Biden Jokes

I keep them upstairs

Confusion, unconsciousness, and disorientation

I forget this message.

Waking up every day and learning that you're the president.

Because he can’t sniff their hair.

Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task

China is already welcoming Biden.

They have even named a central landmark in Beijing for Biden.

"FOR BIDEN CITY!"

Solid, liquid and gas.

Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.

The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.

Biden and Obrador were confused and gav... read more

He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.

He promises it will be a great first term.

After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there... read more

they tell each other Jo 'Bama jokes.



(I'm sorry, it's terrible)

Because he'd lose his sense of smell.

“The good news, is that Mr Putin told me that he wants peace.”

After everyone cheered and clapped in relief, he added the bad news…

“A piece of Crimea, a piece of Ukraine, a piece of Finland…”

Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session.

He said, "Depends."

Because if he is, something‘s gone wrong with the Canadian legal system

Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.

then he talked to the bookcase for a while, and now he's arguing with the couch!

Stairway to Heaven

he's legally required to change his name to Ohio State.

Mainly because he also won't have an office in the white house.

Everyone watching

Space Invaders

Joe mama.

Xi wagers that in 100 years time China would be the dominant superpower, while Biden is confident that the USA will remain uncontested.

So after their terms ended and they reached the end of their mortal coil, they were cryogenically preserved in Switzerland and woken up in 100 years.

... read more

In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Clinton replied, "Boxers"

In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? Obama declined to answer the question.

Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Biden responded, "Depend... read more

He goes over to an elderly woman and asks, “Do you know who I am?” She replies, “No, but if you go to the front desk, they’ll tell you.”

Putin himself decided to send Biden a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Biden opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of a coded message.





370HSSV-0773H





Biden was baffled, so he emailed it to John Ke... read more

America

If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.

This is not a political post. I just want to travel.

God told them: “Go and tell your people that in two weeks, the world will end.”

Biden went back to US and said: “I have two pieces of news. One is good, and the other is bad. The good news is that God exists. The bad news is that in two weeks, the world will end”.

Xi w... read more

And doesn’t write a book called “Biden time” it would be a big missed opportunity.

He sits down next to her and says "So, do I come here often?"

Joe: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,"

"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P,"

\*pauses\*

"I don't remember the rest,"

"Nor can I sing,"

"That doesn't matter,"

"You know the thing."

... when suddenly they started to lose altitude. They need to lose some weight to stop from crashing.

Putin throws out a bottle of vodka and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my country anyway”

Biden throws out an AR-15 and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my... read more

The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it."

Then Joe climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up,

walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht,... read more

Forbiden fruit

Republicans want to block their transition

Because apparently he doesn’t want you to have windows.

The white house will be forbiden.

"Smell ya later!"

Suddenly, the plane is losing altitude and they are about to crash. On board there are only two parachutes.


Immediately, Putin snatches a parachute and jumps out to save himself.


Biden takes the remaining parachute and gives it to Zelensky: "Save yourself, my friend. I am m... read more

None, they just change the definition of ‘changing light bulb’

How long before it knocks the economy down?

Apparently he has his fingers in many pies.

However it was the Mail voters that won Biden the Election.

All those places are usually for Biden

The American says: Listen in my country i can walk into the oval office and i can hit the desk with my fist and say “ President Biden I do not like the way you’re governing our country”

The Russian says: i can do that.

The American says: what how?

The Russian says: i can go st... read more

Putin: Crimea River.

Cause he worked for O’bama.

When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.

When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a stroke.

When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a stroke.

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, “Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”

God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.”

After a fe... read more

I said ok.. Biden

Because when he announces it he's able to say that he's been Biden his time.....

I'm sorry

For giving this great standup comedy night.

After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"

Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11."

A guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, climate change, and AI m... read more

I’m Indian

They are both sweeping through the states, taking the elderly's breath away.

The United States of America.

5% for Biden, 5% for Trump, and 90% said, "God no!".

Who would have thought two blokes in their 70s could maintain an election for this long?

Does that mean the last stimulus check was
Trump Change?

"OK, look, here's how it's going to go. I can only grant three wishes, so one of you will get two and the other will only get one. And since you're already men of power and means, you have to choose wishes that will serve your constituents."

Abbott immediately screams that he wants the two... read more

Good. I'd vote for it over Trump or Biden any day.

Trump asks: Barack, your approval ratings are pretty high. I love ratings bigly. Can you give me some tips?

Obama: The key is having a strong administration. I make sure that my administration not only works hard but is also composed of smart people.

Trump: What do you mean?

Oba... read more

They find three parachutes.

Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, “The world needs a great person like me!”

Joe Biden grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world”, so he jumps off the plane. 

At this point, the Po... read more

partially because I'm not American, but he will be the president of the united states.

Pardon me, please.

He's got 23 million more Twitter followers than Trump.

Biden and Trump are at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each one being worked on by a different barber, not one word was spoken. When the barbers finished shaving, the barber that had Trump reached for the aftershave. Trump quickly stopped him saying: “No thanks, Melania will smell that and ... read more

As they are waving to everyone, Biden leans towards Trump saying,

“Did you know, that with one little wave of my hand, I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? Also, this joy will not be merely a momentary display, like that of your followers, but will go deep into their hearts... read more

To make America great again.

The demand for electricity has led to blackouts across the state, causing some people to go without Fox News for so long, they've stopped blaming the weather on Joe Biden.

The guard says "Didn't you hear? Trump isn't president any more. Biden is president." The guy walks away.

Next day, same guy goes up to the same guard and asks again:

"How do I get in to see President Trump?" And the guard says "Sir, I told you yesterday, Trump isn't president any ... read more

Trump had way more kills

At least not till January which won’t come soon enough.

Biden: Why does Trump think I would visit him in prison?

No seriously guys he's not my president. Im from Nepal. I didn't vote for him.

P.S. Congrats US for taking the first step towards undoing the 4 years of chaos.

He was the crying baby you heard right before Biden took his oath

He got more votes.