How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.

(Edit: Folks, take a breath. It is a joke.)

(Edit: Thanks for the silver, gold, and plats)

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A young man, down on his luck, was hitch-hiking through New England. A well-dressed man driving a Lincoln pulled up, lowered the passenger side window, and asked, “Do you vote Republican or Democrat?”

“Democrat,” said the hitch-hiker. And the Lincoln sped off in a cloud of dust.

The ne...

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Trump just says it’s fixed and the rest of them sit in the dark and applaud

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can a black man change a republican politician's views on abortion?

Get his wife pregnant

What is the difference when a group of republicans scream for Trump to have "4 more years" and when a group of democrats scream it?

The republicans are saying it during his election, the democrats are saying it during his sentencing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Republicans are at a bar

The first Republican says, "You know who I really like? I know she's a Democrat, but that Tulsi Gabbard is hot. Mm-mm-mm."

And the second one says, "She is, but she's got nothing on Ivanka. Beautiful face, gorgeous body, great big perfect tits. I'd fuck her. Would you fuck her?"

And th...

Did you hear that Republicans finally found an appropriate movement to protest Coronavirus?

It’s called The No Lives Matter Movement.

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

...


Change? That’s socialism.

I just found out my Grandpa, a lifelong Republican is going to vote Democratic this fall.

This would never happen if he were still alive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you bring a Republican to their knees?

Paint your dick orange.

What’s the Republicans’ most hated Sesame Street character?

The Count

Why is Covid-19 such a problem for Republicans?

Because people that can't breathe turn blue.

If a foreign enemy attacked the United States and killed 180K+ citizens, the whole country, Republicans and Democrats, would most likely join together into defeating it...

Oh wait, never mind.

Do you want to know why the republicans won't impeach Trump?

Because they believe in carrying a baby to full term.

How are republicans and democrats like divorced parents?

They care more about you hating the other person than they do about your well-being.

I take strong offense with anyone saying the Republican Party has no standards now.

In fact, they have double standards.

How many Republican does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Twelve to investigate Obama’s involvement in the failure of the old bulb, 23 to deregulate the lightbulb industry and 51 to pass a tax credit for lightbulb changes.

Why don't Republicans like Jehovah's Witnesses?

Republicans don't like any witnesses.

Someone should tell trump and his fellow Republicans that the constitution isn’t a bible

You can’t pick and choose which parts you want to obey.

Does anyone know if Jerry Falwell Jr. is still scheduled to speak at the Republican National Convention?

Or is he just going to sit in the corner and watch?

Why can’t republicans use hand sanitizer?

Because the directions say to apply liberally

Why did so many Republicans vote for Joe Biden this year? (TW: Political, bad taste)

If you’re red, and you fail to take care of your voters during a respiratory virus pandemic...they turn blue.

Why won't republicans impeach Trump?

Because they insist on carrying babies to full term.

OP is here, I heard this from a friend at work:

[https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/search?q=Because%20they%20insist%20on%20carrying%20babies%20to%20full%20term.&restrict\_sr=1&type=link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/search?q=B...

I was shocked when the Republicans wouldn’t vote to convict Trump on his second impeachment.

The first time sure, they always insist a baby is carried to full term.

The second one however, shocking as they actually took care of the baby afterwards.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's actually a mathematical formula to describe all the Republicans lining up to pretend like the January 6th attack didn't happen.

It's called the Fibbing Nazi Sequence.

A Republican and a Democrat found a magic lamp

The genie said "I will grant one wish per person". The Republican immediately jumped forward and said "I wish all Republicans and conservatives had their own planet, separate from all these libs." The genie nodded and the Republican vanished. The Democrat then asked "Are they all on their own planet...

Politics...

I recently asked my neighbors little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President someday.

Both of her parents, Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?' She replied, 'I'd give food ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Republican walks into a college bookstore and asks the proprietor, "I'm looking for Trump's new book on illegal immigration?"

The owner says "GET THE FUCK OUT!"

The Republican responds "Yeah! That's the one!"

Why did Republicans get mad when Sting got a facelift?

Because they hate Police reform.

According to my calculations, about 40% of Americans are Republicans

But that’s just a Conservative estimate

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what sucks the most about being a democrat in a republican household?

If you try to address the Elephants in the room, you end up making an ass of yourself

It must be hard for people learning to spell in English. For example, there is one silent K in "knight", four silent K's in "knickknack"

And three silent K's in "Republican".

Did you hear about Monica Lewinsky becoming a Republican?

Apparently, the Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

What did the Republicans do when Obama won the election 2 times in a row?

They pulled out their Trump card

What music genre do rap-loving Republican listen to?

Hip-hocrisy

Why do Republicans hate funding NASA?

NASA aborts rocket launches.

I heard the Republican Party is considering renaming itself as the National Conservative party

Or Nat-C for short

Why are Democrats considered more attractive than Republicans?

Never heard of a hot piece of elephant.

I was trying to think of past Republicans similar to Marjorie Taylor Greene

But they just Palin comparison.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Democrats hoard their gas in biodegradable containers, and Republicans hoard their gas in non-biodegradable containers, then who did the people who hoard their gas in plastic bags vote for?

The Greene Party.

We have a zero-tolerance policy

Here in the Republican Party

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Watching a presidential debate with a friend.

Republican: I am going to smoke crack and burn down all the houses in your hometown.

Democrat: I will also burn down all the houses in that same town, but I will smoking meth, not crack.

Third party rep: I don’t do drugs and disavow arson.

Me to my friend: “I think I’m going to ...

A Republican walks up to a Democratic with a face mask and say, “do you know what I say to sheep like you?...

Whatever the Republican Party tells me too say.”

Why Republican politicians have a better system than Democrat politicians do.

Democrat politicians bribe their supporters, but Republican supporters bribe their politicians!

Why is Donald Trump a republican?

Because he always wants to be right.

The Devil went down to Georgia, tried to raise some Republican cash

And they woulda won, if they hadn't run
All their ads in Adobe Flash.

After 18 years of raising our teenage daughter as a proud Republican she has decided that she wants to become a Communist.

Well if that's the way she wants to be, then Soviet.

(Apologies if this has been posted before, I either thought of it or remembered it this morning on the toilet.)

I’m dressing as the Republican healthcare bill for Halloween.

I won’t be leaving the house.


(Heard this on the podcast “Fake the Nation” and thought you all would like it.)

A year after historic protests...

white, anti-vax Republicans are finally saying “I can’t breathe”.

Why did so many Republicans turn blue this year?

Covid

The republicans are right: It is a very dangerous precedent

Edit: Misspelled President.

Republicans declared they're against mail-in voting.

So Democrats went postal.

The political parties can't agree on what a second economic stimulus package should look like. Democrats want every American to receive a $1,200.00 check, while Republicans favor giving everybody 10 pounds of Parmesean cheese.

The GOP wants to "Make America Grate Again".

How many republicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Wait, hold on, how do we know it's not supposed to be that way? We've only been looking at that bulb for 2 years, and the scientists who say we need to replace it are probably working for the light bulb industry. Also, yesterday it was on! Why do we need to do anything if it's different day to da...

Why are republicans pro-life?

Can’t molest what isn’t born!

I’m getting sick of all these stupid Republican jokes.

All 195 of them.

In a bid to appeal to more Texans, Tesla has introduced a Republican setting to its autopilot software. When given the choice to either run over a person or save the driver, the car will not even hesitate and..

Will fly you directly to Cancun.

It's funny that Republicans have compared Trump to Reagan in the past...

At least Reagan knew how to act.

Why did the dyslexic republican politician have to suspend his campaign?

Because he vowed to put an end to texas.

What's one nice thing Republicans say about Obama that they'll never say about Trump?

He's articulate.

Why are all Republicans supporting global warming?

Because they can’t wait to live in a world with no snowflakes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a double sided dildo have in common with republicans and democrats?

No matter what side you pick your fucked.

Every wonder why Republicans use two hands when they’re drinking out of a water bottle?

It’s to prevent it from trickling down.

Whats a Republicans favorite instrument?

A Trumpet

In a bid to entice republicans, Biden vows to pick up right where Reagan left off...

With rapidly detiorating mental health.

A Lawyer, a Democrat, a Republican, and cop walk into a bar

The blonde ducks.

I tried to call my Republican Senators today...

I ended up with rain check because they all sold out

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A woman in a hot-air balloon is lost, so she shouts to a man below, "Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don’t know where I am."

"You’re at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude," he replies.

"You must be a Democrat."<...

How do you get rid of a republican?

You tell him that economy is suffering and he should sacrifice himself.

Republicans are the true snowflakes.

They're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between Republicans and pornstars?

Pornstars don't keep their mouth shut after being fucked by Donald Trump.

What do Republicans and Democrats have in common?

Epsteins island.

OVERHEARD: "My father was a Republican until the day he died..

Then he became a Democrat."

There's a new store where I live that only allows Republicans to shop there.

They say the customer is always right

Today, Senate Republicans declared that they see no path forward to end the government shutdown

In other words: they've hit a wall

What do Joe Biden and trans people have in common?

Republicans want to block their transition

An Irish Republican Army soldier lies on his death bed.

One day, an IRA soldier lies on his death bed, dying of cancer. It's spread too far and couldn't be stopped. The doctor gave him his diagnosis, and only three days to live.

"Quick Moira," he says to his loving wife. "Enroll me as a member of the Ulster Volunteer Force."

"But why?" She...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If there is one thing that democrats and republicans can agree on during this impeachment hearing...

...it's that "quid pro quo" is really fucking fun to say!

People say that Democrats and Republicans can't work together to get anything done.

But Jeffrey Epstein is dead.

Breaking News: Supreme court has ruled that basic intelligence tests for Election voting is Discriminatory.

The judge said that it is unfair to block all Republicans from voting.

Why do Republicans always get more done?

Because they're always Russian.

I figured out why the right opposes an infrastructure bill;

the're afraid that if they take the lead out of the water no one will vote republican.

Alan Dershowitz privately counselled Senate Republicans on how to handle the articles of impeachment for Donald Trump

He said “If you’re not Mitt, you must acquit.”

I asked my Republican friend if he though Amazon should pay taxes

He said "Of course, they're not a church"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do gays and republicans have in common?

Both are feeling a little butt hurt after yesterdays decision.

A little boy asks his mother what the difference is between a Democrat and a Republican?

The mother thinks hard and comes up with this explanation for the child.

A Democrat is like that very nice aunt you have that always promises to take you to Disneyland. But something always comes up and you never actually go.

A Republican is like a grumpy uncle. Every time you ask hi...

Survey finds that 1 in 3 Republicans are of below average IQ

The other two are Russian Hackers.

A Democrat and a Republican were walking along the beach when they spotted a bottle.

They picked it up and a genie popped out.

"I will grant you each one wish, whatever you desire", said the genie.

The Democrat said, "I would like for my fellow liberals and I to live the life and exist under the form of government we believe in!" POOF! All the Democrats in America were...

A Republican and a Democrat are running for U.S. President...

They both look like they should really be in the Whig Party.

I talked to my Republican parents about immigration.

The conversation really went south.

Republicans are trying to put an ammendment into relief bill to outlaw prepackaged shredded cheese...

...in an attempt to make America grate again.

A Democrat and a Republican go skydiving

A Democrat and a Republican go skydiving. The Democrat jumps out of the plan and pulls his cord the parachute opens and he begins to softly float towards the ground. Seconds later the Republican jumps out of the plane. He pulls the main cord and nothing happens..he pulls his emergency cord and ag...

Republicans and Democrats never agree on anything

Republicans said the temperature is -40° F
And democrats immediately said it was -40° C.

A Republican, a Democrat, a Communist, a priest, a rabbi, an Imam, an African, a Caucasian, an Asian, a horse, a giraffe, an elephant, a fairy, an elf, and an unicorn walk into a bar...

The bar tender looks up

"What is this? A joke?"

A non-partisan election joke! Not Republican or Democrat

Since we're at the end of the presidential campaign, I figured some political humor might be in store. The following is a funny and true story shared with me by KC Williams who teaches AP Government at Santa Fe High School. In one of KC's classes, they were discussing the qualifications to be presid...

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