UPJOKE
democraticpoliticiansenatorrepublicangopcandidatemccainliebermanpelosicristconservativeshuckabeelawmakerelectionhillary

How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They only *talk* about change.

An old Republican is on his death bed

\- I have a confession to make! I declare myself a Democrat now!
\- But... but... why? You hate democrats! You spent all your life fighting with them!
\- Because now one of them will die!

Do you remember president Clinton’s intern Monica? She’s now republican.

Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

How are republicans and democrats like divorced parents?

They care more about you hating the other person than they do about your well-being.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Democrats hoard their gas in biodegradable containers, and Republicans hoard their gas in non-biodegradable containers, then who did the people who hoard their gas in plastic bags vote for?

The Greene Party.

Stalin appears in Putin's dream...

Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country.

Stalin says "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue."

"Why blue?" Putin asks.

"Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For the democrats: Abortion: Yes, and guns: No

For the republicans: No abortion, but we like guns. All life is sacred


Unless it enters my fucking property
*loads shotgun*

What is the difference when a group of republicans scream for Trump to have "4 more years" and when a group of democrats scream it?

The republicans are saying it during his election, the democrats are saying it during his sentencing.

If Donald trump knew the Democrats we're going to rig the election months ago and still couldn't stop them

Does that make their plan fool proof?

What do Republicans and Democrats have in common?

Epsteins island.

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A young man, down on his luck, was hitch-hiking through New England. A well-dressed man driving a Lincoln pulled up, lowered the passenger side window, and asked, “Do you vote Republican or Democrat?”

“Democrat,” said the hitch-hiker. And the Lincoln sped off in a cloud of dust.

The ne...

Politics...

I recently asked my neighbors little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President someday.

Both of her parents, Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?' She replied, 'I'd give food ...

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A woman in a hot-air balloon is lost, so she shouts to a man below, "Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don’t know where I am."

"You’re at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude," he replies.

"You must be a Democrat."<...

The Democrats are having trouble gaining traction for any of their candidates, so

They have asked Anthony Wiener to run for President and he would have Eric Holder as his VP.


They say it's the Wiener-Holder ticket. They will beat the competition, be hard on crime, and get a grip on the big issues.


They will get to meat of it all.

The political parties can't agree on what a second economic stimulus package should look like. Democrats want every American to receive a $1,200.00 check, while Republicans favor giving everybody 10 pounds of Parmesean cheese.

The GOP wants to "Make America Grate Again".

A Democrat and a Republican were walking along the beach when they spotted a bottle.

They picked it up and a genie popped out.

"I will grant you each one wish, whatever you desire", said the genie.

The Democrat said, "I would like for my fellow liberals and I to live the life and exist under the form of government we believe in!" POOF! All the Democrats in America were...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a double sided dildo have in common with republicans and democrats?

No matter what side you pick your fucked.

Why are Democrats considered more attractive than Republicans?

Never heard of a hot piece of elephant.

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven.

They ask God if he'd answer one question.
"Of course" God says.
They ask how the Democrats rigged the election in 2020.
"It wasn't rigged" God replies.

The Trump supporters look at each other and say, "This conspiracy goes higher than we thought!"

Republicans and Democrats never agree on anything

Republicans said the temperature is -40° F
And democrats immediately said it was -40° C.

What do you call an angry group of Democrats that can’t finish their sentences?

Mad Libs

I only sleep with democrats.

That way, I don't have to worry about the baby afterwards.

People say that Democrats and Republicans can't work together to get anything done.

But Jeffrey Epstein is dead.

The problem with Trump jokes:

Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.

Checkmate Democrats

If teachers don't have arms, how are they supposed to write on the board?

Democrats have won the debates over the GOP for how the impeachment trial will proceed.

Dems the rules

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If there is one thing that democrats and republicans can agree on during this impeachment hearing...

...it's that "quid pro quo" is really fucking fun to say!

What do Democrats do when they lose a game of CSGO?

They blame the Russians

If there weren't any democrats...

then who would be left?

Why does texas have no power?

Democrats stole the electrons.

How do Democrats apply their sunscreen?

Liberally.

Democrats have been really angry over the 2016 election results

The last time Democrats were THIS angry is when the Republicans took their slaves away

All nascar racers must be Democrats

Becuase all they do is go left

A blind answer poll was made to dads everywhere, whether they liked Republicans or Democrats.

The only answer they got back was "Yes."

I recently told a joke about how Democrats favor small government, and decreased taxes.

It didn't go over very well. Everyone said it was politically incorrect.

I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.

USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.

This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.


<...

Why do Democrats push for more gun control?

Because they can't stop shooting themselves in the foot.

The difference between Republicans and Democrats:

A Republican sees a man drowning 40 feet from a pier. He throws him a 20-foot rope and expects him to swim half way.
A Democrat sees a man drowning 40 feet from a pier. He throws him an 80-foot rope. And lets go of his end.

How did the Democrats feel about the results of Georgia's special election ?

The just couldn't Handel the loss. They had worked their Ossof for it.

What kind of tea is hard for democrats and progressives to swallow today?

Reality.

What's the difference between democrats and republicans in America?

One group wants to abolish ICE, the other wants to abolish ice.

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