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Gore Jokes

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

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Reddit should add separate NSFW tags for gore and porn

I'm so tired of my boners being ruined by these hot ladies.

Gore Vidal on marriage

My father was an atheist and my mother was Christian. They had an arrangement to respect each other’s beliefs.

One week they wouldn’t go to her service and the next they wouldn’t go to his.

If Al Gore had a band, it'd be called...

The Algorithms.

I'm sooooooooooo sorry for this. :(

What do you call it when Al Gore dances?

An algorithm

(Mentions of gore) Once upon a time, there was a very brave but very arrogant man…

This man claimed he could survive anything. He survived falls from various heights, various guns, sharp objects and even acid.

One day, he declared he was going to survive a steamroller. So this brave man went in the roller’s path…

He sadly died that day, but the most important thing ...

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If Al Gore tried his hand as a musician, his album would be called...

**Algorithms.**

Girlfriend thought of this while doing dishes earlier.... I could hear her laughing to herself in the other room for almost 10 minutes.

The knight struts proudly into the court, sword bloody and armor covered in gore

"Sire, I have returned," he proclaims, "from my long arduous campaign, pillaging your enemies to the west."

"But we don't *have* any enemies to the west," the king says puzzled.

"Well, you do now."

What makes Al Gore so robotic?

His Al Gore rhythm

What do you call a formula that can predict Al Gore's dance moves?

An Al Gore Rhythm algorithm.

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Al Gore is in the wrong line of work

Some people's names match their careers surprisingly well. Imagine a psychic named Krystal Ball or a stylist named Barbera Cutter.

But Al Gore is a failure in this regard. He had the perfect opportunity to start a math rock band in the 80s or 90s and just chose to not. It should have been fa...

How does Al Gore solve math problems?

He uses an Al-Gore-ithm

Why does Al Gore think he invented the internet?

Because it’s based on Al-Gore-rhythms

Why did Moses vote for Al Gore?

Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.

Did you hear that Bill Gates lost a dance contest to Al Gore?

He didn’t have the Al Gore Rhythm

An old Soviet anecdote [WARNING: GORE]

A chief talks to his tribe:

— Are we the greatest tribe?

Entire tribe shouts:

— YES!!!

— Then we need our own nuclear bomb and a rocket to carry it!

— YES!!!

— Let's build them then.

The tribe chopped down the thickest and tallest tree in the forest, ...

Some people claim Al Gore dances too robotically

He says its just his Al Gore rhythm

What did Al Gores name his electric band?

The Algorithm

If Al Gore didn't invent the internet

Why do all of the silicon valley companies always talk about Al Gore's rhythm?

Al Gore and a computer scientist started a band.

The Al Gore Rhythms

I saw Al Gore talking about rising sea levels the other day...

He really needs to come to terms with losing Florida.

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Why did Al Gore get a nipple ring?

Cuz he heard Bush got a Dick Cheney.

A seven foot tall woman who looks exactly like Al Gore’s wife walks into a bar

Bartender says, “I’ll bet she’s a big Tipper.”

You know how I know Al Gore invented the Internet?

The whole thing runs on algorithms

Al Gore's dentist had trouble doing a filling.

It was An Inconvenient Tooth.

What's the difference between the Bush/Gore election and the Trump/Biden election?

One had hanging chads and the other will have hanging Chads

Why was Al Gore scientifically a great dancer?

Because of his Al Gore Rythyms.

If Vice President Al Gore was a musician.....

He could call his group “The Al Gore Rhythms”

I coded a program to detect Al Gore’s speech by his cadences.

I used an algorithm.

Did you know that Al Gore founded an educational program that uses music to teach math?

It's called "Al Gore Rythms"

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What caused Tipper Gore to have a sudden sexual awakening?

Improvements were made in the Al Gore Rhythm.

Bill Clinton and Al Gore decide to go eat out at a diner

After giving them some time, the waitress comes and asks if they are ready to order.

Bill goes, "Yes, I'd like to have a quickie please."

"A quickie?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the menu."

Al Gore leans over...

You know what the name of Al Gore’s new math rock band is?

Al Gore Rhythm

Most animals don't like gore.

But leeches are suckers for blood.

Come to think of it, it's a good thing Bush won the 2000 election over Al Gore...

Now we have to deal with Bushisms... otherwise we would have had to deal with Algorithms!

What is it called when Al Gore comes up with a solution to a problem?

An Al-Gore-ithm.

I'll see myself out.

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A researcher was conducting a study on the effects of gore across various cultures

He selected an American, a European, and a Japanese man. To see the reactions of these people, he used a picture of a man with his toes freshly amputated.

The American man seemed a bit squeamish when presented with the picture, but otherwise he was okay.

The European man wrinkled his f...

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A DEA agent stopped at our farm yesterday.

“We are going to need to search your land for illegally grown drugs.”

I said, “that’s fine, but don’t go into that field over there. You won’t like it.”

Agitated by this, the officer explodes saying, “do you see this god damn badge son?! This badge means I can go where I please, when I...

What do you say when Al Gore writes computer code?

He's writing an Algorithm!

My friend has been working on an Al Gore-themed dancing game

I asked him how it works, but it apparently runs off of a very secret Al Gore rhythm.

Nobody's happier about hurricane Irma than Hillary Clinton and Al Gore

It's the only reason their books are flying off the shelves in Florida.

If Al Gore had his own drumming software company he should name it...

AlGoreRythyms

Al Gore should have had a band named The Algorehythms.

Courtesy of my dad at lunch today.

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Three cowboys are settling down after a long day herding cattle.

The first cowboy says, "You know, it takes a real man's man to do this job. I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why? just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second cowboy not t...

Can someone help me find some videos of Al Gore dancing?

I'm trying to solve a Rubik's cube and a friend told me that using Al Gore Rhythms could help.

I keep seeing clips from “An Inconvenient Truth” on my YouTube homepage...

Must just be the Al Gore-ithim

One day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies.

He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil." You're on my list, but I have no room for you.

You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as yo...

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What did the bullfighter shout just as a bull gored his guts out?

Olé shit!

George Bush goes to a primary school

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asked, What is your name?

Bob

And what is your question, Bob?

I have 3 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq with...

One hot summer afternoon a police officer pulls into a yard.

The police officer then gets out of the car, and asks an old gentleman, "who owns the property?" The old man tells the officer that he does, and asks what he can do for him.

The officer, “I’m here to inspect your property for illegally grown drugs.” The old gentleman says, “Well, you go righ...

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What was Hitler's favourite food?

Nazi goreng

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

Al Gore was tapping his foot while waiting impatiently for an elevator. The man standing next to him said: "Nice Algorithm!"

Al Gore responded: Al Gore take the stairs.

"Ugh, I hate this time of month," she said. "It's like I've got the 2000 election in my pants..."

"Cause there's Bush and there's Gore.

We were changing shifts at the fish sticks factory at the grinder station....

I was at the end of my shift, spattered with oily fish gore, and had my hand in the corkscrew feeder trying to pull a stick bit of bone out. My coworker, in his fresh beginning of shift uniform, reached in to help and his dry cotton sleeve caught and he was pulled in to a gruesome death. As I stood ...

Three vampires sit in a cave in the black of night, sharing a drink, laughing, and generally having a good time that one would not associate with the undead.

The night grew longer, and an observer, should they be careful enough, would learn that vampires can indeed get drunk.

Eventually, the three begin to bicker about which of them is the most powerful and deadly.

The youngest suddenly gets up, and flies off into the night. Almost instantl...

They developed a computer program to write the musical version of "An Inconvenient Truth"

It's running a new Al Gore rhythm.

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tall tales and being a man

A few of us were sitting around a campfire. One of my buddies, he's a park ranger, was telling us about this huge bear that was going to attack a family and he had to wrestle it to the ground. Wound up killing it with his bare hands.

Well, after he was done talking we all took a few more sips...

Why are Democrat robots so bad at dancing?

They were built with bad Al-Gore-rhythms.

Have you heard an ex Vice President is releasing a computer generated reggae album?

It's called Al Gore Rhythms

THE COUNT CONTINUES

They found over 20,000 votes behind a radiator in Florida.
Al Gore declared President

This 2020 Presidential election reminds me of the 2000 election....

But a lot less Gore-y

It is I who invented the term, "plagiarism".

However, Al Gore got credit for it.

Youtube is introducing a new system of recommending youtube videos

The old system seemed to be biased towards videos of old presidential candidates playing beat and tempo games, so they finally decided to retire the al-gore-rhythm

Einstein, Hawking, Heisenberg and Schrödinger formed a band.

It's called "The Inconvenient Truths."

They play music with that old Al Gore Rhythm.

I saw a former vice present playing bass recommend to me on Youtube.

I think something was wrong with its Al Gore rhythm.

If we really do live in a simulation, I think I know how they programmed global warming.

They most likely used an "Al-Gore-Ithm"

Boxes of previously uncounted ballots have been found in Florida

Associated Press is now declaring the State of Florida for Al Gore

A group of politicians started a band

with Al Gore as the drummer. Old Al could never get the hang of keeping time, though: he would play 3/4 beats on 4/4 songs and 2/4 beats on 3/4 songs. It was always a mess, but the band tried to work through things and kept playing shows in spite of Al's problems. Obviously, they weren't very suc...

What do you get when a climate change activist creates computer code?

An Al Gore Rythym

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I agree that there should be different NSFW tags for violent and sexual content

Nothing changes my mood more than seeing naked people while I'm trying to enjoy horrible gore.

Did you hear about the new drum beat formula that’s trying to fight climate change?

It’s called an AlGoreRhythm.

The Pentagon just released a program releasing all the favorite music of the Vice Presidents ever.

They call it the Al Gore Rhythm

I just invented a mathematical equation to solve climate change!

It’s an Al Gore ithm.

Facebook keeps suggesting that I watch videos of former American Vice Presidents dancing.

All to do with the Al Gore rhythms, apparently.

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What do you call a prostitute with blood on her face?

A Gore

Did you hear the mobster tell the punchline of the joke about the famous British chef that was skewered, clean through, after falling onto more than one male Bighorn sheep?

"Gored on rams, see?"

A murder took place. Everyone witnessed the crime being committed.

They know it was E who brutally killed the man in question. They saw it. Against all previous odds of his record coming clear, people testified.


A jury was formed to try E on these alleged crimes. Due to the extreme gore of the crime scene and its explicit details, it was a closed hear...

A 9-1-1 operator in the deep South picks up the phone

"9-1-1, what is your emergency?"

"Oh my God, it's my wife - she done been gored by a hog, she's bleedin' some real bad! Send help!"

"Calm down sir, and tell me where you are"

"I'm at 560 Eucalyptus Drive"

"Can you spell that for me, sir?"

"U... er... E, U... er... ...

Florida voting recount has finally been completed.

Turns out the winner was actually Al Gore.

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