Contrary to popular myth, Caesar wasn't killed by the Roman senate. He died of a heart attack when he heard of Barcelona's spectacular loss. His last words were however accurate....

8-2, brutus?

What’s the male version of a Karen called?

I don’t know but a group of them is called a Senate.

What did the Senate say to Julius Caesar?

You’ve got a lot of Gaul!

A tourist climbed out of his rental car in downtown Washington, D.C. He was intent on visiting the White House and take in the city’s other world-famous sights, but he felt hungry so he decided to pop into a store to buy himself a snack.

As he pulled up to the curb outside the store, he saw a well-to-do man standing on the sidewalk.
He said to him: “Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?”

“What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize that I am a member of the United ...

Alan Dershowitz privately counselled Senate Republicans on how to handle the articles of impeachment for Donald Trump

He said “If you’re not Mitt, you must acquit.”

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

First the first time in US history communication with the President has been completely lost.

>!The senate has been scrambling since the presidents ban from Twitter, as it’s unclear when the White House will resurface.!<



>!Edit: I don’t know how to prevent the post body from being visible from the subs main page. Also, thanks for sorting by new!<

Today, Senate Republicans declared that they see no path forward to end the government shutdown

In other words: they've hit a wall

Danny Devito Is A Senator

One day, in the Senate, a massive meeting is being conducted to discuss the plans for creating a massive railway system that would cut through protected environment areas. Everyone is trying their best to come up with plans to sidestep the reserves:

"Lets build over them!"

"No, that'll...

A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper, explodes one day in mid-session and begins to shout,

“Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!” All the other senators demand that the angry member withdraw his statement or be removed for the remainder of the session. After a moment to think, the angry senator apologizes. “I’m sorry,” he says. “What I meant to say was half o...

A Bill Passed In The Senate...

Rest in peace, Bill.

Since Beto O’Rourke finished second in the Senate race...

...wouldn’t that make him “Beta” O’Rourke?

Congress has finally made a decision and just announced that if Roy Moore wins the senate...

They will be ending their 'take your daughter to work' program.

Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey

Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?

Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...

Brutus: I ate 2 slices.

Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?

If I get the Coronavirus....

It is my sacred duty to visit the Senate, the Parliament, the Government and several parties' headquarters.

Doug Jones just won the Senate race against Roy Moore

I guess you could say he got Moore votes.

I'm the most hated person in the Senate

Ted Cruz: I'm the most hated person in the Senate.

Susan Collins: Hold my beer.

Brett Kavanaugh: Who said beer?

Twitter repost @Amanda_Kerri

Q: What's the plural for "backstab"?

A: The Roman Senate

Why did Roy Moore lose the Senate race?

He enjoys coming in a little behind.

The Alabama Senate elections are in! And even though it was tight,

Roy Moore came in a little behind.

Education nominee Betsy DeVos wins Senate confirmation vote

I kept seeing this in r/news, but I was sure it belonged here......

In a historic day for Canada, Ontario held a Provincial Election on the same day the Senate passed the Cannabis Legalization Act.

Turnout was high.

What's the difference between a 13 year old and the Senate?

After tonight, Roy Moore won't be in the Senate.

What did President Trump call Roy Moore's senate loss?

*"A minor setback."*

A small boy parks his bike near the senate and walks on...

.. A policeman stops him and asks: 'Why did you park your bike here? Don't you know about this road? Many important politicians, cabinet members, even the President and other such politicians pass through here..'

The boy replied innocently: Don't worry, I have locked my bike.'

Apparently there is a bipartisan push in the US senate to legalize marijuana for arthritis treatment

So in other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.

Breaking News: Coup Underway - Trump takes control of senate and declares martial law!

Oh wait... That was Palpatine.
False alarm.

Dems haven't won a senate seat in Alabama since 1992

Unlike Roy Moore, they were capable of waiting 25 years.

The entire US Senate visited the White House today.

I wonder how many short buses that took.

Why was Ted Kennedy called the "Lion of the Senate"?

Because he mated at will and killed without remorse.

Roy Moore has failed in his attempt to challenge the Alabama Senate result

It's almost as if he doesn't know what the word "no" means.

Jeb Bush Unanimously Confirmed by Senate

for Secretary of Low Energy.

It hasn't even made it through the senate...

And Bronx-Lebanon Hospital is already rolling out Trumpcare.

A roman senator is running late to an important senate meeting....

He arrives 15 minutes late and enters to see each seat filled, with the exception of his own, and Cicero standing in the middle of the room giving a speech.

He manages to stealthily make his way to his seat without causing too much of a commotion and leans over to the senator next to him, ask...

Why couldn't Caligula get anything passed in the Roman Senate?

His horse kept casting too many neigh votes.

Two young boys are talking before school.

“My uncle ran for Senate last year,” the first boy says to his classmate.



“Really?” the second boy asks. “What does he do now?”



“Nothing,” the first boy explains. “He got elected.”

You hear about the latest computer that the Army’s using?

Well, this general puts in a question. The question is this: ‘Will there be peace or war in our time?’



The wheels whir. The lights flash. The machine grinds out the answer: *Yes.*



The general is upset. He feeds back the question: "Yes, what?"



The answer c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While visiting England, Donald Trump is invited to tea with the Queen...

... He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.


"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."


She phones Sadiq Khan and s...

An American and a Russian are talking

The American says to the Russian, "I feel bad for you folks. You don't have any freedom. In my country, I can march right up to the White House, walk right into the Oval Office, pound my fist on the president's desk and say 'Mr. President, I don't like the way you're running the United States.'"
...

What’s the collective noun for a group of bloodsucking parasites?

A Senate.

President Trump decided to play Mario Kart with his cabinet

He thought that this would be be a good bonding exercise with his staff so he bought a Wii and ordered his whole office to come into the oval office

Once everyone arrived there was a huge argument on who would play as what character, because everyone wanted to be Mario. Trump decided that thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York.

She spoke for almost an hour about her plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living. She referred to her time as a U.S. Senator and how she had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.

&nbsp;

Although Hillary was vague a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roses are red

Congress is red

The Senate is red

The White House is red

welp

Edit: insert communist pun here

Edit x2: what the fuck did i just get gold for this

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