Why did Republicans get mad when Sting got a facelift?

Because they hate Police reform.

According to my calculations, about 40% of Americans are Republicans

But that’s just a Conservative estimate

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's actually a mathematical formula to describe all the Republicans lining up to pretend like the January 6th attack didn't happen.

It's called the Fibbing Nazi Sequence.

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.

(Edit: Folks, take a breath. It is a joke.)

(Edit: Thanks for the silver, gold, and plats)

Do you want to know why the republicans won't impeach Trump?

Because they believe in carrying a baby to full term.

Why can’t republicans use hand sanitizer?

Because the directions say to apply liberally

Why won't republicans impeach Trump?

Because they insist on carrying babies to full term.

OP is here, I heard this from a friend at work:

[https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/search?q=Because%20they%20insist%20on%20carrying%20babies%20to%20full%20term.&restrict\_sr=1&type=link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/search?q=B...

A Republican and a Democrat found a magic lamp

The genie said "I will grant one wish per person". The Republican immediately jumped forward and said "I wish all Republicans and conservatives had their own planet, separate from all these libs." The genie nodded and the Republican vanished. The Democrat then asked "Are they all on their own planet...

What did the Republicans do when Obama won the election 2 times in a row?

They pulled out their Trump card

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

...


Change? That’s socialism.

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Trump just says it’s fixed and the rest of them sit in the dark and applaud

I was shocked when the Republicans wouldn’t vote to convict Trump on his second impeachment.

The first time sure, they always insist a baby is carried to full term.

The second one however, shocking as they actually took care of the baby afterwards.

What’s the Republicans’ most hated Sesame Street character?

The Count

How are republicans and democrats like divorced parents?

They care more about you hating the other person than they do about your well-being.

I was trying to think of past Republicans similar to Marjorie Taylor Greene

But they just Palin comparison.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Democrats hoard their gas in biodegradable containers, and Republicans hoard their gas in non-biodegradable containers, then who did the people who hoard their gas in plastic bags vote for?

The Greene Party.

Why do Republicans hate funding NASA?

NASA aborts rocket launches.

If a foreign enemy attacked the United States and killed 180K+ citizens, the whole country, Republicans and Democrats, would most likely join together into defeating it...

Oh wait, never mind.

A year after historic protests...

white, anti-vax Republicans are finally saying “I can’t breathe”.

What is the difference when a group of republicans scream for Trump to have "4 more years" and when a group of democrats scream it?

The republicans are saying it during his election, the democrats are saying it during his sentencing.

Why did so many Republicans turn blue this year?

Covid

The republicans are right: It is a very dangerous precedent

Edit: Misspelled President.

It's funny that Republicans have compared Trump to Reagan in the past...

At least Reagan knew how to act.

Why did so many Republicans vote for Joe Biden this year? (TW: Political, bad taste)

If you’re red, and you fail to take care of your voters during a respiratory virus pandemic...they turn blue.

Why is Covid-19 such a problem for Republicans?

Because people that can't breathe turn blue.

Did you hear that Republicans finally found an appropriate movement to protest Coronavirus?

It’s called The No Lives Matter Movement.

What do Republicans and Democrats have in common?

Epsteins island.

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A woman in a hot-air balloon is lost, so she shouts to a man below, "Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don’t know where I am."

"You’re at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude," he replies.

"You must be a Democrat."<...

Whats a Republicans favorite instrument?

A Trumpet

In a bid to entice republicans, Biden vows to pick up right where Reagan left off...

With rapidly detiorating mental health.

Republicans declared they're against mail-in voting.

So Democrats went postal.

There's a new store where I live that only allows Republicans to shop there.

They say the customer is always right

The political parties can't agree on what a second economic stimulus package should look like. Democrats want every American to receive a $1,200.00 check, while Republicans favor giving everybody 10 pounds of Parmesean cheese.

The GOP wants to "Make America Grate Again".

Why don't Republicans like Jehovah's Witnesses?

Republicans don't like any witnesses.

What's one nice thing Republicans say about Obama that they'll never say about Trump?

He's articulate.

Why are Democrats considered more attractive than Republicans?

Never heard of a hot piece of elephant.

How many republicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Wait, hold on, how do we know it's not supposed to be that way? We've only been looking at that bulb for 2 years, and the scientists who say we need to replace it are probably working for the light bulb industry. Also, yesterday it was on! Why do we need to do anything if it's different day to da...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Republicans are at a bar

The first Republican says, "You know who I really like? I know she's a Democrat, but that Tulsi Gabbard is hot. Mm-mm-mm."

And the second one says, "She is, but she's got nothing on Ivanka. Beautiful face, gorgeous body, great big perfect tits. I'd fuck her. Would you fuck her?"

And th...

Why do Republicans always get more done?

Because they're always Russian.

Today, Senate Republicans declared that they see no path forward to end the government shutdown

In other words: they've hit a wall

Why are all Republicans supporting global warming?

Because they can’t wait to live in a world with no snowflakes.

Democrats and Republicans.

I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were to be the President, what's the first thing you would do?' She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the hom...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a double sided dildo have in common with republicans and democrats?

No matter what side you pick your fucked.

Someone should tell trump and his fellow Republicans that the constitution isn’t a bible

You can’t pick and choose which parts you want to obey.

Republicans are trying to put an ammendment into relief bill to outlaw prepackaged shredded cheese...

...in an attempt to make America grate again.

Why are republicans pro-life?

Can’t molest what isn’t born!

What do Joe Biden and trans people have in common?

Republicans want to block their transition

Alan Dershowitz privately counselled Senate Republicans on how to handle the articles of impeachment for Donald Trump

He said “If you’re not Mitt, you must acquit.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do gays and republicans have in common?

Both are feeling a little butt hurt after yesterdays decision.

Republicans and Democrats never agree on anything

Republicans said the temperature is -40° F
And democrats immediately said it was -40° C.

Republicans are the true snowflakes.

They're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools.

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A young man, down on his luck, was hitch-hiking through New England. A well-dressed man driving a Lincoln pulled up, lowered the passenger side window, and asked, “Do you vote Republican or Democrat?”

“Democrat,” said the hitch-hiker. And the Lincoln sped off in a cloud of dust.

The ne...

Every wonder why Republicans use two hands when they’re drinking out of a water bottle?

It’s to prevent it from trickling down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between Republicans and pornstars?

Pornstars don't keep their mouth shut after being fucked by Donald Trump.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If there is one thing that democrats and republicans can agree on during this impeachment hearing...

...it's that "quid pro quo" is really fucking fun to say!

Survey finds that 1 in 3 Republicans are of below average IQ

The other two are Russian Hackers.

People say that Democrats and Republicans can't work together to get anything done.

But Jeffrey Epstein is dead.

A plane full of republicans had been captured by al queda

They have posted a video online saying that unless the us government pays them ten million dollars, they will start returning them, one by one

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