Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest

Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes

Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes

Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama...

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The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Jose :"Abraham Lincoln, 1863....

George Bush bought a rotisserie chicken

George Bush went to the store on day and bought a rotisserie chicken for dinner. He began his trek home when a sudden and serious hunger fell over him. His stomach grumbled, he had a headache, all his mind could think about was eating. Fortunately, he was able to bear with it until he got home. Once...

Bush Jr., Obama, and Trump are standing before God...

God begins by asking Bush: "George, in what do you believe?"

Bush: "I believe in free trade and the USA as a strong nation".

God, seemingly impressed: "You may sit to my right".

Then God looks at Obama and asks "Barack, in what do you believe?".

Obama: "I believe in democ...

Why did Bush's exit plan fail?

He was caught between Iraq and a hard place.

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A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Anyone else confused by these new sexual metaphors?

Billy Bob and Bubba are walking down a trail when they spot a human head under a bush...

"Lookit that, Bubba!" Billy Bob says. "Ain't that cousin Jeff?"

Bubba picks up the head, raises it to his eyes, squints, then shakes his head.

"Naw," he says. "Jeff was taller."

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Bush, Trump, and Hillary are all on a plane...

Bush says, "I could throw this 100$ bill out the window and make someone happy". Trump, with a smug look on his face replies and says, "I could throw ten 10$ bills out the window and make 10 people happy". Hillary smirks and says "oh yeah, I could throw one hundred 1$ bills out the window and make 1...

George W Bush was asked what the "W" in his name stood for

He said "honesty"

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The rare talking koala bear was lost in transit..

From Austrailia to the New York zoo. He wandered down a back alley and saw a sexy lady in heels and a short skirt smoking a cigarette.

She was shocked when he asked her for one of her cigarettes. "Omg you can talk?"

After talking she invited him inside and before she knew it he was u...

Trump, Clinton, Obama, and Bush each ran a mile.

Trump made a time of 11:56

Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31

Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03

But Bush did 9:11

Before his inauguration, George W. Bush was invited to take a tour of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of water, he asked President Clinton if he could use the bathroom in the Oval Office. He was astonished to see that the president had a solid gold urinal installed. That night, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal.



“Just think,” he said, “whe...

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George Bush meets with the Queen of England during his first diplomatic trip to England.

Impressed by the way her government functions, he asks her during their meal : “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well,” says the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Bush frown...

Bush , Queen Elizabeth and Vladimir Putin all died and went to hell.

While there, they saw a red phone and asked what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a cheque.

Next...

Two Lions Hiding in a Bush

They see a rabbit. So the one lion says:

"You see that rabbit. When he gets here I'm going to ask him where his hat is. Then when he can't tell me, we can beat the heck out of him."



So the rabbit approaches the bush and the lions jump out and the one lion says "Hey rabbit wh...

What was George Bush’s favorite sports team?

The New York Jets

Two cannibals are hiding in a bush trying to hide from an upcoming raid.

After a while of waiting a knight shows up.

One of the cannibals tells the other: "I don't like canned food"

Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport?

Because it’s way too cold for planting Bushes in Maine.. told to me by my mother

What did Bush used to say to his kids when they refuse to eat?

Here comes the airplanes.

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I Asked My Wife For The Rake

I was doing yard work after the storm this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower. I realized that I couldn’t find the rake. I yelled up to my wife, “Where’s the rake?”

She couldn’t hear me and she shouted back, “What?”

I pointed to my eye, then I pointed to my knee and made a ...

It's interesting how different a US president looks at the end of their presidency. Obama had gray hair. Bush had a bunch of wrinkles..

At the end of JFKs presidency, half of his head was missing.

Bush hunters

Two Newfoundland hunters, Otis and Elmer, got a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one moose.

The hunters objec...

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George Bush dies and goes to hell

Satan is already waiting for him.
'Well, I don't know what to do. See, you're on my list, but I have no free rooms for you. But you, you definitely have to stay in hell, so I'll have to find a solution. There are a few people here who aren't as bad as you are... I guess I'll let one go and you'll...

Queen Elizabeth, Vladimir Putin, and George Bush die in a plane crash...

While waiting in line in hell the Devil asks them if they’d like to make a phone call back to earth, he warns them it will be expensive.

Vladimir goes first, he calls a few of his comrades, and is off the phone in 2 minutes. The devil tells him that’ll be $2 million. He says he doesn’t have ...

George H.W. Bush made Jeb a pallbearer

So he could let him down one last time

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Why did Laura Bush wear shoes as first lady but Melania wears boots?

During the Bush administration the bullshit only came up to your ankles.

George Bush goes to a primary school

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asked, What is your name?

Bob

And what is your question, Bob?

I have 3 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq with...

George Bush was sitting down at his desk during his morning briefing.

His chief of staff advised him that 3 Brazilian people had died this morning in a helicopter crash.

George sat there sulking in his chair and began weeping (uncharacteristically) to himself.

“Sir, is everything alright?” stated his chief of staff, to which George replied, “How many is ...

George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...

and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane crash early this morning.

Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.

...

It's the end of the 2016 Presidential race

The people of the US hated all the candidates so much that no one voted. The government is in a panic, trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be.
Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea:
A literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap aroun...

Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton are all on a plane about to crash.

A plane with Jeb Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton & Bernie Sanders is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes.
The first passenger yells, "I'm Jeb Bush, let the big dog eat! I can't
afford to die." he took the first parachute and jumped.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump runs scream...

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A Koala is sitting in a bar...

A Koala is sitting in a bar enjoying his drink when a beautiful woman approaches him. She starts flirting and they chat for a few minutes before the woman looks at the Koala and says

"hey, you wanna get outta here?"

"Sure!" the Koala replied as he jumped off the stool and took her ha...

What's the best thing that ever happened to George W. Bush's presidency?

Donald Trump's election.

What do you call someone with an unkempt bush?

Sas-crotch

Two trees stood ogling a bush...

One says to the other, "I totally wood."

If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me....

....Like the words President Bush.

Last night my wife started calling me Jeb Bush.

I also pull out way to late.

Bush and Moses

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.


George W. approached the man and inquired,"Excuse me are you Moses?"

<...

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says………

“Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk.”

“Si, Luis, eet sure smells li...

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a bush?

Russell

What do you call a pig that gets stuck in a bush?

A hedge hog.

George W. Bush, Clarence Thomas, Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, and Brett Kavanaugh all competed in a spelling bee...

Surprisingly, George W. Bush won.



He was the only contestant to spell "harass" as one word.

Australia's smartest man

An airplane was about to crash..

There were five passengers on board, but only four parachutes.

The first passenger said, “I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can’t afford to die.”

So he took the first parachute and left the plane.

The second pas...

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Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex

So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven...

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully."

Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Did Bush do 9/11?"

God replies, "Bush did not plan the attacks. 9/11 was perpetrated...

All these people are so quick to criticize Melania Trump for wanting to take on cyber bullying when that's something her husband has a problem with

But no one criticized Laura Bush for wanting to teach kids how to read

Trump visits the Queen.

While visiting England after his election victory, Donald Trump is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

Trump asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the...

George and Barbara Bush were driving through Texas...

...when the First Couple stopped at a restaurant.

Barbara Bush recognized the waiter was an ex-boyfriend from high school. George and Barbara had a friendly conversation with the waiter, and then continued their drive.


In the car, George Bush said to Barbara, "Can you imagine what...

George Bush wanted to know how to better run his government

so he asked the Queen while he was visiting the UK. He asked "So, your Majesty, how do you run your country so well?". The Queen just smiled and said " Simple, I just surround myself with smart people. Watch." She called Tony Blair over and asked " Tony, who is the child of your father?" Tony, witho...

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Trump dies and goes to Hell

Upon arrival the Devil tells Trump he can choose one of three punishments set before him. Trump agrees.

So the Devil and Trump go to see Nixon swimming endless laps in a pool. Satan asks Trump if this will suit him. Trump says no I can't swim forever.

So they continue on. The secon...

George W Bush, Barack Obama, and Trump all die and go to heaven.

Upon arriving, God asks them respectively what they believe in.

Bush said he believes in American exceptionalism, the right to bear arms, and the free market.

God said alright, you can take this seat to my right.

Obama said he believes in everyone having Healthcare, equal rights...

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Hitler, Pol pot and George W Bush were...

together in hell sitting around a campfire. They are telling each other stories from the time they were alive and having a great time laughing over the evil things they have done.

As the night goes on, they get into a discussion about who might be the vilest, most evil and most universally ...

Why did only a few people laugh when Bush made a 9/11 joke?

Because it was an inside joke

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins?

Society

George W. Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump were all leaving Washington D.C. and going the same direction, so they decided to take Air Force 1.

Unfortunately, due to a mechanical malfunction, Air Force 1 crashed, killing all aboard.

So Bush, Obama, and Trump approached the pearly gates, where God sat on his throne.

“Tell me, what do you believe in?” God asked Mr. Bush.

“I believe in education and free trade,” was the re...

Barack Obama is having a race with Joe Biden around the white house.

After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"

Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11."

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What’s the difference between a cop holding a speed gun and a vagina?

Nothing, they are both cunts behind a bush.

George Bush was visiting the queen of England...

when he asked her "I must say, you run a real tight ship over here, would you mind telling me some of your secrets or advice?".

The queen said "sure, its quite simple, I surround myself with smart people, for example, watch this". She then calls upon Tony Blair. "Tony, I have a simple questio...

Obama, Trump, and Bush were tossing around a football

On one pass, Trump throws the ball too far and it gets punctured on top of the White House fence.

Bush and Obama yell at Trump, saying he always manages to lose or destroy the football.

After a few minutes of angry stares, a Secret Service agent goes to Trump. He gives him another foo...

Mother superior called an urgent meeting of all the 100 nuns in her convent

Mother Superior : Today I found a man's underwear behind the bush ..

99 nuns : Oh Jesus !!

One nun : teeheehee

Mother : Also I found a used condom

99 nuns : Oh Jesus!!

One nun : teeheehee..

Mother : ... And it was broken ...

One nun : Oh Jesus!!!
...

What were Bush & the interior designer bonding over?

Inside jobs.

Bush, Obama and Trump go hunting in a safari

They start the day by making a friendly wager; the one who kills the least during that day pay for the drinks for the whole night.

At the end they come back to their campsite and compares killings.

Obama says that he killed three lions and two hippos. “That’s nothing, Bush says, I go...

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington shouts, "Save the women!"

George W. Bush hollers, "Screw the women!"

Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"

Are You Moses ?

Recently while going through a Mideastern airport during one of his many trips, George Bush encountered a man with silver hair, wearing a white robe and sandals, holding a staff Bush went up to the man and said, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man didn't answer and just kept staring ahead.

Aga...

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