My conservative grandmother used to be a big Trump supporter, but this year her mail-in ballot was cast for Joe Biden.

No way would she have done that if she were still alive.

At first I thought it weird that Joe Biden wanted to make his press secretary staff all women

But then I remembered that meant he didn't need to pay them as much

It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet

Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task

The Man Who Knows Everyone

Dave was bragging to his boss one day. "You know," he said, "I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No drama, boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it...

China is already welcoming Biden

China is already welcoming Biden.

They have even named a central landmark in Beijing for Biden.

"FOR BIDEN CITY!"

So, joe biden walks into a bar and sees a hot, young woman sitting alone at a table....

....He sits down next to her and says “So...do I come here often?”

Biden and Barack don't tell each other "yo mama" jokes...

they tell each other Jo 'Bama jokes.



(I'm sorry, it's terrible)

Joe Biden's Least Favorite Song?

Stairway to Heaven

Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?

Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.

What did the Afghanistan government say after the American military left?

Biden.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

President Biden visits a fully vaccinated senior home

After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there...

Biden will NEVER get my guns

I keep them upstairs

While Donald Trump is out there, causing a fuss, what is his opponent doing?

He is just waiting around like an average Joe, Biden his time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis is like Joe Biden.

Slightly left-leaning, and nobody's first choice.

The President invites the Pope to lunch on a boat.

The Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the pontiff's hat off, right into the water.

It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.

The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two poor friends once went for a job interview

One was a scholar, the other was dumb. They came up with an idea for both to get into the job.

"I have an idea. I'll try and be ahead in the line and after they ask me the questions I'll tell you the answer after I get out."

"Okay friend I'll forever be grateful of you."

The int...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven...

God: welcome to the St. Peter's Gates. With my omniscient knowledge, I can tell you anything you wish to know.

Conspiracy Theorist 1: Who won the 2020 US Presidential Election?

God: Joseph R. Biden

Conspiracy Theorist 2: \*Looks at his friend\* shit dude, this goes even deeper t...

American citizen meets Russian citizen.

American says: "We have democracy in our country. I can stand in front of White House and shout "Biden is a scumbag!" and and the police won't do anything to me".
Russian says: "Oh, not a big deal, we also have democracy. I can stand on the Red Square and shout "Biden is a scumbag!" and the polic...

On the behalf of Ron Swanson, the USA decides to choose their next president based on a race

Joe Biden and Donald Trump try to run in the race to try and be president again but ultimately lost to Usain Bolt who also competed.

When interviewed on why he should be president, Usain explained "Because I run better than the government."

Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today

He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.

What's the best thing about being Joe Biden?

Waking up every day and learning that you're the president.

What do you call Joe Biden's mom

Joe mama

What is the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?

When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a stroke.

When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a stroke.

Biden was in 3 states today.....

Confusion, unconsciousness, and disorientation

Ashli Babbitt and Kevin Greeson die and go the Heaven...

At the Pearly Gates they see God who tells them he will answer any question. They look at each other and ask, "Who won the 2020 election?"

Exasperated, God responds, "Oh for the love of...! Biden! Biden won the presidency in a free and fair election! There was no grand conspiracy. The machine...

President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.

Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.

The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.

Biden and Obrador were confused and gav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Engineering Joke.

Putin, Biden and Merkel are sitting on a beach after a summit and argue who's country has the best engineers. Putin says: " We make submarine run underwater for 5 five years. No contact to surface." Biden says: "Thats nothing. Ours run for ten years without resurfacing." Merkel just smiles. In this ...

If people are calling the American Stimulus money Biden Bucks...

Does that mean the last stimulus check was
Trump Change?

Biden and Trump are at the same barber shop

Biden and Trump are at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each one being worked on by a different barber, not one word was spoken. When the barbers finished shaving, the barber that had Trump reached for the aftershave. Trump quickly stopped him saying: “No thanks, Melania will smell that and ...

How could you tell that Joe Biden is Irish?

Cause he worked for O’bama.

There were two Qanon believers who were absolutely convinced that Trump won the 2020 election

They were traveling together and were killed in a traffic accident. When they got to heaven, God met them and told them that he’d reveal anything about Earthly life they’d always wanted to know. They asked him how Biden stole the 2020 election. God looked kindly upon them and said, “Biden didn’t ste...

As part of his infrastructure plan, President Biden will be creating a new department to work with the Department of Defense

It will be called the Department of Degate

Hispanic Word of the Day: Bodywash

Joe Biden was on TV today, but no bodywash him.

Why is the “The Big Lebowski” the president’s favorite movie?

Because the Dude is a Biden.

I asked my friend why has he stopped making jokes and puns about Trump after he was sacked from the White House.

He said he's Biden his time

Teacher asks students for their favourite stand up comedians

Students start naming their favourite comedians.

Then one kid says : Joe Biden.

Another kid follows with : Donald Trump.

Political debate starts. When the teacher finaly quiets down the class there is only the person who didn't say who their favourite is, is the quiet kid.
...

One of the Secret Service agents was tempted by the delicious muffin on the president's office desk, as he slowly reached out to take a bite, the other agent stopped him and said:

"Its FOR-BIDEN!"

Biden has been trying to put together is new cabinet for weeks.

After not having much success, he finally called up IKEA for help.

Hopefully, Biden will never be the leader of my country

Because if he is, something‘s gone wrong with the Canadian legal system

NEWS FLASH: Massive earthquake devastates Pakistan

I major earthquake hits pakistan causing massive damage and loss of lives. Early reports outline damage to infrastructure, roads, power and water supply. A horryfying number of confirmed casulties lists 1 million dead with many stilll unaccounted for.

The world leaders have come to togeth...

Former First Lady

Former First Lady Melania wanted to know what is in store for her future and went to fortune teller who told her, "Prepare to become a widow. Your husband will meet a untimely demise"

Melania thought for a few moments, took a big breath and asked the fortune teller "Will Biden pardon me?"

Donald Trump’s latest strategy to win back the White House is...

...to change his name to Joe Biden

Joe Biden says he’s going to restore the “soul” of our nation...

...the McRib will now be available nationwide for the first time since 2012.

Biden has won so many times in Michigan now

he's legally required to change his name to Ohio State.

If Joe Biden's wife is called the First Lady, then what will his mother be called?

Joe mama.

Credit to u/Grignard_RMgX

What do Joe Biden and trans people have in common?

Republicans want to block their transition

A cold snap across the United States has seen Texas dealing with temperatures as low as -18

The demand for electricity has led to blackouts across the state, causing some people to go without Fox News for so long, they've stopped blaming the weather on Joe Biden.

Walking out to my truck today, in texas, I can’t help but think,

Joe Biden has really over done it with his global warming plan.

Joe Biden canceled the Keystone XL pipeline...

It was all a pipe dream.

On the eve of Joe Biden's inauguration, prominent members of the previous Democrat administrations have a Zoom call to toast the end of the Trump presidency.

Among other topics, conversation turns to Amazon and Google's targeted marketing and the methods they employ. To lighten the mood, Bill Clinton suggests that he and his former vice-president have an impromptu jam session for everyone on saxophone and bongos respectively, something they secretly did ...

How long will it be before Kamala Harris becomes president?

I don’t know, but for now, she’s just Biden her time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There lil Johnny sat in the back of class...

as the teacher announced that "Today, if the students could name the famous Americans who said these famous quotes, they could go home early."

Excited, the whole class perked up.

"First one." Mr. Jones said. "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

Every student's hand was up...

Why couldn’t Trump get into the Oval Office?

It was for Biden.

My friends keep telling me that Joe is too old to be president

Well I’m sure he could’ve run years ago, but he’s been Biden his time

Going out to dinner

Joe and Kamala went to a diner to get a bite to eat. A good looking waitress comes up and asks, "Can I take your order?"

Biden says, "Yes, I'd like a quickie!"

She turns a little red and say, "Sir, with you running for president I don't think you should even be suggesting something l...

joe biden moving into the white house

and looking for the half a sandwich he left in the break room four years ago

Joe Biden was having his first briefing as president with the joint chiefs of staff. The topic was the an impending alien invasion, and more specifically an invasion by the aliens known as “the greys”

CIA director: “Sir, we have reason to believe that the greys are becoming a serious problem.”

Biden: “Really? Come on man. I mean, my wife has said that a couple times but I think they’re OK”

DOD director: “OK? Sir, if we don’t eliminate them all immediately, we may find ourselves in s...

Joe biden enters the white house. Donald trump says "you don't have the right to take the presidency from me!"

Joe Biden responds: "perhaps not, but I do have the left!"

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, “Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”

God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.”

After a fe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey Lou, what's going on?

Trump: "I'm sorry you have the wrong number. Who is this?"

Biden: "It's Joe! What's up Lou?"

Trump: "Joe!?" (Covers phone; turns to advisors) "Sleepy Joe called here, calling me Lou!"*everyone giggles in back ground*

Trump: "Shhhh! Wait wait, quiet! Yeah Joe! Sure, I'm Lou!"*Tru...

An old man's dream

"I dream to be the president of USA just like my school friend." an old man said.

"Who is your friend , Biden or Trump ?"

"Neither. His name is Kanye West"

"But he is not the president of USA"

"Correct, he dreams to become the president."

Breaking news: Conspiracy against trump confirmed.

In a recent study of ballots it has become apparent that there was in fact a Conspiracy during the election.

Turns out it was way worse than the Republicans first thought though, it is now believed that a massive conspiracy involving some 81 million American adults conspired together against ...

A letter gets sent to the White House addressed to "The World's Greatest President"

President Biden refuses to open it, seeing as though he hasn't earned the title, so he forwards it to Obama. Obama won't touch it and sends it to the estate of George H. W. Bush, who promptly forwards it to George W. W won't look at it and sends it to Reagan's Presidential Library, where Trump hap...

You want further proof that Biden is already the better president?

He's got 23 million more Twitter followers than Trump.

What should Biden’s motto be?

You’re hired!!!

Why didn’t Joe run for president in 2016?

He was Biden his time.

Biden has a higher approval rating among female voters than Trump

However it was the Mail voters that won Biden the Election.

I heard Joe Biden was gonna get the same intelligence briefing Trump gets everyday for the first time tomorrow.

Does the coloring book come with crayons?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two rednecks discussing the election

Jimmy Bob: I don't believe Biden won by those margins. I voted, my wife voted, my sister voted, my aunt voted, and my daughter voted!

Bobby Jim: Dang, and y'all still lost?

Jimmy Bob: You betcha, our two votes didn't count for shit.

Donald Trump is a brilliant campaigner.

He's the only person who could get Biden elected.

It’s 294 days after the US Election...

...Biden has progressed to 269.99 electoral votes, and Nevada has discovered 26 million uncounted postal votes that were discovered on ‘Storage Wars’. More updates coming soon.

If your phone still only has one back camera

then you shouldn't be worried about Biden's tax plans

Why will the President stop breaking the law next week?

...

Because he’ll be a-Biden

If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States

If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States

This is not a political post, I just want to travel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Biden unfucks any more of Trump's mistakes any faster...

There'll be no Ivanka and Jr. by Sunday.

Joe Biden and Kamala Harris go out for a morning run together

Kamala finishes in just under twelve minutes and Joe is already waiting for her at the finish line.

"How'd you do?" she asks him.

"I finished in 10 minutes and 46 seconds. That's got to be a new record among Presidents, right?"

"No" Kamala replies. "Bush did 9:11."

Trump: I want to see Biden in prison!

Biden: Why does Trump think I would visit him in prison?

Joe Biden and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

As they are waving to everyone, Biden leans towards Trump saying,

“Did you know, that with one little wave of my hand, I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? Also, this joy will not be merely a momentary display, like that of your followers, but will go deep into their hearts...

When all's said and done it's been an impressive mpressive show from both Biden and Trump

Who would have thought two blokes in their 70s could maintain an election for this long?

my mom's (first language is not English) has called Joe everything else but Biden

Binder, Barner, Beener, Bruner, Bender.
And bonus, Donald Drum.

What do you say to people who threaten to leave the country, if Trump loses?

Good Biden.

Waiting shower thought

It feels a bit odd to be Biden our time waiting to see who Trumped this election...

If Trump wins I will start drinking again

If Biden wins I will start drinking again

The truth is I'm going to celebrate the end of 2020

A couple walk into a Chinese restaurant and were greeted by an Asian waiter who had an accent.

He escorted them through the restaurant and the couple picked out a table to sit at. But, just as they were about to sit, the waiter said in his accent, "It is forbidden.". The couple asked why was the table forbidden. The waiter repeated, "It is forbidden.". The couple were growing annoyed, but th...

Why does joe Biden use a Mac?

Because apparently he doesn’t want you to have windows.

A man lives in a largely democratic neighborhood

He starts hanging up a “Trump 2020” sign. All of his neighbors see it, and tear it down. He puts up a new one. They tear it down. After he puts a third “Trump 2020” sign up, his neighbors approach him.

“Why are you hanging up a Trump sign? We always though you liked Biden!”

“I do” repl...

Trump decided not to attend the second virtual Presidential debate

I guess that makes it forBiden

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Biden and Trump die the same day and go to Heaven.

St. Peter tells them that in order to enter Heaven, they have to pass a test. Here is what you have to do:

In this room there are 50 rabbits, one male and 49 females. Whoever finds the male, goes to Heaven.

Biden enters first, spends one hour in the room and comes out holding a rabbit ...

Donald Trump has said that his getting COVID-19 was a gift from God.

I'm sure Joe Biden feels the same way.

Joe Biden will never be my president

partially because I'm not American, but he will be the president of the united states.

Why did so many Republicans vote for Joe Biden this year? (TW: Political, bad taste)

If you’re red, and you fail to take care of your voters during a respiratory virus pandemic...they turn blue.

As a gamer I find it strange that Biden was declared the winner...

Trump had way more kills

What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over

Im just aBiden the law officer.

Biden should do the virtual debate without Trump present. He can say the same stuff he's been saying for years and trump can say what he's been saying for the last 4.

Nothing

We should thank Trump and Biden

For giving this great standup comedy night.

With Biden declared the winner, regardless of what side of the political spectrum you’re on, I think we can all safely say...

Thanks, Obama.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Donald Went Down to Georgia

The Donald went down to Georgia.

He was lookin' for a vote to steal.

He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind.

He was willing to make a deal

When he came across this old man givin' a speech and doin' it hot.

And the Donald jumped upon a hickory stump and said "Man...

Trump actually attended Biden's inauguration

He was the crying baby you heard right before Biden took his oath

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a bidet and 46th US President-Elect Biden have in common?

They both clean up after assholes

Jan 22. 2021, Washington DC A guy goes up to a guard at the White House and says "How do I get in to see President Trump?"

The guard says "Didn't you hear? Trump isn't president any more. Biden is president." The guy walks away.

Next day, same guy goes up to the same guard and asks again:

"How do I get in to see President Trump?" And the guard says "Sir, I told you yesterday, Trump isn't president any ...

What's the difference between Biden and a slow, phony, fake, crooked, corrupt politician?

About 4 million votes.

President Trump treated Biden likely how he treats Melania.

He never lets either of them finish.

Shhhh, Want to know the secret of how Biden won the election?

He got more votes.

Joe Biden is not my president!!

At least not till January which won’t come soon enough.

Joe Biden is not my president. I didn't vote for him!!!

No seriously guys he's not my president. Im from Nepal. I didn't vote for him.

P.S. Congrats US for taking the first step towards undoing the 4 years of chaos.

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