An old Soviet anecdote [WARNING: GORE]

A chief talks to his tribe:

— Are we the greatest tribe?

Entire tribe shouts:

— YES!!!

— Then we need our own nuclear bomb and a rocket to carry it!

— YES!!!

— Let's build them then.

The tribe chopped down the thickest and tallest tree in the forest, ...

Come to think of it, it's a good thing Bush won the 2000 election over Al Gore...

Now we have to deal with Bushisms... otherwise we would have had to deal with Algorithms!

Why does Al Gore think he invented the internet?

Because it’s based on Al-Gore-rhythms

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What caused Tipper Gore to have a sudden sexual awakening?

Improvements were made in the Al Gore Rhythm.

Did you know that Al Gore founded an educational program that uses music to teach math?

It's called "Al Gore Rythms"

You know what the name of Al Gore’s new math rock band is?

Al Gore Rhythm

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An undercover cop called at my farm in the sticks yesterday evening...

“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said

“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.

That cop exploded saying “Do you know who the fuck I am ?! I have the authority of the government with me”, he shouted before pulling a badge out...

Al Gore was tapping his foot while waiting impatiently for an elevator. The man standing next to him said: "Nice Algorithm!"

Al Gore responded: Al Gore take the stairs.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.


Joe ...

You know how I know Al Gore invented the Internet?

The whole thing runs on algorithms

I coded a program to detect Al Gore’s speech by his cadences.

I used an algorithm.

What do you call a sequence of dance moves made by Al Gore?

An algorithm.

Some people claim Al Gore dances too robotically

He says its just his Al Gore rhythm

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

Al Gore's dentist had trouble doing a filling.

It was An Inconvenient Tooth.

If Al Gore had a band, it'd be called...

The Algorithms.

I'm sooooooooooo sorry for this. :(

What do you get when a climate change activist creates computer code?

An Al Gore Rythym

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If Al Gore tried his hand as a musician, his album would be called...

**Algorithms.**

Girlfriend thought of this while doing dishes earlier.... I could hear her laughing to herself in the other room for almost 10 minutes.

Bill Clinton and Al Gore decide to go eat out at a diner

After giving them some time, the waitress comes and asks if they are ready to order.

Bill goes, "Yes, I'd like to have a quickie please."

"A quickie?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the menu."

Al Gore leans over...

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A researcher was conducting a study on the effects of gore across various cultures

He selected an American, a European, and a Japanese man. To see the reactions of these people, he used a picture of a man with his toes freshly amputated.

The American man seemed a bit squeamish when presented with the picture, but otherwise he was okay.

The European man wrinkled his f...

I saw Al Gore talking about rising sea levels the other day...

He really needs to come to terms with losing Florida.

Why was Al Gore scientifically a great dancer?

Because of his Al Gore Rythyms.

If Vice President Al Gore was a musician.....

He could call his group “The Al Gore Rhythms”

Facebook keeps suggesting that I watch videos of former American Vice Presidents dancing.

All to do with the Al Gore rhythms, apparently.

A murder took place. Everyone witnessed the crime being committed.

They know it was E who brutally killed the man in question. They saw it. Against all previous odds of his record coming clear, people testified.


A jury was formed to try E on these alleged crimes. Due to the extreme gore of the crime scene and its explicit details, it was a closed hear...

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher.

He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reachi...

What did Al Gore call his ingrown molar?

An Inconvenient Tooth

What is it called when Al Gore comes up with a solution to a problem?

An Al-Gore-ithm.

I'll see myself out.

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Why did Al Gore get a nipple ring?

Cuz he heard Bush got a Dick Cheney.

Did you hear the mobster tell the punchline of the joke about the famous British chef that was skewered, clean through, after falling onto more than one male Bighorn sheep?

"Gored on rams, see?"

My friend has been working on an Al Gore-themed dancing game

I asked him how it works, but it apparently runs off of a very secret Al Gore rhythm.

If Al Gore had his own drumming software company he should name it...

AlGoreRythyms

Why did Moses vote for Al Gore?

Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.

Nobody's happier about hurricane Irma than Hillary Clinton and Al Gore

It's the only reason their books are flying off the shelves in Florida.

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go out to lunch

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go out to lunch, The waitress comes up to take their order, Bill Clinton says "I'll take the quickie darlin". The waitress gets very upset over this and says "I've been a big supporter of you and voted for and this is the thanks I get" and storms off. Al Gore turns to Bill a...

What do you say when Al Gore writes computer code?

He's writing an Algorithm!

One day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies.

He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil." You're on my list, but I have no room for you.

You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as yo...

I really hope Al Gore was in a band during college

And named it "Algorithm"

Most animals don't like gore.

But leeches are suckers for blood.

Al Gore should have had a band named The Algorehythms.

Courtesy of my dad at lunch today.

Can someone help me find some videos of Al Gore dancing?

I'm trying to solve a Rubik's cube and a friend told me that using Al Gore Rhythms could help.

I just invented a mathematical equation to solve climate change!

It’s an Al Gore ithm.

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What did the bullfighter shout just as a bull gored his guts out?

Olé shit!

A 9-1-1 operator in the deep South picks up the phone

"9-1-1, what is your emergency?"

"Oh my God, it's my wife - she done been gored by a hog, she's bleedin' some real bad! Send help!"

"Calm down sir, and tell me where you are"

"I'm at 560 Eucalyptus Drive"

"Can you spell that for me, sir?"

"U... er... E, U... er... ...

...

Some of y'all watch Dexter RELIGIOUSLY, the gore doesn't bother you.

But when it comes to animals.. you can't watch Planet Earth!

[OC] Al Gore decides to write a series of educational songs about the environment.

He presents the head of the production company with the lyrics for his songs, including the lyrics for one song about animals in forest habitats, which has over 500 lines.

The head of the production company says, "wait, this song is way too long! This isn't a very efficient way of conveying y...

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What do you call a prostitute with blood on her face?

A Gore

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Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous.

A night of tall tales commences.

The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second chimes in, "Why that's nothing....

A man goes to Spain

He arrives, and of course, the first thing he has to go see is the daily bull fight.
The match is drawn out, a banderillero is gored, but eventually the bull is subdued and the matador emerges victorious.
The man is famished at this point, and so, entranced by the fight, he finds his way to t...

What do you call a computer program that writes a blues song about climate change?

An Al-Gore-rhythm!

George Bush goes to a primary school

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asked, What is your name?

Bob

And what is your question, Bob?

I have 3 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq with...

What do you call a Mathematical song that could save the environment?

An Al-Gore-Rhythm.

Three vampires sit in a cave in the black of night, sharing a drink, laughing, and generally having a good time that one would not associate with the undead.

The night grew longer, and an observer, should they be careful enough, would learn that vampires can indeed get drunk.

Eventually, the three begin to bicker about which of them is the most powerful and deadly.

The youngest suddenly gets up, and flies off into the night. Almost instantl...

I made a math equation explaining vice presidents

I call it Al Gore-ithim

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[Long] 3 Vampire had a challenge...

They were so competitive that one of them decided that they should do a challenge. The challenge was they had to kill as many people they could in the shortest time. The first vampire flew and came back 5 minutes later. "Do you see that small village?" it asked, "Yes" the other 2 replied. "I killed ...

Florida voting recount has finally been completed.

Turns out the winner was actually Al Gore.

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Long, but worth the read. Wrote it myself.

In the darkest corner of my basement I sat alone. Eyes puffy from hours of crying and yet tears still streamed down my face. A lone snot bubble formed as I wiped my nose on my sleeve. I refused to use my hands. I looked down and in the pale moonlight streaming through the window I could tell the...

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Hannibal Lecter escapes his prison, and begins a cannibalistic killing spree.

Bodies turn up all over the city, mutilated and butchered like livestock. The livers are missing from the bodies, as is muscle from the shoulders, legs and back, the tongues, a variety of human flesh all carved out and eaten by Lecter after killing his victims.

Not only that, but he escapes t...

I said to my friend, “let’s take turns naming American Vice Presidents”.

Al Gore first.

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I agree that there should be different NSFW tags for violent and sexual content

Nothing changes my mood more than seeing naked people while I'm trying to enjoy horrible gore.

"Ugh, I hate this time of month," she said. "It's like I've got the 2000 election in my pants..."

"'cuz there's Bush and there's Gore."

[OC] NSFW

Yellow Snow on the White House lawn

One winter morning, Bill Clinton woke up and looked out the window of his bedroom in the White House. He was shocked to see the words "Bill Sucks" peed in the snow. He called the Secret Service to investigate the matter.

After a few days, the head of the Secret Service reported back to Bill, ...

Somebody attacked Bill Clinton's vice president with a chainsaw.

Witnesses described a mess of blood and Gore.

I couldn’t figure out why my Twitter feed only showed videos of Ex vice presidents dancing.

Turns out it’s just the Al gore rhythm

Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.

When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?

How do you program global warming?

using an Al-Gore-ithm

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