The US Senate walks into a bar

And lowers it

Why didn't Alexa run for Senate?

Because she likes being Speaker of the House.

What did the Senate have to say about the new stimulus package?

Let them eat cake!

What's NC Senate candidate Cal Cunningham's position on extra marital affairs?

Missionary.

Contrary to popular myth, Caesar wasn't killed by the Roman senate. He died of a heart attack when he heard of Barcelona's spectacular loss. His last words were however accurate....

8-2, brutus?

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

What’s the male version of a Karen called?

I don’t know but a group of them is called a Senate.

What did the Senate say to Julius Caesar?

You’ve got a lot of Gaul!

Anybody know someone that wants to buy letter openers, staplers, pens, and other office supplies?

Most of it is labeled with Capital Hill or U.S. Senate but it's all usable. Let me know! Thanks.

Alan Dershowitz privately counselled Senate Republicans on how to handle the articles of impeachment for Donald Trump

He said “If you’re not Mitt, you must acquit.”

US President calls for a meeting with press.

He steps up to the tribune:

\- Friends, fellow citizens, today i have to inform you that i've made the decision to shoot down every member of the Congress, Senate and House of Representatives, and also paint the White House green.

After a long pause single hand rises from auditory:
...

Today, Senate Republicans declared that they see no path forward to end the government shutdown

In other words: they've hit a wall

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get a job with the Senate Police.

Congress has finally made a decision and just announced that if Roy Moore wins the senate...

They will be ending their 'take your daughter to work' program.

A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper, explodes one day in mid-session and begins to shout,

“Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!” All the other senators demand that the angry member withdraw his statement or be removed for the remainder of the session. After a moment to think, the angry senator apologizes. “I’m sorry,” he says. “What I meant to say was half o...

A Bill Passed In The Senate...

Rest in peace, Bill.

The Ancient Romans were debating how to count things

Their city state was already hundreds of years old, and their Republic was barrelling down the pathway to Empire: but they still hadn't decided fully how to count things.

The Senate was a blaze of fury as populares and optimates rowed over the proper way to measure and record all things numer...

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

Senate Republicans can't jelly Judge Barrett onto the Supreme Court.

Doug Jones just won the Senate race against Roy Moore

I guess you could say he got Moore votes.

Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey

Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?

Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...

Brutus: I ate 2 slices.

Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?

Apparently there is a bipartisan push in the US senate to legalize marijuana for arthritis treatment

So in other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.

Education nominee Betsy DeVos wins Senate confirmation vote

I kept seeing this in r/news, but I was sure it belonged here......

Why did Roy Moore lose the Senate race?

He enjoys coming in a little behind.

A tourist climbed out of his rental car in downtown Washington, D.C. He was intent on visiting the White House and take in the city’s other world-famous sights, but he felt hungry so he decided to pop into a store to buy himself a snack.

As he pulled up to the curb outside the store, he saw a well-to-do man standing on the sidewalk.
He said to him: “Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?”

“What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize that I am a member of the United ...

I'm the most hated person in the Senate

Ted Cruz: I'm the most hated person in the Senate.

Susan Collins: Hold my beer.

Brett Kavanaugh: Who said beer?

Twitter repost @Amanda_Kerri

The Alabama Senate elections are in! And even though it was tight,

Roy Moore came in a little behind.

Breaking News: Coup Underway - Trump takes control of senate and declares martial law!

Oh wait... That was Palpatine.
False alarm.

What's the difference between a 13 year old and the Senate?

After tonight, Roy Moore won't be in the Senate.

What did President Trump call Roy Moore's senate loss?

*"A minor setback."*

In a historic day for Canada, Ontario held a Provincial Election on the same day the Senate passed the Cannabis Legalization Act.

Turnout was high.

A small boy parks his bike near the senate and walks on...

.. A policeman stops him and asks: 'Why did you park your bike here? Don't you know about this road? Many important politicians, cabinet members, even the President and other such politicians pass through here..'

The boy replied innocently: Don't worry, I have locked my bike.'

Dems haven't won a senate seat in Alabama since 1992

Unlike Roy Moore, they were capable of waiting 25 years.

The entire US Senate visited the White House today.

I wonder how many short buses that took.

Office hours of the Senate are from twelve to one...

with an hour off for lunch.

Jeb Bush Unanimously Confirmed by Senate

for Secretary of Low Energy.

Why was Ted Kennedy called the "Lion of the Senate"?

Because he mated at will and killed without remorse.

A roman senator is running late to an important senate meeting....

He arrives 15 minutes late and enters to see each seat filled, with the exception of his own, and Cicero standing in the middle of the room giving a speech.

He manages to stealthily make his way to his seat without causing too much of a commotion and leans over to the senator next to him, ask...

It hasn't even made it through the senate...

And Bronx-Lebanon Hospital is already rolling out Trumpcare.

Why couldn't Caligula get anything passed in the Roman Senate?

His horse kept casting too many neigh votes.

Q: What's the plural for "backstab"?

A: The Roman Senate

If I get the Coronavirus....

It is my sacred duty to visit the Senate, the Parliament, the Government and several parties' headquarters.

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