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Republicans Jokes

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Democrats are sexier than Republicans

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Is it true that Democrats are generally considered to be more attractive than Republicans?" he asks the bartender. "Well, have you every heard of a hot piece of elephant?" the bartender responds.

What's the difference between Republicans and Ukrainians?

Ukrainians defend their Capitol.

Why won't the Republicans impeach Trump?

Because they insist on carrying a baby to full term

The Democrats have a plan to make the Republicans sound stupid.

Operation "Just Let Them Talk"

Why won't republicans impeach Trump?

Because they insist on carrying babies to full term.

OP is here, I heard this from a friend at work:

[https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/search?q=Because%20they%20insist%20on%20carrying%20babies%20to%20full%20term.&restrict\_sr=1&type=link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/search?q=B...

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A woman in a hot-air balloon is lost, so she shouts to a man below, "Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don’t know where I am."

"You’re at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude," he replies.

"You must be a Democrat."<...

According to my calculations, about 40% of Americans are Republicans

But that’s just a Conservative estimate

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

...


Change? That’s socialism.

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There's actually a mathematical formula to describe all the Republicans lining up to pretend like the January 6th attack didn't happen.

It's called the Fibbing Nazi Sequence.

The problem with Trump jokes:

Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.

Republicans want small government

So small that it fits in your doctors office and your bedroom

Democrats and Republicans.

I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were to be the President, what's the first thing you would do?' She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the hom...

What’s the Republicans’ most hated Sesame Street character?

The Count

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do gays and republicans have in common?

Both are feeling a little butt hurt after yesterdays decision.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a genie today who said he would grant me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry" said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine," I said, "I want to die after the Republicans get their heads out of their asses!"



"You crafty bastard," said the genie.

Why are republicans pro-life?

Can’t molest what isn’t born!

Elon Musk new plan for Mars colonization will include only registered Republicans.

He is going to make it the true red planet.

Why are Republicans overweight?

So they can own the lbs.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light-bulb?

None.

Trump lies, tells them it was changed and they sit in the dark.

Finally, a fact both Democrats and Republicans can agree on!

"Anyone with half a brain knows Trump won."

Republicans and Democrats came together in Congress to allow medicinal marijuana for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain

There is joint support for joints for joint support.

Trump's Presidency is like climate change

Every day it gets worse and Republicans try to deny it.

Republicans are the true snowflakes.

They're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools.

How many republicans does it take to fix a problem?

No one knows. It's never happened.

Survey finds that 1 in 3 Republicans are of below average IQ

The other two are Russian Hackers.

A Republican and a Democrat found a magic lamp

The genie said "I will grant one wish per person". The Republican immediately jumped forward and said "I wish all Republicans and conservatives had their own planet, separate from all these libs." The genie nodded and the Republican vanished. The Democrat then asked "Are they all on their own planet...

How many republicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Wait, hold on, how do we know it's not supposed to be that way? We've only been looking at that bulb for 2 years, and the scientists who say we need to replace it are probably working for the light bulb industry. Also, yesterday it was on! Why do we need to do anything if it's different day to da...

Why do Republicans hate funding NASA?

NASA aborts rocket launches.

I was shocked when the Republicans wouldn’t vote to convict Trump on his second impeachment.

The first time sure, they always insist a baby is carried to full term.

The second one however, shocking as they actually took care of the baby afterwards.

Why don't Republicans like Jehovah's Witnesses?

Republicans don't like any witnesses.

Why did so many Republicans turn blue this year?

Covid

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Republicans are at a bar

The first Republican says, "You know who I really like? I know she's a Democrat, but that Tulsi Gabbard is hot. Mm-mm-mm."

And the second one says, "She is, but she's got nothing on Ivanka. Beautiful face, gorgeous body, great big perfect tits. I'd fuck her. Would you fuck her?"

And th...

Republicans declared they're against mail-in voting.

So Democrats went postal.

What do Republicans and Democrats have in common?

Epsteins island.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between Republicans and pornstars?

Pornstars don't keep their mouth shut after being fucked by Donald Trump.

Why is Covid-19 such a problem for Republicans?

Because people that can't breathe turn blue.

Why are all Republicans supporting global warming?

Because they can’t wait to live in a world with no snowflakes.

Republicans and Democrats never agree on anything

Republicans said the temperature is -40° F
And democrats immediately said it was -40° C.

Why do Republicans make good DJs?

Because they know how to shut the House down.

How can we get Republicans to care about climate change?

Blame it on the poor.

Today, Senate Republicans declared that they see no path forward to end the government shutdown

In other words: they've hit a wall

Why do Republicans always get more done?

Because they're always Russian.

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A young man, down on his luck, was hitch-hiking through New England. A well-dressed man driving a Lincoln pulled up, lowered the passenger side window, and asked, “Do you vote Republican or Democrat?”

“Democrat,” said the hitch-hiker. And the Lincoln sped off in a cloud of dust.

The ne...

I was trying to think of past Republicans similar to Marjorie Taylor Greene

But they just Palin comparison.

The republicans are right: It is a very dangerous precedent

Edit: Misspelled President.

What did the Republicans do when Obama won the election 2 times in a row?

They pulled out their Trump card

Why are Democrats considered more attractive than Republicans?

Never heard of a hot piece of elephant.

A plane full of republicans had been captured by al queda

They have posted a video online saying that unless the us government pays them ten million dollars, they will start returning them, one by one

It's funny that Republicans have compared Trump to Reagan in the past...

At least Reagan knew how to act.

Donald Trump is losing support from Republicans

He is considering joining the Whig party.

Republicans: "We couldn't possibly lose Alabama!"

Roy Moore: "hold my beer kids"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a double sided dildo have in common with republicans and democrats?

No matter what side you pick your fucked.

Republicans should pay the Clintons to stand at the border...

because they can't seem to get over them.

Why did so many Republicans vote for Joe Biden this year? (TW: Political, bad taste)

If you’re red, and you fail to take care of your voters during a respiratory virus pandemic...they turn blue.

Why do Republicans hate lotion?

Because the directions say to apply it liberally.

The Republicans keep saying we need more Jesus in our country.

So why they want to build a wall to keep them all out?

Elections

If the Republicans win the midterms, I will leave the United States.

If the Democrats win the midterms, I will leave the United States

This is not about politics, I just want to travel.

Someone should tell trump and his fellow Republicans that the constitution isn’t a bible

You can’t pick and choose which parts you want to obey.

The difference between Republicans and Democrats:

A Republican sees a man drowning 40 feet from a pier. He throws him a 20-foot rope and expects him to swim half way.
A Democrat sees a man drowning 40 feet from a pier. He throws him an 80-foot rope. And lets go of his end.

In a bid to entice republicans, Biden vows to pick up right where Reagan left off...

With rapidly detiorating mental health.

Why do Republicans hate sick eagles?

Because they're illegals

House republicans couldn't agree on contraceptive coverage...

... so they just pulled out instead.

Republicans should have done more to stop predatory mortgages.

Maybe their house wouldn’t have been repossessed.

People say that Democrats and Republicans can't work together to get anything done.

But Jeffrey Epstein is dead.

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