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Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the same day.

Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn't swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in Hell, while Clinton spent the night ...

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Bill Clinton was ass-fucking Monica Lewinsky when Hillary walked in.

Hillary screamed, "You can't do this to me!"

Bill replied, "I know... that's why I'm doing it to her."

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Tiger Wood and Bill Clinton are at the bar.

Bill has has a few drinks and decided to open up to Tiger. He says, Tiger your my oldest friend and I just have to ask. How do you keep your cock so long and hard. Tiger responds, it’s simple really. Before I sleep with a woman I smack my Dick on the bed post three times as hard as I can. Bill finds...

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What Does Bill Clinton Say After Having Sex?

Hillary, I'll be home in 25 Minutes!

Did you hear that Bill Clinton got on Jeffrey Epstein's plane 25 times......

and got off 50 times.

Bill Clinton finds a lantern washed up on the beach...

One day Bill Clinton was walking along the beach and found a magic lamp that had washed up, partially buried in the sand. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, “One wish.” Bill thought for a minute and said, “I want to be the guy who brings peace in the Middle East.” The...

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Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, and due to some administrative foul up, Clinton gets sent to heaven and the Pope gets sent to hell.

The Pope explains the situation to the hell administration, they check their paperwork, and the error is acknowledged. They explain, however, that it will take about 24 hours to make the switch.

The next day, the Pope is called in and the hell administration bids him farewell and he heads for...

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Bill Clinton likes to go for a walk every Saturday evening...

One evening, he passed by an alley, and a prostitute yelled at him,
"Fifty dollars will buy you a good time!"

He responded by saying "How's about 5 dollars?", jokingly, and kept walking.

This same thing kept happening every Saturday for a couple weeks; every time Bill passed the p...

Bill Clinton brings a dress to the dry cleaning

He asks "Anything you need to know?", but since it's loud from all the machines running, the worker doesn't understand him and asks "Come again?"

"No", said Clinton, "Tomato juice this time"

Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?

To keep his ankles warm.

It is important to remember that Bill Clinton

Spent his entire presidency between two Bushes.

Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.

He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

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[NSFW] How Bill Clinton tricked Monica Lewinsky...

Clinton asked Lewinsky if she wanted to see the presidential clock and she replied yes.

So she followed him into the Oval Office and he turned around with his dick out and she said “Bill you nasty thing, that’s not a clock!”

Bill replied “It will be when you put two hands and a face on...

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump?

Found in your cell, unresponsive.

Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Bill Clinton die and go to hell.

Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Bill Clinton die and go to hell.

They are lined up in front of three doors. The first is opened to reveal a swarm of wasps and mosquitoes. Satan's voice booms "Mr Obama you have sinned, and now you must spend all of eternity with these vile creations!" And with...

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Did you hear about the number of sexual assault allegations against Bill Clinton involving coercive oral sex?

It's jaw dropping.

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Bill Clinton and the Pope die at the same time.

There's an administrative mix up in purgatory and the Pope is sent to Hell and Clinton to Heaven.

After 20 minutes the mistake is discovered and the mistake rectified. As they're heading down the escalator Clinton down, the Pope up, the pope says to Clinton "I'm really looking forward to meet...

yo whats bill clintons favorite musical instrument????

THE HARM MONICA, FOLKS

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A+ Book Reports on Titanic and Bill Clinton

The students at a local college were assigned to read two books, “Titanic” and “My Life” by Bill Clinton, and to write book reports. One student turned in the following book report with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
...

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Bernie Sanders, Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar

Hillary Clinton: "This is the worst game of fuck, marry, kill I've ever played."

What do you call Bill Clinton's VP programmatically tapping his foot and clapping his hands?

Algorithm

What did Epstein say when bill Clinton didn’t high give him back?

“Don’t have me hanging!”

Bill Clinton and Bill Cosby are chatting...

Cosby: Have you ever had a cigar dipped in brandy?

Clinton: No, but I once had a cigar dipped in Monica.

Cosby: Now, why didn't I think of that...

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Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......

She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy.

Monica says "That's not a clock".

To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".

What's the difference between Trump and Bill Clinton?

Trump paid her $130k, Bill didn't even pay for dry-cleaning

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What's the difference between Hillary and Bill Clinton?

Hillary tried to use her sex to become president, and Bill used his presidency for sex.

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Bill Clinton is showing a new female intern around the White House

They finally reach the doors of the oval office and Bill asks her, "Want to go into the oval office and see the presidential clock?"

The intern, hesitating, says, "Well, Mr. President, seeing all the stuff that has been happening with you, I don't know if that is a good idea or not."

B...

Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton are all on the Titanic

As the Titanic begins sinking, Jimmy Carter yells “quick, save the women and children.”

Nixon yells back: “screw the women and children!”

Bill Clinton says: “I don’t think we have time for that.”

Bill Clinton said Hillary is clearly the best choice for president...

He knows for a fact there is no chance she'll blow it.

George W. Bush, Clarence Thomas, Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, and Brett Kavanaugh all competed in a spelling bee...

Surprisingly, George W. Bush won.



He was the only contestant to spell "harass" as one word.

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Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbledupon a Genie's lamp.

He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold, a Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope...Due to inflation, constant downswing, low wages in third world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...What'll it...

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington shouts, "Save the women!"

George W. Bush hollers, "Screw the women!"

Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"

Bill Clinton and Al Gore decide to go eat out at a diner

After giving them some time, the waitress comes and asks if they are ready to order.

Bill goes, "Yes, I'd like to have a quickie please."

"A quickie?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the menu."

Al Gore leans over...

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Bill Clinton's food tester

Bill Clinton's food tester is walking through the White House wearing a big grin.

One of the staff sees him and asks, "Why are you so happy, today? Don't you have the shitty job of trying everything before the president eats it, in case its poison?

The food tester replies, "Yep! An...

Why did they rename Bill Clinton Airport?

They were tired of planes going down all the time.

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Bill Clinton's Box Under the Bed

**Bill Clinton's Box Under the Bed**

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I put a box under the bed. Promise me you will never to look in it." In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and ...

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When asked if they would have sex with Bill Clinton

86% of the women in D.C. said "not again."

A Republican, a Democrat, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car when a tornado picks up the car and tosses them miles into the air.

When the car finally comes back down, the three men realize they’ve been transported to Oz.



“I’m going to ask the Wizard for a brain,” says the Democrat.



“I’m going to ask him for a heart,” says the Republican.



Bill Clinton looks around and asks the two m...

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What do Bill Clinton and Dick Cheney have in common?

Both shot someone in the face while in office.

Bill Clinton is on Air Force One when the Flight Attendant approaches with the lunch menu...

Bill looks at the menu briefly, and then looks up and down at the attendant before giving her a wink. He leans over and says "Well, I sure could go for a quickie right about now."

The Attendant is flattered on some level but quickly starts flushing red at the terror of being about to learn j...

How do you get Bill Clinton to screw in a lightbulb?

Tell him the lightbulb is an intern.

Bill Clinton Dies and Goes to Heaven...

Bill Clinton dies and is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greets Bill with some warmth and a smile. Bill is a bit confused, but goes along with the warm welcome. Further adding to Bill's confusion is what seems to be an infinite wall of old clocks.

Bill asks, "Peter, wha...

Bill Clinton in Hell

Bill Clinton in Hell

Bill Clinton dies and is on his way to Hell. At Hell's gates he meets Satan. Satan tells Clinton that Hell is full, but that Clinton will be replacing one of the current inhabitants, and he will be given the choice of who he will replace forever in Hell.

Three door...

Bill Clinton ran a mile in nine and a half minutes. What happened next?

Bush did 9:11.

Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving?

He won't inhale.

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn

He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

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Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton are playing at a charity golf tournament.

Bill sees Tiger at the urinals and peeks down to see that Tiger is very well endowed.


"Tiger, what is your secret?" Bill asks.

Tiger responds: "It's really simple. Every night before I get in bed I whack my dick against my bedpost 3 times. It's been working for me for years!"
...

Somebody attacked Bill Clinton's vice president with a chainsaw.

Witnesses described a mess of blood and Gore.

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Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Donald Trump go for a walk in the woods...

...And they get completely lost. They are now wondering through the forest for hours, weather is starting to get worse, night is coming, its getting cold, its not looking good. Sad. When suddenly they spot a light coming from the nearby mountain, so they head on towards it.

When they get ther...

Bill Clinton walks into a bar, but his head is about the size of a billiard ball

So the bartender says "Ok, I'll bite. What happened?"

Bill says "Well, it's a funny thing. I found an old lamp on the beach, rubbed it, a genie came out and said he would grant me 3 wishes."

"My first wish was to become Governor of Arkansas. That was granted."

"My second wish ...

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Bill Clinton gets a new receptionist

Bill Clinton gets a new, hot receptionist in the white house. She is setting up her desk when all of a sudden the intercom buzzes

Bill: "Hey baby, could you come in here for a second? I want to show you my new clock."

Secretary: "yes sir, ill be right there"

She opens the door a...

Bill Clinton: "I sure hope Hillary gets better interns than I did..."

"All of mine sucked"

The problem with Bill Clinton

Is that he never learned harass was one word.

How was Bill Clinton able to maintain a steady surplus during his presidency?

He had a great Al Gore rhythm.

Donald Trump invites Obama, George W Bush and Bill Clinton to Mar-a-Lago for a President's weekend.

They decide to play volleyball, Democrats vs Republicans. As they walk to the court, Bush asks Trump, "I gotta ask, why didn't you release your tax returns?" Trump replied, "Well, I was going to eventually, but as the public became more demanding I felt like caving in to that kind of pressure would ...

I'm currently reading 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.

Which freaked me out because I didn't think he knew anything about my life.

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They say in 1990 a vagina almost took Bill Clinton down

Now it looks like a weiner may take Hillary

Trump Hired Bill Clinton's Impeachment lawyer!

Just made me laugh more than many jokes i found here

Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Bill Cosby walk into a bar.

Karen Straughan turns to Anita Sarkeesian and says, "I got fifty bucks says the black one goes to jail first."

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What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Donald Trump?

Bill fucked fewer people in the Oval Office.

What did Bill Clinton find attractive about Monica Lewinsky?

He said she had the prettiest smile he ever came across.

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It’s 2015. Bill Clinton is whipping up celebrity endorsements for Hillary with a Halloween party. He invites his friend, Arnold Schwarzenegger and suggests they go as dead presidents for the media. “Too cliche” says Arnie. “What about dead musicians.” “Great idea. I’ll be Coltrane. What about you?”

“I’ll be Bach.”

So Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby and Bill Nye all walk into a bar...

They all finish their drinks and Nye says to the lady behind the bar I'll cover the tab these two will give you their tips.

What does Hillary Clinton's presidency and Bill Clinton's presidency have in common?

They were both ruined by weiners.

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In answer to the question "would you have sex with bill Clinton" 87 percent of Americans responded

No. Not again

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go out to lunch

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go out to lunch, The waitress comes up to take their order, Bill Clinton says "I'll take the quickie darlin". The waitress gets very upset over this and says "I've been a big supporter of you and voted for and this is the thanks I get" and storms off. Al Gore turns to Bill a...

Did you hear the Bill Clinton has given up the saxophone?

He traded it for the hormonica.

Bill Clinton died and went to heaven..

As he stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "what are all those clocks?"
Saint Peter answered, "those are the Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on the clock will move.
"Oh", said Bill, "w...

What did the secretary say to Bill Clinton after his inauguration speech?

Wow, that was quite a mouthful.

Everyone knows Hillary took silverware, but what did Bill Clinton get from the Oval Office?

One night stand.

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Why does Hillary Clinton want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?

She wants to be the first lady.

Bill Clinton is working at a newsstand. A woman asks him "How can I buy the New York Times?"

He replies "Ask my wife. She'll tell you how you do it.

Apparently Bill Clinton is so

sure that Hillary is going to win that he stopped at the tobacco store and bought a box of cigars. He has interviews scheduled for his new interns all day.

Bill Clinton was seeing his counselor...

And his counselor asked how Hillary's head was doing with all this e-mail controversy. Bill replied, "Still not as good as Monica's."

Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, and Donald Trump go to heaven.

They are called before God’s throne. “Who are you, and what good did you do on earth?”, God asks Reagan. “I am Ronald Reagan, oh Lord, and I won the Cold War”, Reagan answers. “Very well”, God says, “Take the seat to my right.” He then turns to Clinton and asks him the same question. “I am Bill Clin...

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So the pope, bill clinton, a teenager, jesse jackson and a doctor are on an airplane...

And the pilot comes out of the cockpit and throws open the emergency door, "We've gotta jump guys, sorry, we both have chutes, but there's only 4 left," as him and his co-pilot hopped out.
The remaining five stayed silent a moment and started discussing who should live. Jesse Jackson mentioned h...

Why does Bill Clinton chew gum all the time?

He has an oral fixation.

Bill Clinton is out on his morning jog...

and he sees a hooker. As he passes her he says, "Twenty bucks?"

"No way," she answers.

The following morning Bill is jogging with Hillary. They pass the same hooker on the street and she says, "See what you get for twenty bucks?"

Why did Bill Clinton sign the NAFTA agreement? [NSFW]

He loves a giant sucking sound.

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