UPJOKE
optimisticpromisinghopeaspirantwannabewannabeebrightexpectantauspiciouswishfulencouragingconfidenthopesexpectationupbeat

Hopeful Jokes

Just How Smart Was Einstein?

This is a TRUE STORY but hopefully you will find some humor in it.

Back in the early 70s, when I was a college student, I took care of the yard of a lonely widower, named Arthur, who occasionally asked me to join him for a game of chess. He resided in Paradise Valley, AZ. During WWII, Arth...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!"

The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit."
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method ...

Hopefully at least one more day of these Canada fires...

...I gotta brisket hanging on the porch.

Need help solving a joke with no punchline

In April 1998, Roger Ebert published his review of Paulie, a movie about a talking bird on a road trip. He wrapped up the essay with a joke he claims to have made up.

"On the other hand, just to be fair, I should mention that parrots make great subjects for jokes. I know about a dozen, includ...

I can't afford to fix my leaky roof. So I'm inviting some kids with chicken pox over.

Hopefully my house will get Shingles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just seen a lad who I used to go to school with years ago

and we ended up having a bit of a catch up and he revealed he's getting wed soon and it's an arranged marriage that his parents have sorted out for him.

So I was asking about the ins and outs of what goes on and what the bride is like etc.. and he basically tells me that him and his parents h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a brothel looking for something different

He goes to the counter and tells the lady “I feel like I’ve tried everything. Regular sex is boring for me. I’ve done 2 girls, 3 girls, 2 guys, 3 guys, toys, watching, everything. I can’t even get it up anymore. Can you help?”

The madame cracks a sly smile and says “go down the hall to room 4...

I like my jokes like I like my broken mailboxes.

Promptly reposted and hopefully nobody notices.

Chuck Norris once stepped on a crack, it apologized and fixed his mom's back.

There was a posts I found last night where people shared Chuck Norris jokes and I wanted to share a (hopefully) original one.

After several visits to the doctor's I've finally been referred to rehab for spending all my days smoking drugs and looking up jokes about cheese.

Hopefully I can kick my addiction to meth and feta memes.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.