his best to not trip again, but eventually they get to wet grass and he can't help slipping. The m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys go golfing...

Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf and country club. Luckily, it's a beautiful day, and there's hardly anyone on the course, so they've been breezing through the holes. Up around the seventh tee, they spot the first people on the course other than themselves, two ladies, who from the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The three Billy Goats and their endowment

I heard this one in high school; I believe from an ostensible lab partner who mostly told lewd jokes instead of doing assignments:

You might remember the old fairy tale of the three Billy Goats who were confronted by a troll while crossing a bridge. Well it was a day just like that one, wher...

Paddy and Mick are fishing

.. and they're not catching anything.
As they're about to give up for the day past them walk two Englishmen with huge baskets of freshly caught fish.


"BEJEYZUS!" Paddy exclaims, "How on Eart did ya catch soo many fish?"
The Englishmen explain that it's a life-hack they've been...

A man notices a pig with a wooden leg

He calls out to the farmer and asks,"why's the pig got a wooden leg?"
The farmer replies, "it's amazing that pig, once I fell in the pond and was drowning. The pig came trotting along, jumped in and pulled me out."

"Wow, that is amazing." said the man.

"and another time I fell aslee...

The Canine Applicant

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying:

HELP WANTED Must be a good typist and be good with a computer. Successful applicant must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

A short time later a lovely golden retriever dog trotted up...

There’s a cow and her three calves grazing in a pasture...

...The first calf asks her ma, “Why am I named Daisy?” The cow smiles and says, “Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head.” The second calf says “Oh, oh! Why am I named Rose?” The cow replies, “Because when you were born, a rose landed on your head.” The third cow trots over and says,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four men and their dogs

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man as an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Worker.

To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-square trotted over to a desk, took...

A couple and their two sons are watching TV

She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."

Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few min...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British woman was touring the United States, and decided to go to a baseball game

She didn't understand the rules, but figured she could learn them by watching everyone else.

In the first inning, a batter hit a grounder and started running to first base. The man seated next to the woman jumped to his feet and shouted, "Run, you sunnuvabitch, run!"

A couple of innin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was crossing the countryside in his car.

He had already been on the road for some time and he had a good way still to go when his motor hiccuped and died, and refused to start again.

The man popped the hood open and spent a few moments just cursing about the situation and trying to fix the engine, but he was no mechanic, so it seeme...

A man goes to his doctor...

A man goes to his doctor because he's feeling sick and tired and generally rundown. Doctor orders some tests and tells him to come back first thing in the morning.

The next morning, the doctor looks grave.

"Sir, I regret to have to tell you you have psoriasis, multiple sclerosis, toe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this lady has a husband who travels a lot on work

She is worried about her safety, being alone at home all the time, and she decides to get herself a guard dog.
She goes to the kennel and asks for the most ferocious dog they have.
“That would be Mike Tyson” says the kennel owner. He goes out back and returns with a tiny little pug trotting ...

A 5 year old boy nags and nags his mother to get him a horse.

He is relentless until she figures out a compromise, she gets him a stick horse. He is disappointed, but soon he and the stick horse bond, the boy teaches his horse to walk, trot, gallop and to neck rein. On the first day back to school after summer vacation the boy rides his horse to school. He ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fancy Toilet paper names

A big chief of a native american tribe had heard of a new invention of the white man called toilet paper, and he wanted to try it out so he sends a runner to a general store in town to buy some. The runner gets to the store and says "Need toilet paper for big chief.", to which the clerk replied, "Wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Scottish man was at a baseball game.

It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached home plate, he took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming, "run, run!" This happened two more times, with a single and a triple.

The Scotchman was now exited and ...

At the Glasgow Sheriff's Court, the Sheriff is becoming annoyed at the conduct of a scruffy youth in the spectators' gallery

who is leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets and noisily chewing gum with his mouth half open. Eventually the Sheriff can bear it no more and signals for the bailiff, and says to him "Would ye tell yon young man to stop masticatin' in ma coort?". Whereupon the bailiff trots up to th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Odin and Thor were walking through a canyon with a large group of warriors when Odin stopped Thor and signaled him to be quiet and listen.

After a moment, Odin shouted into the wilderness, “IS THAT YOU, VAL?”

Thor stood waiting and listenin, then whispered, “All-Father, I didn’t hear anything.”

Odin replied, “I thought I heard Val holla.”

Thor listened again. “What did Val say?”

Odin replied, “It was just...

A woman brings her budgie to the vet's.

It is lying very still and limp. "I'm afraid it's dead" says the vet, but the woman refuses to believe him. "Please", she says, "can't you examine it at least?" The vet goes to the door and whistles. In trots a black Labrador. The vet points to the budgie, and the dog goes over to the table, puts hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A traveler is going across the desert.

He comes across an oasis in the desert. After resting for a bit he notices that he is horny. He ties his camel to a tree, gets behind it and gets ready to pleasure himself. Only then the camel looks back and the man feels guilty and unties the camel.

He gets on the camel and keeps trotting t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The pickup line of Cecil the cavalier

Cecil is a young British aristocrat who loves horse-riding but is terribly shy.

On his daily trot around Hyde Park, he frequently sees a beautiful girl riding a jet-black Morgan horse but can’t pluck up the courage to approach her.

One evening he’s having a beer with his friend Charles...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Religious Horse

David wants to borrow a horse from his neighbor, Jack.



"Sure you can borrow my horse," replies Jack. "But one thing you have to know about this horse. He is trained to start when you say 'Thank God', and he stops when you say 'Help me God.'"



So David gets on the horse a...

A man decides to go horseback riding near the Grand Canyon

The man walks into a ranch and asks them for a nice mellow horse to go on a day ride with. The rancher says, "Sir I have just the horse for you. It was raised at the monastery just down the road and is very tame and obedient". Soon the horse is saddled up and the man is on it. The rancher says, "Now...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three old guys are sitting around talking.

One subject leads to another, when the subject of pain comes up.

First guy says "you ever zipped your foreskin into your jeans? That's pain.."

Second guy, "that's not pain, you ever had the trots and went to jump on the toilet in a hurry and trapped one of your nuts between your leg a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Milton Katims.

At this point, you must understand two things:

1. There's a long segment in this symphony where the bass violins don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page.

2. There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400, right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, rather ...

A man just bought a religious horse...

A man was searching for the fastest and noblest steed. Finally, after much searching, he finally found a horse he was satisfied with. Its mane was silky, its coat was glossy, and it was the finest stallion that the man has ever laid his eyes upon.

While paying for the stallion, the seller rem...

A Scotsman goes to America and attends his very baseball game.

He’s never been to a game in Scotland, nor watched a game on TV, or seen movies such as Bull Durham, The Babe or Eight Men Out.

He figures out players need to beat out the throw to first base before arriving to first base

The visiting teams pitcher throws 4 pitches out of the strike zo...

The Chinese Curio Shop

A Tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it He took it to the old shop owner and as...

A Cowboy is looking in the market for a new horse...

He walks in to town and sees on a churches sign horse for free come inside and ask the pastor.

The Cowboy walks and talkes to the pastor:

Cowboy: So... I hear you have a horse for free?

Pastor: I sure do, but you have to know that this horse is special. It will only move forward...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Of Harleys and Horses (a joke that reads like a fable)

One day, it rained mighty fierce down on the farm. And when the weather let up, all the barn animals decided to come out and play. As they did so, Mr. Horse decided he wanted to go take a romp out in Mr. Farmers field, and splash in all the muck puddles.

After a while, however, Mr. Horse foun...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

His family was experiencing financial trouble, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, they just didn't work out. After ending up working in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he got shot, landing him to the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him...

Zebra in Heaven

A Zebra dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates Saint Peter tells him he can ask one question before entering.
"I have always wanted to know if i am white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"
"Only God knows this" he replied "You should ask him, down the hall last door on th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the 1930s, on an RAF post way out in rural Africa, the station commander had a pet lion.

Lennie (as he was called) was elderly, arthritic, mostly blind, and had hardly a tooth left in his head, and everyone on the station knew him well.

One day, one of the Flight Lieutenants was going out for a spin and as he taxied his Gamecock onto the airstrip, he saw with annoyance that Lenni...

A small boy has homework..

A small boy has a school home work question to answer, so he asks his father: "Hey Dad, what's the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'?" His Dad thinks for a while and then says "Right-o son......go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with David Beckham for a million quid."

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A polar bear cub nervously approaches his mother...

The mother was feasting on a seal, and the young fellow finally had the nerve to interrupt her.

"Mom? Mom?"

"Yes dear?"

"Are...are you sure I'm a polar bear?"

The mother lifts her snout and says, "Goodness, of course you are."

"But...but how do you know? For sure?"...

A dog breeder has a very defensive Golden Retriever

There was a period of time where she caused all the mailmen to just pass his house because of the dog. All but one mailman. The dog never attacked, but rather happily trotted up to him and asked to be pet. Eventually the breeder sees the mailman speaking to the dog, and the dog seemed to respond! Af...

This fella is on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant lying on the ground, in distress.

He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot. He removes it, and the elephant trots merrily away.

Twenty years on, the man is standing in the street in London watching a circus procession pass by. When the elephant gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its t...

Captain Smith is an officer of the Union army.

One day, his unit gets overran by an overwhelming ambush by the Confederate army. He is captured and taken to a Confederate garrison where he is brought up to General Jones. To his surprise, he is greeted warmly and served a sumptuous lunch and aged bourbon by his captors.

"I'm sorry, Captain...

Two newlyweds are on their honeymoon in the Grand Canyon...

They decide to ride the donkeys down to the bottom. They're both riding along with their tour group, enjoying the view when the wife's donkey trips and falls. The husband sees this and hears her say "That's one."

The donkey gets back up and starts trotting along back down the path. A few min...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Midlife crisis

A man turned 40 and had the classic midlife crisis. He went out and bought a red convertible sports car. While driving his new car on the highway he decided to speed up and have some fun. Sure enough he heard the siren and saw the flashing lights behind him. In a panic he pushed the gas to the f...

The day my dog died

When I was about four years old my brother had an old beater of a sports car, and one day he and my dad were draining the gas tank before they do more work. So they drain the gas into a bucket and then go inside for beer. My dog Hershey’s trots on up to the bucket and takes a nice long drink.. And...

A Scottish farmer is sitting on his front porch one day, resting after finishing his tasks with his dog at his feet.

A man in a suit approaches the farmer, greets him warmly, and the farmer greets him in turn. The man notices the dog lying at the farmer's feet and smiles at the pooch.

"Can I talk to your dog?" The man asks. The farmer gives him an odd look but shrugs.

"Dog don't talk, but whatever...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump went to London and met with the Queen

"Your Queenship, “ he asked her. “I am finding things way more difficult than I could have imagined. May I ask you - how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well," replied Her Majesty, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelli...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jeff the Bellboy

Three couples got married and spent their honeymoons at the same hotel, where they were all attended to by Jeff the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.

Jeff showed them to their room, all the while thinking to himself, "Lucky guy! Nurses are known to be hot to trot."

The ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Long but gold, Couldn’t find it posted before. Marked NSFW for swearing. But how on earth this man gunna get broccoli??

There’s a grocery store, with a giant sign first thing in the doors that says “no broccoli”.

A man walks into this grocery store, walks up to the counter and says “hey man, you got any broccoli?”
The cashier looks at him and says “nah man we have no broccoli, sign out front says no brocco...

A doctor, a lawyer, and an architect were arguing about who had the smartest dog.

A doctor, a lawyer, and an architect were arguing about who had the smartest dog. They decided to settle the issue by getting all the dogs together and seeing whose could perform the most impressive feat.
"Okay, Rover," ordered the architect, and Rover trotted to a table and in four minutes cons...

A Canadian, an American, and a Pakistani are wandering through the desert

They're wandering along hoping to find some water or a ride out of the vast desert. As they trot along, the Canadian kicks a metal lamp that was buried in the sand. They pick it up and rub it, then out pops a genie.

The genie says, "since there are three men present I will grant you all one ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Horse Joke (long)

So there are two racehorses.

A young racehorse and an old racehorse.

The young racehorse is about to run his first race and the old racehorse is undefeated going into his last race.

The old racehorse goes over to the young racehorse and says "Hey, you're a really fast runner. Y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy is wandering through the desert...

He wanders by a Native American with a huge erection just laying on the hot sand on his back.

The cowboy asks "What exactly are you doing."

The Native American responds, "I am telling the time."

The cowboy noticed the shadow from the Native American's penis, shrugged, and trot...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was making an apple pie and realised I was missing an important ingredient. [long]

I got a rather verbose birthday card some time back containing a story - this is my retelling of it:

I was making an apple pie and realised I was missing an important ingredient.

Unfortunately, I was up to my elbows in sticky mixture and didn't really want to have to go through the faf...

Smartest Dog He's ever seen!

While walking down the street, a business man see's a dog walking down the road with a bag in his mouth. Interested in where the dog was going he followed the dog to the local store. There the dog went straight to the teller, and placed the bag in the teller's hand. He then handed him a grocery b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lost poodle wanders through a forest

On the first day of an African safari trip, a woman gets distracted and her poodle wanders off into a forest. As the dog trots through the forest, it realizes it is lost and starts to panic.

While the poodle frantically runs around trying to find it's way back, a lion sees it and decides to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Timmy comes home from school to find his parents in the middle of a fight.

Timmy's parents keep him pretty sheltered, and they don't normally fight in front of him, so he stops to see what is going on. The argument is pretty heated and at this point has devolved to plain old shouting insults at one another.

His mother yells at his father "At least I don't have hair...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy finds a nearly dead bird in his cow pasture.

He picks it up and notices how cold it is to the touch, how weak and skinny it feels, and he knows its time is almost up.

He searches frantically until he finds a fresh cow pie and when he does he plops the bird down in the steamy, warm pile.

Immediately the bird starts to make a litt...

The Bee

One day a bee gets bored of his daily jobs, so he decided to leave his hive an explore the world.

He begins his journey, and travels across all 50 states of America, meeting many wonderful people on the way. Everyone seems to like the bee. But there has to be more to life, the Bee thought, an...

Little Hamish McLain fell asleep under a tree...

His friend Glenna saw him napping and tried to wake him but he didn't budge. She had always wondered if it was true that Scotsmen don't wear anything under their kilts so she lifted it up and took a peek. Sure enough, there was nothing under the kilt save Hamish's bare skin. Before she left, she dec...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three horses walk into a bar..

One horse trots up to the barman, the other two grab a seat at a table. The horse at the bar orders three beers and grabs them with its hooves, then walks on two legs and joins the other seated horses.

First horse says: " Shit guys, last night at my race, it was some crazy shit. I was way ahe...

Lost in the Desert

There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks.
One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep.
The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health.
Feeling better, the man asks the...

Johnny is walking home form school...

Johnny is walking home from school. He received a bad grade on a test and then got in trouble at school. Walking up his small farm driveway he knows he is going to be in trouble and is a bad mood.

On his way to the door a chicken walks in front of him. Out of anger Johnny walks over and say...

Horse named Few

A man goes to buy a horse one day and comes across the most astounding looking horse he has ever seen. He asked the owner if he could purchase the horse from him. The owner agrees for hefty sum of money. But tells the man that there are a few things he should know about the horse. First that the ho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I need a box of Tampax"

An attractive young woman out grocery shopping wheels her cart up to the checkout line, only to realize that she's forgotten one item - tampons. An attentive bagboy notices the woman's bemused expression and asks if there's a problem. "Oh, I just forgot to get something important," the woman replies...

The Lone Ranger gets caught.

The Lone Ranger is caught by a group of Crow braves and buried up to his neck in sand. The leader of the braves tells him he has one last dying request, and so coolly and calmly he whistles to his horse Silver and Silver trots over and the Lone Ranger whispers something in his ear.

Immediate...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to dinner at his girlfriend's house

to meet her parents for the first time. Her parents cook spicy food for the dinner, not knowing that he has stomach issues.

He doesn't want to seem rude so he eats the spicy food anyways. The dinner is going well until, sure enough, his stomach starts to rumble. He begins to cradle his stoma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tired man decides he needs to get away from it all

He quits his job, packs up his belongings, and flees to a remote region of Siberia.

After days of hiking through the cold, he stumbles upon a small tribe entirely comprised of men.

“A visitor has found our humble community!” the tribe’s leader announces. “Come, join us brother!” The wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Y'all ever hear the one about the recently married Amish couple? NSFW

After a wonderful ceremony, the Amish groom and his new wife hopped into their buggy and started down the road...

After a little while the couple come upon a cattle farm. They see a bull mounting a cow proceeding to fuck. The wife looks to her husband and says, "Honey, what are those cows doi...

A cowboy walks into a saloon

A cowboy walks into a saloon as he's passing through town. As he sits down with his drink he notices a few rough looking locals at a table staring and pointing at him and looking generally unfriendly. He finishes his drink, and not wanting any trouble he decides he'd better get back on the road ag...

A man wants to buy a horse (long)

So he finds the man who owns the horse. The owner takes him to the stable. The buyer asks to take the horse for a test ride.

 

"Okay," says the owner. "But I'm a retired church pastor. The horse will only go forward if you say, 'Praise the lord.' He will only stop moving if yo...

After a brief, bloodless gunfight,

Prickly Bob and his Saddlesore Gang have managed to capture Dan Hollings, Deputy of Tombstone. Prickly Bob, not wanting a murder warrant on his head, has decided to let the desert take care of his latest problem with the law.

Now, I won't lie to you. Alone and buried up to his chin in red des...

The kingdom of the ogre.

Once upon a time, an evil ogre ruled over the land of the Trids. Most of the time he left his subjects alone, and even managed the kingdom quite well, and times were prosperous. But once a week, he would come down from his hilltop castle and spend an hour *kicking* every Trid he saw. Doesn’t matt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar and orders a couple shots of whiskey. After he downs his whiskey he notices a jar filled with coins and a couple dollar bills on top. He then asks the bartender what's the jar for and the bartender points to the big guy on the other side of the bar and says "you see that lug ...

The Greatest Pig...

A man was visiting his worldly uncle on his farm, when a pig in a wheeled cart trotted past him, missing its two hind legs. He leaned over to his uncle and asked "Uncle, what happened to that pig in the wheelchair?"

The uncle takes a deep draw of his pipe and points to the pig. "I owe that pi...

I have never seen my all time favorite joke here, so I will submit relatively original content, enjoy!

There was a newspaper in a very small Midwestern farming town, comes out once a week with local news like the new library books, or the preachers sermon, and school fundraisers. One day the editor calls the reporter in and says, "I don't know what to do about the next issue. There isn't a damn thin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Smart Ass!

"SMART ASS"
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well, needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I went to my local butcher shop...

because they make fucking amazing beef jerkey (peppered) and as I leave the shop with my jerky, I noticed a dog sitting in front of the back door to the butcher shop. I didn't think much of it, dogs like meat so he was probably begging. However I noticed that the dog has a brown paper bag with a not...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My name is Juan

Juan was the custodian at a local grade school. Everyone loved Juan. He was so sweet and compassionate with the kids and did a wonderful job. One day the principal came up to Juan and said:

“You know Juan, you care about this school so much, maybe you should run for the board of education”...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.