Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump are all on a sinking ship. Who gets saved?

America.

It was a typo that caused Clinton's problems...

Monica was actually told to go down and sack his cook.

Did you hear that Bill Clinton got on Jeffrey Epstein's plane 25 times......

and got off 50 times.

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race around the track.

Trump went first. He went around the track in 8 minutes and 38 seconds.

Clinton's time was 8 minutes and 59 seconds.

Obama finished the race in 8 minutes and 44 seconds.

And Bush did 9:11

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump?

Found in your cell, unresponsive.

Why don't the Clintons like Jehovah's Witnesses?

The Clintons don't like ANY witn

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Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the same day.

Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn't swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in Hell, while Clinton spent the night ...

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President Clinton and the Pope die on the same day.

Due to a paperwork issue, the Pope ends up in Hell and the President gets sent to Heaven. The Pope explains the mix up to the devil, who acknowledges the problem and tells him it will take 24 hours before they can reverse it. The next day, the Pope gets called to leave, and on his way up he met Clin...

Bill Clinton laid low after his presidency

He sort of just came and went

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At the beginning of class, the teacher introduced: "Children, today we welcome our new friend from Japan, his name is Suzuki Shakira."

Let start our lesson today by a few quizzes about American history !

\- Who said "Give me liberty or give me death." ?

The whole class was silent, only Suzuki raised his hand:

\- Patrick Henry, Philadelphia,1775.

\- Excellent ! Next one, who said "...government of the peo...

The rumors about the Clintons are true!

The proof is tha

What do you call Bill Clinton's VP programmatically tapping his foot and clapping his hands?

Algorithm

Corona isn't Trump's fault. Ebola wasn't Obama's. SARS wasn't Bush's...

...and only a handful of cases of herpes was Clinton's.

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest

Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes

Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes

Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama...

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Bernie Sanders, Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar

Hillary Clinton: "This is the worst game of fuck, marry, kill I've ever played."

If Hillary Clinton were captain of the Titanic

Captain Hillary Clinton, RMS:

There's an iceberg, dead ahead. We need to alter course.

No, it's not my imagination. Right there, see? An iceberg.

This ship will strike that iceberg and sink if we don't change course.

No, I'm not being overly dramatic. It's an iceberg. It ...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.


Joe ...

We should use Hillary Clinton's emails to build a wall

Because a lot of people can't seem to get over it.

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What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and Adolf Hitler?

Hitler won an election.

Donald Trump goes to hell

Upon his arrival, the Devil greets him warmly and with an especially big smile on his face.

Devil:”Donald Trump, welcome to hell! I had an especially difficult time selecting your eternal punishment, and so for a treat I’m going to allow you to choose one one three doors and take the place o...

American presidents are on a sinking ship!

Ford says: What do we do?

Bush says: Man the lifeboats!

Reagan says: What lifeboats?

Carter says: Women and children first!

Nixon says: Screw the women!

Clinton says: You think we have time?

Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world.

After her talk she offers to answer questions from the kids.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is.

"Kenny," he says.

"And what is your question, Kenny?" she asks.

"I have four questions," he says.
"First -- what happened in Benghazi? Seco...

How many Hillary Clinton fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Hillary Clinton fans prefer to stay in the dark.

A man takes the day off to play golf

He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,

'Ribbit, 9 Iron.'
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears,

'Ribbit, 9 Iron.'
He looks at the frog and decides to prove t...

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton...

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.

Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.

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Did you hear about the number of sexual assault allegations against Bill Clinton involving coercive oral sex?

It's jaw dropping.

Hillary Clinton could've been the first f president.

Sorry, I meant to write female but the emale got deleted.

BREAKING NEWS: Ghislaine Maxwell, former on again / off again partner of Epstein, has been arrested by the FBI.

In other news, Prince Andrew has just suffered a heart attack, Bill Clinton has suddenly developed Alzheimer’s, and all prison guards at Maxwell’s detention centre have suddenly had to take long naps...

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A Catholic, a Protestant, and a Jew are walking through Washington DC when they see a poster advertising an epic insult smackdown between all the living former US presidents.

"This looks like such a cool event!" says the Catholic. "I think Carter will win."

"I think the winner will be Clinton," says the Protestant, "with Obama at a close second."

"I'm...uh...not interested," says the Jew.

The other two are shocked. "Why not?" asks the Catholic.
...

Michael Bloomberg will not pick Hillary Clinton as his VP

He's not ready to commit suicide

Donald Trump is visiting a school

He enters one of the classrooms and asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and says, "If my best friend was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No", says Trump. "That would be an ACC...

What did Epstein say when bill Clinton didn’t high give him back?

“Don’t have me hanging!”

They say Hillary Clinton is a criminal, a sore loser, and a traitor who hates America

Guess that means she deserves an extra big statue.

Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let ...

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Chandrasekhar’s First Day at School in America

It was the first day of school and a new student named Chandrashekhar Subrahmanyam entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said “Give me liberty, or give me death”? She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up: ...

Donald Trump, Hilary Clinton, Obama, and a little girl are on a crashing plane wit only 3 parachutes...

Hilary Clinton says, ” I'm off to win the next election, ” takes a parachute, and jumps off. Donald Trump says, ”I’m better than you fools, you're fired, ” picks one up, and jumps off. Obama says to the girl, ” you are our future, you take the last parachute.” The girl responds with, ”no, we both ...

Why does Bill Clinton have a tire swing on a tree?

The tire had dirt on the Clinton’s.

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If I was in a room with Hillary Clinton and Hitler and I had two bullets...

I'd shoot myself twice in the back of the head.

Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?

They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.

What's Hillary Clinton's favorite metal band?

*Suicide Silence*

Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .

and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
...

Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.

He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven..

As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

"Oh," sa...

If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country

Not a political post, I just love to travel

Bill Clinton and Bill Cosby are chatting...

Cosby: Have you ever had a cigar dipped in brandy?

Clinton: No, but I once had a cigar dipped in Monica.

Cosby: Now, why didn't I think of that...

Republicans should pay the Clintons to stand at the border...

because they can't seem to get over them.

So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

That is the joke. There's no punchline here.

What is the Clinton's least favorite movie?

The Witness

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Hillary and Bill Clinton?

Hillary tried to use her sex to become president, and Bill used his presidency for sex.

What shoes does hilliary clinton wear.......

Scandals!!!!!

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Bill Clinton likes to go for a walk every Saturday evening...

One evening, he passed by an alley, and a prostitute yelled at him,
"Fifty dollars will buy you a good time!"

He responded by saying "How's about 5 dollars?", jokingly, and kept walking.

This same thing kept happening every Saturday for a couple weeks; every time Bill passed the p...

Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton are all on a plane about to crash.

A plane with Jeb Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton & Bernie Sanders is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes.
The first passenger yells, "I'm Jeb Bush, let the big dog eat! I can't
afford to die." he took the first parachute and jumped.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump runs scream...

If Donald Trump had really wanted Hillary Clinton locked up, he should have just…

…given her a job on his campaign team…

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It is near the end of the school year.

The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smar...

Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Bill Clinton die and go to hell.

Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Bill Clinton die and go to hell.

They are lined up in front of three doors. The first is opened to reveal a swarm of wasps and mosquitoes. Satan's voice booms "Mr Obama you have sinned, and now you must spend all of eternity with these vile creations!" And with...

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[NSFW] How Bill Clinton tricked Monica Lewinsky...

Clinton asked Lewinsky if she wanted to see the presidential clock and she replied yes.

So she followed him into the Oval Office and he turned around with his dick out and she said “Bill you nasty thing, that’s not a clock!”

Bill replied “It will be when you put two hands and a face on...

The impeachment of Trump will be a stain on his legacy

Whereas the impeachment of Clinton was the legacy of his stain.

What did Bill Clinton do when Monica Lewinsky knelt in front of him?

He took advantage of his position.

If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me....

....Like the words President Bush.

What do Hilary Clinton and Dale Earnhardt have in common?

They both Crashed into a wall because they couldn’t turn left.

yo whats bill clintons favorite musical instrument????

THE HARM MONICA, FOLKS

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It's Bill and Hillary Clinton's fiftieth anniversary...

As they sat over a candle lit dinner, Hillary made a confession. "Bill," she says. "You know that box in the basement you told me never to open?"
"Yes" says Bill.
"It had been bothering me for years and finally curiosity won over. I opened it."
Bill sighed in disappointment. Hillary asked...

2/3 of all impeached presidents were done so for the same reason

for embarrassing Hillary Clinton

Why does Hillary Clinton have two Ls in her first name?

1 for 2008, 1 for 2016

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy was sitting in class...

The teacher decided that since it was Friday afternoon, and there was nothing left to do for the week, she'd let the students go home early if they could answer a question correctly.

The teacher said: "Okay class, which president said: 'The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself'?"
...

Bill Clinton Survives Bear Attack

(Interview following incident in Yellowstone National Park)

Interviewer: This must have been a terrifying situation Bill. How did you end up face-to-face with a Grizzly?

Bill: Well me and Mrs. Clinton were driving through the park. I saw a couple young ladies walking down a trail and f...

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A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Clinton came on the TV.

After a few sips he looked up at the screen and mumbled, "Now there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen."

Immediately, a customer at the end of the bar got up, walked over, decked him, and left.

A few minutes later, the man was finishing his beer when Hillary Clinton appeared on t...

They should send Hillary Clinton to the U.S. Mexico border

Since no one can get over her...

Trump dies and goes to hell.

When he arrives, he is greeted by the devil.

The devil says that there are 3 other people here that have done less bad than Trump, so Trump gets to decide which one goes to heaven so he can take their place.

The devil opens 3 doors, the first door has Richard Nixon in it. Nixon is swim...

Hillary Clinton is elected President.

On her first night in the White House (not counting when she was first lady), she is visited by the ghost of George Washington.

She asks, "What can I do to help America?"

Washington replies "Serve your country selflessly and always be honest"

*Hillary laughs in his face*

...

The only way the Corona virus will die

is if it has dirt on the Clintons.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Clinton's food tester

Bill Clinton's food tester is walking through the White House wearing a big grin.

One of the staff sees him and asks, "Why are you so happy, today? Don't you have the shitty job of trying everything before the president eats it, in case its poison?

The food tester replies, "Yep! An...

What's the difference between Trump and Bill Clinton?

Trump paid her $130k, Bill didn't even pay for dry-cleaning

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hillary Clinton was being driven in a private limo to a rally...

... when suddenly, the car hit a large and old-looking cow.

The driver got out and checked to see if it was dead. After confirming the death, he saw the tag on it that said it belonged to a nearby farm. He told Hillary Clinton that he would be going over to the farm to tell the farmers what ...

Hilary Clinton dies

While walking down the street one day a corrupt Hillary Clinton was tragically hit by a car and died.

Her soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high offici...

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton walk into a bakery.

As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to Donald, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie.”
The Donald says to Hillary, "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire...

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins?

Society

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hillary Clinton is speaking at a fourth grade class

She opens the floor up for a question and answer period. A boy raises his hand.

"Yes, what's your name?"
"Hi, I'm Timmy and I have three questions. 1. How did you manage to lose 6 billion dollars as Secretary of State? 2. What actually happened at Benghazi? 3. Why did you delete 33,000 ema...

A Republican, a Democrat, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car when a tornado picks up the car and tosses them miles into the air.

When the car finally comes back down, the three men realize they’ve been transported to Oz.



“I’m going to ask the Wizard for a brain,” says the Democrat.



“I’m going to ask him for a heart,” says the Republican.



Bill Clinton looks around and asks the two m...

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

I've just uncovered damning evidence that Hillary Clinton knew about the 30,000 emails she deleted as well as what really happened in Benghazi

I'm sharing it because the American people deserve to know the tr

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......

She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy.

Monica says "That's not a clock".

To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".

Just waiting for Steve Harvey to come out and say it's actually Clinton

any second now

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar.

They ask the bartender, "What have you got?"

The bartender points to two taps.

They say, "What? That's it?! We don't like either of those choices!"

The bartender says, "Now you know how I feel."

Bill Clinton ran a mile in nine and a half minutes. What happened next?

Bush did 9:11.

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